If Only (The Willowbrook Series Book 1) (2 page)

If only she and her father hadn’t argued at that instant. If only her tears hadn’t obscured her sight as she took that fatal left turn.

People say when a car accident happens, don’t admit fault. Asa owned and accepted the truth—she was responsible for the wreck. If only she’d spoken those words when they had mattered the most.

Instead, while Rhys held her hand and said everything would be okay, she had blamed him for her father’s death. He drove too fast, and her father hadn’t stood a chance when Rhys’s jacked up truck rammed into the front passenger side of her Honda Accord.

After he’d released her hand, he stood and turned his back on her as she lay on the medic’s gurney, her cheeks wet from her tears.

Since that time, he had dropped by town now and again to visit his grandmother, but rarely acknowledged Asa except for an occasional nod from a distance. To her, his small gesture seemed full of hurt and sadness over their broken friendship.

Beneath the shelter of her umbrella, Asa stared at the ground and took deep, trembling breaths. Was it crazy to crave the need to feel guilt over and over, to hold onto the fresh pain of loss every time she walked or bused the distance rather than drove?

Looking ahead again, she realized it wasn’t crazy at all. Her refusal to drive was satisfying in a penance kind of way. She had loved her father.

Punishing herself was fine, but to continue to let Rhys believe he was at fault? It wasn’t right, and after a year of avoiding each other, she was ready to ask for his forgiveness. But how to bring up the subject of the car accident without dredging up her hurt over the god-awful comment he had made about her the night they’d slept together?

Maybe it was best to leave the past alone and forget him in the hope he’d eventually forgive her. It seemed like a good option until she remembered the way he had treated her at the cemetery. He obviously hadn’t forgiven her.

Yes, while he was in town, she should ask for his forgiveness. But acting on her decision took guts, and after their brief but disastrous run-ins, she didn’t think she had any. Groaning, she swiped the back of her hand over her brow. For now, she’d give the decision more thought. There wasn’t a need to rush.

He might not have a reason to return to Willowbrook again after his grandmother’s death, but he’d stay longer than usual to settle her personal affairs. In the meantime, she’d attempt to gather her guts together and find the courage to finally ask for his forgiveness.

Chapter Two

The wind died and so did the rain. A haze of condensation blurred her view of the dirt path, and thinking it was safe, she closed her umbrella and let it hang on her wrist by its strap.

When she had left her place, Jo’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. Had Rhys gone to Ashton to see Eve’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, Lucas Montaine? They were friends; it made sense. The rest of Rhys’s buddies had moved out of the state.

The dirt path ended at a sidewalk, a reminder that she should focus on the work day ahead rather than on her current mess with Rhys. After hurrying another three blocks, she stopped in front of the Magic Pages Café, opened the door, and inhaled. Why did she smile so big whenever she stepped into this place with its smells of old books, baked goods, and coffee? Ah, but those were her three favorite things.

“There you are.” Eve rushed over and enveloped Asa in a tight hug. “I was beginning to worry.”

She squirmed out of Eve’s hold then felt bad at the hurt expression on her friend’s face. “I know you’re not a touchy-feely kind of gal, but I thought you’d need a hug.”

Stooping to set her umbrella in the plastic-lined container next to the door, Asa muttered an apology. “You’re right. Thank you for being a good friend.” She slipped off her gloves. “I would’ve texted to let you know I’m on my way, but it’s just—”

“It’s just
he’s
in town and all rational thought was kicked to the curb. Is that it?” Eve stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her ponytail swinging as she shook her head.

“Don’t, Eve.” She clutched her gloves. ”I got over Rhys a long time ago. Jo . . .”

The pity on Eve’s face disappeared, replaced by concern. “Aw, sweetie, I’m sorry. That was bitchy of me.”

Stepping back, just in case Eve wanted to hug her again, Asa stuck her gloves in the pockets of her hoodie. Dark-haired, petite, and curvy, Eve was a year older than Asa’s twenty-two and one of a handful of kids left from their graduating class. The others were smart to leave Willowbrook for bigger and better places. Asa had decided to stay.

It wasn’t only her friends and a job that had kept her here, but she stayed for the piece of property behind Jo’s house. The dirt track gave her the solitude and rush she needed in her life, her own piece of heaven.

“Even if I wasn’t over Rhys, he’d never be interested in me as more than a friend,” she said, watching as Eve put her jacket on. “I’m a one night stand he regrets having. Anyway, he likes tall, beautiful blondes, remember?”

“Oh, and not a smart and pretty Asian gal like yourself, right?”

Asa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. No one called her pretty except for Eve. Other kids had said she was awkward, skinny, and once someone had compared her face to a fairy’s. So what if her cheeks seemed too full, her chin too sharp, and her ears a smidge on the pointy side?

In high school, she was sought after, but it was more for her smarts than her looks. When Rhys’s grandmother had heard Asa was at the top of her class, she asked Asa to tutor him in math. No way would Jo let her grandson fail in a subject that could be important to him later in life when he’d be rich. That’s what Jo had told her.

Bless the old lady for loving and taking in her only grandson after his parents died in a car wreck. A year after he’d moved to Willowbrook, Asa’s parents had bought a small house in town. New place, new state, a fresh start—those were her father’s reasons for their move across the country.

But she knew better. For the chance to get her mother away from her lovers, and to possibly save his marriage, her father had uprooted his family to accept a manager position at the lumber mill. Yes, she detested her mother’s selfishness for breaking apart their family.

A month ago, an invite came in the mail for her mother’s remarriage. The embossed blue and silver invitation, along with the RSVP card, made its way straight to the garbage can, but not before she’d shredded the papers. Her feelings for her mother bordered on resentment and less on love, more so after her father’s death.

It was a good thing she’d moved to San Diego. Having her mother near would’ve made her father’s death more unbearable than what it had been because . . . because at the point of impact, she and her father had argued over her mother. Well, as long as she left Asa alone, she was fine with the remarriage.

Eve’s finger sliding across her forehead had Asa blinking in confusion before she gave her friend a slight smile. Over the years of their friendship, this was Eve’s way to draw her out of her deeps thoughts. With Rhys, he’d tap her nose. God, she missed him.

“What will I do with you now that Jo’s gone? With my out-of-town schedule, I can’t always be there for you, you know?”

Asa straightened her shoulders. “I can take care of myself.”

“I never doubted that,” Eve said with a twinkle in her blue eyes. “But when it comes to men, you’re clueless. Rhys kept you all to himself.”

“He only did that because I was good for his grades,” Asa countered.

“Bullshit. He cared about you.”

“As a friend, Eve, but nothing more. Drop it, okay. Please?”

“Fine. But once I get back, I’m gonna set you up with one of the guys from Ashton.”

Shrugging, Asa targeted Eve with her best blank stare and got an exasperated sigh in return.

“God, Asa, you’re gonna be one of those unhappy women who will always wonder about the what-if’s in life.” Eve grabbed her bag from the shelf beneath the counter. “I won’t mind if you close up early. They’re forecasting a snowstorm. If that happens, I expect you to stay home. Got it?”

She gave her a two-finger salute. “Yes, mother.”

Eve muffled her laughter with her hand. “You have enough firewood and supplies?”

She didn’t, but she wouldn’t have her friend worry now. Eve had a plane to catch. “Say hi to Joe for me,” she said, pushing Eve out the door. “And tell him congrats on the new addition.”

Joe was Eve’s big brother. His wife had their first child yesterday, and Eve was flying out to Oakland to visit for a few days.

“An aunt, Eve. I can’t believe it. What next? Marriage?”

Eve snorted while her breaths condensed in the cold air. “The café and my writing take up all of my time. Besides, I’m in no hurry to settle down with one guy. I like playing the field.”

Asa did roll her eyes this time. Of course, Eve loved seeing different guys. Men couldn’t seem to get enough of her and her outgoing personality, which Asa thought bordered on being sweetly obnoxious.

“I take it you and Lucas are currently off?” Asa plowed past the don’t-you-dare-go-there expression on Eve’s face. Oh yes, she’d go there. Payback for all the times Eve had mentioned Rhys’s name the past couple of months.

“Despite his temper, Lucas is a good guy,” Asa said. “You just need to be patient with him. He’s had a rough past.”

“His past has nothing to do with our issues. He’s a jealous son of a bitch, and I can’t stand that.”

The sadness hidden beneath the resentment in Eve’s tone had Asa doing something she didn’t normally do. She gave her friend a hug.

“Be safe and stay out of trouble,” Eve said, squeezing back. “I might be bossy, and sometimes downright pushy, but you’re my best friend. I just want you to be happy.”

Letting go, Asa smiled and said, “Thank you. I want the same for you too.” After a shared look, they erupted into rip-roaring laughter at the too sweet and cheesy moment. “Seriously, though, you’ll be gone for three days. How much trouble can I get into? Plus, Sandy’s here to steer me clear of messes.”

Sandy had moved to Willowbrook two years ago, and the three of them quickly became friends. Occasionally, Asa watched Sandy’s two-year-old son, Chance, when she and the hubby wanted a date night. Between them, they were able to cover the six-to-four shift at the café.

“I’m putting my trust in her.” Eve waved. “Okay, keep an eye on the weather. If it looks iffy, close early.”

Asa nodded, and crisscrossing her arms over her chest to rub at her shoulders, she watched Eve drive off. She was about to head back inside the café, but a pickup truck parked across the street snagged her attention. Jo’s. So Rhys was drowning his grief at the local bar. It shouldn’t be her business what he did anymore, but it still hurt her to know he grieved alone.

Noticing that cold air seeped into the warmth she loved, Asa hurried inside the café, shut the door behind her, and let her gaze sweep over the cozy space.

The walls were painted in her favorite shade—buttercup. Alongside the cash register on her right was a glass case for pastries. A lonely éclair sat waiting for a buyer. The early crowd must’ve come by. Well, if no one came in soon to claim the dessert, she would stick a dollar and some change in the register and sink her teeth into the piece of heaven herself. She rubbed her hands in anticipation.

Behind the front counter was the espresso machine. That’s where she spent the majority of her time brewing drinks, hot and cold. Next to the espresso machine were two pots of drip coffee kept warm in their thermos. The old folks liked their drinks unflavored and bitter.

In the space in front of the counter, wooden chairs surrounded three sets of tables in a cherry finish. The arrangement made it easy for Asa to chat it up with the regulars.

Mornings were busier while the afternoons gave her a chance to catch her breath and enjoy her favorite part of the café—the books housed on shelves in the back, a mish-mash of items donated by the folks of Willowbrook.

The clock on the wall chimed. One already. Time to grab a book and hunker down for a slow afternoon. In the back, she ran her finger over the spines of various books, and decided on Emmuska Orczy’s
The Scarlet Pimpernel
. As she read, she was distracted by what she saw past the wall of windows in the café. The pickup truck was still parked in front of the bar, and gray clouds rolled in.

Darn it, it wouldn’t snow. Since she’d lived in Willowbrook for, oh, six years now, she’d only witnessed snow twice. The three other times news forecasters predicted snow, they had been wrong. Rain had fallen instead. She remembered hearing or reading somewhere that the sky had to be a blanket of white and the temperature to drop below freezing before it would snow.

After setting the book down, she hurried out the door and scrutinized the sky as though it held secrets. Gray, not cotton ball white. Yanking the hoodie off, she held it to her chest and closed her eyes. The breeze whispered over her bare arms. Definitely not below freezing. She opened her eyes and glanced at her arms. Yep, no goosebumps.

Feeling a strange tingle on her forehead, she looked up. It was cliché, but time appeared to stop as Rhys eyed her from where he stood in front of Jo’s truck. What was it about the way his gaze shot up and down her body that had her heart beating out of control while her insides clenched with longing? Only he affected her like this.

Deep down, she realized it was pointless to have this reaction to him when he’d never shown a similar interest in her. Sexy Rhys Miles falling for awkward and quiet Asa Chanthavay? Nah. Their hookup at that party was a fluke, a mistake.
One night
. A year ago, at a party she hadn’t wanted to attend, but did, she lost her virginity to Rhys. Unforgettable for her, but apparently to him, what she gave had meant nothing.

The expression on his face right now must reflect hers—hurt, sadness, and regret. When they were friends, his eyes used to sparkle with mischief while a smile readily graced his handsome face. With Jo gone and their friendship torn, there was no reason for Rhys to return to Willowbrook.

Yes, before he left town for good, she’d move forward and do the right thing. Ask for Rhys’s forgiveness, but not mention his comment at the party. Maybe then she could let go of her feelings for him. And when Eve returned, Asa would accept her offer to arrange a blind date.