If Wishing Made It So (12 page)

Hildy turned her face away; her voice was choked with emotion when she spoke. ‘‘It was just the same as now. You wanted what you wanted at the moment, without thinking about the consequences.’’

‘‘I know, I’m so sorry. I ruined everything. But you never let me explain.’’

‘‘Explain what, Mike? I was supposed to be away for a week with the debating club, but I got laryngitis. I came home that Friday night and tried to call you. Your mother said you were at a party over at George Ide’s. I couldn’t wait to see you, so I drove over there. And then—’’

‘‘I know. George saw you come in. You asked where I was. He said he didn’t know, but he did. He tried to stop you from coming to get me after one of the junior varsity girls told you I was upstairs in George’s room—’’

‘‘With Darla.’’ Hildy turned her head away, her heart full of pain at the memory of opening the bedroom door and seeing Mike standing next to the bed with the naked girl pressed against him.

‘‘I had a few beers, Hildy. It’s no excuse. I know that. But she told me she needed to talk to me, that her boyfriend—Frank, you remember, the fullback—had left her. She started crying. All of a sudden, she didn’t feel well. She thought she was going to pass out. She asked me to help her go upstairs to George’s room so she could lie down. It was all an act, but I didn’t know that. She had a bet with some of the other girls that she could get me to go all the way with her.’’

Hildy stiffened. She had refused to have sex with Mike even though she knew most of the other cheerleaders slept with their boyfriends. She was the only holdout. She felt she wasn’t ready for it. She wanted to wait, and they had argued about it.

Mike finally said he respected how she felt. He agreed not to pressure her. But he couldn’t agree with Hildy’s wanting to wait until their wedding night. That might not be until they finished college, four long years away.

So they had compromised. She and Mike had planned to get engaged in June, after they graduated. They agreed they’d consummate their relationship when they made that formal commitment to each other. Hildy thought it set a good precedent for the way they’d solve problems as a couple. She felt proud that they had been so mature about it. And for Hildy, waiting was a special promise they made to each other.

But Hildy had realized, in the instant when she opened the bedroom door, that Mike couldn’t wait for sex—and that he obviously didn’t love her enough to wait to have it with her. ‘‘And Darla succeeded, didn’t she,’’ Hildy said, her voice hard.

‘‘No!’’ Mike took her by the shoulders. ‘‘She didn’t. She took off her clothes and she was all over me. She unbuttoned my shirt and my jeans. I let her. I admit it. But I kept telling her no. I wouldn’t cheat on you.’’

Hildy, her eyes brimming with tears, looked into Mike’s face. ‘‘But I heard what you said to her. And you did cheat on me. You wanted somebody else, even if it was just for the moment.’’

‘‘Hildy,
no.
I was trying to leave when she came on to me, rubbing her body against me. I did say to her ‘I want you so bad,’ but that wasn’t everything I said. You didn’t hear it all. I had already said it out loud, not just once, but over and over. ‘I want you so bad—
but this is wrong. I love Hildy
.’ Then I turned my head and saw you at the door. I didn’t have sex with Darla. I swear to you.

‘‘I saw the hurt on your face. You turned and ran. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed. I felt terrible. I drove all over Lehman, Idetown, and Dallas trying to find you. To make sure you were okay, to apologize. To beg you to forgive me.

‘‘I kept going by your house, but your car wasn’t there. Finally I knocked on the door. Your sister looked daggers at me and said you had gone away. She wouldn’t tell me where.’’

‘‘I told her not to tell you, Mike,’’ Hildy said, her head still turned away from his. ‘‘I didn’t want to see you. I was devastated. My heart was broken.’’

‘‘Hildy, I thought I’d go crazy. I called everyone we knew. I called your house a hundred times. You didn’t come to school. I was sick with grief. Then two weeks later you showed up in class and wouldn’t even look at me, wouldn’t talk to me or let me explain. So I figured that’s how it was. You didn’t really love me or you’d at least let me tell you my side of it.’’

‘‘I was only a kid, Mike,’’ Hildy whispered. ‘‘I told you I wanted to wait. It was important to me. I know other girls did it, but it wasn’t how I was raised. We had discussed it so many times, so you knew . . .’’

‘‘Yes, yes, I did. I respected you for it. I’ve always been sorry for going up there with Darla. But I didn’t go there with the intention of having sex with her. She did try to seduce me, and I was tempted. I admit it. But I didn’t do it. I’ve always wanted to tell you I was sorry.’’ His strong hand cupped her chin and turned her face to his. ‘‘I am sorry, Hildy. I’m sorry for what I did that day and I’m sorry you stopped loving me because of it. I’m sorry for ruining everything.’’

Tears ran down Hildy’s face. ‘‘I never stopped loving you, Mike. And now it’s too late.’’

‘‘Hildy, why does it have to be too late? Why? We’re not kids anymore.’’

Hildy pushed away from Mike. She was upset. She was angry. She was hurt. She leaned down and picked up her pants from the sand. ‘‘It’s too late because you’re marrying someone else,’’ she said, thinking,
How can he be so stupid?

A terrible feeling of desperation washed over Mike. He moved toward her and encircled her with his arms. ‘‘No, I can’t lose you again. I can’t. I’ll end it with Kiki, I promise you. I don’t love her, Hildy. It’s you. It’s always been you.’’

Then he was kissing her and she was kissing him. Their mouths merged, his tongue exploring hers. He broke the kiss suddenly, taking her face in his hands. ‘‘Do you want me, Hildy? Do you? If you do, show me, please.’’

Her hands moved to his jeans. They were still open and unzipped. Her small fingers reached inside, gripping his hard shaft. She was trembling, frightened but excited. Did she want him? More than anything in the world. She knew what she wanted to do.

She knelt in front of him and did what she had fantasized about doing with him, but had never done with any other man. She put her lips around the head of his member and took him into her mouth.

His hands found the back of her head. His knees were shaking. ‘‘Oh, Hildy,’’ he groaned. ‘‘Oh, my Hildy.’’

She teased him and tantalized him with her tongue. She sucked and stroked. It felt heavenly, but Mike’s groans made it clear he couldn’t wait much longer. He gently pushed her back away from him. He lowered himself beside her. He again lay her down on her back in the sand, kissing her face, her nose, her lips. Then tenderly he pulled her cami over her head. He gently moved her panties down off her hips. Her naked flesh looked like ivory against the dark sand.

Mike slipped his own jeans down and took them off. He put his hand between her legs and widened her thighs. ‘‘Hildy, do you want me to do this?’’ he asked in a soft voice.

Hildy was twenty-eight years old now, not eighteen. She had waited all these years for the right man. She knew Mike was that man. Her heart was beating so fast she could barely breathe. She had never wanted anything, anyone so much. She opened her legs wide in response to his question. She gripped his hand and pushed it against her wetness.

‘‘Yes, Mike,’’ she whispered. ‘‘I want this.’’

He knelt between her legs and put on the condom that had been in his jeans pocket and was now in his hand. Then Hildy felt the tip of his member touch her there in the dark center of her being. She cried out in fear and expectation.

With one hard thrust, he pushed inside her and suddenly it was his turn to cry out. He felt the barrier still intact within her. He understood that he was her first. ‘‘Oh!’’ he yelled, then the
Oh
became a groan as the barrier broke.

Hildy gripped his shoulders. Mike buried himself within her. Whatever pain she felt vanished as, matching the rhythm of the waves, they began to move in the eternal ride of love. She was nearly delirious with the sensations. She mewed like a kitten and then as the most wonderful feeling began low down in her belly and rushed like lightning upward, she called out, ‘‘Yes! Yes!’’

The night sky exploded in a rush of shooting stars.

Chapter 12

Pleasure has a price, and since it was Hildy’s first time, the aftermath of this romantic interlude was just plain messy. Hildy overcame her embarrassment and told Mike she’d have to wait until he got some tissues before she left the beach.

Mike was full of reassurances and concern. He hurried off to get the car from the Dark Star Café’s parking lot and drive it back as close as possible to the area of the beach where Hildy waited. He quickly discovered they had walked all the way from Thirtieth Street down to the next town of Brant Beach. He broke into a jog, a little worried about leaving Hildy alone.

But Hildy relished the time sitting on the sand by herself. She looked out at the darkness of the ocean, listened to the crashing surf, and thought about what had just occurred. She realized that Mike had a lot to get straight before any kind of serious relationship between them could truly happen. He still had other commitments and perhaps in the heat of the moment he made promises he’d regret in the light of day.

She’d be sorry if he did, but she wouldn’t be entirely surprised.

She wasn’t sorry about the consummation though. She smiled, a bittersweet but genuine smile. She had always wanted her first time to be with Mike, and against all odds it had been.
You can’t escape your fate,
she thought. This could have occurred ten years ago, and didn’t. Instead it happened when she could cope better emotionally with the intensity and the intimacy. She could even accept the lovemaking as a onetime thing, and that was okay.

No, it really wasn’t okay, but she felt certain she could handle whatever happened, even if Mike and she went different ways.

She put her forehead on her knees. She could handle the hurt and disappointment, but would she ever get over it? She hadn’t gotten Mike out of her thoughts or her heart in ten years. Now he was entrenched in both more deeply and more powerfully than ever.

But why was she contemplating letting him go before she even had him? She remembered what her sister said.
Fight for your man.
Okay, she’d take Kiki on, and may the best woman win.

When Hildy finally got back to the sleek, silver Mercedes, her tote bag stayed silent, much to her relief. Mike leaned across the center console and kissed her cheek before beginning the drive back to her summer rental. She noticed the time on the dashboard clock because Mike was looking at it so often. It was nearly midnight. The hours they had been together had flown by.

When the car pulled up in front of the house, Mike kissed her again. He made sure he had her cell phone number logged into his phone. He got out of his seat and came around the car to help her out. He walked her the few steps to her front door where she fumbled in her tote for the key, her fingers brushing the cool glass of the genie’s bottle.

She stood there holding her keys as Mike leaned down to give her one last kiss. She had just begun to close her eyes when she detected something moving in her peripheral vision.

‘‘Hey!’’ Mike yelled as a husky man wearing a ski mask grabbed him from behind and dragged him backward. Another man, his face hidden behind a mask as well, snatched at Hildy’s tote bag. She held on to it like a bulldog. As he tugged, she started screaming at the top of her lungs, ‘‘FIRE FIRE FIRE CALL 911 FIRE FIRE FIRE CALL 911!’’

The man threw a punch at her face. Hildy saw it coming and dropped to the ground, letting the fist sail harmlessly over her head. She landed hard on her butt in a sitting position. Without hesitating, she sank her teeth into the part of the man that was right in front of her, which happened to his crotch. He let out a scream that could be heard all the way to the Long Beach Island town of Love-ladies.

As she released her bite, she brought her elbow up into his kneecap while she grasped his ankle with the other hand and pulled forward. Her attacker went down hard on the bricks of her little front yard.

Hildy scrambled to her feet. She sensed rather than saw a fight going on behind her between Mike and the other assailant. Just then she saw four or five teenagers who were hanging out on the boulevard come running to help. An emergency siren wailed in the distance.

Her attacker got to his feet and ran off down the block toward the bay. The man fighting with Mike broke free as well. The teens, whooping and hollering, started chasing the two assailants. A police car careened around the corner and screeched to a halt. A big red fire engine pulled up right behind it.

The bottle was safe, at least for now.

Another half hour had gone by before the two Ship Bottom police officers finished taking Hildy’s and Mike’s statements about the attempted ‘‘purse snatching.’’ Since this kind of street crime rarely happened in the quiet shore community, they asked Hildy and Mike over and over if they knew their attackers.

They both insisted they didn’t, with Hildy mentally crossing her fingers at the fib. She didn’t know the men but she felt certain they had been sent by Jimmy the Bug. The police finally concluded that it was a crime of opportunity: The muggers saw Mike’s expensive car and targeted them.

Mike felt uneasy about leaving Hildy alone after the attack, but she insisted she was fine. He saw her into the little house, kissed her quickly and said he’d call her in the morning. Her unspoken question was, Where was Mike going? Back to the hotel room he shared with Kiki? If he was, would he sleep next to his fiancée in the same bed?

Her feelings must have shown in her face, because as he left, he said, ‘‘Don’t worry, Hildy. I’ll end it with Kiki—and I’ll get a different hotel room tonight.’’

She nodded, wondering if things were going to be as easy as Mike seemed to think they would be. She also wondered what she was going to do about the genie and Jimmy the Bug. It had not been a random attack and she knew the thugs, or ones like them, would be back.