If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Now (38 page)

Luckily it was only my father wandering by sleepily, probably to get a snack from the kitchen. He didn’t even notice us in
the darkened room. But I was well aware that if it had been my mother, her eagle eyes wouldn’t have missed a thing. And Noah
would have asked questions.

“I remember this feeling,” Andrew whispered as we settled back on the sofa a safe distance apart. “It’s like dating in high
school all over again.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it’s weird at our age.”

He laughed. “Nah, it’s okay. It’s kind of fun, actually. Keeps the excitement alive.”

I was a little skeptical about that. I felt pretty frustrated at that particular moment. And when Noah came down a few minutes
later, right before our show ended, to tell me he had had a bad dream and needed me to go back to sleep with him,
prompting Andrew to say a speedy good night before heading back to his place, my skepticism only increased.

But the next night I was able to leave Noah with my parents for a few hours and meet Andrew at his place, where I threw myself
on top of him and he responded passionately, and at some point I wondered if maybe he had a point: maybe a little frustration
and delayed gratification
did
add some spice to a relationship.

Maybe.

A
couple of weeks later, I drove to the Fenwick Family Outdoor Concert with Mom and Dad and Noah. Mom had, of course, remembered
to bring a big blanket, which we laid out not too far from the stage that had been set up, but off to the side so we could
move around freely without blocking anyone’s view. I left Noah with my parents and headed over to the food booth, where I
once again had to help out—although this time I had volunteered myself.

I was happy to see Melanie already there, behind the counter. She was handing out the picnic boxes while Tanya was packing
and organizing them.

“Hey!” I said to Mel. “Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Gabriel dropped me off so I wouldn’t be late. He and the kids are still looking for parking.”

“I hope they can find Mom and Dad—it’s getting crowded out there.”

“Gabriel’s six foot three,” Melanie said. “He’ll find them.”

Tanya glanced up briefly. “Hurry up and get back here, Rickie—things are going to get crazy soon.” I snapped a salute in her
direction and Melanie shook her head at me.

This job was pretty easy: there were only two kinds of sandwiches and Tanya had marked which was in which box with a black
Sharpie, so we were just grabbing from stacks and handing them out.

Up on the stage, Dr. Sorenson was starting things off with a short introductory speech, thanking the Parent Association for
all their hard work planning the event. People were talking and running around and no one paid him any attention. He eventually
surrendered the stage to a tall man with a thick, graying beard who started to play the guitar and sing.

“There’s something familiar about that guy’s voice,” I said.

Melanie looked over. “That’s John Pudgett, silly. He was huge in the seventies.”

“Why’s he playing
here
, then?”

“He’s got a kid at the upper school.”

For a while longer, people continued to swarm the booth like locusts, new hands grabbing for boxes as quickly as we could
fill them.

Things were just starting to slow down when a young guy wearing a baseball hat approached the booth. He slouched a little
but otherwise he was pretty cute. “This where we get the food?” he asked.

“That’s what they tell me,” I said.

“How much?”

“It’s included in the entrance fee.”

“Well, then give me two,” he said. “There’s this girl I’m hoping to eat dinner with, if she ever has any free time tonight.”

Melanie laughed. “Go ahead, Rickie. I can cover here.”

“You sure?” I glanced over at Tanya, who was in the far corner, marking boxes.

“Oh, for god’s sake,” Mel said. “Go now, before she tells you you
can’t.
”

“Right.” Rather than circle around and risk attracting Tanya’s attention, I stepped up on a wooden box and climbed onto the
counter. Andrew held out his hand and helped me jump down next to him.

“Hi, Noah’s mom,” he said and smiled down at me.

“Hi.” I squeezed his hand, then released it. “Thanks for rescuing me.” We moved off, side by side, no longer touching because
we were surrounded by kids and other teachers and parents.

“Hey, look,” I said, pointing. “There’s that guy—Pammy’s dad. The one who can make me a star. Maybe I should go schmooze him.”

“Why?” Andrew said. “You see an acting career in your future?”

“I have
It
,” I reminded him.

“Well, don’t go wasting it on
him.
Anyway, I thought you had decided to become a social worker.”

“Can’t I be both? A Hollywood starlet
and
a social worker?”

“You’d be the first.” We picked our way carefully through the spread-out blankets, beach towels, soda cups, and sprawling
kids, threading our way back toward my parents. “Who’s the guy with your family?” Andrew asked as we drew near.

I sidestepped a plate with a sandwich on it that someone had left on the ground and looked where he was pointing. “Oh. That’s
Gabriel’s brother, Ryan. I didn’t know he was coming.” He was reclining lazily on the blanket next to Gabriel, and I felt
the rush of surprise and pleasure I always
felt when Ryan showed up unexpectedly at some family event or another.

Then I remembered that a lot had changed since I’d last seen him.

Ryan jumped to his feet as soon as he saw us. “Rickie!” He put his arms around me and gave me a warmly fraternal kiss on the
cheek. I pulled back quickly and introduced him to Andrew. They shook hands. Ryan scrutinized Andrew a little too closely.
I hoped Andrew wouldn’t notice that, or the way Gabriel was watching the whole thing with frank curiosity and real concern.

“Hey,” I said to my mother. “Where’s Noah?”

“He ran off with Joshua.”

Five simple words but they made me absurdly happy. My kid had a friend to run off with.

Andrew plunked himself down on the blanket, and Nicole and Cameron immediately leaped on top of him. Nicole had already made
it clear she was very pleased that the PE coach had become a sort of uncle—she was old enough to appreciate the value of connections
in high places. Cameron just liked him.

Ryan tugged on my sleeve. “Come with me to get something to drink,” he said.

I hesitated but then Andrew looked up and said, “Get me a Coke, will you?” and it seemed okay, so Ryan and I went the long
way around the blankets to get back to the other side, where the food and drinks were.

“It’s good to see you, Rickie,” he said, letting his arm brush against mine as we walked side by side on the grass. “I missed
you a lot on this trip. Did you get my e-mail saying I was back?”

“Yeah. Sorry I didn’t write you back yet. I meant to but—” The truth was I had felt overwhelmed by the task of filling him
in on everything.

“It’s okay. I get it. I told you to change things and you did.” He glanced over at me. “Where’s the ring and nose stud?”

“I just took them off one night and never put them back in.”

He patted my head patronizingly. “My little girl is growing up.”

I shoved him away. “Shut up.”

“You’re even dressing differently,” he said. “My god, there isn’t a stain on you. And your clothes actually fit.”

“Yours don’t,” I said, having noticed how they hung on him. “You forget to eat in Turkey?”

“I had the stomach flu last week. And no one to nurse me through it. I was sick and all alone.” He touched the back of my
hand. “Don’t you feel a little sorry for me?”

“Not really. The drinks are over there.” I pointed.

“I was lying about wanting a drink,” he said. “I just wanted to talk to you alone.” He pulled me a little farther away from
the crowd, into the shadows near the bushes. “So… this guy. Andrew. What’s the story?”

“He’s nice,” I said. “It’s good.”

He waited, but I was done.

“I’m glad for you, Rickie,” he said after a moment, although he didn’t sound particularly glad.

“Thanks. We should get the drinks and go back.”

“What’s your rush?” He motioned with his head back toward where we’d come from. “Is he the jealous type?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t have any reason to be.” A pause.
“You sure you don’t want a drink? They have soda and water. Oh, and juice.”

“I’m good,” Ryan said. He stuck his hands in his pockets and idly rattled his change. “I think I’ll take off, actually. This
isn’t my kind of thing. All these kids running around and screaming…” He gave a little shudder. “Anyway, I really only came
to see you.”

“Why?”

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.”

He took his hands out of his pockets and held them out toward me. “Then give me a kiss good-bye.” I hesitated but he was already
putting his arms around me, so I hugged him back, the feel of his body so familiar against mine it freaked me out a little.
I tilted my cheek up for him to kiss, but he deliberately bent lower and got my mouth instead. It wasn’t a quick peck, either:
he pressed his mouth hard against mine and didn’t seem like he was going to stop on his own, so I finally ducked away and
said good-bye.

“Have a nice time?” Andrew asked in an unusually tense voice when I returned to the blanket with drinks. Cameron and Nicole
had moved over to eat with their dad and Noah was still missing.

“Sorry that took so long.” I sat down next to him. “I hadn’t seen Ryan for a long time. He travels a lot.”

“You two always kiss like that when you see each other?”

I drew my knees up to my chest and sat there for a moment, hugging them. Then I said, “I told you there was this guy I hung
out with sometimes, when he was in town.”

He thought about that. The way he did. Then he said,
“You might have mentioned that he’d be coming here tonight.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Did you have to kiss him on the mouth?”

“He did that, not me.”

“And you were just an innocent bystander?”

I shifted toward him and touched him on the arm. “Hey, are you really mad about this?”

He shrugged. In a way that meant he was mad.

“He already left,” I said.

“Is that supposed to be reassuring?”

“Well, what
would
be?”

He looked down at my hand, which was still on his arm. My sleeve had fallen back, revealing my “Noah” tattoo. “How about you
get a tattoo with
my
name? Right across your forehead where everyone can see it. That would be reassuring.”

At least he was joking about it. I gently pushed myself against his side. “I would, only my mother made me promise no more
tattoos.”

There was a break in the music and some clapping as a singer left the stage and they started setting up for the next performer.
A couple of feet away, Gabriel rose to his feet and called out to us, “I’m going to take the kids over to see Mel at the food
stand. You need anything?”

“We’re good, thanks,” I said.

“Did Ryan take off?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not surprised,” he said with a sigh.

Cameron and Nicole jumped up and the three of them wandered off toward the food booth, the two kids dancing at
their father’s side, looking like two small pets being walked by their owner.

“It’s nice having him around again,” I said, idly watching them go.

My mother leaned toward us. “If he cheats on Melanie again, I’ll kill him with my bare hands,” she said.

“He’s a big guy,” I said. “I’ll help you.”

There was a small whirlwind at my side, which turned out to be Noah, Joshua in tow. “Mom? Mom? Can I have a sleepover with
Joshua?”

“I guess so. Did his mom say it was okay?”

“Yes! Come on, Noah!” Joshua went running off, but I caught at Noah’s arm before he could follow.

“Listen, Noey, you’ve only ever had a sleepover at your cousins’. You sure you’re up for this?”

“Mom,” he said, with an edge of exasperation. “It’s
Joshua
. He’s like my best friend.”

“Okay, then,” I said, loving his casual use of a term I thought I’d never hear from his lips. “But if you need me to come
get you at any point—”

“I won’t,” he said and went trotting off after Joshua.

I sent Debbie a quick text—easier than looking for her in the crowd—and she immediately confirmed that they were delighted
to take Noah home with them. I put the phone back in my pocket and looked around.

The current performer was strumming softly on a guitar and singing a gentle folk song. The quiet music made the darkening
twilight feel dreamlike.

I sidled up close to Andrew and whispered in his ear, “You know, if Noah’s going on a sleepover, that means I could have one
too.”

He sat up straight. “I like that idea.”

“You want to leave now? We can take the food with us. Unless you want to hear more music?”

He was already rising to his feet and tugging me to mine. “I’ve heard enough.”

Later that evening we were curled up together on his bed, watching a movie, my head cushioned comfortably on the soft pad
of his naked shoulder, when Andrew suddenly grabbed the remote. “Hold on.” He paused the movie. “Isn’t that your phone?”

My bag was lying on the floor next to the bed, so I rolled over, reached down for it, and got out my phone.

“Mom?” said a very small voice on the other end.

“Noah? Are you okay?”

At first there was just the sound of his breathing—the kind of rapid breathing that meant he was trying not to cry. Then he
said, “I think maybe I should come home.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just… I just think I need to come home.” A strangled little sigh that wasn’t quite a sob. “I miss my room.” I
heard Debbie’s voice in the background, saying, “Let me talk to her.” Then she said into the phone: “Hey, Rickie.” She sounded
pretty tired. “Noah and Joshua had a great time and they went to sleep no problem, but Noah woke up a little while ago and
he’s having trouble going back to sleep.”