If You Want Me (21 page)

“Come here.”

He took her hand and led her to the dining room. Pulling back a chair, he sat, then urged her onto his lap. She straddled him and he ran his fingers through her hair, drawing her face to his. He devoured her lips until she struggled for breath. All the while she could feel him beneath her, heat against heat. He kissed her ear, then whispered, “Ease up.”

She did, and not knowing who she’d become, she slipped her fingers beneath the waist of her panties, then gyrated once, twice, as she slowly dragged the black silk off her hips.

“Oh, yeah,” Marcus moaned.

Then she reached for him, forcing his underwear to his knees. She didn’t know how she’d become such a bold person, but she wanted to turn him on as much as he was turning her on. Leaning forward, she flicked her tongue over his lips, but pulled back before he could kiss her back. She heard the condom package tear as she planted soft kisses along his jaw from his chin to his ear. When she reached his ear, she ran her tongue over the flesh. Slowly.

Forcefully, he grabbed her hips and urged her onto him. He took a moment to guide their bodies together, but once he did, he filled her completely with one hard thrust, and she cried out.

He reacted with a long moan and another deep thrust, then another, until they found a rhythm. God, he was driving her wild. Arching against him, she pushed her breasts out to meet his face. Greedily, he took a nipple in his mouth, and with each suckle drove her nearer to the edge of the abyss.

The feeling was so wonderful, so completely
erotic, that it felt like the first time. And when he reached for her other breast and tweaked and tugged at the nipple, she shattered. Crying out, she rode the wave of passion until moments later he gripped her back and cried out with his own release.

Spent, their ragged breaths filled the air. He held her in place, running his hands over her slick back. Then his lips brushed across her cheek and she met his mouth with hers and they kissed until neither had any breath left.

I love you,
she thought, and was immediately startled. Opening her eyes, she looked at him, at the sweat beading on his forehead, his closed lids, his content expression. Joy filled her heart.

God, it was true. She did love him. She always had.

He’d crossed the line—again.

And now he felt guilty as hell. The very thing he’d told himself to avoid he had pursued as if his life depended on it.

Rolling from his back onto his side, Marcus’s gaze fell smack on the reason for his foul mood this morning—Alice’s shapely form. He watched her while she slept. He watched the small movements she made as she inhaled and exhaled, relishing the soft sounds of her presence in his bed. Her smooth, honey-colored back was exposed right down to those beautiful hips, where the bedsheet covered her. She looked perfect.

He wanted to reach for her, trail a finger softly down the length of her spine from the top of her
neck to the small of her back until she awoke. Then he wanted to make love to her again, slow and easy, like the morning sunrise, not like the hungry, sex-starved man he had been last night.

Marcus blew out a frustrated breath as reality smacked him hard in the head. What the hell was wrong with him? Why, even now, could he not resist Alice? He had promised himself he wouldn’t let a pretty face get to him again, but he had done exactly that last night. Was Alice right? Was he only attracted to her because she had transformed into the stunning Desirée LaCroix?

Marcus could only hope last night wouldn’t screw things up.

He was supposed to be protecting her. Plain and simple. Nothing else.

His eyes flitted over her incredibly sexy form once again. After having a taste of her, he didn’t know if he could live without it. Even watching her sleep was strangely erotic in a way he’d never before experienced. There was something about Alice, something that drew him to her, more than just the physical attraction.

Maybe it was her stubborn determination to take care of herself. Or her gentle side as she dealt with the children. Or the way she seemed genuinely surprised when he’d called her beautiful. She’d made a success of herself in Hollywood, yet she didn’t have an ego. She was real.

But maybe what drew him to her was their friendship. Even after all this time, it was still there. He still felt he could talk to her, ask her opinion about things, give her advice that she’d appreciate.

That was exactly why he needed to keep things in
perspective. Their friendship was most important. Her safety was paramount. Sex would only confuse both issues.

They’d gone too far last night, but he’d damn well make sure it didn’t happen again.

Could her life be better than this?

Making love to Marcus had been everything she’d dreamed it could be—and more. That was why, as they sat together eating breakfast at his small kitchen table, Alice was not only wearing one of Marcus’s T-shirts, she was wearing a goofy smile as well. Her scrambled eggs had no taste, not when she could only remember the taste of him on her lips, the feel of his hard body pressed against hers, the feel of him thrusting deep inside her.

She was in love with him, and though at first she’d been worried that he might only be interested in her image, after the way he’d held her so tightly in his arms as they’d slept last night, she felt certain there was something more between them.

Perhaps it was too soon to hope, but she couldn’t stop herself any more than she could stop breathing. She’d wanted this for so long that it still felt like a dream, but she preferred to consider it a dream come true. Was it impossible to believe that what had started off as friendship years ago had now blossomed into love? Surely, after making love to her so passionately, like he was a man who had finally tasted water after a long drought, he had to have feelings for her.

“Marcus, can I ask you something?” When he
nodded, she said, “Why did you and Tanisha get divorced?”

Marcus scowled. “I never should have married her in the first place.”

“Then…why did you?” Alice hoped she wasn’t treading on holy ground.

Marcus considered the question for a long moment, then sighed. “I loved her. At least I thought I did.”

“Meaning?” Alice asked, an eyebrow arched with curiosity.

“Meaning I was blind in high school. I didn’t see her for who she really was. I saw a gorgeous face and little else. To me, she was always sweet and loving, but it didn’t take long after I married her to see her true colors.”

“She hurt you.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Yeah. I realize now that she was never the person I thought she was.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s over. You move on.” Marcus grew quiet, but after a moment spoke again. “You want to know something interesting? She was extremely jealous of you.”

“Yeah, right.” Alice snorted her disbelief.

“I’m telling the truth. When the word spread that you had gotten your first role in a feature film, she had to be there to see it on opening night. For some reason, she hadn’t paid much attention to your television roles, but this was a feature. Big time as far as she was concerned, I guess. She kept making comments about how you’d look, that it was going to be a laugh to see you. Of course, when you appeared on the screen, she almost didn’t recognize you. And
then you should have seen her face. She almost turned white, which is no small feat for a black woman. When she couldn’t say anything bad about how you looked, she started with some garbage about your performance. I think it was at that moment, sitting in the theater with her, that I started to realize that I had no love for her.”

Alice felt a surge of pride that Marcus, whom she hadn’t seen for years at that point, had been offended on her behalf. “It’s understandable that people would be surprised at seeing how much I’d changed.”

“You see, that’s how different you are from Tanisha. What I’ve admired about you most is that you’ve always been classy. Never stooping to her level, despite how she must have treated you when I was too blind to notice.”

“How long were you married?”

“Almost six years.”

“God, that long?”

He frowned playfully. “Can I plead temporary insanity?”

Alice giggled.

“Like I said, I knew pretty soon that things weren’t quite right, but I’d taken a vow and I wanted to do my best to make the marriage work. I thought if I gave her a house, attention, she’d be happy. But she never was. Even now, I don’t understand her.”

“Well, I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” Alice told him, though she really wasn’t. She’d always known Tanisha would hurt him, and it was better that their marriage had ended before children had come into the picture.

“What about you and Noel Sanders?” Marcus asked.

“Oh, God!” Alice giggled and threw a hand over her face. “No questions about Hollywood.”

“Too late,” he said, flashing her a devilish grin. “I already told you about Tanisha. It’s only fair.”

She groaned, though she was still smiling. “Oh, all right.”

“What was that relationship all about? I remember when I first heard you were going to marry him, I wondered if you’d lost your mind.”

“I don’t know.”

Placing an elbow on the table, he rested his cheek in his palm. “You were always such a nice person. From what I’d seen and read about Noel, he sounded like a jerk.”

“Actually, he was a jerk. Full of himself. Thought he was God’s gift.”

“And that’s why you were going to marry him?” He gave her a skeptical look.

Remembering made her grimace. It was the first year she’d gotten a few roles in Hollywood, one of them being in a TV movie with Noel. To this day, she didn’t know how they’d gotten involved. He was selfish and self-centered, even in bed.

“In retrospect, it was stupid,” she explained. “I never should have gotten involved with him. But he seemed really nice, down to earth.”

“Nice?”

Her hands flew up. “Okay, I admit. I was really naïve then.” She paused. “If you want to know the truth, he was the first guy to really pay any attention to me…once I started looking…okay. I fig
ured I should go for what I could get, because until then, I hadn’t gotten much.”

“Alice.”

“No,” she said, placing a finger on his lips to quiet him. “I don’t feel that way now.”

He took her hand. Squeezed it. “Good.”

“Anyway,” she continued, “I had no clue Noel had a drug problem until a few weeks before the wedding. That’s why I canceled the wedding so suddenly. Not because I was fickle and got tired of him, like the media said. Besides…” Her voice quieted. “I realized he was far more in love with the image of Desirée LaCroix than the real me—Alice Watson.”

She took a deep breath. “I was caught up with the whole Hollywood thing, and I guess after hearing enough times that we looked good together, that we’d done so well in that last film, that when he asked me to marry him I had to wonder if we wouldn’t be good together in real life. And of course, I didn’t realize until after we were engaged how good an actor he was—on and off the screen. He was far from nice, had terrible mood swings and a terrible temper. Though for a while I didn’t think I could break off the engagement because he really seemed to be in love with me and I didn’t want to break his heart.”

“
Way
too nice.”

They fell into silence, then Alice asked, “Did you want a family?”

“With Tanisha? Never.”

“What about now?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know if it’s in the cards for me.”

“Why not?”

“I’d want to be married if I have a family. And I’m not sure I ever want to do that again. I’m not sure I could use the insanity defense twice.” He laughed.

Alice didn’t want to look stupid, so she laughed too. Though she couldn’t quite laugh down the disappointment. But it was so intense, her heart plummeted to her stomach. She knew it was crazy. What did she expect after one night of sex? A marriage proposal?

“You know,” Alice said, changing the subject. “I was thinking that maybe we could go down to the waterfront again. Not for dinner, but maybe for a walk. It’s a beautiful day, and I’d love to spend it outside. I do a lot of jogging. Do you? It’s a great way to keep fit.”

“Hmm.”

“Or, maybe you could show me around your neighborhood. Some of the areas that have changed over the years.”

He didn’t respond, and Alice paused in her rambling to stare at him. Either he didn’t sense her looking at him, or he was ignoring her, because he didn’t look up from his plate of food. The absorbed expression on his face was clear.

A chill washed over her. She suddenly realized that things didn’t seem right. Last night, he hadn’t been able to get enough of her, but now…he seemed far away. Was it because she’d asked if he wanted to get married again? Did he think she meant to her?

“Marcus, did you hear me?”

“I’ve got to get ready for work,” he said, still not looking at her.

He was dismissing her. “Oh. You’re working today.”

“Yeah.” Setting down his fork, he lifted his head. “Alice, we need to talk.”

Another chill. “All right.”

He blew out a frustrated sigh as he rubbed one temple. “I take the blame fully for what happened last night, but…it can’t happen again. God, that sounds cheesy. The point is, I’m supposed to be protecting you, not…not anything else. Making love is a distraction, and I broke my word when I said I wouldn’t touch you, but you have it again. As long as you’re here, under my protection, there won’t be a repeat of last night.”

For a long while, Alice stared at him, trying to figure him out. From hot to cold in the blink of an eye. “So,” she began slowly, “if I wasn’t staying here, it would be okay to touch me?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying, Marcus? Because I’m confused.”

“You have every right to be upset, Alice. I know that. But we can’t fall into bed again. We’re
friends
. I don’t want to do anything to complicate that.”

Alice tried to read his expression. She saw a mix of guilt and frustration—but no blatant sexual desire like she saw last night.