If Your Wife Only Knew (22 page)

“What are you doing? Get your hands off me. I'm gonna scream for Rashad, you better stop.”

“Trust me. That man can't even save himself let alone you.”

Alexis let her go. She had more important things to deal with.

 

Glynis's funeral was held a few days later. Rashad insisted on driving Alexis. She hadn't seen the family since Tandy had died a few years ago, but everyone in the family was happy to talk to her. Hayley sat perfectly still until she noticed the blown-up poster of Glynis stationed close to the casket. She pointed and yelled, “Mama,” but Alexis didn't mind. She got up and carried her daughter to the open casket. As instructed, Hayley dropped a pack of Starbursts on top of the corpse, Glynis's favorite candy.

When the memorial service ended, Rashad drove them home. They were silent during the ride. Hayley was leaning all the way out of her car seat, snoring like a hundred-year-old woman.

Even though Alexis and her sister hadn't been particularly close, she still felt the loss. She wished she could hear Glynis's voice again . . . and wished she could say all the things that division and pride kept her from voicing during the times that she could.

Finally Rashad spoke. “I told myself I'd never let you ride in my car again, yet look at what I'm doing.”

Alexis gave a small smile. “We always gotta try and do right by family, no matter how mad we get at them.”

“Yeah. I guess . . . Fam.”

“And, Rashad. I-I am sorry for getting pissed off at you . . . and taking off in your ride. I've never done anything like that before. But, hey. It was fun.”

“You ain't right, Skillet.”

She could tell from the sound of his voice that he wouldn't hold a grudge. He never had.

“I learned you never know what you'll do when you're in a certain situation. You only know when that thing is right in your face, when you're in the moment.” Death always made Alexis think about life. And making sure life was right before it shifted into death. She paused and searched for the words she wanted to say. “You may not want to hear this, but I think two years is long enough to keep this situation from her. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to be, Rashad.”

“Tell me about it. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my life, my daddy, my son, Hayley, you, Kiara. I kind of wish I was a Mormon.”

“You sound crazy.”

“Who says I'm not? Seriously, you may not believe this, but I don't know what I'd do if I lost the most important things in my life. I wonder why things can't be the way I want them to be.”

“But that's not fair, Rashad. There's something called ‘order' that is supposed to rule everything in this world. And if you don't live life in the right order, well, things will be messed up. I sure wish our daughter had been born under better circumstances . . .”

“Hell, I do, too. But what's done is done. I've already hurt enough people. You really think I want to hurt her?”

“Think about it, Rashad. With everything that's happened, you already have.”

K
iara and Eddison were standing in a stairwell between the first and second floor of her office facility. Their voices were low, but they still echoed against the walls of the corridor.

“I had to see you. How are you doing?”

“I have moments when I feel great. And other times, I want to pinch myself just to make sure I'm not in a dream. But work . . . work helps me to keep it together. This is where I know my role. Where I'm in control. So it's coming along.”

Kiara was indeed expecting, but she wasn't showing yet. She was wearing layered tops, a style that she'd usually wear during the late summer.

“Well, I'm sure you already know this, but you're glowing.”

“I'll bet I am.”

“Anyway, Kiara. Just checking on you. But I wanted to thank you for meeting with Collette and Gherman the other day. Because of you, the kids are going to make restitution. They'll bounce back and this whole thing will be behind them. And the university will be better off as well as the families.”

“Yeah. It's funny how that works out. Glad I could help.”

“One more thing. Did you find out . . . ?”

“The due date is April seventh. I don't know the gender. I don't think I want to know. I feel like I'm in an episode of Bill Cunningham.”

“When will you know if it's mine or not?”

She could only smile at him. She knew he was as anxious as she was.

“When I know, you will know.”

They said good-bye. It was eerily quiet as Eddison reached out to hug her.

Kiara noticed the sound of someone's footsteps running up the stairwell. When she tried to see who it could be, that person was already gone.

 

Later on, Tony Fu swung by Kiara's office.

“Hey, Tony, how are things going?”

“Cool. I just wanted to follow up with you about something. All the staff complied with the request to get their home addresses updated, except for one person.”

“Let me guess. Nicole?”

“Yes! She wouldn't respond to all my emails so when I asked her for her driver's license so I could make a copy, she refused to hand it over. You think she's hiding something?”

“Something is definitely up. But don't worry. There are still other ways to find out where she lives . . . Not that I personally care. But we need updated info . . .”

“In case of an emergency,” Tony said, and gave Kiara a knowing look.

 

Kiara got off work a couple hours early that day. She went to see her physician. After she received a full examination, Kiara knew her fate was sealed in terms of having a baby; but other parts of her life were still uncertain.

Afterward, Kiara decided to visit the woman she loved and trusted the most in the world. She held Mama Flora's hand as she finally admitted to her that she had had sex with two men in one day. And that a child would be the result of her rash behavior.

“Mama Flora, I have very mixed feelings. A part of me is excited. Another part is scared. I never thought this ratchet drama would be my life.”

“It's okay, baby. And believe it or not, the Lord understands.”

“He understands I'm a fool. I'm not his best child. I'm not as perfect as folks think I am.” At that moment she felt a bit of despair. “I wouldn't mind if it's not Rashad's, but the court of public opinion may feel differently.”

“Baby girl, horrible things happen to basically good people, and they still turn out OK.”

“Who, Grandma? These days when people realize they mess up, they—” She swallowed deeply and shook her head.

“No. Wait one minute, young lady, I know you not thinking about—”

“But I hurt so bad. The pain is so deep. I don't want to face the day anymore.” She buried her face in her hands and wept. “And my marriage is getting worse. I don't know if having a baby will save our relationship. Who am I kidding? I can't have this baby.”

“You can have it and you will. Your child deserves a good life and if God didn't have a purpose for it, you never would have conceived.”

“Thanks for saying that. If things were really great between us, I'd be super excited, Mama Flora. Sometimes I think back to our good old days, and I pray that they will return. If the old Rashad came back, that would give me hope. Back in the day, he was totally into my pregnancy; he rubbed my feet, he cooked the meals, made sure I ate healthy. He was everything.”

“It seemed he understood his purpose back then, but somehow he lost his way.”

“If only we can find it again,” Kiara responded. “The bottom line is I'm scared. And I don't know how to properly handle this situation.”

Kiara collapsed again in her grandmother's arms. She despised herself for thinking she could handle a situation that was clearly more complicated than what it seemed.

“Look, young lady, you may feel hopeless and regretful right now . . . but it's not the end of the world.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I've been through what you're going through.”

“Huh? What did you say?”

“Everybody's got secrets. And only a privileged few know what married folk really go through behind closed doors.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Long ago when you were just a child, I thought John was doing something devious behind my back. There was a flirty lady that lived down the street from us. Her name was Billie Fay. One day I saw her leaving our house, coming through our front door as I was pulling up. I saw her with her red tinted scraggly hair, her wide hips, and her cleavage popping out her blouse. It was the middle of summer and, boy, was I hot. I ran up to her and smacked her hard across her face. She screamed and told me to stop. I hit her again. Billie Fay ran and got in her car. I ran and got in mine. John stormed out the house waving his arms and asking what's wrong. She sped down the street like she robbed a bank but I caught up with her. I rolled down my window and cursed her something good. Then I turned my steering wheel and side-scraped her. I heard that metal screeching. She gave me a horrified look and drove till she reached her house. That's when I saw an ambulance pull up. They went into my neighbor's house and . . .” Grandma hung her head. “They rolled out her husband on a gurney. He'd had a stroke. He died later that day. I found out that Billie Fay drove down to our house because their phone service was cut off. All she wanted to do was use the phone.”

“Mama Flora, you didn't know. I'm so sorry.”

“John said I made us look like countrified fools. He told me I made myself look real insecure and dumb. I couldn't argue. He was too ashamed to go to the man's funeral. And I just had to endure that time period and wait till John started talking to me again.”

“Going off on the lady was pretty bad. I didn't know you had it in you.”

“I didn't either. That was my one and only TKO. I retired after that.”

Kiara managed to smile. “And you survived that one incident?”

“My situation wasn't yours, but it shows you that a couple that's dedicated can get over the biggest mistakes of their marriage. I eventually forgave myself. John got over it. But my point is, the thing you're most afraid of is the thing you can survive, even if you've done the worst thing ever.”

“Are you saying that Grand Pop was the angel of your relationship and you were the devil?”

“Neither he nor I are perfect. But truth be told, when it came to him and what he was possibly doing behind my back, I never asked John any questions. So he couldn't tell me any lies.”

Kiara couldn't begin to count the number of lies Rashad may have told. And she was no better than him now that she'd had her own affair. They were both guilty of sugarcoating the truth.

“You told me you try to get into his phone account, find out who he's calling and where he's going. Stop all that nonsense. It'll only make you feel sicker and crazier. This too shall pass.”

“I wish I could take back every unwise thing that I've done since May; because right now I feel real low; like knocked-down-to-the-ground-can't-get-up type of low.”

“That means there's nowhere else to go but up. And God will lift you like he lifts the birds he created. Kiara, one day you will soar again. He'll give you wings to help you fly, and feet to help you land.”

 

Immediately after her visit with Mama Flora, Kiara had one last important trip to make. Moments later, she was standing at Eddison's front door. He looked surprised and happy to see her. He invited her in, but she declined.

She pointed to her nearby car, which still had the motor running.

“Eddison, this won't take long.” She took a deep breath and let the words spill.

“I made a mistake. We shouldn't have gotten involved—”

“Kiara, no need to apologize—”

“Wait, let me explain. I gotta clean up my side of the street, really clean it up. God is looking at me, my actions, he knows my thoughts. I must do everything I can to be good to the man I married, instead of putting all my hope in a man who I didn't marry. I hope you understand.”

Eddison looked crushed. “But what about the child?”

“As far as I'm concerned,” she said firmly, “this baby will be Rashad's. It will have his name on the birth certificate. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.”

“But Kiara, with all due respect, if it's mine, I'd want to know that it is. And I'd want to be involved.”

“I understand but—”

“Do you understand that I love and care about you . . . and this child?”

“You're making this hard for me.”

“It doesn't have to be hard.”

“I need time to process, okay? I'm in a difficult situation. I put myself in it.”

“We did it together.”

She nodded unable to deny Eddison's truth.

She told him, “If it's meant to be, I will see you again. I gotta go.” She turned around to leave.

“Kiara, please. Wait a minute.”

“I wish I could, but I can't. Good-bye for now.”

Her legs felt like sticks of lead as she walked to her car, waved at him, got in and drove away.

 

The time had come.

Kiara prayed that her marriage would be given one more chance. She wanted to act more civil and loving with Rashad. So that very night she prepared a delicious steak and potatoes dinner for her family. She cooked homemade gravy and cut up some green beans in a pot. She even baked some homemade rolls, something she hadn't done in three years.

Rashad's eyes enlarged when he got home from work and his nose led him to the kitchen.

“What's all this for?”

She took a deep breath. “Hello, Rashad. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I do. I'm sorry for my insecure ways and crazy behavior, and I really want us to make it to our forty.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I mean, that's my biggest hope, and it can only happen if we both are on the same page. And I know it can't happen if I keep acting like you're the devil, and if I keep being spiteful.”

Rashad was stunned. She hadn't ever blamed herself for any of the problems in their marriage. A marriage never disintegrated as the result of one partner's actions.

He felt touched and could see the sincerity in her eyes.

He reached out and hugged her. “Thanks. Um, and if I have acted like the devil, and sometimes I do, I swear I don't mean it. I can't explain it. I guess I am just a fool sometimes. But it's only because I don't want to lose you.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am.”

“Thanks for saying that. I have to process it.” She nervously laughed. “But later for that. I've got a big announcement to make.”

“What's that?”

“Have a seat. Here's your beer. Um, Myles, come on and wash your hands for dinner. Your daddy's home.”

Rashad beamed at her and winked. He made her feel twenty-something years old. He still looked so handsome. Things felt good for the first time in a long time.

Once they were all seated, Kiara stood at the head of the table.

“We are a family. And we need to start acting like one. Loving and trusting each other. And doing all we can to be a strong family unit.”

“Can we eat, please?”

“Myles, hush. I need to say the blessing. Y'all bow your heads and close your big ole eyes.”

Then she said, “Lord, thank You for this food we are about to receive. Let it nourish and strengthen our bodies. And let it especially strengthen me. Now that I know we are about to add a precious new addition to our little family.”

Rashad's eyes popped open.

“You pregnant?”

“Amen. Yes!”

“How long have you known?”

“I just wanted to make sure it was really happening before I told you.”

“How far along are you?”

“Um, about nine weeks now.”

“Nine weeks, huh?”

Rashad was stunned. He remembered telling his wife that he didn't want to have another child.

“This is why I wanted us to use protection that time. Remember?”

“Yes, but I didn't think I could get pregnant back then. Remember?”

He nodded. Feeling dazed he repeated, “Nine weeks.”

“Yeah, so that's my little breaking news.”

“I wasn't expecting this at all. And I still can't believe it.”

“Trust me, Rashad. I can't believe it, either.”