If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late (24 page)

“But it’s going to be the suckiest concert in history,” said Yo-Yoji. “I think I’ll get ill if I have to hear their music.”

“Yeah, or they’ll just kill us for real — I don’t mean, like, kill in a good way, I mean, like, kill kill,” Max-Ernest added, flustered. “Besides, even if we wanted to go, she said the concert was sold out. We wouldn’t be able to buy tickets. And besides that, our parents would never let us go. And besides that, it’s just totally deranged! I think you may need a doctor.”

Cass listened calmly, not telling them what she was secretly hoping: that the concert would somehow provide a way for them to prove themselves to the Terces Society once more.

“Well, I know how to get tickets — that’s not a problem,” she said.

“How?” asked Yo-Yoji.

“You.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ask for them.”

“Wait — you mean, Amber . . . ? Like, I have to ask
her
?”

Cass nodded. “She likes you.”

“Oh, man! Is this, like, a joke or something?” Yo-Yoji practically gagged as the full horror of it all sank in. “Now, I’m really going to be sick. Seriously, I think I’m tasting barf!”

“You don’t have a choice.” Cass lowered her voice. “It’s your duty as a society member.”

Yo-Yoji laughed. “I don’t remember getting orders to go to a concert.”

“OK, then — do it because we’re friends. I mean, if we are.”

She looked at him challengingly. This was a test, and they both knew it.

Just as Cass had anticipated, Yo-Yoji had no trouble convincing Amber to give him three tickets.

How did he do it?

I like Yo-Yoji too much to humiliate him by quoting him in full. Occasionally, we all have to eat humble pie.

A
s far as Cass could tell, she hadn’t been grounded since she’d been back from the mountains. She was never officially
un
grounded, but she and her mother seemed to have come to some kind of unspoken agreement to drop the pretense of punishment.

But a concert — an unchaperoned concert — was another matter altogether. Cass had to draw on all her creativity to convince her mother to let her go.

First, she tried the obvious: “Yo-Yoji’s and Max-Ernest’s parents are all letting them . . . !”

“Do I look like Max-Ernest’s mom? You’re lucky I let you go anywhere these days!”

Then Cass tried playing the girl card:

“Is it because I’m a girl you don’t want me to? ’Cause that’s really sexist! I can’t believe you would be such a male chauvinist!”

“Don’t even go there, Cassandra — I was fighting sexism before you were a blink in my eye!”

Finally, she hit on it:

“Plus, Yo-Yoji’s turning thirteen tomorrow, so it’s, like, his bar mitzvah. But he’s Japanese so he’s not really having one. And the
only
thing he wanted to do was go to the Skelton Sisters concert with me and Max-Ernest. I can’t disappoint him. He
loves
the Skelton Sisters!”

A lie? Yes. But, I hope you agree, a whitish one. After all, she didn’t know for certain that it
wasn’t
his birthday.

As for Max-Ernest’s parents, they were delighted that he wanted to go to a concert. For years, he’d never gone anywhere; now he was practically a world traveler.

“Maybe you aren’t agoraphobic anymore!” said his mother.

“Could be you kicked that old agoraphobia!” said his father.
^*

In fact, they were so delighted that they fought over the chance to take the three kids to the stadium where the Skelton Sisters were performing.

The entrance to the stadium was so crowded the kids almost wished they had a grown-up with them to help them push through.

When they finally managed to reach the front of the line, an usher looked at their tickets suspiciously. “Row A, huh? Funny, you guys don’t look like big shots. You got famous parents or something?”

“Uh, yeah,” said Yo-Yoji.

“Really famous,” Cass added.

“I’ll bet. Some of us have to work for a living! You’re in the Lounge,
down there
—”
He gestured in the direction of the stage.

They thanked him and headed off before he could question them further.

The Lounge wasn’t really a lounge any more than their seats were really seats; it was a roped-off area right beneath the stage, furnished with tables and chairs and rugs and couches — even though it was outdoors.

Inside the ropes, our three friends could see music-industry types in shiny black clothing — and a few very lucky kids — talking and mingling as if they were at a big party and not a concert.

Waitresses wearing pink
twin♥hearts
^TM
T-shirts circulated, handing out free
twin♥hearts
^TM
cupcakes and bags of Skelton Sisters stuff.

A burly bouncer in a silver jumpsuit spoke our heroes’ names into a headset, then lifted the red velvet rope and let them in past the sign that said
VIP Lounge.

“What’s
vip
mean?” asked Max-Ernest.

“It’s not vip, dummy — it’s V-I-P. Very Important Person,” said Amber, standing nearby with Veronica, a brand-new
sock♥roach
® dangling from each of their wrists. “But I guess you wouldn’t know that, would you, Max-Ernest? No offense.”

While Max-Ernest’s friends glared at Amber, Veronica giggled as if Amber had just said something very witty.

Amber turned to Yo-Yoji: “I thought you said you were bringing your bandmates from Japan.”

“They couldn’t get here in time.” Yo-Yoji shrugged innocently.

“Well, anyway, I’m so glad you’re here, Cass,” said Amber. “You know we really couldn’t have done it without you!”

Before Cass could ask who “we” were and what they couldn’t have done without her (make a
sock♥roach
®, maybe?), Amber continued, “You should really try a cupcake — they’re amazing!” And then she sailed off with Veronica to the other side of the Lounge.

Suddenly, the crowd erupted.

Everyone was yelling and cheering and whistling. Girls as young as five and six screamed at the top of their lungs. Even their parents hooted a bit. So many glow sticks waved in the air, it looked like a plague of phosphorescent locusts had descended on the stadium.

Our friends looked up at the stage to see what had provoked such a ruckus: a giant heart made of hundreds of bright pink lightbulbs had just lit up. The Skelton Sisters, in matching silver miniskirts, stood on top, waving to the crowd. The Lounge was so close to the stage that the light was blinding.

“I think my retinas are burning!” yelled Max- Ernest.

Outside the Lounge, the frenzied Skelton Sisters fans pressed against the velvet rope; more bouncers in silver jumpsuits lined up like soldiers to keep them out.

As their band started to play a pounding beat, the Skelton Sisters somersaulted off the heart into the waiting hands of yet two more silver-clad young men.

“I think my eardrums are bursting!” yelled Max-Ernest, eyeing the giant speakers only a few yards away.

“Hi, everybody! Having fun?” Romi (or was it Montana?) shouted at the crowd.

“To kick off the night, we’ve got a special treat for you! Our brand-new single — never performed before!” said Montana (or was it Romi?).

“Oh no —” said Cass to no one in particular.

“What’s wrong?” asked Yo-Yoji.

“I can’t believe it — it’s like I’m having a nightmare.”

A dozen dancers in big fuzzy
sock♥roach
® costumes had appeared onstage — Cass’s sock-monsters brought to larger than life in a dozen fluorescent colors.

“And to introduce the song, we’d like to bring onstage a special guest — Amber, winner of our You’ve Got the Music in You contest!” said Romi (or was it Montana?).

Amber, looking smugger than ever, was lifted onto the stage by one of the bouncers.

“You’re on, girlfriend!” said Montana (or was it Romi?), handing Amber a microphone.

“Hi. This is such an amaaaaazing honor! Romi and Montana’s new song is called “C’mon, C’mon!” It’s a special message for a special somebody,” said Amber as confidently as if she spoke to crowds of hundreds every night. “And I think it’s their best song ever!”

Then she turned back to Romi and Montana: “Go, girls!”

As the Skelton Sisters started to sing, the giant
sock♥roaches
® waved their multicolored arms and danced in circles around them.

“Yo, seriously, this music sucks worse than anything I’ve ever heard in my life,” Yo-Yoji grumbled to his friends. “I can’t stay. It’s a crime. Like helping somebody commit murder or something. Let’s bail.”

“He’s right,” said Max-Ernest. “I think this music is going to cause permanent brain damage.”

“No, wait. Listen —”

“Why — you don’t actually like this song, do you?” Yo-Yoji asked, incredulous. “How can you stand it? And they ripped off your sock-monster!”

“Just listen for a second,” Cass said. “Doesn’t it remind you of something?”

Her friends concentrated. Mostly, it sounded like any other bad, bubblegum pop song. But when they listened closely they heard a familiar tune underneath — not nearly as eerie or beautiful as they remembered it, but unmistakable, nevertheless.

“It’s the song of the Sound Prism!” said Max- Ernest.

With growing horror, the kids listened to what the Skelton Sisters were singing:

C’mon! Come here now!

C’mon, cuz our time is here now!

C’mon! Can you hear it?

C’mon! Don’t fear it —

Just listen to the sound now,

And come on round now . . .

Cuz we’re calling,

We’re calling . . . YOU!

Yo-Yoji looked at the others: “It’s almost like they’re talking to . . .”

“. . . the homunculus,” Cass finished for him. “It’s a trap — to get him to come here.”

Max-Ernest was the first to jump into action. If you call nervously tapping your feet and wiping your brow action. “We have to stop the song — before he hears it!”

“Yeah, but how?” asked Cass.

“Like this —” said Yo-Yoji.

And, like that, he leaped onto the stage.

“Hey, Amber,” he shouted. “You still want me to be in a band with you? Give me that mic —” Before Amber realized what was happening, he grabbed her mic away from her.

Without thinking, Cass and Max-Ernest scrambled onto the stage after Yo-Yoji.

“Hey, we know them!” shrieked the startled Romi (or was it Montana), pointing at Cass and Max-Ernest.

“Yeah, they’re . . . them!” shrieked the startled Montana (or was it Romi?).

What was weird was that as they spoke, the song continued just as if they were still singing.

C’mon! Come here now!

C’mon, cuz our time is here now!

“I’ve got a better song, it’s called, ‘You Suck, You Lip-Synching Fakers!’” shouted Yo-Yoji into the mic so that the entire crowd could hear. “The Skelton Sisters suck! The Skelton Sisters suck!”

Cass and Max-Ernest picked up the chant. “They suck! They suck!”

“Get them!” yelled Romi (or was it Montana?).

The twelve
sock♥roaches
® stopped dancing and started to close in on Cass and Max-Ernest.

“Hey, Cass — look out there!” Max-Ernest pointed into the crowd.

A spotlight shone on the center aisle where a certain twenty-one-and-a-half-inch-tall creature was visible, walking toward the stage. He looked like another
sock♥roach
® — just smaller.

The audience cheered him on, straining their necks to look at this short but wonderful addition to the show.

“Noooo! Mr. Cabbage Face!” Cass screamed. “Go away! It’s a trap!!!”

But she had no microphone and her voice was drowned out by the music and the cheers of the crowd.

Cass’s screams had distracted their assailants long enough for Max-Ernest to slip out from the circle. Quickly, Cass pulled the Sound Prism out of her sweatshirt. Before she was grabbed by the nearest
sock♥roach
®, she rolled it in Max-Ernest’s direction and —

Fumbling, he caught it.

Yo-Yoji joined him and they jumped offstage —

Just as the grumpy homunculus was climbing up.

“You better have a good explanation for this,” he said to Cass, not yet realizing that her arms were pinned behind her back. “I don’t dance — let’s just get that clear.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t, I mean, I couldn’t —” said Cass tearfully.

By the time the homunculus had any clue what she meant, two dancers had grabbed him from behind. And now he, too, was locked in the fuzzy but firm grip of a bright orange
sock♥roach
®.

“Unhand me, you oversize baby toy!” he snarled. “I’ve had bigger than you for lunch!”

Max-Ernest and Yo-Yoji watched helplessly from the crowd as their twelve-year-old friend and the five-hundred-year-old homunculus were dragged back-stage. There were too many of the enemy to even contemplate a fight.

The
sock♥roaches
® dropped Cass and the homunculus to the floor in front of Ms. Mauvais like dogs presenting fresh kill to their master.