I’ll Be There (19 page)

“Oh. I guess that makes sense. Still, I wish one of us were with him. I hate to think of him being there alone.”

“Summer, he's not alone. Alex is with him and he's a really great guy.”

“Oh really,” she purred, leaning in closer. “Do tell.”

“Stop it. Aren't you a happily engaged woman?”

Summer waved her off. “Of course I am. I wasn't asking for me, I was asking for you. It's the first time I've heard you refer to any guy as a great guy. Is he cute?”

“I'll tell you all about him in study hall. Now shoo… I have a lot of work to do while I'm here. I know Carolyn is doing a great job but I hate all this paperwork piling up on my desk. I think my assistant needs an assistant just to do my filing.”

“Please, you know you would hate that. You like to look at every piece of paper, commit it to memory, and then file it away yourself.”

Gabriella frowned. “When you say it, you make it sound like a bad thing.”

“It's not a bad thing. I'm just reminding you of your OCD.”

“Thanks. Like I could have forgotten.”

“What are friends for?”

Gabriella looked at her watch. “What's on your agenda today? Do you think we could grab some lunch later?”

“I'm sure I can do that. But are you sure you can?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“What about Zach?”

“What about him? He knows I'm here and he doesn't mind us going out together.”

Summer giggled. “I love how defensive you get where he's concerned. Honestly, I still can't believe you went back to work for him and you haven't killed him yet.”

“It's a daily struggle.”

“Well, I'm glad you haven't because even though he is a major pain in the butt, he's my brother and I love him.”

“I'll try to remember that the next time he's being difficult.”

“Thank you. Back to my original question—don't you want to be at Zach's when he gets home?”

It was an innocent enough question, and yet Gabriella's heart was racing. Did she want to be there? Yes. Did it have anything to do with business? No. She had been mildly disappointed when Zach had told her Alex was taking him to his appointment. When he explained why, she completely understood, but part of her wanted to be there for him, to share in the news he got—good or bad.

What if he got bad news? What if he wasn't going to get any better? Gabriella would stay with Zach no matter what, so if he never went skydiving or climbed another mountain, it would be fine with her. She knew Zach would hate the loss, but together they'd find a way to keep forging a path forward with this new version of them.

And if the news was good?

What if Zach got the news that he was healing and getting better and he could…resume some of his normal activities? Like sex. Gabriella would be lying if she said it hadn't been on her mind—a lot!—but it was a line that, once crossed, couldn't be uncrossed. They'd been kissing and fooling around but that wasn't the same. Once you were intimate with someone, it had the potential to change everything.

Her stomach churned at the thought. Not the reaction she would have expected. While of course she wanted Zach to get better, it opened the door to a host of other issues—some she wasn't sure she wanted to deal with.

The little green monster on her shoulder made her wonder if Zach was simply killing time with her because she was safe. He knew her, they were comfortable with one another, but there wasn't a risk involved. Not really. Gabriella would be accepting of Zach and any limitations he had due to the accident, and that made her safe. Not like if he went out and pursued a woman he didn't know.

A nameless woman—whom she already hated—might not be as accepting. It would be a blow to Zach's ego if he were rejected because of his injuries.

Ugh.
This was a nightmare.

“Wow. Whatever it is you're thinking, you're looking pretty fierce. You okay?” Summer asked.

“What? Oh, sorry.” She fidgeted in her chair and made work of straightening some of the papers on her desk.

“Wait…what's going on with you? You're all…twitchy.” Summer stood and circled Gabriella's desk. “You're never twitchy.”

“I'm not twitchy. My mind wandered for a moment. It's no big deal.” More paperwork shuffling and straightening.

“And you're fidgeting. You never fidget.”

Gabriella felt her cheeks heat and wished Ethan would come and distract Summer. “I'm fidgeting because I feel like you've got me under the microscope for some reason. Ease up, Nancy Drew. I've got work I need to deal with. Are we doing lunch or not?”

“And now you're being snippy.”

“It's a trifecta of suspicion.”

Summer sat back down on the corner of the desk. “Fine. Keep your secrets. We'll talk more at lunch.”

That's exactly what Gabriella was afraid of.

“You're overreacting.”

Silence.

“Seriously, you're missing the entire point. I thought you'd be happy.”

Zach's head snapped to the left to glare at Alex. “You're joking, right?”

They had left the hospital almost thirty minutes ago, and Zach had been stewing the entire time. He had been examined, scanned, poked, and prodded every which way. Then he and Alex sat down with a team of specialists to get a better look at how he was doing and discuss his prognosis.

“Okay, look. We're just about at your house and I'm not leaving until we talk about this. Obviously you're upset but for the life of me, I don't understand why. And until I do, we're not going to get anywhere with the physical part of the therapy.”

Zach snorted with disgust. “Nice how you added ‘physical' to that. Up until a couple of hours ago, all we had to say was therapy. Now all of a sudden I'm some kind of head case.”

“That's how you're choosing to look at it.” They pulled into Zach's driveway and Alex kept his silence until they were out of the car and inside the house. As soon as Zach sat down on the sofa, Alex began. “You're focusing on the wrong thing here. Your scans were good, great even! The swelling is just about gone. Your muscles are getting stronger, and everyone was very pleased with what you've accomplished.”

“Did you see the looks on their faces?” Zach interrupted. “They looked at me like I was crazy.”

“No,” Alex said adamantly. “No, they didn't. That's how
you
perceived it.” He paced back and forth a couple of times. “Zach, you've said it dozens of times yourself, during the bulk of your recovery time, you spent a lot of time in your head. You had a hard time staying positive and believing you were going to get better. The doctors are simply…suggesting…some of the issues you're still experiencing with the temporary paralysis are brought on by anxiety. It's not unusual.”

“Why would I
want
to be paralyzed? Huh? Answer me that one! I've wanted nothing more than to get better and now they're trying to tell me I'm
making
myself paralyzed? That sounds to me like they don't have an explanation and they're trying to blame it on me!”

Alex shook his head. “No. That's not it at all. I knew you weren't listening to them.”

“I heard every damn word they said,” Zach snarled, teeth clenched.

“There's a difference between hearing and listening,” Alex said and then paused to calm himself. “I want you to take a deep breath and relax.”

“Screw you.”

“Dude, I have invested too much damn time with you to have you quit on me now because you're having a hissy fit. Man up and listen.” He never raised his voice but his tone was firm enough that Zach knew he was serious. After a minute he repeated, “Take a deep breath and relax.”

Zach did.

“I want you to think about some of the times—we'll deal with the most recent ones—when your leg went numb.”

Zach threw his head back and closed his eyes. “Okay.”

“How were you feeling right before it happened?”

“I don't know.”

“Then think,” Alex countered.

Zach glared at him. “Fine.” He thought about the day Gabriella had come over and how he had felt anxious and had freaked out about her seeing him in this condition. “One of the last times I had one, I was having a mild anxiety attack about Gabriella being here at the house and seeing me like this. I was in the shower. By the time I started to feel that…tingling, I was in a full-blown panic.”

“Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Would you say that on other occasions, you were feeling similarly?”

“Not over Gabriella.”

“No, but were you having anxiety about other things?”

Zach shrugged. “Some episodes happened during therapy treatments when I felt the therapist wasn't listening to me or pushing me harder than I thought I could handle. Then I'd get that feeling and my body would shut down.”

“Like a defense mechanism.”

“What?” Zach snapped.

“Think about it. And this time I want you to really listen. Every time you felt overwhelmed or challenged by a situation, your body would respond by this tingling in your leg and then the paralysis set in. You'd feel justified in your feelings of outrage or anxiety and then, once you felt better, more relaxed, you'd regain feeling. Am I right?”

Zach wanted to disagree, but Alex had a point. So he simply nodded before saying, “It wasn't like that all the time.”

“I'm sure it wasn't. And the doctors know it wasn't. All we're saying is the mind is a strong thing. In the cases of the paralysis coming on in certain situations, it all starts to make sense. From what you've just shared, anxiety plays a huge role in this. Most people who are experiencing an anxiety attack—for any reason—tend to hyperventilate a bit. Hyperventilation is the act of breathing out too much carbon dioxide, so your body responds by slowing down blood flow to certain areas of your body. This is what causes it to feel as though certain body parts can't move. They may start to tingle or feel numb, causing you to feel as though your muscles aren't working.” He paused. “Sound familiar?”

It did, but Zach stayed silent.

“You heard the word ‘anxiety' and thought they were minimalizing your struggles. That's not it at all. Anxiety is very real, Zach. When someone suffers from anxiety, they can focus so heavily on the way their body feels that they actually make these movements consciously. That means your movements aren't automatic anymore, and you have to think about each and every muscle you need to move in order to get them active. That's considerably harder than it sounds, so in the end you may find that a particular muscle or area of your body isn't moving the way you expect it to.”

“So what you're saying is, if I overcome my anxiety, I should be completely back to normal.”

Alex chuckled and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa. “Don't oversimplify, buddy. Your body suffered a big trauma and still needs to rebuild itself and get your muscles working normally again. We're not going to sit around a campfire and sing ‘Kumbaya' and then
bam!
You're going to get up and walk away and climb another mountain.”

“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Exactly what we're doing. Be patient. We keep doing the physical therapy. You keep building up your strength while maintaining a positive attitude. There are going to be setbacks. There are going to be times when your body isn't going to want to keep up this pace, but in the long run, it's going to be worth it.”

Zach sighed loudly. “I just never thought… I knew my head was messing with me, but I never realized to what extent. I feel like a jackass.”

“Why? Because you're human?”

“I should've known better.”

“How would you have known that this—your emotional state having such an impact on your physical state—was even possible? Were you an expert on the human psyche before the climb?”

“Well, no…”

“Then give yourself a break. I mean, damn it, Zach. Ease up on yourself a bit. You fell off a freaking mountain. You're lucky to be alive. You can't control everything and you can't know everything.”

“My family's been trying to tell me that for years.”

“Maybe it's time you listened.”

Zach's mind was spinning in a dozen different directions. Where did this leave him? Where did he go from here? “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“About a month ago, Gabriella was here and we were arguing.” He stopped and shifted his position. “We used to do that a lot. Anyway, she was walking out, walking away, and I stopped her and…I kissed her for the first time.”

“And that was only a month ago?” Alex asked, his expression showing his disbelief.

“It's a long story,” Zach said. “But…while I was kissing her, I felt the tingling in my leg and thought it was going to give out. But she stayed with me. Helped me over to the couch.”

“How long was the feeling gone?”

“That's just it. I didn't go numb. The tingling just sort of went away.”

Alex smiled. “Because you didn't freak out. You didn't panic. There was no anxiety. Are you seeing it now? Can you understand it? I know you're going to beat yourself up over this and there's nothing I can do to change your mind about it, but you need to see how no one is making light of your situation. What you're dealing with is very real. Personally, I'm glad we realized what it was.”

“How could they not?”

“Well, if they had found something that suggested something else was causing these episodes. But since you were pissed when they suggested the possibility of it being anxiety related, that made it easier for them to come to that conclusion without having to do more tests. Which, ironically, is fortunate for you, because I would imagine you're over being poked and jabbed by a medical team by now.”

“You've got that right.”

“So? Are you up for a session today?”

Zach looked over at him. “I don't think it's a question we should be asking. I think ready or not, willing or not, I need to be doing it.”

Alex chuckled. “Do you want to call anyone first? Let them know how the appointment went? I'm sure your family and Gabriella are anxious for news.”

Zach hadn't thought about it. “Maybe.”

“Tell you what. I think you had enough of a workout today between all of the walking at the hospital and the tests. Take the rest of the day and wrap your brain around what you learned. Talk to your family. Talk to Gabriella. We'll pick up again in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” Zach asked, confused. “I thought it was important for us to keep going forward.”

“We are. Not all of our sessions have to look the same.”

“I guess.”

Alex stood and shook Zach's hand before walking toward the front door. “Oh, and Zach?”

“Yeah?”

“You may have been too busy stewing over the word ‘anxiety,' but the doctors pretty much gave you the green light to go ahead and resume your sex life.” He gave an exaggerated wink and a thumbs-up. “Just thought I'd throw it out there.” And then he was gone.

And Zach was stuck sitting on the couch wondering what he was going to do with that information.

* * *

“So basically this is great news, right?” Summer asked excitedly as she held the phone to her ear and gave Gabriella the thumbs-up.

“I'm trying not to get my hopes up,” Zach said, but there was a smile in his voice.

“Such a guy.”

“Is Ethan nearby? I'd like to talk to him.”

“Actually, he's back at the office. I'm having lunch with Gabriella right now. Do you want to talk to her?”

“Um…no. That's okay. I'll talk to her when she comes to work tomorrow.”

“It's only lunchtime, Zach. And really, she's so efficient I think she's done with everything at the office that she can't do at your house. Do you want her to come over and finish out her day there?”

Gabriella rolled her eyes at Summer's desperation. She was ready to snatch the phone out of her friend's hand and throw it. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize Zach hadn't deemed her important enough to call and share the news about his doctor's appointment. All she could tell from listening to Summer's end was that it was good.

Lot of good that did her.

She was surprised and yet she wasn't. This was typical Zach behavior—come on strong and then back off. Maybe he had gotten cold feet about where they were heading. Or maybe it was just as she had predicted: he had gotten his good news from the doctor and didn't feel the need to tie himself to the safe bet after all. He was free to go back to dating the socialites he always seemed to favor.

Summer said good-bye and put the phone back in her purse. “Hey, you're strangling that breadstick,” she said with a laugh. “What gives?”

“Nothing. So he got good news, huh?”

Summer's smile was huge. “I'm sure he's going to tell you everything tomorrow, but the swelling is almost gone and the doctors feel pretty confident he's going to make a full recovery.” She sat back in her chair and sighed happily. “I've been praying for this for so long and I know Zach's got to be relieved.”

“But…” Gabriella prompted.

“But…he just didn't sound as happy as I thought he would.”

“How do you even know what Zach sounds like when he's happy?” Gabriella said sarcastically and then cringed.

Summer could only laugh. “Ain't that the truth! It's been so long since I've seen or heard him laugh or make a joke that I probably wouldn't know it when I saw it.” She shrugged. “I guess I just expected a little more enthusiasm.”

Gabriella made a noncommittal sound and pushed her salad around on her plate.

“This has to be good news for you, though,” Summer said.

“Why?” Gabriella asked with a frown.

“If Zach's getting better, then that means you'll be back to working in the office with everyone. No more going to his house and being cooped up with him while he growls and grunts and basically acts like a jerk.”

“Yeah, now I get to come back to the office and deal with him while he growls and grunts and acts like a jerk with a bigger audience.”

“Not that you're bitter or anything.”

Gabriella made another small sound and forced a forkful of salad into her mouth.

Summer gave a dramatic sigh. “All right. Out with it. What's happened now?”

Daintily finishing her forkful of salad, Gabriella wiped the corners of her mouth and placed the napkin back in her lap. “What are you talking about?”

“Clearly Zach has done something. Honestly, I don't get it. I mean, you were all set to work with Ethan. I thought it was a done deal. Then you call and say you and Zach talked and you're going to stay on and help him. Why? If he's this much of a jerk to you, why do you keep putting up with it? Uncle William will find you a position anywhere in the company. Take my advice—take him up on it. I hate seeing you so upset.”