I'Ll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails. - (24 page)

What particular press materials do you require and what are press materials?

Regards, David.

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From: Steven Hartleck

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 11.24am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Press materials

Thanks for your reply I think. You might find your ratio of advertising to content in Wired is a little off the mark. Any press materials you have are fine at this stage. Even if it is just a photograph and an ‘About the Author’  to go with the book review. I would like to get this up to editing by 3 this afternoon if possible.

Steven Hartleck | WiredMagazine

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From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 11.56am

To: Steven Hartleck

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Press materials

Dear Steven,

Please find attached bio and photo as requested:

David Thorne was born in a small Australian village to two Welsh immigrants. An only child, apart from a sister, David spent most of his childhood complaining about things.

David has worked as a supermarket trolly collector, horse riding instructor and test pilot. During a routine flight, he was injured in a crash and was rebuilt in an operation costing six million dollars. His right arm, both legs and his left eye were replaced by bionic implants that enhance his strength, speed and vision far above human norms.

In 1987, NASA launched a manned probe, piloted by David, on a five month exploratory trip around the solar system. Shortly into the trip, a malfunction of the ship's life support systems froze David in cryogenic suspension and sent his ship into a deep space orbit. He awoke to find himself 500 years in the future and Earth recovering from the aftermath of a late 20th Century nuclear holocaust and became a valuable member of the Earth's Defense Directorate.

Working with an elite group of scientists on the development of a top-secret time travel project, he vanished and awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Trapped in the past, David finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

If you need any further information or would like me add references to Julian Assange or microchips that fit on the edge of a fleck of dust, let me know.

David.

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From: Steven Hartleck

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 12.09pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Press materials

Ok, thank you for that even though we can't use any of it and segments are obviously from a television series. You photoshopped your head onto a photo of Steve Austin running. I can see the edges where it isn't blended. We have a deadline and were expecting, probably naively, a useable photo and copy regarding your book.

Steven Hartleck| WiredMagazine

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From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 12.27pm

To: Steven Hartleck

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Press materials

I assumed bionic implants and time travel would be of much more interest to your demographic than a book featuring hardly any plasma drive diagrams or jet-pack reviews.

The book is just stuff from the website plus several new articles thrown in so the reader doesn't feel they are being too ripped off. With 368 pages to fill, I ran out of content by page 290 so the last quarter of the book just contains photographs of me wearing T-shirts. As I don't own many T-shirts, some of the photos are doubled up. I would highly reccomend waiting until it is downloadable free from Pirates Bay.

Regards, David

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From: Steven Hartleck

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 12.40pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Press materials

David, we still don't have anything that we can actually use. The May issue of Wired has a theme of Vengeance. Perhaps you could provide copy describing if anyone has sought vengeance or attempted web based vendettas for your pranks.

Regardless of opinions you may have about our readership, this way we might actually get something from you, no matter how small, that our readers would have even the most remote amount of interest in.

Steven Hartleck | WiredMagazine

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From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 1.15pm

To: Steven Hartleck

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Press materials

Hello Steven,

Despite having read your last email several times, I can't work out if I am being admonished or encouraged but will put that down to your inability to get to the point. This is not an admiral quality in anyone.

I do receive the occasional threat but actual vengeance takes effort and web based vendettas are pointless as I only read blog entries that state how funny and attractive I am.

As such, I don't really have any repercussion based tales that would be of interest to your readers. Or stories about nano-mice, sun-aliens, or the time I traveled to a prehistoric world via a dimensional portal that opened when I was swept down a gigantic 1,000 foot waterfall and had to shelter inside a cave and improvise the tools and weapons needed to survive while avoiding hostile lizard-men.

Regards, David.

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From: Steven Hartleck

Date: Friday 25 March 2011 1.53pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Press materials

Ok, I'd like to say you have been very helpful but that will have to do for the moment.

Steven Hartleck | WiredMagazine

David & his best friends at the back of the book