I'm Not Hanging Noodles on Your Ears and Other Intriguing Idioms From Around the World (9 page)

The twenty-two misfortunes

T
HE WAY WE THINK OF NUMBERS
just doesn’t add up. I’m assuming you, like me, would have a hard time imagining a world without numbers. Well, scientists (and now you) no longer have to imagine. Edward Gibson, an MIT professor of brain and cognitive sciences, has published a study on the Piraha, who live in remote northwestern Brazil. They are the first culture encountered that doesn’t seem to have labels for any specific numbers.
¹
Other cultures are known that are thought to have labels for only a few small numbers (perhaps up to three) and then a general label for many.
*
The Piraha were thought to be in this category; however, it turns out they only have a way to express relative quantities such as “some” and “more” but not to define precise numbers. Their culture just hasn’t found exact numbers or counting to be useful in their environment.

Also difficult to imagine is that we are not alone in being able to do basic math. As Jim Holt reported in a
New Yorker
article, “The Numbers Guy,”
²
researchers have shown that the understanding of small specific numbers isn’t restricted to guy-kind. It’s a trait shared by many other species–including rhesus monkeys, salamanders, pigeons, raccoons, dolphins, parrots, and dogs. They can compare the exact numbers of a small set of objects at a glance without explicitly counting. This ability is called
subitization,
and it’s thought that human babies around six months old also have it. Infant-ologists have shown that babies exposed to images of collections of objects while hearing a number of drumbeats consistently stare longer at the image that matches.

Holt reports that humans have up to three ways of representing numbers, one of which is baked into our biology–subitization. And two more that can be provided by culture–number symbols and number words. Subitization is processed in the part of the brain related to space and time. Numerals are dealt with in the areas of the brain responsible for visual processing and number words in language areas. To go beyond subitization requires a number-labeling system and an understanding of basic algorithms.

This tight connection between numbers and language can be easily demonstrated. For example, multiplication tables seem to be stored as facts in the language parts of the brain. Bilinguals revert to the language of their first arithmetic education when doing multiplication. Another illustration is from our working memory, which we use to remember things like phone numbers. The problem with working memory is that it’s a very limited space. And we all know how useful it is to repeatedly say things we are trying to remember (either out loud or to ourselves). Our short-term working memory operates phonologically. English speakers can typically hold seven digits. The Chinese, on the other hand, can typically remember ten digits. Why? Because Chinese number words are all single syllables–whereas ours are not.
³

Speaking of what our memories can hold, Stephen Pinker, the leading cognitive linguist, believes that our long-term memory can hold between 50,000 and 100,000 words and, interestingly, “probably at least as many idioms” or other predefined expressions.
⁴
He also notes a surprising fact about the statistics of words. The more frequently used words tend to have more meanings (they are more polysemic). Pinker puts the number of definitions for the simple, single-syllable word “set” at 80. Set also features in Bill Bryson’s
Mother Tongue
in an illustration of the same point. He relates that the
Oxford English Dictionary
takes 60,000 words to define the word set. That’s more words than in this entire book!

Computational linguists are using statistics to analyze very large samples of written and spoken language in what are called “corpus studies.” Fittingly, for a company whose name embodies large numbers, Google has made freely available a trillion-word corpus of online text. Among the more trivial results of corpus studies are that “the” is the most frequently used word in written English, but “I” is the most frequent word in spoken English. Apparently we are all talking about ourselves a lot.

The
scientifically correct
data show how much we talk about ourselves varies by gender. Michael Gazzaniga reports in his great book
Human
that men and women spend roughly equal amounts of time gossiping.
⁵
The only exception is that men gossip less when in the presence of women (when other motives are dominant). When men gossip, they spend two-thirds of their time talking about themselves, whereas women only spend one third.
⁶
Speaking of gender differences, corpus studies show that in written English, the word “he” is the 15th most frequent word, whereas “she” is 30th. Corpus studies have also shown that idioms, despite their inherent inefficiencies, are much more frequently used in spoken English. Something about idioms must be advantageous, or at least popular.

Enough words–let’s look at what the numbers are telling us:

For us a
bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,
but to a Spaniard, “a bird in the hand is worth a hundred flying.” Chinese are more cautious than we; they “think thrice before acting.” For us,
two heads are better than one;
Hindi speakers, however, ask the pertinent question “Who has two heads?”, though what they mean is “Who would be so rash as to throw away his life?” Sometimes they can answer the first question: A “two-headed woman” in Hindi is pregnant. The Chinese prefer one more head; for them, “three heads and six arms” means a superman. And when
push comes to shove,
Hindi speakers get much headier–“having a hundred thousand heads” means being very persistent.

A rash Spaniard would “look for three feet on a cat,” meaning he would get involved with something that could be harmful. It could also be harmful to a Spaniard to tell you exactly what he thinks, which would be “to tell the four truths” or, more musically and numerously, to “sing the forty to someone.” An ultimately too harmful activity would lead to a Hindi speaker’s body “dissolving into the five constituents.”

Ever wondered how many cooks will spoil the broth? For the Chinese it’s “seven hands and eight legs,” which means to do something in a disorganized manner or, similarly, with “seven mouths and eight tongues,” meaning everyone talking at the same time. Conversely Japanese “with eight mouths and eight hands” are eloquent and capable on the surface.

Another thought: Does the size of your head matter? For foreheads, it certainly does–an unintelligent Spaniard doesn’t have “two fingers’ length of forehead,” and conversely a super intelligent Russian has “seven inches of forehead.” Or how about this one: How many lies are in a pack? For the Japanese, it’s “eight hundred lies.” And finally, ever wondered how many ordinary men a hero is worth? For a Hindi speaker a hero is “one man worth fifty-two.”

ZERO

• A zero on the left:
  a person of no account (Arabic)
  
• It is better to have no saint than to have six:
  too many cooks spoil the broth (Hindi)
  

ONE

• Better one living word than a hundred dead ones:
  proverb (German)
  
• One bird in the dish is better than a hundred in the air:
  proverb (German)
  
• Catch two pigeons with one fava bean:
  kill two birds with one stone (Italian)
  
• A bird in the hand is worth a hundred flying:
  proverb (Spanish)
  
• If you play alone you will win:
  proverb (Arabic, Syria)
  
• With one rear end you can’t sit on two horses:
  proverb (German)
  
• One hand cannot hold two water melons:
  one thing at a time (Farsi)
  
• The one-eyed person is a beauty in the country of the blind:
  proverb (Arabic)
  
• Never try to use one hand to catch two frogs:
  proverb (Chinese)
  
• One sheath cannot keep two swords:
  proverb (India)
  

TWO

• To be two fingers’ distance from death:
  at death’s door (French)
  
• To not have two fingers’ length of forehead:
  to be stupid (Spanish)
  
• To be [remain] at two sails:
  to not understand (Spanish)
  
• To give two answers:
  to give enthusiastic consent (Japanese)
  
• With two answers:
  eagerly, readily (Japanese)
  
• To use two tongues:
  to tell a lie (Japanese)
  
• Two-tongued:
  a snake, untrustworthy (Hindi)
  

To have one’s feet on two boats
Hindi: to fall between two stools

• Father of two tongues:
  hypocritical, two-faced person (Arabic)
  
• Twice born:
  a Brahmin, high caste person (Hindi)
  
• To have one’s feet on two boats:
  to fall between two stools (Hindi)
  
• Who has two heads?:
  Who would be so rash as to throw away his life? (Hindi)
  
• You can’t dance at two weddings at the same time:
  proverb (Yiddish)
  
• A two-headed woman:
  a pregnant woman (Sanskrit/Hindi)
  
• Two barrels of tears will not heal a bruise:
  proverb (Chinese)
  
• The one who hunts two hares will catch neither:
  proverb (French)
  
• He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves:
  proverb (China)
  
• In two kicks:
  quickly (Spanish, Mexico)
  

THREE

• Tall as three apples:
  knee-high to a grasshopper, short (French)
  
• To be the third inconvenience:
  third/fifth wheel (Italian)
  
• To look for three feet on the cat:
  to get involved in something harmful (Spanish)
  
• Neither three nor four:
  neither fish nor fowl (Chinese)
  
• Spittle three feet long:
  crave, yearn for (Chinese)
  
• Think thrice before you act:
  look before you leap (Chinese)
  
• The good fortune of three lives:
  a fortuitous encounter, to be lucky (Chinese)
  
• A guest and a fish after three days are poison:
  proverb (France)
  
• After three days without reading talk becomes flavorless:
  proverb (Chinese)
  
• A kind word warms for three winters:
  proverb (Chinese)
  
• When three go together, there is trouble:
  proverb (Hindi)
  
• Three and five:
  squabbling; trickery, machination (Hindi)
  
• Seeing the three times:
  to be omniscient, see past, present, future (Hindi)
  
• Only three things in life are certain—birth, death, and change:
  proverb (Arabic)
  
• Slander slays three persons–the speaker, the spoken to, and the spoken of:
  proverb (Hebrew)
  

FOUR

• Four-dollar outfit:
  cheap outfit, badly dressed (Italian)
  
• Four-coin magazine:
  cheap magazine (Italian)
  
• To be pulled/drawn by four pins:
  dressed to the nines (French)
  
• To cut a hair in four:
  to split hairs (French)
  
• To work like four:
  to work like mad, work like a dog (French)
  
• The week with four Thursdays:
  when hell freezes over, never (French)
  
• To tell someone the four truths:
  to tell exactly what one thinks (Spanish)
  
• To bring four eyes together:
  to meet the glance (Hindi)
  
• Of four hours:
  a short, favorable period (Hindi)
  

FIVE

• To send one’s five:
  to punch (French)
  
• The fifth pine:
  far away (Spanish)
  
• To be in the fifth sleep:
  to be fast asleep (Spanish, Mexico)
  

Five fires
Hindi: punishment, sitting in the sun in hot weather