Imaginary Grace (20 page)

Chapter 29

Grace

T
hey were just serving the salads as we took our seats at the table. Thankfully, I was sitting next to Abby, who had been so nice to me all night and was easy to talk to. I took my seat, still feeling high as a kite after what Tanner had whispered in my ear at the bar. The night could end right now and I’d go home a happy girl.

Tanner was constantly touching me. If his hand wasn’t lightly rubbing the back of my neck, then it was on my lower back or my thigh. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he was drunk, but he was definitely buzzed. I could smell the tequila on his breath when he whispered in my ear. I decided that I loved being around “buzzed” Tanner. I felt more relaxed, like he wasn’t watching me so closely.

Everyone else at the table seemed very nice too. They were all cousins of Tanner’s, along with their dates. When the waiter came around, Tanner ordered me another glass of wine, making sure to tell him to put a lot of ice in it.
Sigh!

I was very careful about what I drank because I wanted to keep my wits about me. I didn’t want to make a bad impression by getting falling-down drunk. By this time the reception was in full swing, and I could tell that this was a rowdy bunch that liked to party.

I finished my second glass of wine and had a perfect little buzz going myself. Not buzzed enough to fall off my shoes, but buzzed enough to be able to make small talk with everyone and not feel self-conscious. I figured I’d have one more glass and milk it until the end of the night.

While Tanner was chatting with his cousin Jeff, Abby leaned over to me and in a low voice said, “How long did you say you’ve been seeing each other?”

Of course I didn’t know what to say, so I kept it vague. “Um, not too long…we met in class last semester.”

“Well, you must have made some impression,” Abby said with a smile. “Tanner doesn’t come to many family functions, I mean other than holidays, and he rarely-- if ever-- brings anyone, so you must be pretty special.”

Now Abby had my full attention. I was finally going to get some little glimpse into Tanner’s past. Unfortunately, the gossip session was short-lived, because just then Tanner turned back around to face us.

Abby winked at me and mouthed, “We’ll talk later,” before standing up and making her way to one of the other tables.

A few minutes later, Gavin stopped by the table; he was gathering the guy cousins—all ten of them-- to do another shot at the bar. While they were gone I decided to make another trip to the ladies’ room.

The dance floor was jam-packed, so it was going to be a challenge to make my way through. When I was about halfway across the dance floor the DJ started playing conga line music. I sped up to get out of the way, but I wasn’t quick enough and just before I reached the edge of the dance floor someone pulled me into the line.

This can’t be happening.

I couldn’t very well run away so I just went with it, hoping it would end soon and that Tanner wouldn’t be privy to the spectacle. Thankfully the bride requested a slow song, but my reprieve was brief because I was quickly scooped into the embrace of one of the groomsmen who had also been dragged into the conga line.

We had only been dancing a short time when I heard a familiar voice say, “Can I cut in, Matt?” I turned to see Tanner; he had a strange look on his face.

“Oh, sorry, Tanner, I didn’t know she was with you. “ Then he started to laugh.

Tanner’s face broke into a grin. “No problem,” he said, and slid his arm around me. He was still smiling as he said, “I come back into the room and you’re up here dancing with Gavin’s brother-in-law. I’m not gonna let you out of my sight the rest of the night.”

I started to explain what had happened, but then I just let it drop. I was slow-dancing with Tanner, and I wanted to enjoy every minute of it.

It ended all too quick. Immediately following the song, the DJ announced that dinner was being served. The food was delicious, but I didn’t feel much like eating. I was hoping Tanner would ask me to dance again later – slow dance, that is.

We ended up dancing to every slow song they played, and it was absolute heaven. Against my better judgment, I ended up having a fourth glass of wine, but I rationalized it by saying that I needed to because of all the dancing I was doing. It made sense at the time.

When the bride and groom cut the cake, I knew that it was almost over. I didn’t want this night to end. Before long the DJ announced that they were playing the final song of the night and asked that everyone join the bride and groom on the dance floor. Tanner stood up and put his hand out to me so we could have one last dance together before the night was over.

I couldn’t believe how fast it had gone. It seemed like we had just gotten there, and now we were back in the car, driving home. Even the ride was great, though, because I got to lean close to Tanner the whole way. Tanner’s mom was chattering on about what went on at the wedding, who wasn’t talking to whom, and all the usual family gossip. I was barely paying attention, though, because all I could think about was the heat of Tanner’s body next to me.

As we got closer to the house, I started to wonder what would happen after we got there. Would he sneak into the guest room later? Would tonight be
the
night? I smiled to myself. That fourth glass of wine was definitely putting ideas into my head, and the more I thought about them, the more appealing those ideas became. As soon as we walked into the house Tanner’s parents announced that they were exhausted and were going to bed. They left us alone in the kitchen.

“So…should we turn in, too?” Tanner asked, smiling as he pulled me close.

“Sure,” I answered slowly as he loosened his grip, then took my hand and led me upstairs. He offered me the bathroom first, so I went into the guest room and gathered everything I needed. As I brushed my teeth and scrubbed the makeup off my face, dozens of scenarios went through my head as to what would happen when I came out, but when I did finally emerge, the hallway was dark and the door to Tanner’s room was closed.

I moved closer to his door so that I was standing right beside it. I could hear the TV playing from inside so I assumed he was awake, but why would he shut the door? Then it dawned on me that perhaps he was being respectful of his parents. Yeah, that was probably it, I told myself as I quietly returned to the guest room and climbed into bed. I should have been exhausted, but I just lay there replaying every detail in my mind. It had been a great night. I would almost go so far as to say that it might very well have been the best night of my life.

Chapter 30

Tanner

I
was still lying on my bed well after I heard the shower turn off. The alcohol was making me think things that I shouldn’t be thinking. Maybe Scott was right. Maybe I should just fuck her and be done with it. I knew if I went in there she wouldn’t stop me. Hey, if she wanted to, who was I to say no?

I got off my bed and started slowly pacing as I undid my tie, trying to decide what to do. As I pulled it off and began unbuttoning my shirt, I glanced at the dresser mirror and caught sight of the picture of me and the guys from my high school band. I slowly reached over and plucked it from the mirror, smiling. Me, Keith, Jimmy and Kyle – what a crew!

We were so close back then. Now Jimmy and Kyle were at colleges on the West Coast --Jimmy in Southern California and Kyle just outside of Seattle--but Keith, Keith with that stupid ponytail…that was a whole other story. Keith was the one who had started the band. He was the ringleader, our lead singer. He was the one who got us all our gigs (not that there were many).

Keith ended up getting some girl in our class pregnant halfway through senior year. It had been a real mess. The band split up by summer, but the situation with Keith had been a real wake-up call. It could have just as easily been any one of us. I heard he still lived in town and worked at the gas station near the high school.

That’s why I’m always super careful
.

I looked at the picture again as I sat on the edge of the bed and thought about the night it was taken. It was the end of junior year, at the annual Battle of the Bands.

I absently ran my finger along the scar just above my right eye, something I always did when I thought about that night. All that shit that went down with Kiera. Man, I swore I’d never get involved in another relationship after that happened. I was completely humiliated. In my mind, I could still clearly see the kids at school whispering under their breath and snickering as I passed by.

How could she have done that? When she was supposed to be watching me and the guys perform on our big night, she was out fucking Chris Morgan in the parking lot. Did she really think I wasn’t going to find out? Did she even care? The scar was the result of the fight I got into with Chris in the school hallway the following Monday, and it served as my little reminder to never get too close to anyone, to not get involved in relationships other than for sex. Since then, that was exactly the way I’d lived my life. If a girl wanted more than just sex, then I wasn’t the guy for her – no room for discussion – and I was always upfront about it.
Except with Grace.

My decision was made. I wouldn’t go there with Grace. I’d stay in my own room and tell her I’d fallen asleep.

It was getting late, so I headed for the bathroom to take a shower. When I finished, I went back to my room and climbed into bed. I flipped through the channels but there wasn’t anything on, so I just shut the TV off.

I tossed and turned for what must have been at least an hour, but I couldn’t fall asleep. Around two o’clock I finally gave up and decided to crawl into bed with Grace. I told myself that it was okay because I wasn’t going to have sex with her. I figured she expected me to, anyway, and maybe then I’d be able to sleep, like I had when she slept over the apartment.

I grabbed my pillow and headed out to the hallway, carefully closing the door behind me. The door to the guest room opened without a sound, but I was still careful when I shut it.
Wouldn’t be good to wake up the parents
. The room was dark but although I couldn’t see anything I could tell from Grace’s even breathing that she was out like a light. Slowly, I pulled back the covers and eased myself into the bed.

She must have sensed me there because she turned over and curled herself right up against me…and that was the last thing I remembered.

I woke up briefly the next morning with Grace’s back to me and my arms wrapped snugly around her, my legs entwined with hers. I stretched and pulled her closer, wondering if she could feel against her thigh how happy I was to have her there. Softly laughing to myself, I drifted back to sleep.

Chapter 31

Grace

I
was lying in bed halfway between slumber and wakefulness, when I shifted ever so slightly and felt something pressed up against me. My eyes instantly sprung open. Was that what I thought it was? He pulled me closer and…yep, it was.

Now what? I didn’t even remember him getting into my bed the night before, just waking in the middle of the night to find myself curled up next to him.

I had no idea what time it was. I couldn’t see the clock on the nightstand, and my phone was in the small black purse I had brought to the wedding. It was on the floor right next to the bed, but there was no way I could get it without disentangling myself from him.

Now wide awake, I stared at the ceiling, wondering what to do. As happy as I was to be lying next to Tanner, I was anxious as well. What if his mom walked in? What would she think? I lay there for a little bit longer, then attempted to slide from his grip.

“Where’re you going?” I heard him ask in a gravelly, sleep-filled voice.

“Nowhere,” I whispered, in case his mom was in the hallway nearby. “I just wanted to see what time it was.”

“Come here,” he said, pulling me back. “Do you have someplace you have to be?”

I looked over at him; even first thing in the morning, he was perfection. “Oh, uh…no, I was just was curious,” I said, then quickly added, “Do you think your parents are up?”

“They’re up and out already,” he said, his eyes still closed, “so don’t worry about it. They wouldn’t come up here anyway.” He didn’t say anything for a minute, then he grabbed the clock on the nightstand and brought it towards him. “Ten o’clock.” He put it back, then he turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow with his head resting on his hand. He stared at me for a moment, kind of half-smiling and making me feel very self-conscious.

I held his gaze as long as I could, then blurted, “
What?
”

He didn’t answer right away. “Your hair…” he whispered, motioning with his chin to my head. “It looks…wild.” He reached over to touch it.

“Oh,” was all I said in response, but I interpreted “wild” to mean “crazy messy”.

“Did you enjoy yourself last night…at the wedding?” he asked, still half-smiling.

I nodded. “Yes, very much.”

“Good. Me, too,” he said as he turned onto his back again and rested his head against the pillows. “I guess we should get going. Back to school tomorrow, right?”

Before I could answer, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a minute before hoisting himself up. “I’m going to take a shower and then we’ll get going, okay?” he asked on his way to the door.

“Sure,” I said. “I’ll start getting ready.”

As soon I heard the bathroom door close, I shot out of bed to look at myself in the mirror above the dresser, nervous about what I would find. When I saw my reflection I decided I didn’t look half-bad. My hair was a little crazy, but nothing I couldn’t fix.

My mind more at ease, I rushed around the room, getting dressed and throwing stuff in my bag. I then brushed out my hair, throwing it up into a tight ponytail, and by the time Tanner got out of the bathroom, I was sitting on the bed, packed and ready to go.

He stopped by the door to the guest bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He seemed surprised to see that I had gotten it together so quickly. “Oh…you’re ready,” he said, as I tried not to stare at his chest.

“Yeah, I just want to wash my face and brush my teeth.”

“It’s all yours,” he said, gesturing to the bathroom. “I’ll be dressed in a minute, then we can get something for breakfast. If I know my mother, she left something for us in the kitchen.”

“Oh, great,” I muttered, sneaking a glance at his butt as he turned toward his own room.

A few minutes later, we met back in the hallway and headed down to the kitchen. Sure enough, there were bagels and a basket of little muffins on the table, and Tanner found a bowl of fresh cut fruit in the fridge. “You know this is for you, right?” he said smiling. “I don’t usually get a continental breakfast.”

I felt myself grin as I took a seat at the table. He handed me a Snapple and a big glass of ice, then sat across from me. As we were eating, I felt his eyes on me, like he was studying me or something. I kept trying to distract him by asking him questions. It worked sometimes, but then he would go back to staring at me, almost as if he’d never seen me before. Thankfully, it didn’t take us long to finish; then, after quickly cleaning up the kitchen, we brought our stuff to his car.

The drive home was fun. He told stories about some of his relatives that made me laugh. When we got back to my dorm, I didn’t want to get out of the car. It had been such a great weekend, and I hated for it to end. As Tanner parked the car then went to get my stuff out of the trunk, I wondered if he felt the same. It wasn’t like I could ask him, though, so I just followed him as he carried my bags up the three steps to the front door of my building. He set them down, then reached over and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “I had a really good time last night…and this morning.”

“Me, too,” I said, squinting up at him in the noontime sun.

He bent down and kissed me gently on the lips. “I’ll talk to you during the week.” His eyes seeming to linger just a second too long, then he turned and hurried back down the steps toward his car.

I carried my stuff up to my room, hoping Beth was home so I could relay the whole weekend to her. When I opened the door, she was lying on her bed watching TV. As soon as she heard me, she turned and sat up, wearing that familiar smirk. “So…are you a woman now or what?”

“Very funny,” I said, but I was smiling. “And, no, I’m not. Nothing happened.”

Beth looked slightly puzzled. “Still holding out? I thought this weekend would be it
.
”

“So did I, but it seems that he’s the one who’s holding out,” I told her. “He didn’t try anything.”

“Well,” she said, “maybe he doesn’t want to rush you. He wants to make sure that
you’re
sure before he tries anything. Anyway, enough with that, tell me all the details. Did you get drunk?”

I shook my head. “Um, not drunk, but definitely buzzed. I decided to drink wine because I thought it would seem more sophisticated, and I ordered it with a lot of ice so it was kind of watered down.”

“Good idea,” she agreed. “What about his family? What were they like? Do you think they liked you?”

I answered all of Beth’s questions to her satisfaction and by the end of our conversation we both agreed: I had a boyfriend.