Imperfectly Perfect (19 page)

He quickly turned back towards me. His sad, icy blue, puppy dog eyes burned through me.

"Goal."

He nodded and gave a halfhearted smile. And just like that he was gone. Out the door, without another word.

I said a silent goodbye to the condo as I picked up my purse from the floor and grabbed my keys. I delicately removed the familiar brass key from my Tiffany key ring that the boys had gotten me for Christmas years ago. I fingered it one last time before carefully setting the key on the countertop before I walked out closing the door behind me. I couldn't think of this as a goodbye because they always seemed so final. It was more like a see you later.

Outside, Bradley was waiting for me. He came over and gently kissed me on the lips.

"You ready?" He asked opening the car door for me.

I couldn't muster a verbal response so I forced a smile and nodded as I slid into the driver's seat.

"Alright, I'll follow you in the truck. See you at home babe."

I looked at the guys standing on the sidewalk. They looked so disheartened, forcing smiles as they waved. I smiled back at them before finally putting the car into gear to leave.

Driving uptown I felt the sadness slowly lift from me and I began to feel liberated and excited. Things were looking up. All the things I wanted were just within reach for me now. My phone rang and I looked down at the ID; my mother. For the first time in my life, I answered the call without the feeling of dread.

"Hey Mom."

"Hi Honey! Are you all moved out?"

I could hear the excitement in her voice. She loved Bradley-well the idea of him, since they hadn't actually met-but who didn't. He looked as great on paper as he did in person. She couldn't be happier that things were progressing for us.

"Yup. We're driving across town right now."

"Aw, honey I am so happy for you," she sighed.

"I know Mom," I glanced in my rearview mirror watching that familiar green awning vanish from my sight, "me too."

But the truth was that I felt guilty for leaving my boys behind. I wanted Bradley, of that I was sure. I just hoped that I needed him as much as I wanted him.

"Shit!"

I slapped at my alarm clock, unable to find the freaking snooze button. Finally I just grabbed it, yanked it from the wall, and threw it across the room. There was a big crash, immediately followed by silence. Sweet silence.

"Ah" I murmured, rolling over towards the wall and allowing myself to begin to drift back to sleep.

The door flew open.

"God damn it!" I jumped up, "what!?" I threw my feet onto the floor and jolted up from my bed only to find myself standing face to face with Tyler.

"Well, it sounded like you were being mauled by a god-damned jaguar or something in here, so I was making sure that you were okay."

"I'm fine." I almost had myself convinced of that. "Just had a lovers quarrel with my alarm clock that's all. I've got to get ready for work anyhow."

I stalked past Tyler, grabbed my towel off the back of the door and headed down the hallway; feeling his eyes burning a hole through the back of my head all the while. I wished everyone would just leave me alone. It had been two weeks since Emma moved out and I was fine; well, better than I had been at least. With every passing day it was bound to get better, and easier. Wasn't it?

I rushed through my shower and hastily ate breakfast while making plans to do something later that night with Rob and Tyler. I was able to get out the door in 45 minutes flat; a personal best I'm sure.

In Emma's absence, I had thrown myself into my work. I had to if I ever wanted to make partner. Every day was a twelve or fourteen hour day. They weren't that bad, especially when I didn't have anything to look forward to and at least the long and hectic days kept my mind busy. I barely had time to go to the bathroom, let alone think about what could have been.

Work totally consumed me on this particular day. I even forgot to eat lunch. There had been no interruptions. No reminders. No pain. Things were definitely better, for sure.

I left straight from work to meet up with the guys at the sports bar around the corner from our condo. We had been going there a lot lately. They had the best hot wings in the city, two-dollar brews, and plenty of hot women as distractions.

While riding the subway I was reveling in how well today had gone, and that's when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I stood to get a clearer view, and to make sure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. Unfortunately, I had seen
exactly
what I thought I had seen.

There, a few rows away from me, was Emma's Mr. Wonderful wrapped around some blonde; a blonde that wasn't Emma.

Some people might have thought that in that moment, I must have felt ecstatic because the dickhead had blown it. But I wasn't… not even in the slightest. My first thought was Emma. Because as much as I wanted her to be mine, her happiness-whoever she was with-was the most important thing.

I walked towards the doors of the subway train, preparing to get off at the next stop, all while making sure that the asshole caught sight of me. And he did, but instead of panicking as I would have expected, a slow smile spread across his face. I wanted to stalk over to the prick and punch him for being such a smug bastard, but I couldn't. I knew it would hurt Emma too much.

I tried to process my thoughts while walking the familiar city sidewalks. At first I was confused by Bradley's overzealous confidence, but suddenly it became clear to me. He knew that Emma had chosen him over me. He also knew that I would never do anything to hurt her. I was frustrated to say the least. I had just begun to pull it back together; and was a least a shadow of my former self. I was just getting back to a decent state of mind, and I was thrown for a loop again. I wanted to tell Emma, but how could I? She had already made her choice once and that hurt bad enough. What if I told her and it didn't matter? Could I survive that?

I walked in to the bar and saw that Tyler and Rob were already in their usual spot. I sat down next to them and loosened my tie.

"We ordered some wings and beer for you," Rob spoke as he scanned the room, more than likely for women.

"I've got to tell you guys something but it has to stay between us, okay?"

Tyler jokingly squeezed my arm, "Dude, I hate to break it to you but we already know you love Emma." We all laughed, which was nice even though it was at my expense.

"No, but seriously, I need advice." I paused knowing what they were thinking. Instead of further opening myself up for more razzing and humiliation, I just said it for them, "Yes, again."

The waitress brought us our wings and placed my beer in front of me. I took a long haul and realized they were staring at me, waiting for me to spill.

"Sorry," I started, "so I saw Bradley today."

Being the great friends they were, they immediately went into a fit of eye rolling worthy of a teenage girl.

Rob was less than amused, "Whoop-de-fucking-do. That jackass rubs me the wrong way."

"Yeah, he always has me too," I agreed, "I liked to think it was because he was stealing my best friend from me, but it turns out it was
probably
because he's a cheating snake."

Tyler nearly spat his beer out. "What?!"

"Yep. Saw him on the subway with a chick that was definitely not Emma. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me."

"What are you going to do?" Rob questioned.

I started to speak but Tyler stopped me, "You can't say anything Shane."

"But Emma should know," Rob argued for me.

"Of course she should. But Shane can't be the one to tell her. None of us can. For one, she's not going to believe us, and secondly it would ruin all of our friendships. We just have to hope she finds out on her own, soon."

Tyler was right. Emma would hate us for ruining her chances with Bradley, and by now he knew her well enough to know how she reacts to things. Our friendship had already taken enough hits lately; I didn't need to deliver another blow. Besides, I didn't want to be the one to break her heart or upset her in any way. That's why I had been stuck in this shitty situation to begin with. I had always wanted Emma to be happy.

I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had been this happy. In fact I couldn't recall a time where I had feelings like I had for Bradley. Waking up every day in his arms made my heart swell, but at the same time I missed my mornings with the guys. I felt happy, but not complete; and that bothered me.

Crisp white linen covered my body while the warm sun shone through the huge windows in the loft; our loft. I stretched, as I felt his presence shift away from me and out of the bed. Realizing it was Saturday, I burrowed back down into the softness of the pillow-topped mattress. I loved Saturdays, but I hated that Bradley had to work every other one. I lay in bed, casually drifting in and out of consciousness and listening to Bradley hum as he showered for work.

I felt his soft lips peck my forehead.

"Do you
have
to go to work?" I pleaded, wrapping my arms around his neck. I half-heartedly pulled him towards the bed. "You could stay in bed with me all day instead."

"Don't tempt me," he laughed as he removed my arms from his neck, "someone has to save lives right?"

I shot him a pout, "I suppose."

"Go do something fun today though," he suggested as he walked towards the door.

"Yeah," I said, "I'll find something to keep me occupied."

"I love you, see you tonight," he blew me a kiss and was gone.

I reached for my phone on the nightstand. I knew exactly how I wanted to spend this Saturday. It was nine o'clock, so the guys would surely be awake. In fact, I knew they would be sitting around the table, drinking coffee, and fighting over the sports section of the newspaper. I hit the speed dial and waited.

"Yeah."

"Hey Rob, it's Em!"

"Oh," he stammered, "hey Em. What's up?"

"Not much. I was just wondering if you guys had any plans today?"

There was a pause on the other end, some whispering and a slap.

"No. Why? You want to meet up or something?"

"Yeah, I was thinking we are due for lunch at O'Malley's."

With the drop of that one word Rob's voice completely changed. It was so bizarre how such a little hole in the wall place could have such an impact on us.

"Oh hell yeah! Nice! We'll meet you there at noon Em."

"Good, see ya then."

The other line immediately went dead. Rob had always lacked telephone etiquette, but I didn't care. I was just excited to have the chance to spend the day with my boys. It was long overdue.

I turned the familiar corner and saw them standing underneath that silly leprechaun and my heart leapt. Seeing them made me feel complete. Even though I was with Bradley, those guys would forever hold a special place in my heart. I felt that nagging feeling creep in again and wondered whether just being with Bradley would ever be enough for me. I quickly pushed my doubts and feelings away, reasoning that it was unrealistic for me to think that things would always be perfect.

"Hey!" I called out.