Imperfectly Perfect (29 page)

I was struggling to cope with how everything was falling in to place. "But how are you going to get girls?" I cried.

All three guys cracked up laughing; I didn't see what was funny because it was an honest question. I didn't see how they were ever going to get laid again with a kid hanging around.

"Emma," Rob explained, "chicks love babies! This will only improve our game."

I sat, dumfounded and listened as the boys excitedly talked about the baby and for the first time in a long time I couldn't think of anything negative to say. I finally accepted that I could celebrate this moment without feeling guilty, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do next.

"I think we need to go to O'Malley's to celebrate."

The guys immediately stopped in their tracks, obviously taken aback by my request.

"Well just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't have fun."

"Yeah, but..." Shane stuttered, "are you sure you want to go
there
?"

I hated to admit that I hadn't been able to bring myself to return to O'Malley's since that fateful day. I had convinced myself that it was cursed, but I realized now that that little hole in the wall pub was my lucky charm.

"Are you kidding me? I'm so over that! I should thank that idiot because cheating on me was the best thing he could have ever done." I stood up, grabbed my things, and looked back at the guys. They looked dumbfounded. "Are you guys coming?"

They shared one of their silent communicative looks. "Hell yeah!" Rob yelled as they started to walk behind me.

"STOP!" I screamed.

The guys froze in place, each of their chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath.

"Okay, you idiots are doing nothing for my nerves. Shane, grab my bag," I began giving orders, "Tyler, get the car and Rob,
stop
freaking out, it's annoying the shit out of me."

Ten minutes later, they were finally getting me into the car. Shane and I sat quietly in the back together, holding hands. I knew he was freaking out, it was written all over his face and I loved him all the more for it. Even though the pain was unbearable, I laughed to myself at how comical and cute it had been to watch three grown men panic.

Once we pulled into the hospital and parked all three scrambled to help me out of the car. I slapped their hands away, and thanked my lucky stars that there was a nurse wheeling out a chair for me.

"Alright, alright," I muttered easing myself into the chair, "I'm in labor not disabled, so stop manhandling me. Plus, I've already got one baby to focus on today… I don't need another three!"

The nurse laughed.

"See, she knows what I'm talking about! Tyler and Rob, I love you both dearly, but this is as far as you can come with us on this journey. You're waiting room bound."

I kissed both of them on the cheek and tried to ignore their poor puppy dog faces. I couldn't handle the added stress anymore. I curled my hand into Shane's and smiled.

"Now let's go meet our baby."

It was the longest, and hardest, eighteen hours of my life. I was covered with sweat and tears. It was harder than anything I had ever done before, but thankfully I had Shane by my side. He had been there though it all, feeding me ice chips and offering words of encouragement. He pushed the hair from my forehead and looked into my eyes.

"One more push Em," he encouraged, "it's right there."

I nodded. I knew I could do it. I lifted my chin to my chest and gave one final push. I was exhausted. And as my head fell back onto my pillow, the room was filled with the most beautiful cries I had ever heard. I watched Shane's face fill with pride and love. That very moment I understood what my father had meant when he said he could tell that Shane had loved me simply by the look on his face, because I saw it then.

I tapped him on the shoulder.

"What is it? I questioned.

"What do you think it is?" he responded as he smiled coyly at me.

I rolled my eyes because I knew what that baby was. I had never been able to have a close relationship with girls. While I loved my mother and my sister, I could never really relate to them. My entire pregnancy I worried about what I would do if we had a girl, but deep down I had known all along what the perfect ending to my story would be.

"It's a boy!" The doctor said as he carefully placed the baby on the sheet across my chest. "And a lucky little boy at that, being born on St. Patrick's Day. He must have some luck of the Irish in him." Shane and I shared a secret smile for the doctor truly did not grasp the perfection of his comment.

I grabbed the baby and held him up in order to get a better look at him. My eyes darted to Shane, and back to the little being that was crying in my hands. I watched as he struggled to open his bright blue eyes.

"He looks just like you," I choked.

As much as I hated to cry, I was finding it difficult to rein in my emotions. The nurse took our little bundle and cleaned him, weighed him, and put him into one of those adorable baby gowns. I watched in astonishment as she gently passed him over to Shane.

I giggled to myself watching him fumble with his arm position. I could tell that he was nervous and trying to make sure he had it just right. The nurse helped him with a few encouraging words and finally he was cradling the bundle of blue. Our precious boy; our son.

"So what are you going to name him, Daddy?" I asked.

His eyes darted from me to the baby and a slow grin spread across his face. We never really discussed names because I didn't see the point since we decided to not find out the sex of the baby; I wanted the surprise. But the look on Shane's face told me that he hadn't been quite so restrained.

"I think we should name him Felix."

"Felix?" I questioned.

He walked towards me and placed the baby in my arms.

"Yeah, Felix. It means 'happy, lucky, and fortunate'. It's the only way I can think to describe how I feel now, with you… and Felix."

I looked down at the wriggling little person in my arms and was totally overcome with emotion. He was right. It was the perfect, and most simplistic, way to describe how I felt. I felt myself getting lost into those perfect icy blue eyes, when I realized we were no longer alone.

Rob broke the silence. "Holy shit, you guys really had a baby!"

Tyler slapped him in the chest with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, we're going to have to work on that whole swearing thing," I laughed.

Tyler pulled the blanket away from Felix's face, "So what is it? Boy?"

"Of course it's a boy," I said. "What else would I have?"

"I guess we're not going to make it to O'Malley's for St. Patty's day this year," Rob cooed to Felix. "But that's okay, we'll just take you next year."

We laughed together at the inappropriateness of his promise; it was 100% Rob.

I watched lovingly while Shane, Tyler, and Rob all took turns holding the tiny infant. Each of them fell in love in their own way while making promises to the newest member of our gang.

I was totally lost in the moment when that familiar voice ripped me to the core, "Seems as though I've missed all the excitement."

I turned toward the door to find my mother standing there, looking perfect despite having spent the day travelling. The boys noticed that we were no longer alone, and the room was filled with uncomfortable silence.

"Where's Dad?" I questioned as Shane returned to my side, carefully placing Felix back into my arms.

"He's out in the waiting room," she quipped as she stalked towards my bedside. "Perhaps you boys could go keep him company and give us girls a moment."

Tyler and Rob didn't need to be told twice. They quickly fled from the room. Shane looked at me, seemingly looking for approval to leave me alone. I nodded for him to go. Things were right in my world, and I would not let my mother ruin this moment no matter what.

Mother sat next to me on the hospital bed and smiled as she pulled back the blanket from Felix's face.

"He's beautiful Emma."

"He sure is."

Even
I
knew that this was not how this should be going. A mother and daughter should be bonding over the birth of a new child but my moment was filled with apprehension and unspoken words. When I had broken the news to my family about my pregnancy it's safe to say they were less than thrilled. I was unmarried-with no plans to change that-and knocked up by one of my roommates. My father had been the only one to congratulate me but I was okay with that. I refused to ever let my mother get the best of me again.

With love in my heart and Felix in my arms, I was happy. Nobody could take that away from me. Not even her.

Mother seemed to sense the tension and she broke the silence. "Can I hold him?" she asked.

I nodded and carefully shifted his tiny body from my arms to hers. She lovingly gazed at him, while we sat in silence. Minutes passed and I became more aware of how awkward the moment had become

"You know, I have always been proud of you Emma."

I couldn't speak. In all my years, these words had always been directed at Liz; never at me.

"It was so hard for me to accept that you were different from your sister and I," she continued, "you are strong, independent, smart; all the things that I never was. I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a wife and a mother. I wanted the same for you girls, and you defied that in every way possible."

"I know I haven't always been the best mother to you," she paused as a single tear slid down her cheek, "and I know I haven't made things easy for you. But you will always be my daughter and I love you no matter what."

I felt the tears welling up in my own eyes as I leaned over. And for the first time in my life I hugged her because I wanted to, not because I was obligated.

"I always knew that this would be where your life would lead you," she mumbled through our embrace.

I backed up and gazed into her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I had hoped you'd find someone else that could love you as much as Shane always had, for my own selfish reasons, but deep down I knew he was your soul mate."

"I don't get it. Why would you bet against Shane?"

"I'm going to tell you something I should have shared with you years ago." She placed Felix back into my arms and stalked towards the window. Taking a deep breath, she gazed out into the streets of New York City. "Before I married your Dad, I dated Shane's father."

I gasped. I was embarrassed that I had had such a reaction but never in a million years did I expect to hear those words. Mother looked at me and smiled.

"I know, it's shocking, but that man was a dish. He was tall and dashingly handsome; Shane reminds me of him every time I see him. But he was a real dirt bag and cheated on me constantly, but I kept taking him back. Eventually, he just up and left me." She turned back towards the window, seemingly deep in thought.

"For Ms. Strout?" I questioned, even though I already knew the answer.

Mom nodded. "They paraded around together for months and I'm glad they did because it forced me to move on. I found your father, who turned out to be exactly what I was looking for; but it didn't stop me hurting. Then when I found out that she was pregnant-and he had left town-I was thankful it wasn't me. I know I should have felt sorry, but I didn't, and it didn't keep me from loathing her."

Now I understood everything. She had given me clarification on so many things that had bothered me about her for years. I was relieved, in a sense, to know the truth.

"Shane looks just like him," she continued, "and it has taken me all these years to finally realize that he just isn't the same man."

"No he's not," I added, "Ms. Strout raised him right."

She nodded in agreement.

"He truly is a wonderful boy Emma. I understand that now. I see it every time he looks at you. He loves you terribly. I am happy for you sweetheart."

At that moment the guys and my father walked in. My mother and I shared a secret smile. I hoped that this would be a turning point for our relationship. I had missed out on so many crucial years with her, and I looked forward to making up for lost time.

I contentedly watched from the comfort of my hospital bed as everyone continued the celebrations. I smiled, seeing my father beam with pride while he studied Felix for the first time. My mother even acknowledged each of the guys by awkwardly embracing them. I laughed watching their uncomfortable reactions to her affection. I just shrugged and smiled as Shane looked to me for clarification.

I chuckled and thought about how much our lives had changed over the course of the last year and a half. Never in a million years would I have imagined this. Looking back I realize now that I had always been afraid of happiness. I had guarded myself with a wall for years, unable to ever really give in to love. I pushed people away; until my friends-my boys-blew that wall up with dynamite and finally allowed me to see the light, finding the love that had always been there.

And in that moment everything felt right...

It was perfect.