Impulsive (9 page)

Instead of getting hit with his usual smack of desperation for Deana, he felt a slight tug of loss over what might have been. She got lucky and found the right love. He envied her that but was happy for her, too.

“Is it good or bad that I'm the same old Eric?” he asked.

“You're still rock solid. I didn't appreciate that enough when we were together. Took it for granted, really.” Deana nibbled on her lower lip as if she were trying to solve the world's greatest problem. “I'm sorry.”

Relief rushed through him. Those words meant more to him than he'd thought they would, but no way was he going down that path with her. He'd lock that sentiment away and examine it later.

“Josh is a good man,” Eric said because he wanted her to know he didn't hold a grudge there.

Her smile turned almost dreamy. “The best.”

“Since we're talking about us, our relationship, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“If I had buried the evidence against Ryan or pushed my office in another direction, would we still be together as a couple, out in public and without Josh in the picture?” He wasn't trying to relive the moment or any decision he'd made. He just needed to understand how doing the right thing had derailed his life so dramatically.

“Probably.”

He wasn't sure if the answer made him feel better or worse. “I figured.”

She stood up then. With a hand on his arm and her eyes filled with warmth, she continued. “And eventually you would have hated me for making you compromise. You would have stood by me, because that's who you are, but lying like that would have killed a part of you. Probably would have destroyed us.”

A lump of regret crawled up his throat. “Then I guess it's good we didn't go that route.”

She gave him a final squeeze, then let go of his shirt. “I need you to know something.”

“What?”

“Despite everything that happened and even how it ended, I never regretted our time together. I'm sure in those dark hours after the murders and Ryan's arrest I said otherwise, and I apologize for that, too.”

“It's okay.” For the first time in a long time, it was.

“No, it's not. You were there when the unthinkable happened. I was at my worst and most unlovable but you held on. You did everything you could to save me from my grief and you deserved better from me in response. I was too lost to see it then, but I get it now. One thing I've learned from Josh is to face the past and take responsibility for it.”

She'd said the words Eric had waited forever to hear and hadn't known he needed. The dam inside him broke. All those months of doubting and hating drifted away.

For so long, he'd analyzed his actions and tried to figure out what else he could have done. He'd turned the facts over and looked for the one thing that had sent her over the edge and driven them apart. She'd always acted like he was the villain when, really, shock and pain had destroyed them.

Now that the time had arrived and she'd let him off the hook, it didn't matter anymore. Somehow, somewhere, he'd gotten over her. In the back of his mind, he knew Katie was at the center of all that healing. In a short time, she'd stormed into his life and rocked it off its foundations. He would tell her that soon. If his instincts were right, she wasn't far away.

“Look, Deana. You don't have to—”

“I will always love you for being there and for trying to reach me even when I wasn't worth loving.” She stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. “If you need my help, you call me. Okay?”

Those days were over. He realized that now. “Sure.”

“Good night, Eric.”

A
s the door closed behind Deana, Katie decided it was the perfect time to make an entrance. She'd walk down the stairs, tell Eric off, and then strut right out the door. If the sound of her voice scared the crap out of him and gave him a heart attack, then all the better. He deserved to be shaken up, rattled until he thought twice about screwing around.

“So much for the promises about being faithful.” She took the last step and stopped right in front of the staircase, less than eight feet away from him. “Or maybe a week is your cutoff point on fidelity.”

He didn't even jump. Instead, he leaned back against his dining room table with his arms crossed in front of him. “I thought you might be here.”

“You expect me to believe that.”

“Since it's the truth, yes.”

Admittedly, he didn't act surprised, but there was no telling how good a liar he was. He seemed to excel at it at work. Now he was working for a medal in his private life as well.

“Yeah, right,” she snorted.

“You're the only other person with a key to my condo.” He finally looked at her. Exhaustion dragged around his eyes. His shoulders slumped. He hardly looked like a man who'd just enjoyed a quiet meeting with his lover.

But she ignored all that. She would not be lured in by the dead tone and crumpled body. “Your parents? Deana?”

“No and no.”

“I find it hard to believe the woman you've known for a little more than one week is the only one with that honor.”

He sighed as he rubbed his neck. “Just you.”

“Deana got upstairs from the lobby just fine. I had to show every piece of identification except my birth certificate before I was allowed to climb on the elevator.” Okay, that was an exaggeration, but he didn't need to know it.

“She knows the doorman.” Eric rolled his head from side to side and winced when he went to the right.

Any other time she would have stepped over and massaged his neck, loosened him up and then asked him to show her upstairs. Maybe a part of her even expected that ending when she'd arrived tonight all furious and ready to be soothed. Despite her reaction to the key, a part of her had hoped a serious case of cluelessness would explain his choice.

Now, seeing him there with Deana, all contingent plans crashed to her feet. Katie had reached a whole new level of sputtering rage and Eric's side of the conversation wasn't calming her at all.

“You expect me to believe that woman hangs out with the blue-collar crowd?” she asked.

“Her family owns the building.”

Of course they do
. “How convenient.”

“Is that my fault, too?”

“Possibly.”

Even when Katie wanted to kick him, to yell at him and find the words most calculated to hurt him, she felt it. That tiny kick of sympathy and longing. He lied to her and her first inclination was to explain it away and forgive. Just went to show that no matter how many miles she'd traveled, she wasn't one ounce smarter about men.

She was pathetic.

Even watching him with Deana and hearing the hitch in his voice as she talked about loving him wasn't enough to stir up Katie's hate. She longed to despise him. Life would be so much easier if she could.

“If you thought I was standing here and listening in, what was with the big love scene?” she asked.

“I'm not sure what you think you heard, but you're wrong.” His fatigue gave way to attitude. It was as if he considered himself the injured party.

She refused to let her mind replay the scene with Deana to give him examples. Once was enough. A second time might melt her anger into an emotion she did not want to deal with.

“You asked her what you had to do to get her back,” Katie said.

“When?” He had the nerve to raise his voice.

“All that ‘what if' stuff.”

“And from that you got that I was making a pass?”

“How else should I take it?”

He wiped a hand over his drawn face. “That was about closure, Katie. We were saying good-bye to the past and moving on.”

“Oh, please.”

“I am not in love with Deana.” The firm tone suggested he believed it. “Do you want me to write it in blood? I will if it will stop this ridiculous conversation.”

“Insults?”

Color rushed back into his cheeks. “Nothing happened.”

“Are you trying to convince me or you?”

He let out a long groan. “You are infuriating.”

“Maybe, but I'm not deaf.” What Katie felt amounted to a frenzy of heartbreak and madness. It didn't make sense. She didn't know him long enough to care. Certainly wasn't close enough to him to explain this oxygen-sucking hurt deep inside.

“You are hearing what you want to hear,” he said.

“You think I wanted to hear that?” She would give almost anything to call back the last half hour. Rewind her life and get to a place before the key when she still had hope and felt a strange lightness in her belly.

“I don't get this, Katie. There was nothing in the conversation that should make you this angry. You are taking innocent statements and changing them into something else.”

He was blaming her?
“Do you have any idea how it made me feel to stand there and listen to you profess your love for her while you're sleeping with me?”

There was a quick knock, followed by a throat clearing. “Excuse me.”

Round two with Deana.
Great
.

Katie let her hands fall to her sides with a slap. “And she's back.”

“I'm sorry. I forgot my purse.” Deana slipped inside and came to a halt.

Katie understood the sharp move. The anger in the room had built up until it formed an impenetrable wall. It crushed in on her from every angle, making it hard to move or breathe.

Eric spared both women a quick glance. “Deana, this is Katie Long.”

Deana managed to look pretty even as she frowned. “You look familiar.”

“I was at your wedding.”

A sudden small smile played on Deana's lips. “With Eric?”

“Serving the dinner.”

The smile fell. “Oh.”

“That's probably enough conversation for one night.” Eric reached around and grabbed the purse. Before Deana could say anything else, he handed it to her and motioned toward the door. “Here you go.”

Katie wasn't ready to give up the fight yet. “She doesn't have to leave.”

Deana glanced from Eric to Katie. “I think I probably should.”

“Why? I'm the one intruding.”

Deana chewed on her bottom lip, seeming as nervous and out of place as anyone could look. “If I had known you were here, I wouldn't have taken up so much of Eric's evening.”

For the first time, doubt pricked at Katie. It started at the back of her neck and worked its way down. “I didn't hear him complaining.”

Eric stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before responding. “Katie seems to think we're having an affair.”

“No. That's not the case at all.” Deana waved her hands in support of the words coming out of her mouth. “Nothing like that is going on. I wouldn't.”

“Thanks, Deana,” he said in a dry tone.

“You know what I mean.” She sucked in a gulp of air between her teeth. “I'm trying to help.”

Strangely enough, she was. Katie didn't see a scheming woman trying to get some sex behind her new husband's back. Deana looked truly horrified at being stuck in this confused threesome.

“I didn't know you were dating anyone,” Deana said to Eric, almost pleading for forgiveness.

Katie might be ready to absolve Deana, but Eric was another story. There was still the matter of the key and the hiding. Bottom line, Katie wasn't ready to stop being angry. It was irrational but true.

“That's because Eric is determined to hide our relationship.” Katie pretended to think about it. “Wait, is that the right word?”

Eric's jaw clenched. “Why don't we have this conversation in private?”

“Maybe I should say Eric doesn't want people to know we're sleeping together…or were.”

“Katie.” The warning came through Eric's tone loud and clear.

“If I had known I would have—” Deana stopped talking and stood there with her purse hanging from her fist.

“What?” Katie asked.

“Called first. Something. I didn't mean to cause a problem between the two of you.”

Guilt rolled over Katie. She was putting the blame in the wrong place. For the first time all day, Katie was at a loss for words. She'd berated Deana and looked like a nutcase in the process. This had to do with feeling replaceable and unimportant and that came from inside her. Katie knew that much.

She sighed more in anger at herself than anything else. “You didn't. Eric did.”

“On that note, it might be a good time to go home.” Deana stumbled over her words. “It was nice to meet you.”

The only thing quicker than her blurt of words was how fast she ran for the door. Katie watched. Eric watched. Neither of them missed the slam of the door behind Deana.

Eric waited for a few beats of quiet before turning back around. “Was that necessary?”

“What, was I not nice enough to your married mistress?”

“You know there's nothing going on between me and Deana.” He said the words without any emotion.

Katie finally abandoned her position of safety at the bottom of the stairs. She stepped closer, sliding her fingertips across the table until she landed beside him. “What I saw was a man entertaining his supposed ex.”

“You know what I think?” He sat on the table, crunching and trapping papers underneath him.

“I don't care.” But she did. Everything he said mattered to her on some level.

“I'm going to tell you anyway.” He studied his hands before looking up at her again. “You're upset about something else. You're looking for a fight and Deana being here handed it to you.”

His words sank in. She was looking for reasons to justify feeling hurt. The key, seeing Eric's beautiful ex, it all punched at her until nothing but anger flowed through her.

If he wanted to know the truth, fine “Brilliant deduction, counselor.”

His stern features softened. “Why not tell me what the real problem is?”

“The key.”

“What?”

“I told you I was upset about your not taking me out in public and you tried to placate me.”

“How?”

She slid her thigh onto the table and sat down next to him. “By giving me a gift that shows you always want to stay in.”

He closed one eye and peeked up at her with the other one. “When exactly did we have this deep conversation on which you're basing this tirade?”

“Do you listen?”

“I'm trying, but this strikes me as one of those talking past each other situations.” He acted out the words with his hands.

“Then how about this? I am not a whore.” It felt good to say it. To believe it.

His mouth dropped open. “Damn, Katie. I never called you that.”

“You didn't have to.”

His mouth dropped open twice more before he spoke. “What the hell?”

“How you feel is not a newsflash.”

He shifted until he faced her. “You are absolutely wrong.”

The way his dark eyes narrowed and grew stormy with an emotion that looked vaguely like disappointment almost convinced her. “What am I supposed to think?”

“That's not fair. I never judged you.” He huffed as if he was searching for the right words and couldn't grab onto them. “We were both in that bathroom the first time, and I'm sure as hell not a man whore.”

She breathed in a few times to put the brakes on her thumping heart. “Did it ever dawn on you that we should sit down and try to figure out what we feel for each other and how to handle it?”

He motioned toward the door. “That's what the key is for.”

Man, maybe he was this clueless
. “The key is about accessibility.”

“You're purposely using negative words.”

“You wanted me to come here so you wouldn't have to track me down. You wanted easy. Now, I admit, I gave you easy, but those days are over.”

His chin dropped against his chest. “Please stop referring to yourself like that.”

This fight was too important to let go. “Something has to change.”

“I have no idea what you're saying.”

“That's what scares me.”