In a Moon Smile (7 page)

“He couldn’t be here,” Charlotte said quickly before Chesney mustered a fake response.

But Chesney definitely saw the glint in her brat sister’s eyes as the message telepathically traveled across the polished kitchen table and the shiny white tile. Her eyes telepathically said to Cooper that once again, Chesney had screwed up the family. But don’t say another word about it. Charlotte’s eyes sent that clear message: “Cooper, don’t say anything else about Jack. I’m fairly certain that Chesney has either been dumped or been the dumper once again.”

Watching the words silently make their way from Charlotte’s eyes to Cooper’s made Chesney’s face burn with humiliation. She wanted to grab Charlotte in a head lock and bang her face against the stairwell, something she had done twice in their childhood when Charlotte made fun of Chesney’s ugly hair. Chesney pretended not to see the telepathic communication or the wave of pity crossing Cooper’s face as he glanced in her direction.

“I’ll get the dinner plates,” Cooper awkwardly turned his attention away from her, his forlorn sister-in-law who brings drama along to every single family expectation.

“Chesney can set the table, dear,” Madelyn said quickly.

So Cooper scooped his daughter from the high chair and disappeared into the safety of the family room. He probably shielded the baby’s eyes from her aunt, hoping Chesney’s wayward ways would not somehow rub off on Piper’s perfect beginning.

“Well, tell me what’s new,” Charlotte said. “I haven’t seen you since Piper got her first tooth. How is your work?”

Chesney munched on a celery stick, preparing to tell yet another lie. Thankfully, her dishonesty was interrupted by the sudden presence of their father, Lyle Joseph Blake, who had the auburn hair Chesney inherited. He stepped into the kitchen like a fresh, brisk breeze and rushed over to envelope his oldest offspring with one of his famous bear hugs. His squeeze brought tears to Chesney’s eyes. She didn’t want her dad to let go.

“We’ve missed you around here, Chez,” he said. “How’s the book coming along?”

“Fine,” Chesney nodded dumbly, realizing that lots of lies either erupted from her lips or lined up in her throat to be told at a later time.

“You look great,” Dad patted her face and Chesney noticed the deep wrinkles around his eyes. He was so much more tangible than her mother, so much more readable. He was the teddy bear here, between the two Barbies and the Ken doll. “Glad you could be here,” he said sweetly. Then he stepped over to the counter, poured some iced tea into a tall glass and said it. “Hey by the way, where’s Jack?”

“He couldn’t be here, Dad,” Charlotte shot their father much of the same message she relayed a few moments earlier to Cooper.

“That’s a shame,” Dad said meekly.

Immediately, a panicky game of eye ball was played. Was the wedding called off? Had Chesney done it again? What about the guest list? And those giant ice sculptures?

Tension started to build. Chesney’s stomach knotted. She envisioned her mom, slowly coiling into a snake, ready for the big bite...just as soon as Chesney worked up the nerve to break the news. Madelyn has a sharp tongue which cut to the core. She could say and do incredibly mean things. Chesney didn’t end up with the self-esteem of a dish rag with absolutely no help from home, you know.

Cooper appeared again. “Stinky baby,” he said. Charlotte disappeared up the stairs with Piper for a diaper change in the princess pink bedroom. Madelyn charged off to the dining room to set the table. And Chesney sat alone in the kitchen. Feeling disconnected from her family, she stared at the baby paraphernalia cluttering the table and counter tops. Piper had everyone’s unspoken permission to toss her favorite baby doll, a couple of bottles and one of her shoes, wherever she damn well pleased. It was amazing to Chesney that Madelyn as a grandmother allowed such disarray. Becoming a grandmother must have somehow sedated that perfectionist side. Chesney wondered why she bothered to show up at all for a Blake family function.

Once again, she was the downtrodden daughter, the one who didn’t quite make it into the traditional role their parents expected and secretly hoped for. She certainly hadn’t planned it this way. But the truth was that, compared to her sister, Chesney was the lost sheep. She was humiliated beyond words. She hated how loudly she failed to fit into her parents’ expectations. She hated knowing that she was again stirring disaster. Chesney doubted they would ever believe her, but she truly never intended to do the wrong thing. Or did she? Was she subconsciously getting kicked in the face by Life just to spite her tight ass mother? Hmm.

By the time the family gathered around the dining room table, Chesney’s anxiety level was sky high. Cooper and Charlotte looked adoringly at each other and then at their baby daughter. As Madelyn walked around the table, she tenderly kissed the top of Lyle’s head.

They all have a place here, a person they belong with and a defined role, even at the dinner table. As usual, I am the odd woman out, the woman without an island, the salt without the pepper… the constant mismatch. I can’t wait any longer. I need to purge the pain. Slather the wholesome moment with my troubles. Rid myself of the charade.

“Jack and I broke up,” Chesney said quickly and too loudly, immediately after Madelyn plunked Piper into the high chair and passed the corn to Cooper.

“Really?” Madelyn took the lead. She set the tone for everyone to stare and pretend they were surprised that Chesney no longer had a relationship, a fiancé or a wedding plan.

“I returned the ring,” Chesney said.

“That was stupid,” Charlotte grunted under her breath as she plopped mashed potatoes on her plate.

“So close to the wedding date?” Lyle asked, trying to look calm. The quiver of his Adam’s apple, however, was a dead giveaway. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner, honey?”

“There was nothing to tell,” Chesney said with a fake shrug. “We weren’t able to get to the next level. That’s all. No one’s fault. We just weren’t ready to be married.”

“What a crock,” Charlotte growled. “When you get engaged, you make it to the next level, Chesney. Mother and Dad wish you discovered your stupidity before they laid out the big bucks for the rental of the reception hall… for the
second
time.”

“Good point, hon,” Cooper said and Chesney was surprised that he didn’t offer Charlotte a high five.

Charlotte, shut the hell up, you little reptile.

As she stabbed at the peas on her plate, Chesney blinked away tears and begged herself not to cry.

“What happened to the two of you, sweetheart?” her father asked.

Now Chesney’s lips trembled. Tears stung her eyes. She wanted to curl up on her dad’s lap and be a little girl again. She wanted to sob her heart out about how Jack betrayed her. “I can’t talk about it,” she said in a soft voice.

I can’t bring myself to tell my dad about Jack fooling around with his assistant, Belinda Big Butt, who has straight hair, womanly breasts and long legs.

For some reason, Chesney feared that if she was honest about what happened, her parents might smile and say something like, “Can you blame him, honey? A real man can’t lust after a barely five foot, two inch ironing board with bad hair.”

She didn’t think they would respond in that manner. But then again, why chance it? Chesney watched the news flutter around the family table. Her mother looked away, trying to hide the disappointment and rage. Again, the oldest daughter took a detour from the altar. Again, friends and extended family would quietly ask Madelyn why her daughter can’t land a husband and why she can’t seem to figure out until the wedding dress, the bridesmaid gifts and the reception hall have been purchased, that she doesn’t want to be married.

As Madelyn buttered a slab of bread, she was already worried about how to break the news at bridge club. Chesney saw her disdain, right between the butter knife attack on the bread and the moment she turned in her chair to sooth Piper with a lone green bean and another cracker. Madelyn’s fingers trembled slightly as she stroked Piper’s hair. Her beautiful swan neck was blotchy with red dots of I-wish-I-didn’t-have-Chesney-for-a-daughter. Those blotches were Morse code for Chesney. Her failure had again deeply wounded her mom.

As usual, Lyle chose avoidance. He pretended to be deeply engrossed in slicing the roast. He was, of course, angry with Jack for stringing the family along. He was angry about the fact that Chesney was no longer on her way to becoming the respectable wife of a polished young man who frequented the finest golf courses. Lyle’s dream of bragging about his wealthy son-in-law drizzled down the front of his shirt much like the gravy. As Chesney watched the shadow of disappointment cross her father’s face, she felt ill.

Charlotte, glib as usual, removed her chunky daughter from the high chair and bounced Piper like a trophy on her lap. The baby was a silent reminder that Charlotte, not Chesney, was the family winner. It was an unspoken message to everyone: Feel sorry for a moment that Chesney has once again failed. Then turn your attention to the Chosen One, her Gerber baby and her ambitious, perfect husband.

Before the news could thoroughly sink in and be questioned, Chesney decided to drop the other bomb. “I bought back Granny Grace’s place,” she said it suddenly, before the bowl of mashed potatoes made its way past perfect Charlotte.

“What?” All forks froze in mid air. All eyes were on Chesney.

“Yes,” she nodded as her heart picked up a rapid beat.

Aha, for a moment, everyone in the dining room forgot that Charlotte even had a uterus. Yes, every eye was definitely focused on the ugly duckling daughter. Chesney felt powerful and interesting. She also felt nauseated. Under the table, she picked at her cuticles, willing herself to stay in the chair. “I saw the house again, after all these years,” she stuttered. “Everything is still the same. I fell in love with the place all over again.” She stopped talking for a moment and swallowed hard. The grand finale erupted crisply from her mouth for a second time. “So that’s my big news,” Chesney said with a victorious sigh. “I’m not getting married and I bought Grace’s place.”

“When were you in Bean Blossom?” Lyle carefully placed his knife in the middle of his perfectly roasted slab of dead cow. He stared at his oldest child with a puzzled look on his thin face. Where did he go wrong with Chesney? “When did you buy it?” he asked. “Why would you buy the place, Chesney? It’s more than a century old. When your grandmother lived there, all kinds of things were wrong with the house.”

“A week ago, I needed a few days away,” Chesney said. “I was working on chapter seventeen in my book. I was struggling a bit with the plot. I thought a few days away would do the trick.”

“I’d never consider a trip to Bean Blossom, Indiana as an inspiration for anything except depression,” Charlotte snorted.

“Cute,” Chesney sneered at Charlotte as if they stepped back in time with matching pigtails and missing teeth. Sibling rivalry was alive and well; Charlotte, the tall, skinny family favorite with long, thin pigtails, her perfect husband Cooper, and their goddess baby lined up next to the unmarriable odd ball with wild hair, short legs and no boobs.

Of course, Chesney hadn’t gone to Bean Blossom to work on her book. She went there to think about the best way to toss the latest emotional grenade at her family.

“When the place was auctioned a few years ago, you didn’t express an interest,” Lyle said.

“At that time, I thought I was happy splitting my time between Chicago and New York,” Chesney said. And that was the truth. That was what she thought because at that time, everyone else told her what she liked and what she thought.

I want to tell my family how my life began to change when I visited my grandmother's house again. After living all these years away from the dilapidated two-story wood frame house in the woods, the place just seemed to call my name. I felt connected to it. So I bought it. On a whim. Doing something so spontaneous is totally out of character for me, the predictable, weak-willed Chesney Blake, the overly responsible daughter of middle-class America. Maybe that's the part I liked most about the day I bought the house. I love this moment. I did not ask anyone’s opinion, advice or permission. For once, they didn’t know my business. I shocked the pants off every single person seated around the table, even my crisp, cool mother. I would never admit to the secret that my decision also shocked me. I cannot recall when I last did anything even slightly drastic or spontaneous.

After passing the bread to her brother-in-law, Chesney sat back in her chair, smiling at her wonderful streak of free-spiritedness.

“You did two stupid things. You gave that giant diamond engagement ring back to Jack and then you bought a money pit, which happens to be in the middle of Loserville,” Charlotte said.

The air around Chesney’s head began to cloud. Her nose was stuffy. She zeroed in on Charlotte’s perfect face, wishing she could reach across the table and smack her head off.

“I always loved Grace’s place,” Chesney said stiffly.

“You were a child when you spent so much time there,” Charlotte said. “And because you were a child, you didn’t pay attention to the upkeep involved with that size of a home or the grounds around it.”

Chesney wanted to point out that Charlotte had no business offering an opinion. She wanted to say that Charlotte and Cooper are practically comatose. They yawn their way through a predictable life. Both of them keep their noses in the air, acting like they are above everyone else. But Chesney bit her tongue.