In His Sails (4 page)

It was my last day at
Nambucca Heads, the two weeks had gone by far too quickly. We were scheduled to leave early the next morning. My last day with David. I had spent every day with him since we made love on the boat. I was as giddy as a school girl every time I saw him. But today was different. I didn’t want to see him just to say goodbye. I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

I still
didn’t have a clue where I was going to live. I had thought about staying here but I didn’t know what David would think. The last thing I wanted him to think was that I was all stalkerish. It was only supposed to be a holiday fling for goodness sakes. A distraction (albeit an amazing one) from our fucked up lives. Besides, I read once that holiday romances never last. So it wasn’t like this one would. Weren’t we just using each other to get over pains from our lives? It wasn’t real and I shouldn’t treat it like it was.

I shook my head, berating myself for being such a downer. We should celebrate the fact that we have this last day at all.

I wandered down to the lagoon and sat on the rock I now called mine and David’s, (sorry Pete and Caitlin), waiting for him to meet me for the day.

He saw me and gave me a quick wave before joining me.

I could see a seriousness on his face, something that weighed heavily on his mind. He was thinking the same thing I was. That it was our last day together.

“Know where you are going to live yet?” he asked, as we walked up the pier toward his boat.

I shook my head. “No idea. Mum’s going to Aberdeen, so I’ll probably have to follow her there for a bit, until I get organised. I have the money from the house sale though, so that’ll help find my own place. But still. No job and no idea which direction the wind will take me.”

“A little beach house in
Nambucca would be nice.”

I grinned. “Trying to get me to stay longer are you? I thought this was just a holiday fling.
A way to make us forget our problems.”

He pulled me close into a tight hug. “You do make me forget. The ache is still there, but
it’s not intense. Your company is my panacea. At least for now.”

“Only for now?
You were just trying to get me to move here.”

“We’ll always have the memories,” he said grinning.

I pulled away, grabbing his hand and entwining my fingers with his as we kept walking. “Besides, I’ve already looked at real estate here, and I can’t afford anything. It’s out of my price range, even with the money I’ll be getting.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Oh you’ve already looked, have you? Now who doesn’t want this to end?”

I grinned and punched him playfully on the arm. “It’s been fun.”

“Agreed.
But I know what will make it even more fun?”

“Does it involve body paint and nudity?”

“Hmm, we could incorporate those things, although I was thinking more along the lines of skinny dipping off the coast.”

“Anything to see me naked again, huh?”

“Absolutely. You know how my mind works by now.”

I giggled and agreed.
Skinny-dipping did sound fun, and a bit more time ogling his body, tracing my finger over that rocking tatt, and licking his luscious abs, sounded like a perfect way to spend our last day.

He drove out to sea and anchored the boat far enough out so no one would see us.

I dangled my feet over the side of the boat, watching down into the water. “There isn’t any sharks here is there?”

“Probably lots of them.”

I pulled my feet quickly back onto the boat. “And you want us to go swimming here? Isn’t it dangerous?”

He looked down into the water. “Only if you start bleeding profusely, otherwise we should be fine.”

I was having second thoughts about going in the water now.

“They won’t bother us here. There’s plenty of fish to keep them fed.”

“Are you sure?”

“Want me to go first?” He peeled off his shirt, revealing his sculpted torso
, and pulled down his swimwear. He stood in front of me fully naked and even though I’d seen him without his clothes many times this past week, I couldn’t help but feel giddy.

Without saying
anything, he dived off the side.

I watched him swim around in the water for a good few minutes, before I got the courage to dip my toes back in the water again. I nervously looked down into the ocean expecting at any moment for a set of sharp teeth to chomp down on my ankle.

“It’s beautiful, come on in,” he yelled to me.

I should never have watched Jaws.

I nervously took off my shorts and shirt, followed by my bikini, still standing at the edge of the boat looking down into the dark blueness of the water.

“Are you sure I’m not going to get eaten alive?”

“The way you look right now - I’m not sure of that at all.”

He swam over to me. “But it’s not a shark you need to worry about. Close your eyes.” He held out his hand and I did as he said, letting myself fall into the water, trusting that he
wouldn’t let me become shark food.

The water was cool and danced its way around my body, against my skin and through my legs. Even though wearing swimmers
isn’t much fabric, it’s amazing at how different the water feels on your skin when there is nothing to stop it moving around you.

My heart was beating fast and David pulled me further out.
I kept my eyes closed.

“Lie back and float,” he said. I could feel my body undulate with the water under me, and I let my arms and legs release the tension and just be.

I wasn’t self conscious that he would be staring at me, I just wanted to be one with the moment, free and unrestricted from the burdens that I had placed on myself. My nerves had all but gone as the sun warmed my face and water washed every care away from me.

“Feeling better?” he asked. I was.

He dived underneath me and I smiled as I imagined him staring at my ass through the water. When he came up on the other side, he grabbed my hand. “Come and look.”

I opened my eyes and dived down under the water with him.

From above the water all you could see was the blue of the ocean, but under here, it was like we had been transported to a different alien world.

Coloured
coral jutted out from the ocean floor like miniature rainbow trees. Small fish of every size and shape darted through seaweed and hid under shells. I hadn’t realised we were so close to the bottom of the ocean here, we’d sailed out so far.

When we surfaced, I took a deep breath and immediately wanted to return and see the beauty of below. I was no longer scared, but enthralled at the spectacle.

“How did you know that was down there?” I asked.

“The coast here is full of tiny reefs like that one. The peace of being underwater and seeing worlds you never knew existed puts your own in perspective, doesn’t it?”

I kissed him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard not wanting to let go.

I could feel his excitement grow and press against me and I wrapped my legs around his waist wanting so much for him to be inside of me, loving me right now.

His own kisses got more urgent, and he pulled me closer still, yet not quite close enough. I wanted him so much.

Both our feet paddled in the water, to stay afloat and I groaned as his tongue entered my mouth exploring me further. I wanted to give everything away to him, right now.

He was panting when he pulled away. I nearly gasped.

“Back.
Back to the boat,” he said, breathlessly

“Take me here. Let me feel you out here.” My bottom lip trembled.

He smiled, but swam back to the deck, pulling me alongside him. “Now who can’t keep their hands off me?”

He pulled himself up back onto the deck, the water dripping over his body. He was still hard, and he helped me up and handed me a towel.
Beads of water glistening on his skin when he walked to a drawer and took out a condom.  “You don’t know how hard it was for me to stop myself just then.”

“Oh I felt how hard you were.” I grinned.

“You like teasing me, don’t you?”

“You don’t like it?”

“Come here.” He grabbed my hand and circled it around his waist. He held my head in his hands looking deeply into my eyes. “What am I going to do when you leave me?”

My hands glided over his hips and down his side, playing over his stomach and then back up to his chest. “At least we’ll have the memories,” I said.

It’s been six months since I was last in Nambucca.

David and I promised that we
wouldn’t text or call each other. We decided that the two weeks was so amazing, we didn’t want to let reality swoop in and take that away. We’d both gotten something we needed that summer. We both needed to feel that connection. But he might have moved on by now, found himself a new girlfriend that he could take on his boat. He deserved that.

I
wasn’t ready to move on. I didn’t think anyone could live up to that moment I had with him. I didn’t want to try. All I wanted to do is call him, hear his voice.  See him, have his arms around me. He’s still all I thought about, even six months on.

Since I left,
I’ve been travelling up and down the coast of Queensland doing odd jobs here and there for quick cash. I didn’t buy a house with the money, I couldn’t decide on one place to stay.

Instead, I bought a boat.
It’s not a sailing boat like David’s. It’s a houseboat, a little apartment that floats. I can go anywhere I want. I feel free. Free enough to travel wherever I like.

Now that
it’s winter I decided to head back to Nambucca for a quick stop. I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do or not. But it was such a nice place, with nice memories. I smiled.

It
wouldn’t hurt to see him again. Just once. Either way, I could get him out of my head. For better or worse.

I moored my boat at the marina. The same one
where David kept his boat docked. I saw it in the next row, shiny and bobbing in the water as if saying hello. “Hello, Drummer Boy,” I whispered. “Nice to see you again.”

I walked to the beach. Even though
it’s winter, there were some people sitting on the sand, huddling into each other for warmth. I wondered if that would be me later.

Butterflies danced all over my skin as I walked, almost skipped along the sand, casually eyeing everyone I passed, hoping to see him.

So far, no luck. I walked to the lagoon area and sat on our rock. Pete’s name had been crossed out with white paint. It seemed Caitlin wasn’t going to be with him forever anymore. I wondered what happened to them.

I picked up my phone and
hovered my finger over his name. I couldn’t call him, could I? Maybe I could be casual, just ring to say hi. That wouldn’t be too much, would it?

I
doubted myself. Even doubting coming here at all.

A cold breeze whipped my hair across my face and I headed up to a group of shops on the far side of the beach to get out of the chill. A small bookshop was open, a sign in the window said it was celebrating local authors and featured a row of books. Each of them piled high like little bricks, with the top most one standing up,
its cover beckoning readers to buy them. I didn’t read many paper books anymore, but I looked at the row it had highlighted.

Immediately my
gaze stopped on one of them with a familiar name.

Never
The Drummer Boy, by David Carlton
.

He wrote the book he was talking about. I went inside, grabbed a copy and paid for it at the counter. The blurb read
it was a novel about the one who had got away. Lost love. “A real tearjerker” one review quote on the back read.

I took the book to a nearby coffee shop and dove into the pages.

Immediately my heart felt like it was being squeezed with an ice crush. It was about his ex girlfriend, Jennifer. Not me. He was still in love with his ex. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. Of course it would be, why would I have thought anything differently? We’d only had two weeks together. That didn’t constitute a whole book written about me.

I took another sip of coffee and pushed the hurt from my mind. I kept reading as if knowing how he felt for someone else, would somehow be enough for me to get over him.

I was only a quarter of the way into the book, when a shadow of someone standing to my left, jolted me out of the story.

“Mia?”

It was him. David. Oh my god.

My heart jumped and then did two somersaults before landing back in my chest.

He sat down at my table. “What are you doing here, in Nambucca?”

I eyed him up and down. He looked thinner than when
I’d last seen him. “You finished your book.”

He paused. “I did.” He looked down at the table.
“You?”

I frowned. He
didn’t look happy to see me. I don’t know what I expected, but this, awkward conversation, wasn’t it.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

He looked back up at me. Small worry lines etched in his forehead. “I’m fine. Just surprised to see you here.” His eyes skimmed his book that I was still holding in my hands. I folded over the corner of the page and placed it away from me. He cringed.

“I was just passing through,” I lied.
“Thought I’d stop for coffee before I headed on my way.”

He nodded. “Okay. Well, I won’t hold you up then.”

My voice squeaked in my throat. “You going already?”

“Well…” He looked out of the window of the shop. “I really should.” He
wouldn’t meet my gaze and stood up. “It was nice seeing you again.” He turned and walked away from me, disappearing out the door without a glance back.

My lip trembled. All the expectations I had from seeing him again came crashing down on me. He acted
like I was a casual acquaintance. Someone he couldn’t wait to get away from. He even seemed annoyed that I was here.

I left money on the table for my coffee and ran back to my boat. I was shaking. I felt humiliated. Why did I even think coming here was a good idea? Was I mad?