In My Shoes (30 page)

“No,” I replied.

“Because I don’t want chances.”

“I’m not giving you chances! I’m just having
trouble getting my bearings. Give me a minute…I’ll figure it
out.”

I’m not sure really why I said that. It must
have been the competitive juices flowing through me, because a
minute wasn’t going to help me. As Jessica restarted the game, I
looked back and saw Mike grinning wide and Jake blushing. My face,
his expression…and I could tell he was a little mortified at my
inability to play.

I refocused my attention to the game and
Jessica beat me easily.

“Let’s go again,” I said. Again with the
competitive juices. Just because I’ve never played before, doesn’t
mean I don’t want to win.

Surprisingly, I did better the second game.
She barely beat me.

“Okay, I’m getting the hang of this. One
more,” I said, determined.

The third game was close, but I beat Jessica.
“Yes!” I said, a little too enthusiastically. I realized that
probably seemed out of place so I quickly added, “Sorry, I got a
little carried away there. Good games, Jessica.”

“Good games,” she said, but she wasn’t
exactly happy. I think she liked that she was beating Jake.

Jake chimed in to try and lighten the mood of
the moment. “You did really good Jessica, considering you just
played for the first time today. You did good too, Jake,” he added,
trying to make us both feel better.

We stopped for a minute to have another
snack. After that, I relinquished the controller to Mike, so he
could play Jake again. By now, Jake was no longer pretending he
couldn’t play, and he was beating Mike as much as Mike was beating
him.

“Dude, nice!” Mike said after Jake beat him
one last game.

“Did you just call Nicole dude?” Jessica
asked Mike.

“Uhh…I mean, Nice job Nicole,” he
corrected.

“I should probably get home,” I said,
changing the subject.

“I can take you home,” Jessica said.

I had a feeling she would say that. “Okay,
thanks Jess. I’ll see you guys later,” I said, turning toward Jake
and Mike.

“Yeah, I should go too,” Jake said. I was
hoping he’d say that.

Jessica and I got in her car and I gave her
directions to Jake’s house. I decided it would be best to try and
control the conversation on the trip, to try and keep from getting
myself in an uncomfortable situation.

“This is a nice car,” I started. “How old is
it?”

“Thanks. It’s, what, six years old?” she
said, trying to work the years out in her head.

“It’s a Camry, right?” I asked.

“Right. You know cars?”

No, I just know her car. I’ve been in it
enough. “A little. I wouldn’t call myself a car expert, or
anything. I have a friend who has one of these, so it seemed
familiar.”

“Oh yeah? Who?”

Uhh… “Nobody you know. His name is…Sean.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah. So, did you get it new?” I already
knew the answer, but again, I was trying to control the
conversation.

“No. My dad got a good deal on it from a
rental car place. It was only a year old when I got it. It had a
lot of miles on it, but it was in good shape. Overall, it’s been a
pretty good car.”

“Well, it’s really nice. You take good care
of it.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure. So…what do you like to do for fun?” I
asked.

“I usually like to get together with Nicole
and Caryn and Meredith. We do a lot of things together.”

“Turn left at the light.”

“Got it.”

“So,” I continued, “like what?”

“Like…we like to go to the mall, as you know.
We like to go to the movies, and bowl, and lots of times we just
get together at one of our houses and hang out…talk about boys,”
she said looking at me and smiling.

Uh-oh, a trap. We’re almost to Jake’s house,
Nicole. Find a different subject. “Are you a good bowler?”

“No. We just go to hang out. Meredith is a
pretty good bowler. So is Nicole. The rest of us just try not to
throw it in the gutter. We still have fun, though. Maybe we could
go bowling together sometime.”

“Yeah, that sounds…great.”

“I’m looking forward to tomorrow night,”
Jessica quickly got in.

“Yeah…me too!” I said with as much enthusiasm
as I could muster. “It…should be fun.” Come on, we’re almost
there.

“Yeah, I think so too.”

Finally, we pulled up to Jake’s house. “So,
this is it, huh?”

“Yep. This is my place.”

“It seems nice.”

“Thanks. So, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said,
quickly getting out of the car.

“Oh, okay. Bye Jake.”

“Bye.”

As I was walking into the house, I noticed
that clouds were coming in. It looked like a storm was on its way.
I love the rain, especially since it rarely happens here.

Jake’s mom wasn’t home yet. Everything in the
house was silent. It felt strange. I think this was the first time
that I have been in Jake’s house when nobody else was here. It was
kind of eerie. I took my things to Jake’s room, and headed to the
kitchen to make some dinner. After looking around for a few
minutes, I finally found some hamburger patties in the freezer.
That sounded kind of good, so I decided that would be our
dinner.

Jake’s mom got home at five forty-five. She
seemed to be in a particularly good mood.

“Hi, mom,” I said cheerfully.

“Hi, Hon. How was your day?”

“It was good. How was yours?”

“It was pretty good. Everything seemed to
just go right today.”

“That’s great!” I said. I wish I could say
the same.

“Yeah. It’s always nice when that happens.
So, what did you do today?”

“The usual. Classes went well. A couple of us
went to Mike’s house after school.”

“Oh yeah? What did you guys do?”

“We studied for a couple of hours, and then
we played video games for a while.”

“You studied at Mike’s house?”

“Yeah.”

“So, maybe I’m wrong, but you never study at
Mike’s house, do you?”

“No, not usually.”

She looked at me for a moment. “So, are you
going to tell me what brought that on, or is it a secret?” She was
playfully teasing.

“No, it’s not a secret,” I said, laughing. “I
think Mike has decided to do better in school. At least, he’s been
trying harder as of late.”

“That’s great! How long has this been going
on for?”

“About…well, today,” I said, smiling.

“Well, better late than never. Hopefully he
sticks with it.”

“Yeah.” I didn’t know what else to say. I
hoped he’d stay with it, too.

We sat down to dinner. I had added some green
beans to the meal. Nothing fancy, but it did the job. Jake’s mom
and I talked more about our days while we ate dinner. I’ve become
comfortable talking to her, like a second mom.

Realizing this made me a little sad, because
it made me think about how little I’ve seen of my parents lately.
It made me even sadder to think about Jake, and how he doesn’t even
have a dad. At some point I’ll get my dad back. Jake won’t. I
wondered if he was enjoying having my dad around or whether it even
mattered to him.

Lots of teenagers would love to have a break
from their parents. Not me. Even when I disagree with them, I never
get so upset that I don’t want to be near them for any real amount
of time. And now, knowing they are there with Tyler, and I can’t
be…

I was brought out of my brief trance by
Jake’s cell phone vibrating. It startled me a bit and Jake’s mom
noticed.

“What’s that? Did you get a cell phone?” she
asked.

I didn’t know how to respond. Tell her yes,
or lie? Would she be upset if Jake had a cell phone?

“Uhh…yeah. Nicole got a new phone and gave me
her old one. It’s nothing fancy, and it’s nice because it’s a
pre-paid phone. That way I can put a specific number of minutes on
it and when they’re out, they’re out,” I said shrugging. “Is that
okay?” I added, hoping to diffuse a problem before it started.

“Well, I guess so. Is it okay with her
parents that she gave you a phone?”

“Oh yeah. She was just going to get rid of
it, so she figured it made sense to give it to me.”

“Well, okay. Leave me the number. It’ll be
nice to have another way to get a hold of you.”

“Sure,” I answered.

I looked down at the phone. There was a text
message from Jake. “I’ve been thinking…tell my mother I would like
to get a car with some of my money.”

My face must have had an interesting look on
it, because Jake’s mom chimed in, “Is everything okay?”

I gathered myself and put the phone away.
“Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“You just got this strange look on your
face.”

“Huh. No, I’m fine.”

I got up and started washing the dishes. Once
I finished, Jake’s mom thanked me for making dinner, and I headed
to Jake’s room.

Once I made it to Jake’s room, I answered the
text. “Why now? Do we really need to add more to everything going
on? Things could be back to normal tomorrow, and then you could ask
her yourself.”

It took him about five minutes to respond
back. When he did, he called. “I just think the moment is right
now. She has been keeping this in for a long time, and she decided
to tell me about this now. I may have a better chance of her saying
yes if a bunch of time hasn’t passed.”

“You’re playing on her sympathies,” I
said.

“I don’t really think that’s fair. I think
it’s reasonable to ask to have some of the money go toward me
having a car. Don’t most people ask for things when they have the
best chance of getting the response they want?”

“I guess so, but Jake, can’t you just wait
until you change back?”

“If I knew when that would be, I could answer
that. What if it’s three weeks from now?”

“Then
I
will be doing without a car
until then.”

“Yes, but this is less about getting a car
now than it is getting her approval now. I just want to open up the
conversation so she can think about it.”

“Okay, but I don’t want to do it tonight.
Wait until tomorrow. That way, if you change back, you can ask her
yourself.”

“Fine, but if we don’t change back, will you
ask her tomorrow?”

“You forget…I have a date tomorrow night. If
I can when I get home, I will. But we need to discuss how you think
this conversation will go, and what argument you want me to make
for you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I think.”

“Talk to you tomorrow. Good night.”

“Good night,” I said, and then hung up.

Great. As if I didn’t have enough to think
about. Now I’ve got to possibly negotiate a car for Jake. I mean, I
understand where he is coming from. I miss my car. It would be nice
not to have to depend on Mike for transportation. Still…I just
don’t think this is the right time.

It occurred to me that I had not done any
laundry since…well, let’s just say I needed to do laundry. I sorted
Jake’s dirty clothes and started with colors. I started the washer
and went back to Jake’s room to finish the studying I was too
distracted to finish at Mike’s house.

I studied for a while longer, and then I
decided to try and relax. I got onto Jake’s computer, got on the
internet and went to a Sudoku website. I don’t know why, but Sudoku
puzzles relax me. I like the challenge, and they’re fun.

After an hour or so of that, I got off the
internet. Jake has a modest music collection. I hadn’t really gone
through it up to this point. Usually, I play music a lot. I love
music. It makes me happy and I feel free when I sing. Singing makes
me feel more…alive.

We’ve had so much going on since the switch
that I haven’t sang much at all. I still don’t really know what
kind of a voice Jake has.

As I started looking through his music, I
realized we had very similar tastes in music. Most of the music I
recognized, and most of it was music from the last few years.

One CD was from 1987. The album was called
All That Jazz
and it was by a group called Breathe. I wasn’t
familiar with them. I wasn’t born in 1987, and it wasn’t exactly
classic music. My music taste is pretty eclectic. I like a lot of
modern rock and pop, but I also like Journey, Queen, Elvis, Billy
Joel, Michael Jackson…My parents have exposed me to a lot of music
from their generation and earlier. This group I hadn’t heard
of.

I put the CD into Jake’s computer CD drive
and started listening. The first couple of songs were okay, but I
found out why he had the album after the fourth song. “Hands to
Heaven” was the title of the fourth song. It was beautiful.

I played it again and again, memorizing all
of the words and notes until I had the phrasing just right.

It was getting close to time for bed. I
pulled the colors, which were now in the dryer, out and took them
into Jake’s room to fold them.

I could hear thunder outside in the distance.
We so rarely get rain here, that I was kind of hoping we would get
some. I love hearing the rain at night, and the smell of the rain
in the morning air. I can only hope I’ll wake up tomorrow morning
in my own bed and have rain when I go outside. I was trying real
hard not to get my hopes up for either to happen.

I had finished listening to the Breathe
album. There were quite a few songs I really liked. I decided I’d
have to get it myself, once we’d changed back.

I turned off Jake’s computer and got ready
for bed. Jake’s mom had already gone to bed, so I turned out the
light and crawled into Jake’s bed. I lay awake in bed for a while,
thinking about tomorrow.

It’s so hard to plan for a day when there are
so many variables that could come into play. I thought about Tyler,
switching back, asking Jake’s mom for a car, going on a date with
Jessica, what I would do if I had to kiss Jessica, the rain…