In My Skin (8 page)

It was late afternoon when we arrived back in the city and headed straight to Chaise's—in the last few weeks I had spent far more time there than my own place, and it was fast coming to feel like home; I even had my own key.

I was feeling considerably more relaxed, my body pleasantly achy as I dismounted the bike and removed my helmet.

"I should go and check in with Sophie before I go upstairs.” She raised my hand to her lips and kissed my knuckles. “Why don't you go ahead? I won't be long.” She had that look in her eyes that, in spite of a night of unrestrained passion, still made me feel all tingly.

"Okay, but don't be too long. I have to go back to work tomorrow, so I'm going to need an early night.” I watched as her pupils flared and her tongue came out to lick her bottom lip.

"I'll be five minutes. Tops."

I laughed as she strode into the coffee shop, and went up to the apartment. Shedding my jacket and boots, I headed for the kitchen and began preparing a dinner of pasta and salad. I had barely put the pasta in the pot and taken the vegetables from the fridge when I heard the door open and Chaise's footsteps on the stairs.

"That was quick, can't bear to be parted from me, huh?” I crossed to the stairs and leaned over the banister. The smile froze on my face when I saw that Chaise was not alone, but had my mother in tow.

I felt anxiety suddenly invade my body, wiping away all the good that the last day had done. I moved to stand behind the kitchen counter, putting some distance as well as a physical barrier between us.

Chaise looked distinctly uncomfortable as she gestured for my mother to enter the apartment. “Uh, your mom was waiting in the coffee shop to speak to you."

Mom smiled and looked every bit as uncomfortable as Chaise. “I called your office and your assistant said you had taken a couple of personal days, then I went to your apartment. I came here because, well, I couldn't think of where else I might find you.” She was doing that thing with the fingers of her right hand, sort of rubbing the tips together, that I had come to associate with her being nervous or feeling out of her element. It caused my stance to soften a little.

"I have to admit that this is quite a surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you.” The air in the room seemed to throb with tension.

"I-I thought that maybe we should talk.” She sounded so unsure, so ill at ease that my heart twisted in my chest.

I nodded. “Yes, I think we should.” I came out from behind the counter and looked at Chaise. “If you'd prefer, we could take this elsewhere?” The last thing I wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable in her own home.

But Chaise immediately shook her head. “No, please, stay.” She turned to mom. “Mrs. Stuart, why don't you have a seat and I'll make some tea?"

Mom came slowly further into the room and smiled rather awkwardly at Chaise. “That would be very nice. Thank you ... Chaise."

It was that last sentence that gave me hope. While mom sat on the edge of one of the sofas, I sat a little stiffly on the one opposite. Clutching her purse on her lap, mom looked around her.

"This is a lovely place. Very ... trendy?” She said the word like she wasn't quite sure of it.

"Yes, it is lovely, and quite trendy I suppose.” There was a long silence broken only by the sounds of Chaise puttering around in the kitchen, taking far longer to make the tea than was necessary.

"Do you spend a lot of time here?” Mom was still looking around her, like she wasn't quite able to meet my eyes.

"More and more it seems.” I smiled and was surprised to find that it was easier than I would have thought.

There was another long silence, then mom finally looked at me, looked
right
at me, and I had the oddest feeling that for the first time ever she was really trying to see me.

"I've always been proud of you, you know.” I hadn't expected that, and it left me speechless for a moment.

"You—you have?” I was finally able to ask.

She smiled, and it lit up her eyes. “When you won that scholarship to college I told everyone I met for weeks afterwards—I'm sure I told everyone more than once. Then when you did so well at law school?” She laughed lightly. “Well, I think that people started to avoid me so that they wouldn't have to listen to me boasting about my brilliant daughter."

Stunned, I could only stare open-mouthed. “But ... but you never said anything to me. Why didn't you ever tell
me
?"

She looked down at her hands. “Because, I suppose in spite of my pride in your accomplishments, I really didn't understand you—you were right about that.” She shook her head, but I got the feeling that it was more about her than me. “But it wasn't just that.” She looked at me again, and her eyes seemed to implore me. “Oh, Anna. I have found such happiness and fulfillment in being a wife and mother. I was so afraid that you were going to get so caught up in your career that you would never know that kind of contentment. I can see now how you could have confused my concern for disappointment, and to apologize seems so inadequate, but I truly am sorry."

I was granted a moment to gather my wits as Chaise brought over a tray with two cups of tea and a plate of cookies. She set it on the coffee table and went back to the kitchen.

I picked up my cup and held it between my hands just for something to do.

"When you told me about your relationship with Chaise it was like all my fears had come to life—no husband, no children...” A frown drew her eyebrows together.

"Just because I'm sharing my life with another woman doesn't mean that I'll never be a mother.” I wanted to reach out and touch her, to reassure her. “It's not what I want right now, but who knows what will happen a couple of years down the line?"

She nodded. “I understand that. I do. I've done nothing but think about it for two days. It's just ... when you first told me...” She shrugged as if she had run out of words.

I put my cup back on the table and went to sit beside her, but still not touching. “I'm not going to change, Ma, you get that, right?"

She nodded, and without looking at me she reached over and gently laid her hand on mine. It said more than any words could. After a moment of quiet, she patted my hand and stood. “I should get back. I left your dad to fend for himself—he's probably burned down the kitchen."

I laughed at that and stood beside her. “I wouldn't be in the least surprised."

She was looking unsure again, and I instinctively reached out and hugged her. After a brief pause she returned the embrace.

"Oh, and just for the record?” She pulled back and held me at arms length. “I'm very glad you're not Lacy. That girl doesn't have the brains she was born with—just look at that useless lump she married!” There was a little twinkle of mischief in her eye that reminded me of exactly why I hadn't called her on her meddling all those years.

I walked with her, and she stopped at the top of the stairs, turned and looked at Chaise.

"Perhaps you would join us for dinner sometime, Chaise? I would invite you to Saturday lunch at my mother's, but that would be a bit like throwing you to the wolves! A small family dinner would be a kinder way to ease you into the family."

Chaise, who I think had been trying to make herself invisible the whole time, smiled warmly. “I'd like that, Mrs. Stuart."

With a smile and a nod, mom went ahead of me down the stairs. I walked her to her car, parked at the end of the lane, and we shared another brief hug before she drove home. I was smiling when I arrived back at Chaise's, and she immediately caught me up in a big hug, spinning me around several times.

I wasn't deluded or foolish enough to think that everything was going to be smooth sailing from there on in, but I had hope for the first time that my mother and I would find a middle ground where we could co-exist without too much drama.

I looked at Chaise, at her beautiful smiling face and her bright gray eyes, leaned in and kissed her lips, filled my hands with her silky hair, and knew that no matter what was ahead of us, it would be worth it.