In Petrakis's Power (12 page)

‘And did that help?’

‘Of course it didn’t help!’ Furious with himself, with Natalie, and perhaps with the whole world too, Ludo shot up from his chair, breathing hard. ‘I discovered you can run away as far as you like—even to the remotest place on the planet—but you can’t leave your sorrow and grief behind. Wherever you go, the pain travels with you. All running away did for me was add to my already unbearable sense of guilt and inadequacy. The realisation that as a son I had totally failed my parents—the people I love the most. They devoted their lives to raising me and Theo and look how I repaid them. It’s unforgivable.’

The anguish in his voice immediately made Natalie get to her feet. ‘You didn’t do it deliberately, Ludo. It wasn’t planned. You were hurting too, remember? It was a totally understandable reaction.’

Dropping his hands to his lean straight hips, he trapped her gaze with the sheer desolation in his eyes. ‘The only way I can make it up to them is by introducing you as my fiancée, Natalie. That’s why you have to do this for me. It is not enough that I return home by myself.’

‘Why?’ She stepped round the table to face him. ‘Why isn’t it enough? You’re their beloved son, Ludo. A son any parents would be proud of. And people forgive those they love. Even when they’ve done the so-called “unforgivable”.’

‘Do they indeed?’ His burning blue eyes gleamed
cynically. ‘I wonder how you have become such an optimist. It is my experience that forgiving someone who has hurt you, and hurt you badly, is the hardest thing of all.’

‘But if you see that you only hurt yourself more by not forgiving them, then maybe it’s not so hard. For instance, when my dad walked out on my mum and me, I felt so heartbroken and betrayed that I thought I’d never trust him again. How could he do such a thing to us? I thought he was a liar and a cheat and deserved never to be happy again! For a long time I didn’t even want to see him. But through it all my mum wouldn’t hear one bad word said about him and she urged me to forgive him. Trust me, it wasn’t easy … But it had to be done if I was ever to have any peace, because it was killing me holding all that blame and hurt in my heart. Then, when he had his heart attack, the decision to forgive him for everything was easy. I’m so glad I realised it, because now our relationship is closer than ever.’

Her heart was galloping as she came to the end of her impassioned speech—a speech that had asserted feelings she hadn’t expressed to anyone before. Not even her mum.

Combing her fingers shakily through her hair, Natalie was appalled at herself. ‘I’m sorry’ she murmured, ‘We were talking about your parents. I only wanted to illustrate that I believe if you really love someone that love never dies. I don’t doubt for one second that your parents have already forgiven you, Ludo. My mother once told me that the love for your child surpasses any other and lives on even when a parent dies.’

Now her face was burning. The man in front of her had neither moved nor tried to interrupt her. Instead, the long, considered glance he was giving her suggested he was thinking hard, hopefully finding some solace in her assertion that a parent’s love never died, no matter what their offspring had done. Natalie could only pray that it was true.

Beneath the white linen shirt he was wearing Ludo’s broad athletic shoulders lifted in an enigmatic shrug that revealed very little about what he felt, and her anxiety skyrocketed—she had blundered in where maybe she shouldn’t have.

‘Whether my parents forgive me or not, we will find out tomorrow. But right now I intend to go for a very long walk so I can reflect on our reunion.’

‘Would you like me to go with you?’

One corner of his mouth lifted slightly towards a high bronzed cheekbone. ‘No. This is one walk that I must take on my own. If you want some entertainment ask Allena to show you what we have available. And if you think of anything else you need, just ask her. If you feel that you want an early night, go ahead. Don’t trouble to wait up for me. We can talk again in the morning over breakfast.
Kalinihta
, Natalie. Sleep well.’

Stepping closer, Ludo almost absentmindedly brushed her cheek with his warm lips, and as he turned and walked away the warmth from his body stirred the air, mingling with the scent of bougainvillaea draped heavily over the terrace walls, as if the flowers too registered his leaving and couldn’t help but be saddened by it.

H
E LIKED THE
night. Even more, he liked the night air of his country. No matter where a person went on the island, they breathed in air that was drenched with an eclectic variety of sensual aromas. Some of the most pervading scents were of olives and pine, bougainvillaea and jasmine, crusty bread baked in traditional fire ovens. And wherever people ate the delicious aroma of roasted meats and the freshest fish imaginable would tempt even the most jaded of appetites. But more than the tempting food and scents that lured tourists to the country time and time again Ludo loved the sight and sound of the Mediterranean and the Aegean best of all. It had always calmed and centred him, no matter what worry might be plaguing him at the time.

But the day he’d heard that Theo had drowned in the waters off Margaritari was the day that Ludo had come to
despise
the sea. How could he ever take pleasure in it again after it had so cruelly taken his brother from him?

Walking along the near deserted beach, he stopped to gaze up at the bewitching crescent moon that hung in the inky dome above him.

‘Make a wish on the crescent moon,’ his mother had
often told him and his brother when they were boys. ‘If you do, it is bound to come true, my children.’

Well, Ludo had wished to be as rich as Croesus. No doubt Theo had made a much more humanitarian plea to be of service to those less fortunate than himself. Even as a young boy he had exhibited uncommon kindness and patience. But, no matter how wealthy or powerful he became, Ludo knew he would instantly give up every single euro he had if he could have his brother back.

Once again, a familiar arrow of grief pierced him as though he were on fire and, rubbing his chest in a bid to try and ease the pain, he made himself walk farther on down the beach. One or two tourists greeted him, and after reluctantly acknowledging them he quickly moved on. He wasn’t in the mood to be sociable tonight.

Having removed his canvas shoes as soon as he’d stepped onto the sand, and despite the sorrow and regret that weighed him down, he briefly luxuriated in the sensation of sun-baked golden grains on the soles of his feet. The thought came to him that he should have brought Natalie. Why had he turned down her offer to accompany him? He should know by now that her presence soothed him. Soothed him and
aroused
him.

He suddenly felt a strong urge to hear her voice, to listen to the encouraging advice that seemed to come to her so naturally. What if he let down his guard and admitted he no longer wanted to endure the fears and concerns that plagued him on his own? What if he asked Natalie to
share
them? Would she be willing to do that for him?

But even as he mulled the idea over in his head Ludo
remembered how she had urged him to believe that his parents had already forgiven him for his negligence. It had dangerously raised hopes that would be cruelly dashed if they had not. Then where would he be? His so-called success meant nothing if he didn’t have their unconditional love and respect.

His thoughts returned to Natalie. Would she have taken up his suggestion and had an early night? During their meal that evening she’d shielded a yawn from him more than once. She was probably looking forward to a good night’s sleep—while he undoubtedly faced another torturous night wrestling with his fears about how tomorrow would go.

Damn it all to hell!
Why couldn’t he have engineered a simpler existence than the one he’d chosen? Instead of obsessively working himself into the ground and trying to accumulate even more wealth, what he wouldn’t give right now to be wooing the love of his life—as his father had done when he’d met his mother—to be anticipating building a home and family together and perhaps living a good part of the year on Margaritari as he’d once dreamed he would? It hit him how tired he’d grown of the endless travelling that filled most of his year. What he really wanted to do was to spend some proper time with family and friends, to immerse himself again in the simple but solid values that shone like a beacon of goodness and common sense in a world that frequently moved too fast, where people restlessly went from one meaningless pleasure to the next in search of that most elusive goal of all…
happiness
.

The truth was that, for Ludo, the dog-eat-dog business
world that he’d so eagerly embraced had all but lost its appeal since Theo died. He might have sought refuge in it when he’d exiled himself from his parents, but the exercise had failed miserably. All it had shown him was how emotionally barren his life had become. He was just kidding himself that he wanted to keep on travelling down the same soulless path. In truth, Ludo had missed his home and country much more than he’d realised.

Unbidden, a mental vision stole into his mind of Natalie holding out her hand beneath the lemon tree, so that Ludo might demonstrate the ripeness of the fruit. There was a strangely alluring innocence about her that grew more and more compelling every time he saw her. But it was playing merry havoc with his libido. Just thinking about her graceful slender figure, her river of shining hair and big grey eyes, made him feel near
desperate
to take her between his sheets and passionately seduce her.

Would she ever feel inclined, or indeed brave enough, to invite herself into his room one of these nights, as he’d suggested? Ludo didn’t know why, but despite their almost instantaneous connection he’d intuited that he shouldn’t seduce Natalie just to fulfil his own hungry desire for gratification. He should give her time to realise that her own needs were just as great as his. When she came round to the fact of her own free will, the heat between them would be nothing less than
explosive
, he was sure.

But it didn’t help to dwell on the tantalising prospect. Kicking at the sand with another frustrated sigh, he found himself ambling towards the seashore.

He wasn’t the only one to be won over by Natalie’s charms. During dinner her genteel manners and ready smile had clearly formed a bond between her and Allena. Given the opportunity, would a similar bond ever be forged between Natalie and his own mother? Irritably reminding himself that their engagement was nothing but a bittersweet ruse, born of a desire to convince his parents to see him in a better light, Ludo emitted a furious curse. Reaching down, he picked up a small jagged rock that was half buried beneath the sand and threw it into the foaming moonlit waves lapping onto the shore.

Natalie had been so tired that she’d fallen asleep on the bed fully dressed. She’d tried hard to wait up for Ludo, but when the evening had worn on and he still hadn’t shown she’d regretfully made her way upstairs to the bedroom.

After staring out at the moonlit sea from the terrace for what seemed like an eternity, thinking how tragic it was that the revered and beloved Theo had perished there beneath the waves, she’d found herself overwhelmed by a sense of sadness she hadn’t been able to dispel easily. Lost in her poignant daydream, she’d experienced a moment of real panic, imagining Ludo walking alone by the seashore, with nothing but sorrow and regret accompanying him. She should have insisted that she join him, even if he’d got angry. It would have been worth the risk to make sure he was all right.

Finally, unable to fight what felt like sheer exhaustion, Natalie had crossed the room to the lavish bed, sat down to remove her sandals and before she knew it,
had lain down curled up in a foetal position and fallen fast asleep.

She didn’t have a clue what time it was when she woke the next morning, but the sun beaming in through the open patio doors was glorious. When she sat up and saw that she still wore the pretty orange dress she’d had on last night she shook her head in disbelief. That had never happened before. But then yesterday had been full-on, with all the travelling and its accompanying tension—that tension increasing when Ludo had chosen to go for a moonlit walk on his own last night and she hadn’t seen him return.

Hurriedly stripping off the colourful dress, Natalie headed straight into the bathroom. But not before nervously wondering if Ludo thought her ungracious or rude for not waiting up for him. After all, it was hardly the behaviour of the supposedly devoted fiancée his parents were expecting to meet today, was it? The realisation of what she had pledged to do hit her again like a head-on collision. But the shock that eddied through her also acted as a spur for her to hurry up and present herself to her host. She realised she had a lot of questions to ask about their proposed visit to his family home.

A smiling Allena informed Natalie that Ludo was out on the terrace, waiting for her to join him for breakfast. Drawing in a long, deep breath, she hovered in an arched doorway that was draped with blossom, silently observing him as he lounged in a cane chair with his knees drawn up against his chest and his arms loosely wrapped round them.

His attire today consisted of a casual white linen shirt and rust-coloured chinos. His feet were bare. With the stunning vista of the sparkling ocean glinting in the sun before him, his sun-kissed golden hair and long limbs made him resemble a beautiful dancer in repose, and her heartbeat skittered nervously. She was utterly mesmerised by the breathtaking picture he made.

Turning suddenly, he took her completely by surprise with his greeting. How long had he known she was standing there?

‘
Kalimera
, Natalie. I trust you slept well?’ he drawled, smiling.

The stunning sapphire eyes that crinkled at the corners when he utilised his smile rendered her temporarily speechless.

Quickly gathering her wits, she replied, ‘I slept like a log, thanks. In fact I was so tired last night that I fell asleep fully clothed and didn’t wake up until about half an hour ago. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long?’