In Place of Never (18 page)

I rolled onto the bed, admiring my metallic-black manicure. “I don’t know he’s addicted, but he was definitely drunk. Depressed. Withdrawn. He needs help.” I bicycled my feet and waved my arms for faster drying.

Pru twisted the little brush back into its bottle. “Fine, but neither of them had any reason for being mean to you.”

“True.” I moved into a seated position and blew on my fingernails. “When do you think Sheriff Dobbs will tell Dad I was there?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he won’t. I mean, why would he? You didn’t do anything wrong. You visited Brady and asked him normal, reasonable things about our sister. You can’t help he was drunk before lunch or that Mark’s an overzealous brother-protector whack-job. Sheriff Dobbs probably told them to relax and get some perspective.”

“Maybe.”

Pru set the polish aside and climbed onto the bed beside me. “What were you doing in your old room today?”

“Looking.”

“Yeah? See anything good?”

I nodded to my dresser. “That’s her old address book. She had a contact sheet in the back with names and numbers for all the color-guard girls. When I talked to Patricia and Vanessa after church, they told me to try Sara. I guess Sara was with the Lovells that night too.”

“And?”

“I called the home number listed. I told her mom who I was and what I wanted. She gave me Sara’s new cell number, but there was no answer. I left a rambling message of incoherency with my number. I guess Sara’s in New York now. Her mom says she moves every year. I hate bothering everyone. Stirring this up after so many years seems unfair to the people I’m questioning.”

Pru shook her head. “It’s never too late to want the truth.”

“Okay, but what will we even do with the answers I get? Am I selfishly upsetting a bunch of people I barely know so I can get closure?” I pressed the heels of my hands against my closed lids. “Why is this so complicated?”

The mattress shifted beneath me. Pru’s thin arm wrapped over my shoulders. “You deserve closure. That’s reasonable and no one thinks otherwise. Is there anything I can do?”

“Forgive me for checking out on you when you needed me? Everyone left you. Jeez, Pru, you were twelve. What was I thinking?”

She clucked her tongue. “There you go again. Let it go. Stop looking for reasons to hate yourself. You were thinking the same thing I was thinking. We lost everything, and Dad hid from us at the church. We went into survival mode. Hey, and for the record, I don’t care how you got through it. I’m glad you’re here now. You stayed.”

I bit back a pointless argument. Pru was right. The girl in my head wanted blame. She wanted a reason to give up again, but every day I refused was a day the voice grew weaker and I grew stronger.

Something occurred to me. “Don’t you need closure?”

Pru wrinkled her nose. “I have closure. My sister drowned accidentally. My mom killed herself. Mom was depressed. Faith was apparently drunk. I accepted what Dad told me and I went on with that as gospel. Being young had an advantage. I didn’t know enough to rebel or fight it. I just went on. When kids said Faith committed suicide, I didn’t listen. She didn’t have that problem. Mom did.”

My shoulders slumped. “You didn’t worry about Mom passing her depression on to us?”

“No. I saw how Mom lived. Dad and Faith catered to her. Dad worried about her all the time. Faith treated Mom like she would break. I knew something was wrong with Mom for as long as I could remember, but I didn’t know what until Faith died.”

Huh. “I assumed you were too young to know anything. You saw more than I did. I was clueless until the world fell apart.”

“Doesn’t matter. I came to terms with their deaths. Now, it’s your turn.”

I drew a pattern on the blanket with the pad of one finger. “Do you think any member of the Lovells had anything to do with Faith’s death? Dad must have some reason to blame them after all this time.”

Pru shook her head. “He’s buddies with the sheriff. Don’t you think they’d have hunted the Lovells down or at least brought someone in for questioning when they came back last week if there was any evidence? I think the way the Lovells left is shady, and there’s suspicion, but I don’t think they hurt Faith. I think it helps Dad to place blame. He needs to assign names to problems so he can fix them. You know that. He blamed a closed door for what I did with Jason.”

“All right, but why do you think the Lovells ran?” My gut clenched. “Oh, wow. I almost forgot.”

“What?”

“Right before I left the Dobbs’ place, Brady said a Gypsy told Faith she had no future.”

Pru’s cheeks flushed. “Mean. That doesn’t mean they killed her.”

“No. I know. I didn’t mean that. I meant, what if they really can read palms or the future or whatever? What if Nadya knew something bad was coming and that’s why she insisted they leave in such a hurry?”

Pru frowned. “I don’t believe in that stuff. Don’t you hear anything Dad tells us in church? Fortune telling isn’t real. It’s a scam played on vulnerable people. The most I’m willing to concede is maybe…only maybe…Nadya saw something happen to Faith that night and she wanted to get away from the crime scene so the Lovells wouldn’t be associated with the crime. However”—she lifted a finger—“I don’t think anyone hurt Faith. I think she made a stupid, alcohol-hazed decision and it cost her her life.”

I fell against the pillows. “That doesn’t sound like her.”

“How well did you really know her? How well do we ever know anybody?”

I huffed. “When did you get so deep?”

“I was born this way. Wise beyond my years.” She scooped my hand off the bed. “Ooo la la, I see a dark and dangerous guy in your future. He has menacing brown eyes and a hot-ass lip ring.”

I smacked her with my free hand. “Stop.”

Pru smiled.

“He’s not dangerous, and his eyes aren’t menacing.”

“Well, he’s definitely forbidden, and I notice you didn’t argue about the lip ring.”

I turned my face away to smile in private. The mirror reflected my face and hers.

“I saw you kissing on the roof the other night.”

Fire bloomed across my chest, rising over my neck, cheeks, and forehead until I felt like a human thermometer. “How?”

“I left Dad at the fireworks and ran into Anton. He walked me home.”

I shut my eyes, doubting she ran into Anton as much as saw him and chased him down. “Did Anton see us?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t point you out or anything, but all the heavy breathing probably gave you away.”

Laughter burst from my chest. “Stop!” I snorted and laughed louder.

“I’m kidding. I say enjoy him while he lasts. He’s cute if you can get past all the frowning.” Pru slid off the bed. “I think Anton’s a really nice guy. We talked about Faith after the fireworks. He only knew her for a week, but he cared about her. He wouldn’t have hurt her and no one else in their group had a connection to her. I haven’t met his family, but he’s constantly with them. The Lovells can’t be a team of evil villains and have a kid like him.”

She hooked her fingers around the doorjamb. “I think you should ask Nadya whatever you want to know. Probably start by asking about that awful palm reading. Who says that to someone? No future? Jeez. What the hell? Then ask why they really left in a hurry. Did she have a bad feeling or see something she didn’t like?” Pru raised her palms. “You’d better clarify ‘in real life’ in case she tells you what she saw in the cards or tea leaves instead.”

“Agreed.”

She waved a hand over her head on her way down the steps. “I’m going to call Mary Grace and see what I missed tonight. You want to watch a movie later?”

“Only if I pick.”

“Whatever.”

“Hey, Pru?”

The creaking stairs stilled. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for the insight. Oh, wise one.”

She yelled up the steps, “Call me Yoda.”

A second later, bass pounded from her room. Yoda liked to rock.

I checked my nails before sweeping hair over one shoulder and retrieving the scissors from my desk drawer. I dropped into the seat at my vanity and steadied my hand. My reflection had changed, as if removing millimeters of black from my hair erased it from my life as well. If only life were that easy. I hooked my toes around the tiny wastebasket and dragged it closer to where I sat. I opened and closed the scissors across fluttering black tips, captivated as they floated into the trash can waiting below.

My phone buzzed with a text from Cross.

“Busy?”

A smiled tugged my lips apart. I set the scissors aside.
“Nope.”

“Are you decent?”

“Rarely.”

“On my way.”

I dragged a brush through my hair and grabbed a lip gloss before closing my bedroom door. Pru had propped open the window, letting in the night sounds and a few lightning bugs. The attic needed a window screen, but Dad wasn’t motivated to special order one for the weird-sized, one-hundred-year-old window. I didn’t mind.

I leaned my head and shoulders through the open window, straining my eyes against the night. Something moved on the ground and a shadow elongated near the sidewalk, vanishing around the front of our house.

“Cross?”

His whisper floated to my ears from the opposite direction. “Yep.”

My head snapped back, seeking the shadow that had disappeared opposite Cross. Bushes swayed in a gentle breeze. No sign of a mysterious shadow. I blinked away paranoia. I needed a mental vacation.

The tree limb jumped. Cross walked the stretch to my roof with ease and climbed over the gutter. “Hey.”

“Hi.” I checked the bedroom door over one shoulder and climbed out. “Dad’s home. Let me text Pru.” I tapped my phone screen to life, smiling, imagining Pru’s face when she got the text.

Cross positioned himself on the roof, in the shadow of the tree. “What’d you tell her?”

“That you were meeting me here. I asked her to text if Dad heads up to my room.”

He searched my face. “You look happy.”

My smile wavered. “I am.”

“Feeling guilty about that?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Cross reached for my hand. He laced our fingers together and looked into my eyes. “Don’t be.”

“I know. Logically. Faith would want me to be happy.”

“Yes.”

“I guess I’ve had a weird and beautiful day. I talked to some of Faith’s friends. I realized other people miss her too, and that makes me proud. She made a difference.”

He squinted. “Was that the weird part?”

“No. I was screamed at by both Dobbs boys, and then Dad and I shared a pastry.” I snorted.

“That is weird.”

“Yeah.”

Cross moved closer. The heat of him warmed the night chill on my skin. “I don’t like knowing you were screamed at. What’s wrong with that family?”

I pressed my lips into a tight line. “They’re messed up like the rest of us. I didn’t know how much until today.”

I angled my back to Cross and leaned against the planes of his wide chest. Strong arms folded around my middle.

“Everything feels more complicated than it should. It’s like I had this normal life once, something right off of television, then we lost Faith, literally.” I scoffed. “Figuratively. Everything. Normal came to a screeching halt and I went numb. I lived in a void for three years, and then you showed up.” I stroked his arm and his palm turned under mine. Our palms pressed together. “In one day’s time, three years disappeared and my world resurrected in Technicolor. Now I have this incredible sister I never knew. My dad’s full of secrets I can’t pry loose. The town’s looking at me again, this time without pity. I had no purpose for so long and now I have a goal bigger than myself and only a short time to reach it. Once I leave for college, everything changes again.”

“Hey.” Cross loosened his grip on me and dragged his fingers over my palm. “You needed those years to get through your loss. Now you’re older and stronger. You’re healing, and getting answers is part of the process. Besides, no one would’ve been straight with you three years ago. The loss was too fresh and you were too young. They wouldn’t have taken you seriously, or they’d have told you to talk to your dad.”

Appreciation filled my heart. I loved him for letting me be me, damaged parts included. I loved him for understanding, for not judging and for making me brave. The word love lingered in my mind. I loved Cross for all he’d done and for who he was, but did I love him the way girlfriends love boyfriends? Had our chance encounter, with all its monumental twists and flaws, become something more than sincere friendship and appreciation? What would love feel like? Like this? I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. There was no denying the deeply intimate connection I felt for him. Sometimes it seemed he understood my soul. Was that love? Insanity? Love took years to cultivate. Didn’t it?

I shoved the heavy thoughts aside. There was time to obsess later, when I was alone. For now, I needed to be present in the moment. There were too few of these moments left, and I was a disaster. Cross was a good guy. He deserved good things in his life. Things that weren’t damaged. I bit my tongue to hold back the flood of words. “Thanks.”

He squeezed my hand. “We still have time to get the answers you want. We’ll figure this out.”

I sighed. “Thanks for coming to see me. I like ending my nights this way.”

Cross leaned his cheek to mine. “Me too.”

He took a deep breath. “I have a confession and ulterior motives. I came to ask you something.”

I frowned in faux disappointment. “Spill.”

“Anton and Rose are making lunch Wednesday to celebrate my win at Red’s. The cast and crew have been busy with practices and shows. We haven’t had time to sit down and celebrate yet.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t hear a question.”

Cross’s dimple caved in. “Would you like to come to lunch Wednesday? I promise to keep Mouse and Nadya away from you. We can leave right afterward and go get coffee or ice cream alone.”

I bit my lip. “That sounds like a date.”

“Mercy Porter.” He lifted my chin with one strong finger. “Be my date.”

In his arms, I was brave and confident. Who would I be when he left? “Two conditions.”

Cross pulled back with a smile. “There are conditions?”