In Pursuit of Spenser (31 page)

“Every day,” I said.

“Any formal therapy?” Amy said.

“No.”

“What would be unacceptable behavior?” Amy said. “A, ah, deal-breaker, so to speak.”

“An ongoing intimate relationship with someone else,” I said.

“Susan?” Amy said.

“That,” Susan said.

“What about a brief and casual dalliance?” Amy said.

“What did you have in mind?” I said.

I think she blushed, though it may have been the angle of the late afternoon sun. She studied her notebook for a moment, made a little mark in it, and put it down. Then she stopped the recorder, took out the tape, put in a new tape, and started it.

“How about hopes and dreams,” Amy said.

“I’m in favor of them,” I said.

Amy shook her head in a faint gesture of annoyance, as if she were shaking off a fly.

“Is there,” she said, “anything you wanted to accomplish that you haven’t?”

“No,” I said. “I am everything I wanted to be. I’ve done everything I ever wanted to do.”

“Nothing else left to do?” Amy said.

“Let no fates misunderstand me and snatch me away too soon,” I said.

“Another poem,” Amy said.

“Frost,” I said. “More or less. I would be pleased to live this life and do what I do and be with her, forever. But I have no need to improve on it.”

“My god,” Amy said, “a happy man.”

“Love and work,” I said. “Love and work.”

“Freud,” Amy said, “Right?”

“I believe so,” I said. “Though he didn’t say it to me personally.”

Amy looked at her notebook again and made another small mark. While she was doing that I managed to snag the waitress for another beer. Susan declined a refill, and I don’t think Amy even noticed the opportunity. Probably just so much green tea you can drink.

Amy looked up from her notebook.

“What would you do if you couldn’t do this?” Amy said, and smiled. “Whatever
this
might exactly be.”

“I would think about international super star, or maybe retiring to stud,” I said. “But if those answers didn’t satisfy you, I guess I’d say I could be a carpenter. I like to make things. I know how to do it. I could be pretty much self-directed if I took the right job.”

“And if you took the wrong job?” Amy said.

“I’d quit.”

“Like you did the police?”

“Yes.”

“Yet you have friends who are policemen.”

“They’re good at their work, and they probably don’t have an extreme pathology,” I said. “They can work in a context that I can’t.”

“A man needs to know his limitations,” Amy said.

“He does.”

The waitress brought me my beer and I asked her for the check.

“Oh, no,” Amy said. “This is on me.”

“Okay,” I said. “Bring her the check.”

The waitress produced it on the spot and put it face down on the table.

“I have a sense that the interview is winding down,” Amy said.

“Me too,” I said.

“Just indulge me one more subject,” Amy said.

“Sure,” I said.

Amy took out a credit card and put it on top of the check. Then she turned back to me.

“Does anything frighten you?” she said.

“Of course,” I said.

“What?”

“Same things that frighten most people,” I said. “Death, loss, pain, failure.”

“And how do you overcome those fears?”

“Same way most people do.”

“Will power?”

“I suppose.”

“But you voluntarily chose to do things that involve the danger of death, pain, failure, and loss,” Amy said.

“True,” I said.

“What’s up with that?” Amy said.

I smiled.

“I figure those are part of the deal,” I said. “If I’m going to do what I do, I have to get around those fears.”

Amy waited. I didn’t have anything else to say. So I didn’t say anything. After an appropriate wait, Amy looked at Susan.

“One of the things you have to keep in mind is that he doesn’t expect to fail. And that diminishes the other dangers,” Susan said. “He knows intellectually he could be killed. But I think, deep down, he doesn’t think anyone can do it.”

Amy looked at me, and raised her eyebrows.

“You’re that confident?” she said.

“So far, so good,” I said.

“So,” Amy said. “Let’s say you are facing a man with a gun. Do you feel fear?”

“Yes.”

“What do you do about it?” Amy said.

“Ignore it.”

“And you are able to?”

“Yes,” I said. “Otherwise I couldn’t do what I do.”

“How much does confidence enable you to do that?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I know I can shoot. I know I’m quick. And like anybody who used to fight, I’m pretty sure I can win one in the street.”

“And that’s what gives you confidence?”

“Some,” I said.

“I think,” Susan said, “that what gives him the most confidence is that he knows he can overcome his fear.”

“He has confidence in his confidence, sort of,” Amy said.

“He is convinced,” Susan said, “that he can do what he has to do.”

“And you believe that too about him?” Amy said.

Susan looked at me and smiled.

“So far, so good,” Susan said.

SPENSER

1.
The Godwulf Manuscript
(Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1974)

2.
God Save the Child
(Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1974)

3.
Mortal Stakes
(Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1975)

4.
Promised Land
(Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1976)

5.
The Judas Goat
(Boston, Houghton Mifflin, 1978)

6.
Looking for Rachel Wallace
(New York, Delacorte, 1980)

7.
A Savage Place
(New York, Delacorte, 1981)

8.
Early Autumn
(New York, Delacorte, 1981)

9.
Ceremony
(New York, Delacorte, 1982)

10.
The Widening Gyre
(New York, Delacorte, 1983)

11.
Valediction
(New York, Delacorte, 1984)

12.
A Catskill Eagle
(New York, Delacorte, 1985)

13.
Taming a Sea-Horse
(New York, Delacorte, 1986)

14.
Pale Kings and Princes
(New York, Delacorte, 1987)

15.
Crimson Joy
(New York, Delacorte, 1988)

16.
Playmates
(New York, Putnam, 1989)

17.
Stardust
(New York, Putnam, 1990)

18.
Pastime
(New York, Putnam, 1991)

19.
Double Deuce
(New York, Putnam, 1992)

20.
Paper Doll
(New York, Putnam, 1993)

21.
Walking Shadow
(New York, Putnam, 1994)

22.
Thin Air
(New York, Putnam, 1995)

23.
Chance
(New York, Putnam, 1996)

24.
Small Vices
(New York, Putnam, 1997)

25.
Sudden Mischief
(New York, Putnam, 1998)

26.
Hush Money
(New York, Putnam, 1999)

27.
Hugger Mugger
(New York, Putnam, 2000)

28.
Potshot
(New York, Putnam, 2001)

29.
Widow’s Walk
(New York, Putnam, 2002)

30.
Back Story
(New York, Putnam, 2003)

31.
Bad Business
(New York, Putnam, 2004)

32.
Cold Service
(New York, Putnam, 2005)

33.
School Days
(New York, Putnam, 2005)

34.
Hundred-Dollar Baby
(New York, Putnam, 2006)

35.
Now and Then
(New York, Putnam, 2007)

36.
Rough Weather
(New York, Putnam, 2008)

37.
The Professional
(New York, Putnam, 2009)

38.
Painted Ladies
(New York, Putnam, 2010)

39.
Sixkill
(New York, Putnam, 2011)

Also:

Surrogate
(Northridge, CA, Lord John Press, 1982; a short story)

Chasing the Bear: A Young Spenser Novel
(New York: Philomel/Penguin, 2009); a young adult novel.

1.
Night Passage
(New York, Putnam, 1997)

2.
Trouble in Paradise
(New York, Putnam, 1998)

3.
Death in Paradise
(New York, Putnam, 2001)

4.
Stone Cold
(New York, Putnam, 2003)

5.
Sea Change
(New York, Putnam, 2006)

6.
High Profile
(New York, Putnam, 2007)

7.
Stranger in Paradise
(New York, Putnam, 2008)

8.
Night and Day
(New York, Putnam, 2009)

9.
Split Image
(New York, Putnam, 2010)

10.
Killing the Blues
(New York, Putnam, 2011)

1.
Family Honor
(New York, Putnam, 1999)

2.
Perish Twice
(New York, Putnam, 2000)

3.
Shrink Rap
(New York, Putnam, 2002)

4.
Melancholy Baby
(New York, Putnam, 2004)

5.
Blue Screen
(New York, Putnam, 2006)

6.
Spare Change
(New York, Putnam, 2007)

1.
Wilderness
(New York, Delacorte, 1979)

2.
Love and Glory
(New York, Delacorte, 1983)

3.
Poodle Springs
(New York, Putnam, 1989); a completion of Raymond Chandler’s final, unfinished Philip Marlowe novel

4.
Perchance to Dream
(New York, Putnam, 1991); a Philip Marlowe novel

5.
All Our Yesterdays
(New York, Putnam, 1994)

6.
Gunman’s Rhapsody
(New York, Putnam, 2001); a Western

7. “Harlem Nocturne” (a short story in
Murderers’ Row
, Beverly Hills, CA, New Millennium Press, 2001)

8.
Double Play
(New York, Putnam, 2004)

9.
Appaloosa
(New York, Putnam, 2005); a Western featuring Virgil Cole and Everett Hitch

10. “Galahad, Inc.,” with Joan H. Parker (a short story in
Murder at the Foul Line
, New York, The Mysterious Press, 2006)

11.
Edenville Owls
(New York, Philomel/Penguin, 2007); a young adult novel

12.
The Boxer and the Spy
(New York, Philomel/Penguin, 2008); a young adult novel

13.
Resolution
(New York, Putnam, 2008); a Western featuring Virgil Cole and Everett Hitch

14.
Brimstone
(New York, Putnam, 2009); a Western featuring Virgil Cole and Everett Hitch

15.
Blue-Eyed Devil
(New York, Putnam, 2010); a Western featuring Virgil Cole and Everett Hitch

1.
Sports Illustrated Training with Weights
(with John R. Marsh; New York, Harper & Row, 1974)

2.
Three Weeks in Spring
(with Joan H. Parker; New York, Delacorte, 1982)

3.
A Year at the Races
(with Joan H. Parker and William Strode, photographer; New York, Viking/Studio, 1990)

4.
Spenser’s Boston
(with photographer Kasho Kumagai; New York, Simon & Schuster/Otto Penzler Books, 1994. Previously published in Japanese; Tokyo, Hayakawa Publishing, 1989)

ACE ATKINS
was a crime reporter for the
Tampa Tribune
, receiving a Pulitzer Prize nomination for his examination of a 1950s murder that became the inspiration for his first novel,
Crossroad Blues
, which starred Nick Travers, who appeared in three additional novels. He turned to stand-alone novels, such as
Devil’s Garden
, which featured Dashiell Hammett. After Robert B. Parker’s death, he was selected to continue the Spenser series, which debuted with
The Ranger
.

LAWRENCE BLOCK
is a winner of multiple Edgar Allan Poe Awards, including the Grand Master Award for lifetime achievement. A frequent
New York Times
bestseller, he has created several much-loved series characters, including those about the burglar Bernie Rhodenbarr, the spy Evan Tanner, the hitman Keller, and, perhaps his most enduring contribution to the mystery genre, Matthew Scudder, the former cop who functions as an unlicensed private detective.