In Rapture (Destined) (26 page)

“That’s
the beauty of it, though, Marshal. The magic of Lena, the skills of these women,
are so varied that it would almost take a lifetime for the Lair to be able to
adjust their strategies. There were just two women with us, and between them
they managed to conjure a deadly storm with lightning that killed with one
strike, and tornadoes that carried off our enemies like a feather pillow. There
were earthquakes that swallowed them whole, animals that attacked from land and
air. Those were the abilities of just two women. Think of all the others who
may be in hiding from the world. From what I understand there are several at Blackwolf
Keep that have been protecting the Keep for years now. Their numbers have grown
there too.”

“So
what are you suggesting?”

“That
we treat them as equals, Marshal. For the first time in centuries we have the
opportunity to undo the prejudice that has stripped the rights from these
women. We can hold them up as equals and let them fight alongside us if they so
choose. It wasn’t so long ago that the lot of us were shunned by the world. It
was only a few years ago when we could not even walk proudly among regular
people without fearing the judgment in their eyes.”

Marshal’s
lips were closed tightly together and his brows were furrowed tightly into his
forehead. “I think perhaps we will need to give this matter more thought. It is
one of the riskiest ideas you’ve brought to me. It would take great counsel to
get the others to agree.”

“It
is the right thing to do, Marshal. I stand by it.” Grant knew his words said
more than what they proclaimed. He was choosing to view his wife as an equal,
something he had not really done up until this point. It was the least he could
do, for the guilt that devoured his heart took over. She deserved much more
than he could give her. She deserved his love and, while he loved her, he still
would not be shackled to his feelings ever again. He stood up, and nodded at
Marshal before leaving the room.

Grant
was sitting outside under a tree when footsteps sounded behind him. He turned
to see Aiden Quinn walking over to him. Grant nodded his head in greeting. “Aiden.”

“May
I join you?”

“Of
course.” He crossed his legs underneath him and continued to stare off into the
distance.

“It
would help to talk about it.”

“I’m
sorry?” Grant turned toward Aiden and squinted at him.

“Whatever
it is that is keeping you further away from your wife.”

“I’m
doing my duty, Aiden. Just as you.”

“That
is not what I mean, Grant, and I believe you know it. How long have I known
you?”

“Only
a few years, Aiden. Since we both joined Madigan’s Army.”

“It
seems a lifetime since then. So what gives? Even I can see the distance you put
between the two of you.”

Grant
was perplexed. He had not thought that his actions had been so transparent. It
was true that he had kept Malinda at a distance lately. Her admission of love
had come unexpectedly and, in combination with the child she was carrying, it
was almost too much for him to deal with. “It’s complicated.”

“What’s
complicated about it? She’s your wife. She adores your child, and is in love
with your sorry ass. Why, I have no idea.” Aiden slapped him on the shoulder jokingly
before continuing. “Seriously, what is keeping you from your happiness?”

“Maria.”
One word, and the air seemed to go stale around them.

“That
woman was certifiable. You cannot measure every other woman against her. She
was a manipulative creature with more melancholy than one person should ever
carry. You cannot compare Malinda to her, she’s not even cut from the same
fabric.”

“All
women are cut from the same fabric.”

“That’s
the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard you say. Quit hiding behind your fear.
If you cannot see what treasure you have in front of you, then you’re a bigger
fool than I thought.” Aiden shook his head and looked away from his friend,
trying to shake away the disgust.

“It
was my fault, Aiden. I knew she didn’t love me the way I loved her when I
married her. If I had not coerced her into our marriage she would still be
alive. She would never have been attacked by Seamus. She would never have known
the darkness that plagued her toward the end.”

“You
have to start forgiving yourself. It was not your fault; you could never have
foreseen her attack. You are being selfish right now, Grant. You’re withholding
the possibility of a happily ever after for your family. Doesn’t Malinda
deserve to be happy? What about Sophia? Would you want her to be married to a
man who denied her the only thing she desired: love?”

“You
have given me a lot to think over, my friend.” Grant reached to clasp Aiden’s
hand in gratitude. He stood up from the ground, nodded a farewell, and
departed.

Chapter 32

Malinda
was disappointed when Grant had left so soon after the battle, but she should
have expected it. Duty called, and whenever duty called, off he went. She
wondered if he could ever put his family first, but then guilt flushed her
face. After all, he was protecting his family every time he helped push the
Lair farther away. She wished she could say for certain that this was his
motivation and not the past that presently clouded his conscience. She sighed
deeply and looked out over the hill where the children were chasing Mule.

“It
will get better.” Lysandra put a hand on her arm to comfort her.

“I
wish I could say the same, Lysandra. As long as he is haunted by her, he will
never be free.” Malinda looked to her friend and struggled to smile bravely.
Lysandra had been staying with Malinda for the past month, and during that time
Malinda had imparted all that she knew about Lena. She had even taught Lysandra
how to reach Lena and they had practiced traveling there together. Lysandra
would teach the ladies at Blackwolf Keep how to astral project to Lena when she
returned, and she was going to depart for Blackwolf on the morrow. Malinda
would miss her companionship, but she knew that getting this information to
others was very important.

“I
will send Brenda as soon as I can, Malinda. She’ll know how to help you with
Maria. I think as soon as the spirit is cast out that Grant will be a different
person altogether.”

“I
don’t want him to change, Lysandra. I just want his heart to be free. Is it so
wrong to want his love?”

“It’s
normal…perhaps scary for one with your past, but completely normal to want your
feelings to be returned. Love can make a man feel weak. They have such poor
constitutions when it comes to feelings. That is why I am raising my children
to not fear love, to reach out for it and to help it grow around them.”

“You’re
such a wonderful mother, Lysandra.” Malinda looked out wistfully at the
children playing, wondering if she would be able to raise her children with
such conviction.

“So
are you. You know, not every woman can take a child into her heart without
question. Sophia was lucky the day you became her mother.”

A
tear gathered in Malinda’s eye. “I can only hope to keep her life filled with
happiness. You should have seen her when we first met. I have never seen a more
miserable creature who was treated with such disdain and neglect. I’ve seen
pigs treated better than that child. That nursemaid had no right being around
Sophia. I know Grant blames himself for that too.”

“As
well he should.” Lysandra smirked in annoyance.

“He
thought he was doing what was best for his child while he tried to avenge her
mother.” Malinda knew that Lysandra spoke as a mother who would do anything for
her children, but Malinda was familiar with the grief that Grant carried with
him for his mistakes. He was doing all that he could to make up for it, and
while she would have preferred he be there with them, she knew that the
insurgence of the Lair was something that threatened their home. He would do
what he could to rid their lands of this evil.

“You
really do love him, to have such faith in him. It’s as it should be, I think.
We all have paths we have to travel, roads that wind in directions we never
intended. It’s the goal at the end that makes our journey worthwhile. If you
want him to be free, then you have to fight for him, Malinda. The battle has
not been easy for you so far, but it will get better. You have to keep patient
and never be afraid to share your love with him, even if he seems to reject it.
He’s a hard man, my dear.”

“You’re
right. Perhaps I can send a note with you when you go? You’re headed in that
direction, I believe.”

“Of
course.”

When
Malinda retired for the evening, she got out a piece of paper to write her
letter to Grant. She debated her words over and over, until the mere task of a
proper greeting became tedious. She put her hand to her temple and rubbed out
the tension that gathered there. She swept a hand over her belly and let it
rest there for a moment. She could feel movement below her hand, but had not
felt the fierce kicks that Lysandra had told her about. She closed her eyes and
took a deep breath, and knew that it was not just about her. Sophia missed him
too. She put her pen to the paper and started to write.

Dear
Grant,

Sophia
misses you terribly, as do I. We all hope to see your face soon. The baby grows
strong within me and I can almost feel him kick. He will be strong like his
papa and smart like his big sister.

 Dearest
husband, please know that the days are long and the nights are lonely without
you by my side. I think of you often and pray that the gods keep you safe.
Please come home to us soon.

All
my love,

Malinda

When
she had finished penning the letter she set it aside to let the ink dry.
Malinda felt it captured her thoughts and feelings well enough that she did not
sound desperate for his return. She had been tempted to write that she needed
him, but that seemed like something that Maria would have written. She did not
want to manipulate him into returning. She needed him to want to return of his
own volition.

She
walked over to the closet as she had every night since Grant’s departure, and
picked up one of his shirts. An image of Grant flashed into her mind. He was
sitting next to a campfire, surrounded by other men who were obviously drunk
and very merry, but Grant was anything but merry tonight. His face looked
somber, as if his thoughts were in a dark place. Malinda yearned to run her
hand through his hair and pull him into a tight comforting embrace, but she was
unable to do so. A tear fell down her face as she brought the shirt to her nose
and breathed in his scent, leather and earth. After a moment she hung the shirt
back up on the hook and walked back to the bed. She pushed aside the light blue
curtains, pushed back the covers, and climbed into the cool sheets. She turned
onto her side and fell asleep with her hand cradling her belly.

The
next morning many tears were shed as Lysandra and her children left Wickford
Manor. Malinda did her best to cheer up Sophia, but she was having a difficult
time dealing with the loneliness that followed in the wake of their departure.
For the rest of the day Sophia stayed inside the nursery, making sketches of
all her friends under Desiree’s watchful eyes. Malinda spent time in the garden,
harvesting herbs to dry and pulling out any weeds that did not belong. Malinda
missed Lysandra the moment she left the gates of Wickford, but knew that
Lysandra was anxious to see her husband and return home to Blackwolf Keep.
Malinda wished she had more people to talk to, but with the Lair on the move
around them at any time, she really could not run the risk of leaving the gates
of Wickford until they were brought to justice.

Malinda
knew that it would take a while for the letter to get to Grant, but the days
had turned to weeks and, the more the distance grew between them, the more she
questioned the love that had started to grow for him. She really did not even
know if it would make him return, for his dedication to Marshal Madigan was
uncanny. The mere thought of Marshal still made her blood boil. Malinda knew
her mother had pushed him away, but if he had truly cared for her he would have
found a way to get through to her. She could not help imagine what her life
would have been like had she known her father. Perhaps it was her own fault
that she did not know much about him, for once she knew who he was, she should
have been more curious about the man who had sired her, the man her mother had
loved so fully that life without him was not worth living.

Malinda
had spent a lifetime blaming the man, assuming that her mother had just been
some pawn in a lover’s game that had gone awry, that her mother giving up on
life was a character flaw. Perhaps that was the piece of the puzzle that her
grandparents never understood. Andraya had not sacrificed her life for naught; she
had chosen to let her love continue to live the life she thought he was
destined to live. While her mind had been absent much of her pregnancy Andraya
had been able to hold on until her child was born. Sadness ran through Malinda
as she thought about how important everyone else was to Andraya, so important
that they out shone her own self-worth. Malinda would do anything for her
husband or children, but what good was this sacrifice if she was not around for
them? She would fight until the last breath left her body to protect her own,
this was true, but she would not go into a fray without good cause.