In the Company of Ogres (20 page)
The darkness brightened, and Belok noticed a vermilion raven perched on his windowsill. The wizard didn’t get up, but he was surprised. The Red Woman had never before paid him a visit.
“Come to taunt me, have you?” he asked.
There was no reply. He glanced around the room, but he didn’t see a hint of the sorceress. Even if she were invisible, he would’ve sensed her presence in his inner sanctum. He turned his head in the raven’s direction.
“Where is she?”
The bird raised its wings in a shrug. “This doesn’t concern her. This is business between us. I’m here to apply for a job.”
“Don’t you already have one?”
The raven ruffled his feathers. “Frankly, I’m a little bored with it. It’s not much fun being her familiar. All she does is mix potions and restore idiots to life—and walk. And walk. She doesn’t just teleport anywhere. It’s always a walk. Even if her magic makes everything a ten-minute journey, it’s still a bit tiresome.”
Belok studied the raven, but it was difficult to read a bird’s face. Even for a wizard. “You want to be my familiar?”
“Why not? You’ve got style, at least. And you don’t walk a lot, do you?”
“No. Not much. But I already have familiars.”
His ghostly maidens became visible by his side. They poured Belok another glass of wine and cooed in his ear.
“Spirits aren’t proper familiars,” said the raven, “and while I can’t caress you, I’d be infinitely more useful.”
Two of the ghosts floated forward and hissed.
“We ravens don’t fear spirits. We show them the way from the netherworld, and when they annoy us, we snatch them in our talons and send them back.”
The bird cawed, and the maidens dissolved into two piles of phantom bones on the floor. The raven chuckled. “I told you spirits aren’t worth much.”
Belok pushed away his paramours. “Why should I believe you?”
“Why shouldn’t you? But I can offer you a good-faith gesture. I can tell you where he is.”
Belok scanned the raven’s face but found nothing to confirm or dispel any suspicions. He was suspicious by nature, but he was also offered the one piece of information he desired more than anything.
“If this is a trick—”
“Why would I bother to trick you? What would I have to gain? He’s in a place called Copper Citadel. It’s in the East-lands. I’m sure a powerful wizard such as yourself doesn’t need directions. Go and see for yourself. What do you have to lose?” The raven turned back to the window. “I’ll be in touch.”
He flew away. At the foot of Belok’s mountain, he perched atop the Red Woman’s staff.
“I don’t know if he believed me.”
“He doesn’t have to believe you,” said the Red Woman. “His desire for revenge will lead him to investigate regardless.”
“I don’t see why you just didn’t tell him yourself,” said the raven.
“He would’ve suspected something.”
“I thought you said it wouldn’t matter if he suspected something.”
“It wouldn’t. But I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with him.”
“Why are you sending him after Ned now anyway?” asked the raven.
“Because it’s time.”
“Time for what?”
“I’m not certain.” She smiled. “But it’s time for something.”
She turned and started back to her mountain.
“Can’t we just teleport?”
“Oh, but it’s such a nice night for a walk.”
The raven sighed.
Sixteen
REGINA STOOD IN one dark corner, studying Miriam at the opposite end of the pub. The siren stood brazenly beside Ned. Occasionally he’d say something Regina couldn’t hear over the crowd, and Miriam would laugh as if he’d just pronounced the most marvelously entertaining utterance. She’d put a hand on his shoulder and sometimes “accidentally” brush her breasts against his arm. It was disgusting. And Ned seemed to be falling for it. He was an idiot and a fool. Like all men. Unworthy of Regina’s affections.
The more she despised him, the less he seemed to notice her and the more she wanted him. And she would have him. She knew it well enough. She just had to get rid of the damned siren.
Regina’s eyes strayed to the table. For the past ten minutes, unaware, she’d been gouging her dagger into the wood. Ugly gashes tore deep into the planks, almost coming out the bottom.
Ulga the chubby elf conjurer and Sally the salamander passed near the table. Regina grabbed the elf by the arm.
“Ma’am?” asked Ulga.
“You must hate men,” said Regina.
Ulga’s pink eyes narrowed. “Beggin’ your pardon, ma’am?”
“Well, look at you.”
Ulga did indeed look herself over. “Yes, ma’am?”
“You’re fat.”
“I do got a few extra pounds on me, ma’am.”
“So men must treat you very poorly.”
“Some,” admitted Ulga. “But others do enjoy the extra portions.” She made a show of adjusting her bountiful chest.
“You don’t hate men?” asked Regina.
Ulga shook her head. Regina released her and took up her table carving again.
“Something troubling you, ma’am?” asked Ulga.
Regina missed the question, obsessed with watching Miriam blatantly rubbing Ned’s shoulders.
“I wouldn’t let it trouble you none, ma’am.” Ulga sat at the table. “Ain’t met a man worth dying over yet.”
Regina quite agreed. No man was worth dying over. But she was beginning to think some just might be worth killing over.
Sally slipped into the chair next to Ulga. The reptile put her elbows on the table, and it smoldered. “I can’t say I understand these human mating rituals. Far too much conflict. We salamanders resolved that problem long ago.”
“How so?” asked Ulga.
“It all goes by length. The longest female in the village gets the first pick of any male she wishes. Then the second longest. Then the third. And so on and so on until everyone is paired off. No arguments that way.”
“But what if the male doesn’t like who picked him?” asked Ulga.
“No one asks him. Salamander males are drones. They have no drives other than to eat, defecate, and procreate. They can’t even speak properly or bathe themselves. Like stupid children. Or clever dogs.”
“Sounds like every male I’ve ever met,” muttered Regina.
“They must be very dull company,” remarked Ulga.
“Yes, but it’s for the best,” said Sally. “After all, if they were smarter, it would only make it more disconcerting to eat them.”
A portion of Regina’s attention drew away from Ned and Miriam, though her eyes remained locked on the pair. “You eat your mates?”
“What else are you going to do with them once you’re finished?” Sally snorted a fireball. “Good gods! Otherwise they just crap all over the place and chew on the furniture. My sister kept one mate around for a few years, and it was a devil of a time getting him housebroken. And she had him declawed, which I always felt was inhumane.” She took a sip of beer, which bubbled and steamed as it touched her lips. “Much nicer to just bite their heads off before you get sick of them.”
Regina and Ulga grinned.
“You might have a point there,” agreed Ulga.
Seamus the goblin approached the table. “Mind if I have a seat?”
“Ladies only,” said Ulga.
“No problem.” With a burst of pink smoke, he shifted into a feminine form. Since goblin females resembled goblin males almost exactly, save for larger eyes, fuller lips, and smaller ears, Seamus looked nearly identical to her old shape. The most noticeable change was the loss of her beard.
“Isn’t that uncomfortable?” asked Ulga.
Seamus pulled up a chair. Her voice was now an octave squeakier. “Naw. This is just going from outie to innie. Now if you want to talk about tough shapes, try becoming a dictionary sometimes. After ‘aardvark,’ I’m nothing but blank pages. So what are we ladies talking about?”
“Men,” said Sally.
“Who needs ’em?” Seamus raised her glass. “Am I right or am I right?”
Chuckling, they banged their drinks together.
“Of course, goblin society sidestepped that whole mess,” said Seamus.
“I wasn’t aware goblins had a society,” remarked Ulga.
“We don’t. That’s how we avoided it.” The goblin raised her glass again. “Am I right or am I right?”
No one bothered to toast this time. They shared inconsequential chatter for a few minutes as Regina continued her single-minded surveillance.
“I say if he doesn’t want you, he isn’t worth your time,” consoled Ulga.
“Yeah,” agreed Seamus, “especially since you can’t really compete against Miriam anyway.”
Ulga smacked the goblin on the back of her head hard enough to leave a slight bruise.
“Hey, we were all thinking it,” said Seamus. “I just had the guts to say it.”
This time Sally slapped the goblin across the pate, leaving another bruise and a minor burn.
“That’s outie talk,” said Sally.
“It’s the truth, isn’t it? She’s a siren. They have powers over men. What’s the archmajor got?”
They thought about this for a moment.
“She’s a mammal,” said Sally. “That should count for something.”
“Aren’t sirens mammals too?” asked Seamus. “Like dolphins?”
“I’m pretty sure they’re amphibians.” Ulga pointed to a spot behind her own ear. “They’ve got gills after all.”
Seamus put down her ale. “As a male most of the time I think I’ve got the best perspective here. And I’m telling you it doesn’t matter whether she’s fish or fowl when the lights go out.”
Sally hissed and turned a sickened green shade. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to bite off your head.”
“We all know what Regina has to do if she’s going to win Ned. She’s got to employ her Amazon strengths.” Seamus winked, not once but twice. “Shouldn’t be too hard to put the siren down. I’ve never seen her pick up a sword.”
Miriam and Ned shared another boisterous guffaw. Regina pulled her dagger from the table and stood. She was ten leaping paces away from plunging the blade into Miriam’s face.
Ulga grabbed the Amazon by the elbow. “Hold on there, ma’am. You don’t want to do that.”
“I don’t?”
“No, ma’am. You can’t kill a siren. I hear tell that when they sing their death rattle, their slayer dies with them.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” said Sally. “The archmajor is a woman, and siren songs have no effect on females.”
“You willing to take that chance?” asked Seamus.
Regina cut off two strips from her skirt and stuffed them in her ears. She tried to take another step, but Ulga held tight. The elf was stronger than she appeared.
“Beggin’ your pardon, ma’am, but I don’t think you should.”
Regina pulled the plugs from her ears. “What?”
“This goes against the rules of courtship,” said Ulga.
“There are rules?” asked Sally.
“Yes, and unlike salamanders, it’s not as simple as who’s tallest.”
“Sounds needlessly complicated,” said Sally.
“It can be tricky,” agreed Ulga, “but it’s the way it’s done among us mammals.”
Sally’s long ears flattened. “And yet my species is the one that’s nearly extinct.”
“Seduction is like war,” said Ulga. “And war has its rules.”
Seamus laughed. “War doesn’t have rules.”
“Everything has rules. The trick is to know which rules you can ignore, and which you can’t.” She pulled Regina back into her chair. “Let us help you, ma’am.”
“You’d help me?” she asked, eyes wide.
“Sure,” said Ulga. “I never much cared for that blasted siren.”
“Nor I,” seconded Sally. “Besides, it will be interesting to get a closer look at how you mammals do this.”
“I’m in,” said Seamus.
Sally lowered her head to stare into the goblin’s eyes. “No one invited you.”
“Hey, it’s a girls-only project. And you can’t be picky where you get your girls around here, or you aren’t going to get many.”
The salamander and the elf exchanged skeptical glances. Finally Ulga said, “All right. But you stay a female for the duration of the project.”
“Deal.” Seamus frowned and wiggled in her chair. “Guess I’m going to have to buy some new underwear.”
Regina was taken aback. Despite the bonds of feminine sisterhood, she’d never felt close to any of the women in the company. Even in the Amazon army, she’d been very much a loner. That shock, more than any other reason, was enough to cool her murderous rage.
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