In the Market for Love (15 page)

“Yo
u’ve been putting a wall up between us but every now and then the barrier comes down and I get to see the real Rachel,” he said.

“I don’t know w
hat you mean.”

It was too hard to admit the truth to herself let alone anyone else, and she was still coming to terms with it.

“You’re so careful all the time,” he said. “Too careful. I wanted you from the first moment I saw you but you wouldn’t let me in. When you lower your defences I get to see the real Rachel. Like now, the Rachel who kissed me. It’s as though you hide that person because you’re afraid of getting hurt.”

“Isn’t everyone?”

“I’m not going to hurt you. I made one mistake. I’m not going to do that again. I’m not going to let you go.”

He dipped his head towards hers. A
current of hot desire shot up her spine. He pressed his mouth against hers and kissed her again.

His hands slipped over her waist, hips, bottom. He made her feel like a woman. Made her want more.

He peppered little kisses onto her throat. She arched her neck. He pulled her closer, his massive form pressing against her. She felt crushed, the air sucked out of her lungs. Breathless, she took in short bursts of the cool night air.

“Jake…” Her gentle
whisper rippled through the air.

She felt the exquisite aftertaste of the kiss
and his breath, hot and moist near her face.

His arms were still wrapped around her bu
t more loosely than before. She dropped her hands down to his waist, slowly sliding them inside his jacket down the contours of his rugged chest.

“You’re cold,” Jake said, noticing the goose bumps on her arms. “You can have my jacket.”

He released her and took off his jacket.

“No, I’m not.
Quite the opposite. I’m hot. That’s the whole problem.” She a small step back. “But I can’t do this right now. I need a bit more time.”

“Time for what, Rachel? Time to build up your defences? Change your mind?”

She looked up at him. “No, I only just found out you’re married, remember? Because
you
didn’t tell me. It’s a lot to take in. I have to get used to it.”

“Life is short
. You of all people should know that.” She flinched at this reference to her departed husband. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I’m not. I know you’ve been hurt. Badly.”

“Of course I’ve been hurt. My husband died, remember? And don
’t try to tell me I should get over it. It’s my life.”

“That’s not the full story, is it?”

She looked away so he couldn’t see the hot tears stinging at the back of her eyes.

“I don
’t know exactly what happened, that much is true.” His voice was gentle and compassionate. “Maybe I can’t understand how hard it was for you or what it’s like to go through what you have. But there’s something else standing in the way. Whatever it is, it’s between us.”

Damn him. He was right. How could he read her better than her friends and family?

“Whatever happened is in the past,” she said. “I’m talking about now. And right now, I’m not…I just…”

“You won’t let yourself get involved.”

His eyes locked into hers with a grip more sure than any physical assault. “I don’t believe that. I think you want this as much as I do. But you’re afraid to give it a chance.”

“I am afraid. You’re right
.”

She
edged past a waiter setting the tables and past the empty chairs in the private dining room as she headed away from Jake.

In the foyer, she pressed lift button and glanced around anxiously. Turning to see Jake approaching, she pushed
her hair behind her ears. Her lips parted as she prepared to speak although she didn’t know what she was going to say. How could she, when she didn’t understand the emotions surging through her body?

He
reached for her upper arm. “You’re always running out on me.”

His eyes s
immered with emotion. Rage. Desire. Disappointment. She couldn’t read him.

“I’m sorry,” she
said.

“That’s not good enough.”

Who was he to tell her she couldn’t take the time she needed? His life wasn’t so perfect that he was in the position to set standards for her to live up to.

She wanted to scald him with her words and her actions. “You don’t know anything about me.” She jerked her arm out of his manly grasp.

“Then tell me. Let me in.”

She wanted him. Her body burned for him. She didn’t want tonight to be the last time he took her
into his arms and kissed her, the last time she felt the force of his passion. She couldn’t bear the thought. She wanted more.

He was
pulling at her heart. She’d seen a different Jake tonight. Not the highly successful advertising executive. This man was compassionate. Caring. She was drawn to him but she was confused, uncertain as to who was the real Jake Austin.

H
er life was safe and he was anything but safe. She had to protect herself from getting hurt. She had to be strong.

His words reverberated in her head. Let me in, he had said. She wanted to so badly that her whole body ached with a desperate yen she had never felt before.

But not tonight. Not so soon.

She
wanted to say goodbye but the words stuck in her throat. He released her arm but his powerful gaze still gripped her. She tilted her head upwards, her eyelids lowered. Cupping his rugged jaw in her hands, she drew him closer and pressed her mouth against his in a delicate, fragile kiss and hoped he could feel her emotions and understand her just a little.

He touched her arm gently as she moved towards the lift doors as they opened.

“You have to believe you deserve love,” he said. “
My
love. This can’t work unless you believe in it.”

Love.

It had been a long time since she’d heard that word.

“Men!” Bianca spotted Jake’s black leather wallet on the sideboard in his living room. “They think they’re so smart.”

The nanny had told her Jake and Connor had gone to the park but Bianca wasn’t sure when they left or how long they’d be gone. Still, now that she had his wallet in his hands, this shouldn’t take long.

She knew the truth about Jake’s new ‘interest’ and that gave her every reason to be worried. Her family, the Mosman home, the BMW, the designer clothes, overseas holidays, all their assets –
the lifestyle she deserved
– it was all on the line.

And to think she’d naively attributed Jake’s odd behavi
our to stress from the business.

As she rummaged
through Jake’s wallet, at first she didn’t find anything unusual. Cash. Credit cards. Driver’s licence. A couple of receipts. One for that dive of a restaurant, Mancini’s. She had no idea why he bothered with that place. Why go there when he could go to a classy restaurant instead?

Then she found a folded piece of paper at the back of his wallet. It looked like a page from his diary. She recognised Jake’s handwriting immediately. It was definitely a note to
her
. Why had he signed it Mr Porsche? It didn’t make sense that he’d written her a note yet kept it himself but then again, love wasn’t logical. And, damn him, he hadn’t put her name on the note. Bianca needed the woman’s name for her plan to work.

Smiling, she admired Connor’s photo in a small plastic sleeve. Jake really shoul
d update that photo. It was at least two years old. Deciding it prudent to be thorough, Bianca pulled the photo out. Her mouth fell open as she saw what was behind it.

A picture of
her
.

It looked like a good quality photocopy or laser print. That didn’t quite make sense either. As if it was impossible to get a real photograph of the
woman to put in his wallet. Still, for Bianca this was so much better than a regular photo because under the picture of the woman’s smiling face was her name. Rachel Williams, Marketing Manager, Omega Pharmaceuticals.

Bianca
shoved the papers back into Jake’s wallet, placing it back on the buffet, then heard voices from outside. She quickly slipped into the kitchen on the pretence of getting a glass of water and waited until she heard the French doors opening, then sauntered into the living room, taking her glass with her.

“Mum!” came Connor’s exuberant greeting.

Glass still in hand, Bianca gave him a one armed hug while he prattled on about some boys he’d met in the park. Jake glared at her relentlessly.

“Connor, didn’t you want to play on your
computer?” he asked.

“Yeah, I haven’t played on it all day.”

“Okay then. You can have half an hour, mate. It’s in your bedroom.”

*          *          *

Jake nodded towards the French doors, motioning Bianca to join him outside.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” he demanded as they stood beneath the canopy of the Chinese Tallow.

She lifted her glass. “Getting a drink of water.”

“What? You’ve run out of water next door?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I came to see Connor. I’d still be in there with him if you hadn’t sent him off to his room.”

“Well,
I’ve got something to tell you.”

He’
d already spoken to his lawyer and divorce proceedings were under way. It hadn’t been an easy decision for him to make but it was the right one.

He’d tried for
four years to give his son a family with both a father and mother. He didn’t want Connor to grow up with the same fragmented, lonely family life he’d had. He wanted to do the best for his son and give him a solid foundation but he couldn’t do it any longer. Couldn’t make it work.

Connor was going to lose the only family he’d ever known.

Until he met Rachel, Jake’s main priority in life was to maintain a family for Connor. Now that had changed.

What was left of his relationship with Bianca was crumbling so
now there was nothing left of it. He didn’t want anything to do with her and couldn’t stand living in the same house any longer than he had to.

When he cut the issues down to their
most elemental level, it was quite simple. He couldn’t bear to be married to her any more.

“Surprise me.” Bianca’s voice was smug and confident.

“It’s not a surprise,” he said. “I’ve spoken to James Phillips.”

Her jaw tightened.
“Your lawyer. And?”

“I can’t live like this any more. It’s time to make a clean break.”

She refused to give him the time to choose his words carefully. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

H
e looked her in the eye. “It means we’re getting a divorce. James said it won’t take too long given we’ve already been separated for years but there’s still a lot for us to sort out.”

“Like what?”
Her upper lip curled in disgust. “Like how often you’ll be able to see Connor? Because you won’t get custody. He’s my son. You’re the one who said you wanted to keep the family together for Connor. What’s changed your mind? You’re making a big mistake. You have no idea.”

“Calm down.
I know you’re upset–”

“Upset!” Bianca pushed pas
t him to the gate leading from his courtyard to her large landscaped garden. “You think I’m going to lose everything because of some floozy? You think I’m going to hand everything over to her and go in live in some shoddy flat? Because that’s all she’s after. The money. And you’re falling for it. You haven’t heard the last of this.”

He didn’t chase after her.
No point trying to talk to her now. He despised it when she made threats like that but he should have known she’d bring up custody of Connor.

Jake slumped into a whicker patio chair and
leaned forward, his head in his hands.

His life had changed inexorably when Rachel entered it. And now there was no going back. She was everything he ever wanted, a woman beyond his wildest dreams.

More than that, he didn’t want her to be some small part of his life. He wanted to see her head on the pillow beside his when he woke in the morning. Her face smiling every evening when he kissed her goodnight. A casual relationship wouldn’t fulfil him. Wouldn’t even come close.

Jake recalled the evening at his house when Rachel confronted him about his marital status.
Despite everything, she’d been wonderful with his son. And to think he’d believed she didn’t like children.

The next day Connor had told him how she
’d tucked him in and assured him there were no monsters under the bed. The child had trusted her instinctively.

If only Rachel would do the same for him. Trust him. Love him. Like he loved her.