In the Name of Love (24 page)

He was sure that he loved her … he had never felt like this about anyone before … but he was wary of telling her in case she felt it was too soon. In case
she
felt stifled.

It had been a hell of a week. His mother had been
right
about one thing. He was off form and training had been going badly; his shoulder was killing him. Spending the weekend with Charlie had allowed him to push all thoughts of competing out of his head, but now they returned with a vengeance – all the negative, pessimistic thoughts that he felt almost powerless to control. He found himself reaching for the whisky, even though he had promised that he would stay off the hard stuff until after the Olympics. Felipe was a brilliant horseman but he was prone to bouts of insecurity.

His bleak mood was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Hoping that it might be Eduardo and Ricky, he was disappointed when he answered the door to Paloma. The woman he couldn’t seem to shake off, however obvious he made his feelings for Charlie.

‘Felipe, I wanted to see that you were okay. Your mother told me what a difficult time you’ve been having lately with training.’ She had changed into a simple black silk dress and looked beautiful. But her beauty had no effect on him any more. He could appreciate it but it didn’t make him want her. She had no hold over him.

He didn’t ask her in but leant against the doorframe, arms folded, ‘I’m fine, Paloma. You must remember that bad weeks are par for the course.’

‘Bad enough to make you start drinking whisky again? You needn’t bother to deny it, I can smell it on your breath.’

Damn, he hated being found out; it made him defensive. ‘It was just a glass, it’s no big deal. And it is nothing
to
do with you, Paloma.’ He knew how dismissive he sounded, but couldn’t help it.

Instead of being offended she gave him a sympathetic smile. ‘I am only saying it as a friend. You always say that it is only one glass, but then there’ll be another … and then another … until you have finished the bottle. And you’ll wake up in the morning feeling wretched and wonder why on earth you did that to yourself. Why don’t you let me make you some coffee and we can talk?’

He had been expecting her to put on one of her needy
You must still love me
performances but she seemed totally together. It made a pleasant change not to see her playing the role of spurned girlfriend.

Maybe it would be good to talk to her. God knows he needed to confide in someone who understood how he felt. Felipe nodded and she walked in. She threw her scarf and bag on the sofa and headed straight for the kitchen. Naturally she knew where everything was. A few minutes later she returned with a cafetière of coffee and a selection of tapas. ‘I thought you probably wouldn’t have eaten since the picnic,’ she told him, setting the tray down on the elegant mirror-glass coffee table – one of the many items she had chosen for the apartment.

‘So tell me how things are?’

In a way it was a relief to open up to Paloma. She did understand both the pressure of competition and the pressure he put himself under. She waited until he had finished speaking before saying, ‘Felipe, you are a great sportsman and this is your time. We all believe
in
you, we all believe you can do it.’ She smiled at him. ‘You just have to believe in yourself and you will succeed, I have no doubt.’ She paused. ‘But you know all this, of course, and I’m sure it’s only what Charlie has been telling you all weekend.’

He hesitated. ‘My mother must have told you that Charlie has a problem with riding.’ He could just imagine the lurid picture Vittoria had painted of Charlie’s panic attack the previous day.

Paloma couldn’t quite meet his eye as she replied, ‘She mentioned it. But that surely doesn’t stop you talking to Charlie about your training and your anxieties, does it?’

‘I don’t need to talk to her about it.’ He was lying and was certain that Paloma had picked up on this. He expected her to make something of it, but instead she said, ‘I want you to know that you can always talk to me. As a friend, I’m always here for you.’

He thought of his earlier depression. If Paloma hadn’t arrived when she did, the chances were he would have hit the bottle and felt even worse for it.

‘Thank you, Paloma, that’s very good to know.’ He smiled warmly at her. She smiled back and said lightly, ‘What else are friends for?’ Then she reached for her bag and scarf and stood up to go.

‘Don’t you want another coffee?’ he asked, surprised that she was leaving so soon. Usually he had to come up with an excuse in order to get rid of her.

‘Actually I have a date.’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t know where it will lead, but I have to move on, don’t I?’

Felipe smiled, genuinely pleased that she had met
someone
else. He didn’t feel remotely jealous. ‘He’s a lucky man, whoever he is.’

He felt considerably happier after he’d said goodbye to Paloma. She was right, everything would be okay.

Chapter 16

GOD! IT WAS
frustrating having a conversation with her brother on the phone. Charlie could hardly get a word out of Kris, beyond a monosyllabic ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

‘Have you told Mum that you’re going to be staying with me?’ Charlie asked. She knew that Lori had been to see Kris the day before and was really hoping that he had broken the news to her then. He was due to be released at the end of the week.

A sigh from Kris, then, ‘I just couldn’t do it, Charlie. I know she’s going to be really upset.’ He paused. ‘Can you tell her?’

Shit!
Charlie could just imagine her mum’s reaction. She knew how much Lori was looking forward to having her son home again. ‘Okay.’ She tried not to let her reluctance show.

‘Anyway Dad will be relieved that he doesn’t have to see his criminal son.’ He still sounded so bitter that their dad had only visited him once.

‘I’m sure that’s not true, Kris. Just give him time.’

She heard a prison guard in the background telling them to end their conversation. ‘I’ve got to go, Charlie. I’ll see you next week.’

Kris put the phone down before she had a chance to say goodbye properly.

Charlie stared out of her living-room window. She was sorely tempted to go for a run, anything to put off making the call, but if she didn’t get it over and done with now it would only make things worse. She selected her parents’ number. Lori picked up and immediately launched into an account of how she had redecorated Kris’s room in preparation for his release.

‘I’ve gone for a neutral look on three walls with a kind of beige slash taupe, and then made a feature wall over the bed in a rich dark brown. I thought it was sophisticated and masculine, and as far away as possible from that vile pale blue paint he’s been surrounded by – I swear I never want to see that colour again. What d’you reckon? D’you think he’ll like it?’ She sounded so bubbly and excited at the prospect of having him back home.

‘The room sounds great, Mum, but Kris is only going to be in Manchester for a day or two before he comes down to London to stay with me.’

‘When was this decided? He needs time to find his feet again.’ Already Charlie could hear the catch in her mum’s voice as she held back the tears.

‘He thought it would be best to make a fresh start. You can come down and stay any time and he’ll be back to see you.’

‘I was so looking forward to having my boy back. It’s
been
so hard these last five months.’ Lori sounded despondent.

‘I know, Mum, and Kris has missed you so much. He said he can’t wait to see you and to have your home cooking again.’

‘Did he? He needs feeding up, poor lad. I was planning to make that vegetable korma he likes. And I’m going to get some bacon in so I can make him a proper English breakfast, even though you know I don’t like having meat in the house.’

‘He’ll really appreciate that, Mum.’

They chatted for a while longer and by the time they said goodbye Lori had rallied and was back to sounding her usual upbeat self. Charlie hadn’t mentioned that Kris didn’t think their dad wanted him at home anyway. She hoped that if Kris could get an acting job, it might help their father to forgive him, accept that his son was making something of his life and that prison had been a one-off. God, families could be so complicated! Though however difficult her dad was being over Kris, he was nothing like as difficult as Felipe’s mother. Vittoria was in a league all of her own.

Apparently she and Felipe weren’t speaking after the events of the party. Charlie had urged Felipe to make peace with Vittoria – she might not like the woman, but she certainly didn’t want to come between a mother and her son – but Felipe had refused. He insisted that his mother had to apologise for what she had said to Charlie, that it was inexcusable. Charlie didn’t believe an apology was coming her way any time soon.

*

A week after her brother’s release from prison, Charlie was nervously anticipating his arrival at her flat. She had wanted to go and meet him at King’s Cross Station but he’d insisted he would be fine getting the tube on his own. Charlie wasn’t so sure. It must be a huge shock being surrounded by so many people after five months of imprisonment. She could only imagine how it felt because Kris hadn’t once talked about his experiences inside. They had always been open with each other in the past, but prison had put a stop to that. She felt as if he had closed himself down and was no longer sure how to get through to him.

She wandered into the spare bedroom once more to check that it looked okay. She’d splashed out on a new flat-screen TV for her brother, as well as a brightly coloured stripy duvet cover from Habitat as her old white lace one had looked a bit too feminine. It was a pleasant, light room, with two large sash windows overlooking the long narrow garden. It had to be a million times better than the cell he had left behind, she reflected.

The doorbell rang and Charlie raced out of her flat to open the front door. Kris was standing on the doorstep, a rucksack by his side. He still had the hunched defeated look he’d had in prison, the one that made Charlie want to cry. Instead she smiled and hugged him tight.

‘It’s so good to see you,’ she said, trying to keep a check on how emotional she felt.

‘You too,’ he replied, but could barely raise a smile.

Charlie had imagined a cosy night in, with the two
of
them filling each other in on the past five months. She had always been able to talk to her twin about anything. He knew better than anyone else the impact the accident had had on her, though she hadn’t told even him about her nightmares. However, after a brief chat about his journey, Kris slumped back on the sofa, switched on the TV, and didn’t seem to want to talk, in spite of her best efforts to spark a conversation. Everything she suggested was met with a shrug or a ‘Don’t mind’.

Finally she asked if he wanted to meet her for lunch the following day and received yet another shrug.

‘I just thought it might be good to go out so you get used to being around different people, especially as you’re seeing the director at the end of the week.’

‘I’ll let you know,’ came the non-committal reply.

Lori had warned Charlie that Kris was being uncommunicative, but even so it was a shock to find him so hard to talk to. Charlie ended up leaving him to watch the football while she went into the kitchen to make
lasagne
– one of Kris’s favourite meals. At one point he wandered in and for a moment she thought he might be about to initiate a conversation. Instead he simply asked if there was somewhere he could smoke.

‘Would it be okay if you went into the garden?’ Now probably wasn’t the time to have a go at him about smoking …

‘No problem.’

She handed him a saucer. ‘You can use this as an ashtray.’

She watched him through the French doors as he
paced
up and down the decking. He seemed so down she wished there was something she could do to help him. But he hardly spoke to her over dinner. He did ask how it was going with Felipe, but Charlie didn’t feel the moment was right to talk about how her fear of riding was casting a shadow over their relationship. So she told him everything was fine.

Kris picked at his food and hardly ate anything. He usually had a voracious appetite and polished off everything on his plate and then had seconds. He offered to clear up afterwards but Charlie wouldn’t hear of it. After turning down her offer of home-made banoffee pie, another of his favourites, he once more went outside for a cigarette.

Later that night when they’d both gone to bed Charlie lay awake, worrying about him. She’d been naively expecting that the moment he came out of prison everything would be okay. It certainly didn’t seem that way. Suddenly she remembered Darcy’s comment that Kris might find it hard to live with her. Had she done the right thing, asking her brother to stay? Or was her successful career undermining him and reminding him of what he didn’t have?

Kris wasn’t up when she left for work the following morning, so Charlie scribbled a note telling him to help himself to breakfast and whatever else he wanted, and again suggested he meet her for lunch. She didn’t hear from him, however, and ended up being frantically busy before she went on air, so much so that she didn’t even get a chance to call him.

*

‘Is there anything else?’ Darcy asked Nicky, as she sat in her boss’s office, twiddling her pen, notepad at the ready like a good little PA. She bloody hoped not. She hadn’t stopped all morning.

‘Can you confirm the guest bookings for tonight and tomorrow and book their taxis?’ Nicky asked, barely looking away from her screen.

‘Um … I thought Ruby was going to do that? I hoped I could do some research, maybe find some new contributors,’ Darcy replied.

‘Ruby’s away so I need you to do it. And by all means find some new contributors, but that will have to be on top of your other work.’

‘I understand, Nicky,’ Darcy managed to reply, even though she was fuming. She walked out of the office as if she couldn’t be happier about her mundane tasks. But once she was out of Nicky’s eye line she stormed along the corridor and slammed her fist against the lift button. She was sick to death of everyone treating her like shit. ‘Do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that!’