In the Shadow of His Wings (17 page)

‘ordered’. I will not be going back to the River of Life store again. Don’t ever ask for anything from anywhere other than the catalogues I give you. I would have gotten you anything you asked for, it will be a long time before I do you any special favors.” Gerhard looked at Laura with such anger that she feared he would hit her. She cowered on the bed unsure of what he was going to do. Gerhard himself didn’t seem to know what to do either. He was not normally a man given to violence but neither had he ever felt this kind of rage towards a woman. He knew he needed to leave the room before he did something he would regret. He glared at Laura, pointed at Lacey’s text book in her hands for emphasis and left the room. Gerhard made an excuse to Hilda about Christine’s upset stomach, saying she was going to bed early, knowing she wouldn’t be out again that evening.

Laura clutched Lacey’s text book together with her bible and curled up on her bed allowing the tears flow freely. First she cried for Lacey. She didn’t think about the danger she had put her daughter in. This crazy man could have killed Lacey. He had been close enough to take her school book.
Did he touch her to get it? Please Lord; tell
me he didn’t lay a hand on my Lacey!
Laura didn’t think Gerhard had actually hurt Lacey. She knew he just wanted her to believe that he
could
hurt her. After seeing the look in his eyes tonight, she now believed he
would.
She cried over her botched plan.

Obviously it didn’t work.
What went wrong?
I won’t be home for Christmas, will I
God?
With that thought Laura burst into a fresh outburst of tears. She had such high hopes of being home for Christmas, now she wondered if she would live to see her family again. She wondered if Jim even got word that she was alive. Did any part of her plan work at all? At that moment, Laura felt so low, so despondent; she actually considered the possibility of getting a razor from the bathroom and slashing her wrists. She didn’t think she could take it here anymore, day after day, with Hilda watching soap operas and game shows.
God I can’t do this anymore.

Laura opened Lacey’s text book and looked at her notes, her tears falling on them as she saw her daughter’s handwriting. She flipped through the pages of the textbook and a slip of stiff white paper fell out amongst the notes. Laura turned it over and saw it wasn’t another of Lacey’s notes, it was a photo strip. The kind you get from a booth at the mall where you put some coins in and pose, then wait for the pictures to be developed in a few minutes. This one was pictures of Lacey and two of her friends. There were four poses all together. The first one was very silly, the girls all making a face. The second one was so blurry you couldn’t make out their faces, they were obviously moving around too much. In the third picture each girl was had a huge smile and was clearly saying, ‘cheese’ brightly for the camera. In the last one they all sat nicely trying to look very serious, prim and proper. Laura couldn’t help but smile a little through her tears as she looked at the pictures. She also knew, as she looked at her daughter’s face in the photos, that she could never take her own life. No matter how long she had to remain in this basement, she would keep going and not give up. She was going to make it through this, if not for her own sake, then for the sake of her family.

“Oh God, forgive me that for even a second I entertained thoughts of suicide. I know You are with me and You have me covered with Your wings. I trust You have my family covered as well. Please keep me going here Jesus. I can’t do this without You.

Help me talk to Hilda and Gerhard; give me the words to say to them. Father, I ask that Your peace would rule in this place. Please help Hilda and Gerhard both keep their anger under control. In Jesus name I ask this, amen.” Laura wiped the tears from her eyes and felt a little more peaceful after she prayed. She still felt incredibly disappointed that her plan had failed; there was no getting around that fact. She knew God was with her and she wasn’t alone. She hadn’t forgotten the time she awoke on the couch and saw the wings around her. She would never forget! Laura looked down at the photo strip in her hands and thanked God for this gift. Now she had a picture of her daughter to look at.

She had nothing from home with her in her small room. Sometimes it felt like she was slowly being brainwashed. It had been so long since someone had called her ‘Laura’, she was getting used to being called Christine. At first it was very hard to call Hilda, ‘mom’.

It seemed like a betrayal to her own mother. Now however it didn’t seem difficult at all, it seemed quite normal. When Laura reflected on that it frightened her. She didn’t want to get used to this situation, she wanted to go home! This was not her home! She clutched the picture of Lacey and her friends, knowing she had better hide this picture carefully. If Gerhard saw it he would certainly take it away from her.

At first Laura thought she would tuck the picture into her bible but then worried that it might fall out and didn’t want to risk that. She looked around her room for a good hiding place. Laura opened her top dresser drawer, pulled back the paper liner and placed the photo strip under the paper. It would be safe under there and easy for her to pull out and look at whenever she wanted to. She thanked God for this precious gift. She went back to the bed and picked up Lacey’s text book. She tucked her daughter’s school notes back inside and wondered if Gerhard would come at some point and take that from her.

She hoped he wouldn’t. She wanted to keep it simply because it belonged to Lacey. She put it on the bookshelf over the desk with Christine’s old school books and hoped Gerhard would forget all about it.

Chapter 16

Christmas in the Reid household was a bleak one. Jim and Lacey awoke Christmas morning to find themselves alone in a house that was too quiet and definitely lacked in Christmas cheer. Josh walked in carrying some gifts and a few treats. They exchanged gifts but their mood was somber, all trying to be brave for the other. Lacey felt she had no more tears left in her, she had cried so much the past few months. It was hard getting ready for Christmas with her dad, neither one of them felt at all like celebrating. She made the effort to buy him and Josh a few gifts. She knew they shopped for her, but it was all done under a strain and only because the calendar said it was Christmas time. They didn’t talk about putting up a tree or decorating. Lacey knew that if she wanted a tree her dad would get her one, but she didn’t care. It was her mom that loved all the fancy decorations, she was the one that got excited about all the ornaments they had had ever since Josh and Lacey were babies. They even had some that the she and Josh had made when they were in kindergarten and Laura still put them up on the tree every year. She kept them wrapped in tissue paper, treated them like they were the most expensive and precious ornaments they had. There were ornaments that had ‘Babies First Christmas’ written on them, for both Josh and Lacey, and a few Popsicle stick ones that had been made during summers at camp. Every time the family travelled somewhere, they would look for a Christmas ornament to commemorate their trip. There were several ornaments from different places they had been. Stuff like that was important to Laura, she treasured them and put them up on the Christmas tree every year. Josh and Lacey had always laughed and thought it silly that she didn’t just throw away the cheap homemade ones when they got older. Laura reacted in horror whenever they would mention it. She said that the Reid collection of Christmas ornaments was like a time capsule of their family history and she would never throw any of them away.

Josh’s girlfriend Maggie arrived a little later in the morning and she right away got busy in the kitchen helping with the Christmas dinner. Lacey had cooked a turkey and with Maggie’s help the two put on a delicious meal. The four sat around the table and Jim said grace over the food. He was truly thankful for the food and the hands that prepared it. He didn’t know how he would have made it through the past few months without his children. They were amazing in their strength and resilience. He thanked God for them often. He marveled at the wonderful meal the girls had prepared. Josh reminded him that he had opened the can of cranberries so he deserved some recognition too. The meal was a subdued one with everyone making a strained effort to be festive, each feeling like they had to make the effort for the others. Maggie, being the one from outside the family was trying extra hard to bring smiles to their faces. She knew what a strain they had all been under. Maggie loved the Reids with all her heart. She came from a family where there was seldom peace. Someone was always yelling at someone else.

Her parents divorced when she was nine and much of her growing up years was spent being passed from parent to parent. Sometimes she wasn’t sure if they were fighting because they both wanted her or if they both wanted the other to have her. When she met Josh she was very nervous to meet his parents but when she finally did she fell in love with them instantly. Lacey and she became friends right away. Maggie, with her blonde curly hair and slightly plump physique was quite different from the rest of the family, but she felt like she was one of them just the same. When Josh’s mother first disappeared she didn’t know how to handle it. Her mother was convinced that Josh’s father had done something to the woman and filled Maggie’s head with ideas and doubts. She didn’t know what to say to Josh or how to comfort him. So she did the worst thing she could possibly have done, she did nothing. She wasn’t there for him at all. She felt terrible about that now, thankfully Josh had forgiven her. Maggie had been around the family a fair bit in the past couple of months and her relationship with Josh had grown even stronger. She no longer doubted Jim’s innocence. She had seen first hand how badly he missed his wife and longed for her return. She knew that Jim hadn’t given up hope that Laura was still alive. She only hoped he was right.

“Hey Josh, do you know if caterpillars are good to eat?” Maggie asked.

“What? No, I don’t know if caterpillars are good to eat! Why on earth would you ask me something like that now?” Josh had a disgusted look on his face.

“Oh because I saw one on your lettuce, but it’s gone now.” Maggie said sweetly, with a perfectly straight face as she kept on eating.

Jim, Josh and Lacey burst out laughing, for only a moment. Then they both stopped and Lacey’s eyes filled up with tears and spilled over onto her cheeks. She got up from the table and started to leave the room but Maggie jumped up grabbing Lacey’s arm, stopping her.

“Lacey, it’s ok to laugh. You aren’t betraying your mother by laughing.” Maggie turned and looked at Jim and Josh, speaking to them as well. “It’s the same for you two as well you know. For the past three months you have done all you possibly could to find her. I’ve watched you and I’ve seen all three of you ripping your hearts out, turning your lives inside out for her. Is this how she would want you to be eating your Christmas dinner? Sitting here with sad faces and tears in your eyes. That’s not the Laura I know.

She would be upset with you for not putting up the Christmas tree. She would be mad that you didn’t put up any Christmas decorations. I’ve only been going to church for a short time but I think Laura would be real quick to point out to all of you the real meaning behind Christmas and to tell you that you seem to have all forgotten that. Laura would
want
you to be happy. She would want you to be laughing at jokes and teasing each other.” Maggie looked at Jim, “Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be disrespectful and this is your house. It just tears me up inside to see how sad you all are and I
know
Laura would not want you all behaving this way.” Jim got up and gave Maggie a hug.

“No need to apologize. You are absolutely right. Laura wouldn’t like the way we are all sitting here sad faced, not at all. It’s just hard because we miss her so much, and if we relax, and laugh, it will feel like we have somehow let go of her, like we have given up on her or something. The rational part of my mind tells me that’s ridiculous, but the irrational part tells me otherwise. Maggie I appreciate you very much,
especially
your sense of humor.”

“Me too!” Josh and Lacey both said at the same time, as they both smiled.

Maggie had been a God send for the Reid family. Back in November after she apologized to Josh for not being there for him at the beginning she had suggested to him that they go to church together with his sister and father. She felt it might really help his dad, that he needed the support. Josh had always felt church was a big bore but had agreed that his dad needed him right then. Maggie loved the Reid’s church. She enjoyed the lively music and friendly people. Josh didn’t want to admit it at first, but he actually found himself enjoying the service as well. The two were regular attendees now and Josh was even helping Doug out in the sound booth. His computer skills came in handy and Doug welcomed the help. Maggie, not one to sit on the side lines, was quick to get involved and helped out in the nursery. It really blessed Jim to see his son and Maggie in church, he longed to share it with Laura.

The doorbell rang, Maggie stood up announcing it was for her and she would get it. Jim and Lacey looked at Josh but he shrugged his shoulders, just as confused as they were. Jim, Lacey and Josh all got up from the table as they heard a fair bit of commotion over by the front door. They were surprised to see Maggie’s father standing in their foyer carrying a large cage. He set the cage on the floor, brought in another box, gave his daughter a quick hug, wished everyone a Merry Christmas and quickly left.

“I have one more gift for all of you, I hope I’m not making a big mistake here, but I thought real hard about this and, well, let me just show you.” Maggie announced nervously. She lifted the large cage up and brought it into the living room setting it down on the coffee table in the center of the room. Inside the cage was a single, white dove.