In This Life (18 page)

Galen nodded, gave me one final glance, and left.

“This wasn’t Galen’s fault,” I told David when the front door closed. “He didn’t deserve the brunt of your anger.”

“Then he’ll have to learn to live with it.”

“You’re not being fair — ”

“I came home and found you with another man, and you’re talking about what’s fair?”

“And how many times do I have to tell you that it wasn’t what it looked like?”

David took a stunned step backward. “Do you have any idea how weak that excuse sounds?”

“Yes, but it’s the truth!”

I needed to take my own step back because I knew that if I let my anger run free, we’d launch into a heated and immature argument. When I found some kind of composure, I said, “Blame me if you need, but don’t blame Galen. He’s the only person who understands what I’m going through because he’s experienced it himself. I can learn from him, David.”

David stood firm and silent.

And I was going to test our relationship even further.

“I intend to meet with Galen again.” David was ready to argue but I cut him off. “I need this because he’s the only person who can help me. Maybe you can’t put your trust in him but you’ll have to put your trust in me. Otherwise, we should call it quits now because there will be nothing left for us to build our relationship on. And me not being your wife will be the least of your concerns.”

For the first time in a long time, I’d left David stunned and speechless. I felt for him and understood his unsettled emotions, and I would have done anything to make them go away. The gods only knew I’d experienced enough of that very same confusion over the past few days myself, but I was determined not to back down.

“For what it’s worth, and whether you choose to believe it or not,” I said, moving in closer to him, “the history that Galen and I have doesn’t compare to what you and I shared back in time, or what we share now.”

David’s eyes explored mine and I watched him battle uncertainty as well as pride.

“Come on, David,” I said. “Work with me here. You know there’s middle ground. We’ve found it before and we can find it again.”

“You can’t be serious,” David said, his expression hovering somewhere between shock and disgust. “You absolutely cannot be serious.”

Any hope of reconciliation took a backseat when my cell phone rang. I found it in my bag by the sofa, and answered.

“Doctor Morgan?” It was Logan and he sounded panicked. “I tried meeting you at your house but couldn’t. Can you meet me at the Applewood Mall instead?” The sound of cars rushing past filtered through the connection. “There’s something here you need to see.”

I agreed and updated David once I disconnected.

“The Applewood Mall,” I said. “Why does that sound familiar?”

“Because the person that texted you before bought the burn phone there.” David checked my caller ID. “Take a look at this,” he said, pointing to the screen. “It’s also the same number of the person who called you the other day.”

“Well, isn’t that interesting.” I hoisted my bag over my shoulder and headed for the garage.

David grabbed my arm and stopped me. “We aren’t done here, Lottie. We
will
talk about what happened later.”

The hard, angry look in his eyes made me pause, but only briefly. “Good,” I said. “I want that, too.”

David took my Jeep keys, put them on the counter and retrieved his keys from his jeans instead. Then we both headed for his SUV with one goal in mind.

To follow what looked like our very first clue.

We got into the SUV, pulled out of the garage, and David fell into a deep, brooding silence. It wasn’t his normal silence either. This one seemed edgy and hostile and directed at me.

“I think we need to talk now and not later,” I said. “Things haven’t been right between us since Galen left our house and we need to resolve it.”

We came to a stop sign and David made a left, bringing us through the tree-lined, landscaped back roads of our neighborhood.

“I don’t want to get into it right now,” David said.

“Why not?”

We made another left and passed a row of condos all lined with boxwoods, deep red impatiens, and forest green lawns. David started drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Because it’ll make things worse.”

“Not necessarily.”

David said nothing.

“Open and honest communication is critical to a relationship, David. You know that. It’s why we made a promise not to lie when we reconciled two years ago. I realize that there are situations that may seem difficult or insurmountable, just like this one does, but honesty can make all the difference.”

David’s jaw clenched and I knew I’d struck a nerve.

“I know you’re feeling conflicted over Galen, and that — ”

David swerved to the shoulder and jammed the brake, and the SUV lurched to a stop.

“You think I’m
conflicted
? This isn’t about conflict, Lottie. This is about the truth, just like you said, but you’re the last person who should be flaunting it.”

I pulled back at his sudden outburst. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

David released his seat belt as well as his displeasure. “You want to know what I’m thinking? Then I’ll say this plain and simple so there’s no confusion and so that I don’t have to repeat myself. I don’t want you seeing Galen. Ever again.”

I froze at the unexpected and, in my mind, outrageous demand. “I still haven’t completed his evaluation.”

“I don’t want your evaluation. I don’t want a file or notes or a recommendation. I want none of it. What I want is for him to stay out of your life, and mine.”

He’d made his decision about Galen joining his team, I realized. And it was the same decision he’d made three times before.

“You’re going to deny his request,” I said. “Because of me. Because of what you think you saw between us.”

“What I thought I saw?” David shook his head, adamant. “I didn’t think anything. It was happening, right before my eyes, and the gods only know what would have happened next had I not walked in. Do you want me to get graphic, Lottie? Do you really want me to remind you of the details? Because I will if you need it. You may want to lie to yourself about this but you absolutely cannot lie to me.”

I sat still, unable to defend myself because I couldn’t remember. I thought we’d stopped and that Galen pulled away before things got out of control.

Then again, maybe he pulled away because he knew David was there.

“I don’t remember,” I breathed. “I really, really don’t.”

David wanted none of my explanation. “How convenient.”

“I’m sorry, and I’m trying to figure this out as much as you are. I just need your patience.”

“You need patience now, too? Along with needing my open mind and, oh, needing me to ignore that your hand was inside another man’s pants? Because that’s a really good one. And what do I get in return, Lottie? A thank you and a kiss in gratitude?”

“Of course not!” I looked out the window, frustrated and exasperated. “I didn’t intend for that to happen with Galen. It’s just that these memories — ”

“These memories. Yeah, I know. It’s all about the memories.”

I glared back at him. “What do I have to say or do to get this through your head? You think that on a whim I decided to sleep with someone just because I wanted to? You think I’m using Galen as an excuse to do it?”

“I don’t know. Are you?”

“How could you possibly even think such a thing?”

“You tell me. You’re the one who refuses to get married.”

David stared me down and that’s when I realized what had been bothering him all along. “This isn’t about Galen at all. Or me,” I said. “This is about
you
.”

“No, Lottie, it isn’t,” David said over a defeated sigh. “And that’s the point I can’t seem to get through to you. It’s about
us
. Our relationship, married or not, has always been about us. And today you let someone else in.”

His disillusionment, so clear and so painful, wrenched my heart. I wanted to say so many things to make this right again, to take away his disappointment and mistrust, to say how sorry I was and to make him believe it.

But I didn’t.

Because we both knew there was nothing left to say that would change his mind.

If we didn’t have to make the trip to the Applewood Mall, I would have told David to turn around and go home. We pulled into the shopping center’s parking lot and found a spot off to the right, where we sat watching people flitting into and out of the small stores.

“Do you see him?” David asked.

His tone sounded chilled and emotionless and I hated it. I shaded my eyes with a hand and scanned the strip mall, which was canopied by tall birch trees in full bloom, and found Logan in front of the phone store wearing high tops, jeans, a white beater, and a red ball cap, pulled down to his eyes. He shifted on his feet, cell phone in hand, spying people as they passed by. He appeared anxious and tentative, like he might have been worried that he’d be seen.

“There,” I said, pointing him out.

We slid out of the SUV and walked over. Logan froze when he discovered I wasn’t alone, sized up David and ran.

David ran after him.

They disappeared around the corner of the strip mall and I stood, sweating in the blistering heat. David had speed and power and I knew Logan wouldn’t get far, but I wondered what would happen once he was caught. David would either drag him back to me or force answers out of him right then and there. Neither situation would be handled gently. And, for a brief moment, I regretted making the trip with David until I realized that a strong male hand was exactly what Logan needed.

A vague memory hung on the fringes. One of another time and another place. It was night, with a sky as dark as ink and a moon nearly as bright as the sun. People had encircled me and were pointing at me. I was being mocked. Many were demanding my death.

Bakari stepped forward from the shadows, a hand poised at the jeweled sword that hung from his military kilt. The moon reflected off its edge as he walked, the flickers of light cutting into the gloom that filled the royal court. For the first time since I knew him, his eyes did not appear bright green but instead looked a mournful gray. I had disappointed him and hurt him, and there was nothing I could say to undo the damage. I remembered appealing to Bakari for him to reconsider, but he had his orders. And he was going to obey them.

He drew up the heavy sword and one single tear rolled down his cheek.

Then the sword arced down, toward me.

I stumbled, losing the memory and my balance, and clutched my hand to my pounding heart. I didn’t understand Bakari’s rage and I didn’t understand why the memory surfaced now. But I knew something was wrong.

A limousine pulled up to Giovanni’s at the end of the strip mall, drawing my attention away from the lingering memory. Seconds later, a couple emerged from the restaurant and walked toward it. A breeze swept over the woman’s long blonde hair and through her yellow, silk peasant dress, and I watched them say goodbye. There was a familiarity in their gestures and an intimacy that suggested something much deeper than friendship.

A wispy summer breeze passed through, carrying with it another memory.

I was looking for my tutor, Haji, because he had tasked me with a difficult translation that, he believed, would take me days to complete. I finished it in little more than one and was determined to show him that even though my head was often filled with thoughts of Bakari, I was perfectly capable of focusing on my lessons as well.

With the scrolls carefully tucked under my arm, I wound my way past pools of water lilies and lotus in the center of the royal courtyard, through a doorway and into a spacious hall just inside, with floor tiles the color of green grass that led to the room where I was tutored. The door to the room was not completely closed so I pushed it open just enough to see if Haji was inside.

He was sitting on his reed mat on the floor. Kesi was sitting on my reed mat next to him, her leg touching his. They spoke in hushed whispers and I wondered what they were doing. And why they were alone.

Then Kesi looked at Haji in a way that Haji’s wife looked at him, too.

I did not know how long I stayed there, staring at the two of them, and just when I realized that I did not belong, Kesi glanced toward the door where I stood.

The memory shut down and I was back at Giovanni’s. The man watched the limo pull away, and I used his preoccupation to quietly move in beside him.

“How long have you been seeing Mrs. Reynolds?” I asked Paul.

Paul spun around, shocked, and pasted on a smile as soon as he saw me. “I’m not seeing her. This is therapy.”

“At a restaurant?”

He said nothing at first, not bothering to keep up with the lie, but not bothering to admit the truth either. “I know what you’re thinking,” he finally said. “And you’re jumping to conclusions over what you think you saw.”

“The least you could have done was to tell me about your relationship with her, especially when you knew what I’ve been going through with Logan and his mother and that she intended to go into counseling with me.”

“I didn’t tell you because there was nothing to tell.”

“Please don’t lie to me. We’ve known each other far too long for that.” I swiped the sweat off my forehead and the back of my neck and considered buying an iced cold drink to cool off.

Paul cocked his head. “Are you okay?”

“I’m angry,” I said, lifting my hair and wiping the back of my neck again. “You lied to me, Paul, and you’re still lying to me.”

“It’s not that hot out. Why are you sweating like that?” He reached out and I pulled away.

“I want to know what’s going on between you and Mrs. Reynolds. Why are you even bothering to hide it?” I knotted up my hair, dug a tissue out of my bag and wiped down my skin. “You think I can’t see what’s going on?”

“There’s nothing going on.”

“I saw you with Kesi, in the chamber where you tutored me. I saw you both together. Then, and now.”

“What are you talking about? Lottie, you’re not making any sense.”