In This Small Spot (16 page)

Mickey stared at him. “Is that how this is
going to work? I’m guilty of these ridiculous charges unless I can
somehow prove I didn’t do these things?”

Some of the Council members shifted uneasily
in their seats.

“No,” Bishop Marcus spoke again, “that is
not how this is going to work. You have given us your response,
Sister. At this point, I believe we should call in any others who
may have pertinent information to offer.”

“Very well,” Father Thomas acquiesced again
to the Bishop’s authority. “Sister Michele, you are dismissed, for
now.”

Mickey quickly looked to Mother Theodora who
immediately protested. “Father, I believe Sister Michele has the
right to hear anything anyone else has to say so that she can rebut
if necessary.”

“But what if her presence intimidates them?”
he argued.

“We are not dealing with children,” Mother
insisted. “If anyone wishes to substantiate these allegations, they
must do so in Sister Michele’s presence.”

Tanya and Jessica were brought in first, one
at a time, as they had been part of that postulant class. Both
supported Mickey’s claim that they never witnessed any
inappropriate contact from Mickey toward either Wendy or Abigail,
nor had Mickey ever approached either of them in the manner of
which she was accused. During their testimony, Sister Scholastica
gave a couple of impatient sighs as if she were itching to ask her
own questions.

Next, the novices who had had contact with
Mickey testified, giving the same account as Jessica and Tanya.
Mickey felt her heart drop when Sister Helen was called in.

When asked the standard questions about any
inappropriate contact, Sister Helen responded, “No, but…”

Sister Scholastica and Father Thomas leaned
forward as one. “But what?” he pressed.

Sister Helen’s face reddened and there was
an audible tremor in her voice as she said, “Last Christmas, when
Sister Michele and I were rehearsing for the Christmas concert,
I…”

“Yes?” Father Thomas said, a little
impatiently.

“I developed an attachment to Sister
Michele,” she said softly.

“Did she encourage this?” Sister Scholastica
asked eagerly.

Sister Helen shook her head, blinking back
tears. “Just the opposite. She tried to keep me focused on our
rehearsals, avoided answering questions about herself until one
day…” she paused, looking so humiliated Mickey couldn’t help but
feel sorry for her.

“What did she do?” Father Thomas
prodded.

“One day, I guess I was being more
insistent, trying to learn more about her, when she chastised
me.”

“Chastised how?” Sister Scholastica asked
sharply. “Did she touch you?”

Sister Helen shook her head again. “She told
me her past was none of my business and she walked out.” She sat up
a little straighter. “It took me a long time to understand that she
had hurt my feelings deliberately to make me angry with her.” She
glanced at Mickey for the first time. “It worked, and it was the
appropriate thing to do.”

Mickey’s relief at Sister Helen’s honesty
was immediately dampened by an audible tskk of disbelief. She
glanced over at Sister Scholastica who was shaking her head as she
bent over the table, jotting notes on a piece of paper.

After Sister Helen’s testimony, the
proceedings were adjourned until the next day when Sister Rosaria
and Sister Josephine were called. Sister Rosaria bustled
indignantly at the suggestion that anything like this could have
happened under her nose, but Sister Josephine wasn’t so
certain.

“I never was aware of anything but tension
and animosity between Sister Michele and Wendy, but I had noticed
that Wendy and Abigail were becoming overly attached to one
another,” she said.

“What?” Father Thomas exclaimed, looking up
from his notes.

“I was considering how to deal with it when
they announced they were leaving.” She looked at Mickey. “I
suspected they had help in making that decision.”

All eyes turned to Mickey.

“Sister,” Mother Theodora said, “I think
you’d better tell them what you told me.”

Mickey nodded and recounted what she had
seen and said with regard to Wendy and Abigail.

“Why didn’t you tell us this before?” Father
Thomas demanded, scribbling furiously.

Mickey looked at him. “I didn’t feel that
making counteraccusations was necessary. Their relationship has no
direct bearing on these accusations against me. I question whether
Abigail is even a willing participant in all this. This is about
Wendy’s resentment of me.” She glanced at Sister Scholastica.
“Their relationship was inappropriate in here, even though they
weren’t yet under vows, but it didn’t seem necessary to cast stones
at them in order to clear myself.”

An awkward silence filled the room.

“Father Thomas,” said Bishop Marcus, “do you
wish to call anyone else? Or do you need further information from
anyone who has already spoken?”

“No,” Father Thomas said smugly. “I believe
I have everything I need.”

Mickey’s heart sank.

“Sister Michele,” Bishop Marcus turned to
her, “I am deeply sorry about this entire matter.” He looked to the
Council members before he spoke next. “You have had to publicly
reveal more about your past than most of us would be comfortable
doing. It is my sincere hope that the confidentiality of these
proceedings will be honored, and that you can return to life as
normal within the abbey while this matter is deliberated.”

╬ ╬ ╬

Returning to life as normal was not as easy
as Bishop Marcus had hoped. Even though it seemed ludicrous that
Wendy and Abigail’s claim could have any legal merit, no official
confirmation had yet been received regarding a possible settlement.
In the meantime, Mickey felt as if a spotlight were on her all the
time, a perception intensified by the fact that no one seemed to
stay near her for very long. She honestly didn’t know if she was
just being overly sensitive, but “I feel like a mouse living under
a hawk nest,” she said to Jamie who had come to the abbey at her
request. It didn’t help that every time she looked around, Sister
Scholastica seemed to be watching her.

Jamie was furious when he learned of the
accusations and the aftermath. “God, Mickey, these are supposed to
be forgiving, prayerful people,” he said indignantly.

“They’re also just people,” she sighed. “And
they’re scared. They’re scared of what they don’t understand.
They’re scared they’ll be accused also by associating with me. The
whole thing has taken on the feeling of a witch hunt.”

And it had.

“You managed to stir up more trouble than I
did.”

Mickey turned to find Father Andrew a few
feet from her in the enclosure garden, pruning some of the rose
bushes.

He held up the pruners in response to her
questioning look. “I’ve found it helps to keep busy. Idleness is
not good for me.” He looked around at the nuns roaming the garden
paths. “Listen.” Mickey frowned as she listened.

“What?”

“Exactly,” he said. “No laughter, little
conversation. Look at how stiff and formal they are with each
other. They don’t know where the boundaries are anymore. I’ve heard
a few of them say Sister Scholastica has called some of the sisters
in to ask about relationships,” he said, “but I don’t know if I
believe that. We’ve been through this before,” he said as he
resumed snipping rose branches.

“Really?” Mickey asked.

Father Andrew shrugged. “We’re human. Things
happen. And then for a while, there’s this hypervigilance. For us,
it was Brother Wilhelm. He actually did call people in. It can tear
a community apart.”

Mickey remembered Mother asking them all to
pray for St. Bridget’s.

“But this will pass,” he assured her.

“You think so?”

“Yes,” he smiled. “Nothing really happened.
But your reputation is forever sullied.”

Mickey looked at him shrewdly. “So much for
the confidentiality of the inquisition.”

He chuckled. “Yup.”

Mickey walked on and heard her name.

“Come and join me,” Sister Linus said,
inviting Mickey to sit with her on her bench.

“Aren’t you afraid to be seen talking to
me?” Mickey asked as she sat.

Sister Linus chortled. “I’m too old for you
to try any hanky panky with me.”

“Hanky panky?” Mickey laughed.

“Do they still call it that?” Sister Linus
asked. “Not that I ever got any. Except that time George Hennessy
kissed me at the county fair. But I knew that wasn’t for me.”

Mickey smiled.

Sister Linus peered at her, her sharp eyes
probing Mickey’s face. “How long ago did she die?”

Mickey blinked. One thing this whole legal
mess had done was distract her from what time of year it was. “It
will be four years next week,” she said in mild surprise.

Sister Linus nodded.

“I knew some sisters who entered after
losing a husband,” she observed. “Don’t know any who came after
losing a wife, but our generation didn’t talk about things like
that. Can’t be that different. I’m sorry.”

Mickey’s throat was painfully tight as she
nodded. Sister Linus took her hand, patting it.

“This will blow over,” she said, echoing
Father Andrew. “You’ll see.”

Maybe’s she right,
Mickey thought
later that evening. The juniors were all working in the orchard
again, helping to get the apple harvest in. That afternoon, Jessica
and Tanya had followed Mickey down a row, setting their ladders in
trees adjacent to hers. Mickey glanced from one to the other.

“What are you doing?” she asked, as she
dropped a handful of apples into the bag hanging from her
shoulder.

“We’ve decided this foolishness has gone on
long enough,” Jessica announced.

“Are you sure it’s safe to be associating
with me?”

“Uh, let’s see,” Tanya furrowed her brow as
if deep in thought, “be associated with you or let that bitch ruin
the dynamics of our group?” Mickey wasn’t sure if the bitch in
question was Wendy or Sister Scholastica, but as she felt the same
about both of them, she didn’t ask.

“Sister!” Jessica exclaimed from inside her
apple tree as she stretched to reach an apple. “Your language!”

“Shit. Now I’ll have to go to confession,”
Tanya grumbled.

Mickey laughed, the first time she had
actually laughed in weeks. They talked as they picked. Sister
Regina came by to check on their progress, but rather than shushing
them as she would normally have done, she simply nodded at the
amount they had harvested and moved on.

When the bell rang for Vespers and they had
deposited their ladders and picking bags on the trailer, Jessica
and Tanya each linked an arm through Mickey’s and walked together
back to the enclosure.

Jessica did shock Mickey by saying, “Maybe
Sister Scholastica will think we’re having a three-some.”

They took their places in their stalls, and,
when Vespers was over, the three of them headed for the library to
read an assignment for Sister Josephine. Sister Anselma intercepted
them.

“Sisters,” she greeted them as she neared.
“Sister Michele, may I have a word please?”

Tanya and Jessica went on to the library as
Mickey followed Sister Anselma.

“I should have come to find you long ago,”
Sister Anselma said, steering them toward a quiet corner of the
cloister. “I kept hoping I’d run into you…” She stopped walking and
looked at Mickey. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, and how
angry, that you were put through that whole experience. I know how
difficult it was for you to open up to me. I can only imagine the
type of questions you must have had to answer, and what it must
have been like to have your life dissected and exposed in that
setting. You have handled this with more grace and goodness than I
could muster.”

She looked down at the black and white
marble tiles on which they were standing. “I’ve never known anyone
quite like you. If any good comes of this, I believe it will be
that we will learn by your example.”

Mickey stood there for a few seconds, not
sure what to say. “I don’t think I realized until today how much I
needed to hear some expression of support.” And all at once, the
weight of everything she’d been dealing with came pressing down,
and she could feel herself on the verge of tears.

In a move that stunned Mickey even more than
what she had said, Sister Anselma embraced her and said, “I’m so
sorry you’ve felt so alone in this.”

Mickey held her tightly for a few seconds
and released her reluctantly. She went on to the library, her heart
buoyed so that she felt lighter than she had since before Mother
showed her that damned letter.
No matter what happens,
she
thought,
I will get through this.

Chapter 21

Mickey’s second Advent at St. Bridget’s was
fast approaching. Just before Thanksgiving, Mother Theodora sent
for her again.
What now?
she wondered as she made her to
Mother’s office.

“
Venite.”

“
Pax tecum.”

“
Et cum spiritu tuo,”
said Mother,
gesturing Mickey to one of the chairs. In her hand fluttered
another letter. “This one is good news,” she smiled when she saw
the look on Mickey’s face. “At least I hope it is.”

“What do you mean?” Mickey asked, her heart
lifting a little.

“Well, I wrote to the superior of the
community Wendy had entered prior to coming here,” said Mother. “I
don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to do so before. It might have
saved us all a great deal of worry and aggravation, but… I must
admit, I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. In
going back through Wendy’s file, I realized that none of her
letters of reference was from anyone affiliated with that
community, which, now, strikes me as odd. Obviously, we didn’t
catch that prior to her entering. I had to…” She cleared her
throat. “… describe in some detail why Wendy left St. Bridget’s and
the legal matter we’re embroiled in, and I asked their superior
whether she could provide any information as to why Wendy had left
their community. It seems she is repeating her prior pattern.”
Mother held the letter out for Mickey to read. “It wasn’t known
until after Wendy left, but one of the young sisters there
confessed to a sexual relationship with her.”