In This Small Spot (40 page)

He raised his eyes questioningly to
Lauren’s. “She’s gone,” she whispered.

Lovingly, he took Mickey’s limp body in his
arms and held her to him as he sobbed. Jennifer knelt beside him,
crying also as she wrapped her arms around both of them.

It wouldn’t occur to Lauren until hours
later to ask Jennifer what made them come. “Jamie knew,” Jennifer
told her. “He knew something had happened. He came to get me and
told me we had to get over here right away.”

Lauren sat with them for a while, and then
went down to the house to call Greg. She told him what had
happened. “I wasn’t sure who to call,” she said in a dazed,
emotionless voice.

It took a few seconds before he could speak.
“I’ll take care of it,” he finally said. “It sounds as if she had a
pulmonary hemorrhage, but an autopsy will probably be ordered to be
sure.”

Lauren went back up the hill to sit with
Jennifer and Jamie until an ambulance arrived for Mickey’s body.
The three of them accompanied the gurney back down the hill,
answering questions for the paramedics’ report.

“What now?” Jennifer asked when the
ambulance had left and they were seated around the kitchen
table.

Lauren looked around blankly. “I guess we’ll
have to contact a funeral home… I should let Mother Theodora and
the community know what happened. I’ll ask if the funeral can be
held at St. Bridget’s.”

“Can she be buried there?” Jennifer asked,
as her eyes filled with tears again.

Lauren shook her head. “Only the nuns can be
buried in that cemetery. But… if Michele were cremated, we might be
able to disperse her ashes there.”

Jennifer smiled through her tears. “I think
she’d like that.”

Lauren looked at the clock. It seemed
impossible that it was only nine thirty. This day already felt a
lifetime long. She stood up. “I’m going to change,” she said,
looking down at the blood on her sweatshirt and jeans. “I’ll keep
my appointment with Mother Theodora.” She turned toward the
bedroom, but stopped. “Would the two of you go to the funeral home
with me later?”

Jamie used his sleeves to dry his cheeks.
“Yes. We’ll call the relatives. Why don’t you come to the house
when you leave the abbey, and we’ll go together to make the funeral
arrangements.”

When Lauren got to St. Bridget’s, she paused
in front of the oak doors. For most of the past year, she had
imagined what it would be like to come back. When she was in
California, she’d thought she might feel a little homesick, maybe a
little awkward, but the past six weeks with Mickey had changed
everything. Life after the abbey had been more than she’d ever
dreamed it could be, until this morning….

She knocked. It took Sister Lucille several
seconds to recognize her. “Sister Anselma!” she exclaimed happily,
giving Lauren a hug.

“It’s Lauren now, Sister,” Lauren reminded
her, returning the embrace, though Sister Lucille’s head only came
up to her shoulders.

“Of course, my dear. Mother is waiting for
you. You remember the way.”

“
Venite
.”

“
Pax tecum
, Mother.”

“
Et cum spiritu tuo
, Lauren,” Mother
Theodora replied with a smile as she rose from her desk to greet
Lauren with an embrace. She stopped as she drew near, her sharp
eyes boring into Lauren’s. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Lauren hadn’t cried a single tear all
morning, but now she crumpled into Mother Theodora’s arms, sobbing.
Mother Theodora guided her to a chair, and sat next to her, holding
her closely and praying as she feared the worst. She waited
patiently until Lauren could gasp, “Michele… died this
morning…”

Mother Theodora closed her eyes and let her
own tears flow. “I am so sorry, my child,” she murmured as she
rocked Lauren. When they both were able to talk, Lauren told her
what had happened and Greg’s guess as to the cause.

“I don’t know how long an autopsy will take,
but would it be permissible to hold her funeral here?”

Mother Theodora nodded. “We would be honored
to be part of the celebration of Mickey’s passing into our Lord’s
hands.” She took Lauren’s hand. “What about you? Is there anything
you need?”

Lauren closed her eyes and shook her head.
“A short while ago, I wouldn’t have known it was possible to hurt
this much, but… I think maybe this is the price I had to be
prepared to pay in order to know the joy of loving her. She gave me
more happiness in the time we had together than I had known in my
entire life previously.”

“I think we will find that that happiness is
the legacy she gave to most who knew her,” Mother Theodora
mused.

Chapter 48

No one was prepared for the outpouring of
sympathy as word got around. Most of the cards, telephone calls and
flowers were directed to the abbey, as most of the people who knew
Mickey still associated her with St. Bridget’s. Sister Lucille and
Sister Teresa recruited the juniors to help carry the seemingly
endless procession of flower arrangements into the Chapel. Mother
Theodora herself gathered the cards together in a bundle for
Lauren.

Jennifer had contacted Susan and Christie
who quickly spread the news of Mickey’s death among their friends
and Mickey’s former colleagues at Hopkins. They put an obituary in
the Baltimore Sun, and arranged a caravan for those who could make
the trip to New York. Christopher and what seemed like half the
congregation of St. Matthew’s made plans to drive up. Natalie flew
up from Florida, and the entire Worthington family made the trip.
Danielle Wilson and her parents came as well.

The day of the funeral dawned clear and cool
for late July. Sister Teresa came to Mother Theodora in a panic.
“Mother, the funeral Mass won’t even begin for another hour, but
the public Chapel is already packed, with people standing outside
who can’t fit into the Chapel.”

Mother Theodora came to see for herself. It
was like a party. Many of the people in attendance seemed to know
one another, and were catching up with each other and exchanging
stories about how they knew Mickey. She recognized several people
from Millvale’s hospital. “Let’s open the doors to the Chapel, and
gather as many chairs as we can – from the refectory, the common
room, wherever we can find them.”

The nuns scurried like ants, creating an
outdoor seating area. “They won’t be able to see, but at least
they’ll be able to hear,” Mother Theodora said.

And what they heard sounded like angels
singing, Lauren thought from where she sat in the front pew with
Jamie and Jennifer and their parents. Mickey’s plain, wooden casket
was covered with a white cloth that Lauren had woven, working
almost twenty-four hours without resting to have it finished in
time. Sister Teresa had artfully placed some of the flower
arrangements around the casket where it rested in between the two
tiers of choir stalls.

Father Andrew asked Christopher to
co-celebrate the Mass with him, which proved to be a blessing as
both men choked up at different times, leaving the other to carry
on for a minute or two alone. Together, they stood below the
stained glass window, both of them wearing joyful, jewel-colored
vestments as the nuns sang, “
Recordare Iesu pie, quod sum causa
tuae viae…”

The entire community seemed to stretch the
volume and the enunciation of the Latin just a bit so that the
sound absolutely filled the stone-vaulted space of the Chapel,
spilling through the open doors in waves to those listening
outside.

As there was no cemetery procession, most of
the guests gathered outside following Mass, visiting, reminiscing,
crying and holding one another, some of them laughing as they told
stories about Mickey. Mother Theodora gave permission for those
nuns who wished to do so to go out front and join them. Jessica,
Sister Mary David and the nuns from the vestment room were among
those who went.

From where she stood with Jamie and Natalie,
Jennifer watched all the nuns make a point of seeking Lauren out
for an embrace and promises of continued prayers on her behalf.
When Sister Mary David left her with a kiss on the cheek and
whispered words, Jennifer came over to Lauren and asked, “How much
do you think they know?”

“Before today, I wouldn’t have known how to
answer that,” Lauren replied in bewilderment, “but now, I’d say
they all know – all the ones who really knew us.”

As people said tearful good-byes and the
crowd dwindled, Jamie came over to them. “I’ve asked your folks to
take Mom back to our house with any of your family who can stay,”
he said to Jennifer. They exchanged a meaningful glance, then Jamie
turned to Lauren. “Let us drive you home.”

As they pulled out of the abbey’s drive,
Jennifer struggled to turn in her seat so she could talk to Lauren.
“I can’t wait till this baby is born,” she grumbled, trying to
readjust the seatbelt. “Lauren,” she began hesitantly, “we’ve
invited some of Mickey and Alice’s old friends back to your house.
Mickey was especially close to one woman, Susan Harris, and her
partner, Christie. Mickey had written of you to Susan, and they
asked if they could meet you.” Jennifer could see the old wall come
down over Lauren’s features and she hastily continued, “They will
only be here overnight, and most of them are staying at the hotel
in town.”

“Why would you do this?” Lauren asked
angrily. “I don’t want company, and I don’t want to talk to
strangers.”

“Lauren,” Jamie cut in, “they weren’t
strangers to Mickey.” All she could see of his face were his eyes
in the rearview mirror, and for a moment, it was as if Michele’s
eyes were looking at her. “They could be a support system for you
if you’ll let them. You’ve told us how you isolated yourself at St.
Bridget’s. Do you want to go back to living like that?”

All of Lauren’s consternation and
indignation dissolved. “You’re right… it’s just that I won’t know
what to say to them.”

“We know this will be difficult,” Jennifer
said gently. “That’s why we wanted to be there with you.”

Apparently, Susan and the others were
following Jamie’s car to the house. When they arrived, a couple of
strange cars pulling into the driveway behind them, Jamie said,
“We’ll give you a few minutes alone before we bring them in.”

Lauren’s heart was pounding as she walked
through the house into the bedroom. The only thing she had in
common with these women was Michele. “No, not Michele. Mickey,” she
corrected herself. Pre-monastic Mickey, people who knew her from a
life Lauren hadn’t been a part of – that had been Alice’s role. She
sat in a chair where her blood-stained sweatshirt and jeans were
still draped over the back. Clutching the sweatshirt to her, she
whispered, “Oh, Michele… I don’t know how to do this without you.”
She could hear voices out in the kitchen. Bracing herself, she
wiped her eyes on the sweatshirt and went out to join them.

“Lauren,” Jennifer said, coming to take her
by the hand while Jamie made coffee, “come and meet some of Mickey
and Alice’s old friends from Baltimore.”

“Watch that ‘old’ stuff, Junior, or we’ll
tell Jamie stories from when you were thirteen,” said one woman who
came forward immediately, extending a hand to Lauren. “Hello,
Lauren. I’m Susan.” She reached her other hand out to the woman
next to her. “And this is my partner, Christie. We were so sorry to
hear about Mickey. I know how much St. Bridget’s meant to her, and
how hard it was for her to leave. I was so very glad to hear that
she had found someone to love again.”

Susan introduced the others, perhaps six or
seven. Lauren lost track of the names.

“Come have some coffee,” Jennifer said,
inviting everyone to sit in the living room with a few extra chairs
pulled from the dining room.

“The house is beautiful,” Christie said
admiringly as she looked around.

“It’s all Michele’s doing,” Lauren replied
with a proud smile. “She remodeled the house, with Jamie and
Jennifer’s help,” she added as the two of them sat on either side
of her. “I wasn’t able to join her until a short time ago.”

“How tragic,” said one of the women whose
name Lauren couldn’t recall.

Lauren looked at her. “In what way?”

The woman shifted a little uncomfortably
under that intense gaze. “Well, you both gave up everything, as
nuns I mean, to be together, and then to only have a couple of
months together…”

Lauren’s countenance changed, and it seemed
a light emanated from her. “You’re wrong,” she said quietly.
“Religious life, and the intimacy of a close relationship with God,
can be sublime – so much so that no human love could approach it. I
was never fortunate enough to experience that state of grace as a
nun. Meeting Michele opened my eyes and my heart to what a real
relationship should feel like. For me, I would rather have had one
night in her arms, one day basking in the happiness she gave me
than a lifetime as I was. The tragedy would have been never to have
known her at all.”

Chapter 49

“Hi!” Jennifer said excitedly as Lauren
knocked and entered the house. She came over to give her a hug and
asked, “When did you get back?”

“Just last night,” Lauren responded. “I’m
not interrupting your morning, am I?”

“No,” Jennifer laughed, pouring a cup of
coffee for Lauren and joining her at the table. “There’s no such
thing as sleeping in anymore.” She tilted her head to one side.
“Come to think of it, there’s no such thing as a schedule,
either.”

“How is Jamie adjusting?”

Jennifer’s eyes widened as she expressed her
surprise. “He has been wonderful. I honestly didn’t know what to
expect from him, but he’s been incredible.”

As if on cue, Jamie came downstairs,
carrying the baby. His face lit up when he saw Lauren. “Hey, how
was the trip?” he asked as he gave her a kiss on the cheek.