Indelible Love - Emily's Story (29 page)

There’s joy in my heart when I teach,
and traveling and exploring a new land, even by myself, is so
rewarding and exciting. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin,
and it took a huge heartbreak and moving to the other part of the
world to figure this out.

I’m sending you an early graduation
present. I hope you like the stationery. A man in my village
actually makes each one of these sheets. It’s painstaking to make
artistic paper. I will think twice before ripping up any more of
your brother’s unmailed letters (or I will just use regular paper
instead of these nice ones).

Hope all is well. Study hard, it’s
almost over.

Emily

May 10

Hello Nick!

I’m so excited for you on your
graduation. Aren’t you glad to be done with undergrad? Although,
I’m sure you’ll jump right back into school, as Jake told me that
you’re the smartest one in the family. If you decide to become a
doctor, don’t be a cardiac surgeon like your brother. He has no
life outside of the hospital. Become a dermatologist—no
emergencies—and I can come to you for my Botox shots when I get
older (ha ha ha).

Anyhow, you are the first person to
enter my mind (well, maybe a very close second?) when I eat yummy
food in Japan. Not only are the dishes visually stunning, they also
taste just as good as they look. I’ve been visiting the bigger
cities over the weekend and I go in search of noodle, tempura, and
oden bars. You and I could have gone on a carb binge. In
retrospect, I should’ve had you meet me one of the weekends I was
in Tokyo.

I was so bloated on all the ramen and
udon houses I visited. I even went to Masaharu Morimoto’s
restaurant. It was expensive! I sorely missed your brother funding
that eating trip (just kidding).

I’m sending you a foodie picture book
as a graduation present. I salivated at each picture. The Japanese
know how to make their food look beautiful. Congrats again! Take
care.

Emily

May 12

Dear Jake,

Happy birthday! I did my best to have
this reach you on your birthday. I hope I was successful. What did
you do for your birthday? I guess it’s silly to ask since you can’t
answer back.

I’ve been doing well here in Japan and
my Japanese has improved quite a bit. Have you ever visited Japan?
It’s absolutely gorgeous here. The food, of course is heavenly. Do
you know people here don’t eat as much sushi as they do in the
States? Though of course, I still eat it a lot.

I hope this has been a wonderful day
for you. I’m sure your family has showered you with copious love
and attention. This probably wasn’t the best idea, but I’m sending
you a gift. I found these cufflinks during my trip to Tokyo last
week. I was at a department store when I noticed these beautiful
pieces with your initials on them. What are the chances of that? I
thought these would look nice with that blue shirt you were wearing
the night we met at the grocery store. They will both bring out the
beautiful blue in your eyes.

If you don’t like them, I understand.
You’ve given me so many gifts while we were together, I wanted to
reciprocate in a very small way. I’m sorry I was always so selfish.
I don’t think I ever gave you enough—whether materially or
emotionally. I was always on the receiving end. Lucky
me!

I wish we had spent more time together
before we separated. There aren’t enough memories for me to think
about when I’m here by myself. I guess we won’t be celebrating our
birthdays together, huh? I had looked forward to our back-to-back
celebrations. It will be difficult to spend those two days without
you.

I’m sorry to be rambling about. It’s a
bit tough being alone tonight. My mom died seven years ago today
and I wish I could be with her in Texas right now. I also wish you
could be there with me. You always knew the right things to say to
comfort me when I thought about my parents. I miss you,
Jake.

Maybe when I return in a few years,
I’ll be lucky enough to run into you, or perhaps fall into you at
the grocery store again.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday.
Please say hello to your family for me.

Emily

May 14

Dear Peter,

I have to tell you about Akihabara in
Tokyo. This is an area dedicated to selling only electronic goods.
It’s crazy here! You can buy camcorders and computers and even
robots.

I saw guys glued to some of the stores
playing the latest Nintendo games on large TVs. It reminded me of
you guys during undergrad, playing video games till the wee hours
of the morning. I’d have to say that you were a borderline
addict.

There are many tourists trying to buy
camcorders. I see them going from store to store trying to bargain
with the shop owners. I’m not quite sure if this place is actually
cheaper or if it gives off the appearance of being
cheap.

I feel like I’m back in Vegas with all
the lights shining in my face at Akihabara. This place is
definitely worth a visit for you. I’m sending you some
pictures.

Enjoy.

Emily

May 17

Dear Max,

It’s a bit surreal that I’ll be home
in a week. I was finally finding some peace within my heart, and
now I fly back to face my reality. Sarah seems to have everything
under control, but if you have some time, I’d be grateful if you
could help her with anything she needs. I feel so guilty that I
can’t be there for her.

Since you are done with school, do you
get a vacation? I guess I don’t understand how med school works. I
just know from Jake’s schedule that you doctors work a lot. Maybe
it’s just him?

I hope we can spend some time
together—no scratch that. I don’t know if I’ll be available to
spend time with you. I’ll see you at the wedding. I’ll be the one
in that hideous pink dress. I think Sarah purposely put us in those
dresses to make herself shine even brighter. Like, she isn’t going
to be the most beautiful one there.

I’ve got to go. My students are
waiting for me.

See you in a few weeks.

Em

May 20

Dear Jane,

I sent Jake a birthday card and a
small present last week. I hope he got it on his birthday. It’s
only been a month since my declaration of independence to you, and
I feel like I’ve reverted back to the old Emily. Like a fool, I
rambled in Jake’s letter about how lonely I was, and how I wished
he were with me. Why do I do this to myself? I thought I had made
peace with my heart. He probably laughed at my letter. Maybe he
didn’t even read it. (Oh, there go the tears again.)

Did you know Jake and I have almost
the same birthday? He was born six years and one day before me. We
had promised months ago to celebrate our birthdays for two straight
days. I guess that didn’t happen this year. I hope he had a good
birthday. What am I saying? I’m sure he had a great
birthday.

It is nighttime and yesterday and
today have been the most difficult days for me since arriving here.
I didn’t think I’d be alone today, especially not this year. I
wished I hadn’t trusted all the promises your brother made about
our future. It hurts even more when those days come and go without
him. I miss you, Jane. I feel so alone today. I tried calling you
for the first time, but of course, you weren’t home.

By the time you receive this, I will
probably be in LA for Sarah and Charlie’s wedding. They’re getting
married this weekend. I assume you are in New York, so I won’t
bother calling you when I get to the States.

School is almost done here. Do you
think you can visit me? I’m finally sending a return address so
please write back. I can’t wait to hear from you.

Bye.

Emily

Chapter 15
Sarah
’s Wedding

I walked into LAX, relieved to be
surrounded by the familiar sights and sounds of America. It was
refreshing to hear English spoken in all corners of the airport. I
didn’t have to strain to understand what everyone was saying, and I
didn’t have to translate every word. The clear skies, warm weather,
and multiracial faces gave me a warm feeling of home.

Not having driven a car for so long,
my legs confused the clutch from the brake to the accelerator—so
much for a convertible sports car. The gentleman at the rental
agency winced when he heard the car sputter, then peel out of the
parking lot. Leaving the airport took a bit longer than expected,
so I rushed toward the hotel to check in and then to meet Sarah. We
had much to do before tomorrow’s wedding. With the top down and the
sun beating on my head, I breathed in the LA air—or smog—and drove
past the spot that could’ve been the start of my happily ever
after. I couldn’t help but stare at the corner of La Cienega and
Century Boulevard, where Jake had proposed five months ago. Our
indelible memories of love filled my mind. Regret was the only word
I could use to describe my feelings right now.

Although my stay would only last till
tomorrow night, memories of the last seven months rushed back into
my mind. Absent-mindedly, I found myself passing the hotel and
going till the end of the freeway toward home. I drove by General
Hospital and imagined Jake performing his multiple surgeries. I
drove by my house and found my tenant’s car in the garage.
Eventually, my car ended up in front of Jake’s house, idle. I had
nowhere else to go. This felt like home. I wanted nothing more than
to ring the doorbell and see him smile at me, though this was far
from reality.

Hesitant, but desperate to see Jake, I
mustered up the courage and walked up his driveway with Sandy and
Bobby’s gift. I bought a clock from an old gentleman in my village,
and knew Sandy would enjoy the story behind the gift. For Bobby, I
found an old Japanese doctor’s ‘manual’ from World War II. It
contained remedies for all bodily ailments. Of course, I would have
to translate it for him. Maybe that could prolong my visit since
Jake was probably at work. My legs dragged up the driveway, and my
heart weighed heavily upon me. Even with the knowledge that this
one visit would undo the months of strengthening myself and my
heart, I had a fierce wish for my own undoing.

Feelings of foolishness
grew with the number of steps leading to Sandy and Bobby’s house.
This was my ex-boyfriend’s home and I was coming unannounced,
bearing gifts. My pride finally protested and made me take a hard
look at myself.
You are an idiot, Emily!
Nobody welcomes you here anymore. How awkward. What will you say to
these people?
Dejected, my body turned
itself around.

Walking back to the car, someone
honked and waived furiously at me. To my delight, it was Bobby and
Sandy. Sandy ran out of the car and hugged me dearly. Her hug
jump-started a rush of unwanted emotions. I held back the best I
could.

“Emily, when did you get back? I’ve
missed you so much.” Bobby came over and hugged me as
well.

“I’ve missed both of you too,” I
answered weakly.

“Are you back for good?” Bobby
asked.

“No, I’m only here till tomorrow. It’s
my best friend’s wedding,” I answered both of them while handing
them each their gifts. “I stopped by to drop these off.”

“That’s so sweet of you. Emily, where
are you staying tonight? Why don’t you stay with us?”

Sandy’s mothering plea accelerated my
sadness. Both Jake’s parents looked shocked to see me
cry.

The back of my hand peeled off
whatever makeup was left from this morning as I said, “I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean to startle you. Your kindness reminded me of my mom and
dad.” I didn’t tell them how alone I felt right now. “I should go.
Sarah needs me. I just came by to drop these off.”

“Emily, wait!” Sandy begged. “Please
stay. Remember back on Christmas Day, I asked you to think of me
when you needed a mother?”

Tears dropped in unison with my
bobbing head.

“Stay with us. Let me take care of
you—you look so frail and just as lost as my son.” Sandy was the
doctor I’d been searching for to heal my wounds, and just possibly,
her love could be my panacea. “You and Jake have been in so much
pain the last half a year. Let me share your burden and help you
resolve this mess.”

By this point, there was no stopping
the stream pouring from my eyes. I quickly hugged Sandy as tightly
as I could, then got in my car and left. The road was a big blur
from the dam that flowed out of my eyes. Trying to push behind the
sadness, I sped down the freeway, checked into my room, and then
finally went to meet the jubilant bride.

“Emily!” Sarah came running. We held
each other, happy to see one another. Charlie came over and gave us
a three-way hug.