Indigo Blue (29 page)

An ache spread through Jake, accompanied by an unprecedented tenderness. He couldn’t name the emotion and didn’t want to take time right now to analyze it. For the moment, it was enough to deal with the fierce feeling of protectiveness that welled inside him. She was more vulnerable to him than any other person had ever been, completely and irrevocably vulnerable, a precious gift presented to him in marriage by her father. Jake knew Hunter loved her, which meant he had handed her over on an act of faith. If it was the last thing Jake did, he wanted to prove himself worthy of that trust.

“I suppose that in time we’ll both grow accustomed to things, Indigo,” Jake told her gently, “but there’s no point in your being more unhappy than necessary, is there? In the last twenty-four hours, you’ve had a number of things taken away from you. I’m thinking that maybe we can lessen your feeling of loss by coming up with a few substitutes.”

Though he still had his fingertip pressed against the underside of her jaw, she averted her face. Jake curled his fingers loosely around the side of her neck, acutely aware of the pulse point in her throat.

In a taut voice, she whispered, “Some things can’t be replaced.”

“That’s true. I can’t bring Lobo back to you.”

“No.”

“I do think I can do a few other things, though.”

She lifted curious eyes to his. “What things?”

Jake smiled. “I know you’re really unhappy because you won’t be allowed to wander in the woods. I don’t suppose it’ll be the same if I tag along, but I’m willing to leave the mine early enough every day to take you walking.”

“You are?”

“Sure.”

She didn’t look overjoyed. “That would be nice, Jake. Thank you.”

He wasn’t going to be discouraged too early in the game. “And until you can go back to the mine, I’ll be happy to sit with you along the creek while you pan for gold. Would that help?”

A trace of the silvery darkness faded from her eyes, and she nearly smiled. “Yes, that would help a lot.”

Jake paused a moment for effect. “I know you’re probably worried about meat for Toothless, too, since I’ve forbidden you to go into the woods hunting. So until you can resume that activity, I promise to keep the smokehouse supplied with plenty of fresh meat. It’ll mean your having to give up your walk one evening a week, but if you get outdoors the other days, maybe that won’t bother you too much.”

Her head came sharply around, and she fastened startled eyes on his. “Toothless? But you said you didn’t—”

Jake slanted a finger across her lips. “I know what I said. The problem was, I didn’t say exactly what I meant. I don’t really disapprove of your feeding the cougar. It just worries me.” He shrugged. “A little worry won’t kill me.”

“You mean you’ll let me feed him?”

“I never meant for you not to, Indigo. It was all a misunderstanding. I’ll try really hard from now on not to say things I don’t—”

His words were cut short by the impact of her small body against his chest. Jake was taken so off guard that he nearly lost his balance. She wrapped both arms around his neck to give him a strangling hug.

“Oh, Jake! Thank you. I’ve been so sad all day about Toothless. Thank you!”

For a moment, Jake wasn’t sure what to do with his hands because he didn’t want to unsettle her. But he had only enough willpower to resist one fantasy a day, and this one tempted him far more than the last. To have Indigo, willing and responsive, in his arms. . . . Pressing his face against her silken hair, Jake let instinct take over and embraced her.

In sharp contrast, instead of making him feel black and ugly, this fantasy was golden. It was also brief. Within a heartbeat, he felt her stiffen, and he loosened his hold so she could pull back a bit. It was all he could do not to chuckle when he saw her face. Her expression told him she wasn’t at all certain how she had come to this pass and that she was even less certain how to extricate herself from it.

In keeping with his decision to make their relationship as easy on her as possible, Jake solved her dilemma by drawing away first. One day soon, maybe she would come into his arms and want to stay. Cupping her chin in his hand, he leaned forward to look her in the eye. “Let’s clean up the kitchen and go feed that damned cat so he doesn’t keep your parents awake all night.”

Moisture that looked suspiciously like tears glistened in her eyes. Then her chin dimpled and started to quiver. Jake wondered what he had done, but before he could ask, she whispered, “Topper was right. You didn’t say all those things about me to Denver, did you?”

His heart stilled, then raced with dread. “What things?”

The glistening tears pooled behind her lashes and spilled over onto her cheeks.

“Sweetheart, what things?” Jake asked again.

She gave her head a little shake. “It isn’t important. It’s enough just to know that Topper was right and that you didn’t say them. I won’t honor lies by repeating them.”

Jake knew by her tears that whatever Denver said had hurt her, and badly. “Indigo, Shorty heard every word that passed between me and Denver this morning. If you have a question, all you have to do is ask him. Or me, if you trust my word.”

She brushed at the wetness on her cheeks and shook her head. “I have no question. Not now.”

Jake couldn’t let it drop, not when it brought tears to the eyes of a prideful girl who never cried. “What did he say, Indigo? Would you mind telling me?”

She flashed him a stricken look, and her face flushed scarlet. She curled her hands into tight fists.

Jake sighed. “Honey, if it’s that hard to say it, just forget it.”

She shook her head. “He said that as soon as you grew bored with me that—” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down, turning the surrounding flesh white. “He said that I would have to do a lot of—entertaining to earn back the bride price you paid my father and that he would be seeing a lot of me.” She sucked in a breath, then exhaled with a little sob.

“Jesus.” The word erupted from Jake as though projected up his throat by a blow to his midsection. “Indigo, why didn’t you come and tell me?”

Her eyes clung to his. “I, um . . .” She lifted her hands in a wordless gesture.

Jake swallowed around a lump in his throat. “You thought maybe it was true?”

She stared at him a moment, then finally nodded. “Have I made you angry?” she asked in a tremulous voice.

He groaned. “No, Indigo, not at you.”

Catching her around the waist, he moved off the bed and stood up, carrying her with him. Holding her tightly against him, he made a fist in her hair and tipped her head back.

In a ragged voice, he whispered, “I’m going to promise you two things. I want you to listen closely and never forget them. All right?”

Eyes wary, she seemed to consider that and finally nodded.

“The first is that I happily agreed to pay a bride price because I wanted to honor your father’s customs. I don’t give a damn about the money. I didn’t think of it as buying you then, I don’t now, and I never will. Is that clear?”

“Yes.”

“The second thing I promise is that if any other man but me ever so much as touches you, it’ll be over my dead body. There isn’t enough money in the world to ever tempt me otherwise. I don’t want that thought to so much as pass through your mind. I know that kind of thing must happen. Maybe it happens often. But it isn’t going to happen to you. Not ever. Understand?”

She gave a tearful nod. Jake pressed her face against his chest and swayed with her for a moment, so angry he was shaking.

“If anyone ever says anything so despicable to you again, I want you to tell me about it right away. Will you do that?”

“Yes,” she replied in a muffled voice.

Jake squeezed his eyes closed, thinking of all the hours she had held those ugly suspicions inside her. He had made a vow to Denver Tompkins, and he was a man of his word. He was going to take Indigo’s tears out of his hide and then fire him.

TRUE TO HIS PROMISES, JAKE TRIED TO make his restrictions on Indigo’s activities more bearable. The next day, he went hunting and returned with two deer so she would have meat. In addition to that, though it was nearly dusk and pouring rain, he insisted on taking her for a walk, which he did each evening after, always insisting he wasn’t so hungry that he couldn’t wait until dark for his supper.

His efforts didn’t go unappreciated. Though she still felt uncertain and jumpy while with Jake, Indigo knew he was trying in every way he knew to make her happy. In turn, she made every attempt to hide how truly miserable she was.

Pretension didn’t lessen her misery. It took only a couple of hours each morning to clean Aunt Amy’s house. She had no need to bake because her mother, accustomed to feeding a family, always made extra and sent it home with her. Consequently, Indigo rose in the morning, walked with Jake to her parents’ house to feed the animals, returned home to do her chores, and then spent the remainder of the day listening to the clock tick. The only variation in that schedule occurred when she hauled the tub into the kitchen to bathe, a necessity unless she wished to perform her ablutions at night when Jake was present.

In contrast to the long and boring days, her evenings bolted by like horses racing for the finish line. It seemed to Indigo that Jake no sooner took her for a walk and ate his dinner than she found herself lying beside him in bed, convinced that tonight would be the night he would decide to assert his conjugal rights. When he twitched so much as a muscle, her heart leaped. When he held her close, she lay there, breathless and half sick, waiting for his gentle touch to turn demanding and grasping.

After four nights of such unpleasant expectation, Indigo began to wish he’d just do it and get it over with. Anything would be better than night after night of lying there, knowing he wanted her and wondering, half hysterically, when he planned to take her.

She had prepared herself as best she could. Thus far, he hadn’t discovered that she’d put the rock back under the mattress, at his feet this time so he wouldn’t notice. Though she had little appetite, she was managing to force down at least one helping of red meat a day. She felt confident that when he made love to her, once would get the job done. After that, she hoped he’d go to the Lucky Nugget for his pleasures, as so many other men obviously did. Not that she wished Franny and May Belle bad.

On the fifth day of her marriage, Father O’Grady made ready to leave, listening to last- minute confessions, one of which was Indigo’s, and saying a final Mass. After the service and lunch were concluded, the priest announced that he had several goodbyes to say and left. The moment he was gone, Indigo put water on to heat and began helping her mother to clear the table.

“If you’d like to go, I can get these,” Loretta offered.

Indigo shook her head. “I’m happy to have something to do, Ma. The afternoons seem endless just sitting around that house.”

Loretta sighed. “The first few months of humdrum married life are always a trial. I’ll never forget how I felt when your father finally got this house built and began leaving every morning for the mine. It seemed like the whole world stopped.”

Indigo worked the soap between her palms to create suds in the dishwater. She tried to picture her mother listening to the clock tick. For as long as she could remember, Ma had been a cheerful whirlwind of activity. “I reckon I’ll adjust in time.”

Loretta sighed. “I reckon. Now that I think back, I had Chase by then, and I was expecting you, so there was plenty to distract me once I got used to having your father gone.”

“Like I said, I’ll adjust.”

Loretta heaved another sigh, and Indigo nearly smiled. When pondering a problem, her ma had a way of sighing that was almost musical, a shrill sound that trailed slowly away into silence. “What you need are some projects, knitting or needlepoint.”

Indigo grinned. “I could knit a quiver for my arrows.”

Loretta chuckled. “Or a sweater for your husband.”

Indigo pictured Jake’s broad shoulders. “Ma, I’d be knitting for a year. Besides, you know how bad I am to drop stitches. He’d unravel in the first high wind.”

Loretta giggled. “You could make yourself something.”

“Lawzy! I’d rather he unraveled than me. I’ve got enough problems getting my baths out of the way before he gets home.”

A blush rode Loretta’s cheeks, and she applied herself to drying dishes. Indigo’s mouth went dry. There it was again, the unspoken taboo.

“How about sewing?” Loretta asked. “I’d let you borrow my machine. Mr. Hamstead has a lovely selection of fabric.”

“What would I sew?”

Loretta considered that for a moment, then visibly brightened. “Dresses! You’ll be needing a wardrobe shortly.”

Indigo’s hands stilled. “For what?”

“Why, for your new life, Indigo. You’ll be leaving soon.” Pain filled Loretta’s blue eyes. She gave a shaky smile. “Lands, how all of us ladies in Wolf’s Landing are going to envy you. You’ll see new places and exciting things. When you come home to visit, we’ll hang on your every word.”

“You sound anxious to see me go.”

Loretta blinked. “Don’t be silly. I’m just being realistic and trying to prepare myself. Jake never made a secret of the fact that he was only stopping off here. Before we know it, he’ll be gnawing at the bit to move on.”

Indigo’s legs felt as if they had turned to water.

“Oh, honey,” Loretta crooned. “Don’t look so stricken. You’ll love your new life. Hasn’t Jake treated you fine so far?”

“Yes.”

“Well, then . . .” Loretta placed a stack of plates on the shelf. “I’m sure he’ll always do fine by you.”

Indigo couldn’t help but wonder why her ma was so unsympathetic to her plight. She wondered if her father had forbidden her to speak against the marriage.