Indigo Nights: A Sexy, Contemporary Romance (30 page)

“I don’t think so. I need some space. Some time to heal.” I wasn’t thinking rationally. It would be so easy to open the door and for him to say all the right things, but if I did that, we would never be the same—the trust had gone. A part of what we’d had was destroyed forever.

“Then let me help you, be there with you. Please, Beth, I can’t lose you.”

“You should have thought of that before you lied or hid what you knew would be important to me.”

“I’m not leaving London before I’ve made this right.” He sounded so certain that it was something he could do. But I wasn’t a business deal to be negotiated. Unless he could turn back time, I wasn’t sure how things could ever be right.

My stomach churned. Part of me desperately wanted to open the door and be pulled into his arms. My head was telling me to walk away. “I need you to leave. I’m going to get dressed.” I headed down the corridor, ignoring him as he called my name. I collapsed on my bed, my wet hair soaking the pillow, and began to sob.

Dylan

While Marie’s line rang, I stared out of the window onto the Georgian and Edwardian buildings of Portland Place. The views of the Georgian terraces from the Langham in London were very different from the views of the river from Beth’s hotel room in Chicago. But I knew Beth didn’t stay there for the view. It was all about the cakes and desserts. Even though I was in London, staying at the Langham brought me closer to her somehow.

“Marie, can you arrange to have my laptop couriered to me? And can you speak to Dawn and ask her to pack my things for a two-week trip? Also, send the luggage already in my hallway as well.” Dawn was my housekeeper who came in three times a week.

“You’re going to be in London two weeks?” Marie asked.

“I don’t know.” I’d stay for as long as it took. “But it will be as if I’m there. No need to cancel anything. I’ll do everything on video or phone. Can you put me through to Raf?”

“No problem.”

“Dylan, what’s going on?” Raf asked when he came on the line.

“I’m in London—”

“What the fuck? We’ve got that tech start-up coming in in an hour.”

“I know. I’ll dial in. Look, I think I’m going to be here a while, I just . . . I’ll handle everything from here. Marie is couriering my laptop and stuff to me. I can work remotely. You won’t notice I’m gone.”

“Of course I’m going to notice you’re gone. We have a mountain of work here, all these strategic plans to review. You never take vacations, so why the sudden trip? Are you trying to screw with me?” Raf and I rarely argued and the last thing I wanted was to fuck things up with him as well.

I took a deep breath. “I fucked things up with Beth and I need to set things straight.” Somewhere along the way, Raf and I had stopped talking about personal shit. He teased me about being celibate from time to time, and I made sure I told him he was a man-whore on a regular basis, but other than that, everything had been about business between us for a long time.

But now I needed a friend. “I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’ve lost her.”

Raf sighed. “What did you do?”

“What didn’t I do? She caught me having lunch with Alicia yesterday.”

“What do you mean
caught
you? I was there; Alicia forced you into having lunch with her. That wasn’t your fault.”

That wasn’t entirely true. “Yeah but I should have told Beth before I went. In fact, I just shouldn’t have gone.”

“You really like her, don’t you?”

“I love her, man.”

“Wow. Well, good for you. So lunch with an ex isn’t a great idea, but it’s not a capital offense as far as I can see. Can’t you just explain it to her?” Raf was very black and white. It was part of the reason his relationships never lasted. If only life were that simple.

“And then there’s Raine Media. I never got around to telling her we owned it.”

“You fucktard.” Raf had a knack of getting right to the heart of the problem. He hadn’t lost his touch. I was a fucktard.

The corners of my mouth twitched as if remembering how to smile.

“So when you told her, she went postal?”

I shrugged off my jacket. “If only. The
Sun-Times
ran an article about how she was sleeping with her boss.”

“Jesus, man, that’s how she found out?”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “That’s how she found out. She wants nothing to do with me and it’s killing me. I can’t leave London until I sort this shit out. I need you to cut me some slack. I’ll be able to get through loads of stuff in the mornings here while you’re still sleeping. I’m not going to leave you to hold the fort—I’m not that stupid.”

“I know it sounds weird, but I’m fucking ecstatic. I mean not that Beth wants nothing to do with you. That part blows. But the fact you care enough about someone to go after them? I wasn’t sure it would happen, and as much is it stings now, I’m pleased for you.”

Raf might be an asshole when it came to women, but he was a good friend. I’d missed this side of him. “She isn’t just someone, and I’m not just finally getting back on the horse. Whatever Alicia and I had doesn’t come close to what I feel for Beth.” I sat on the bed. “I feel like a fucking douche for hating Alicia for so long. She set me free. I couldn’t be more grateful, but if I don’t make it right with Beth, this is the woman I’ll never recover from.” Telling Raf was like going to confession; it felt good to explain the gravity of the situation.

“Then you gotta do what you gotta do. You’ve got plenty of weapons in your arsenal. She won’t be able to resist you for long.”

“I don’t know about that. Honesty is the most important thing for her, and I’ve just trampled on that. I don’t know if I can ever get her back.” A darkness tugged at my chest. Losing Beth forever was too painful to think about. She’d brought me to life, and I didn’t want to go back to an existence without her.

“Look, we’ve built our considerable fortunes on turning the shitty situations companies find themselves in into million-dollar opportunities. You’ve just got to apply the same planning and precision to your personal life. I know you can turn this around.”

Perhaps he was right. My instinct was just to camp on her doorstep and beg her forgiveness constantly. But maybe I needed to be slightly more strategic, a little more patient. Perhaps I needed to give her the time she’d asked for.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime you need me to call you a fucktard, you know I’m here. Now fuck off, I’ve got a meeting to prepare for.”

I managed a half-chuckle. “I’ll call to you in the meeting.”

I hung up, and went straight to the phone on the low table by the sofa and dialed room service. Perhaps eating a lot of sugar would assist me in coming up with a plan to win around Beth, and get my life back.

I’d been in London a little over two weeks, and I had something of a routine now. I got up and went for a run. On my way back through the hotel, I’d place an order for four cakes and desserts to go. Then I’d shower, grab my laptop and head down to collect the patisserie box. This morning, like the last fifteen before them, the doorman flagged me a cab.

A few minutes later, he’d drop me at the café across the street from Beth’s building, where I came every day. I’d not spoken to Beth; I was trying to be patient, but I was having a hard time of it. I missed her. I wanted some kind of reassurance that she’d forgive me, someday.

“An Americano with a chocolate biscotti?” the waitress asked.

“Yes, please.”

Beth left her building around ten every day. The first couple of times I’d seen her from my seat in the café, my heart had pinched as I took in her sad eyes and turned-down mouth. I’d taken joy from her and couldn’t have felt worse about it.

When I was sure she wasn’t coming back, I paid for my coffee and biscotti, then slipped inside her building to deliver my gift. The security guard had taken pity on me, and as long as I made my entrance when no one was looking, he was happy to let me in. I made my way up to her floor, taking in a deep breath in the hope of catching the scent of her hair.

The doors pinged open and I headed left toward her apartment. I set the box down on her welcome mat. The print of a giant pink cupcake on the mat always made me smile. I’d started to wonder if I should be leaving her a note along with the cakes. I didn’t want to push her, but I wanted her to know I was here.

I turned back to the elevator and pressed the down button. Sometimes I went back to the café, but lingering felt increasingly like I was stalking Beth. Today I’d just go back to the hotel. I’d set up a virtual office there, and I had a day of calls that would take me late into the London night.

As the doors to the elevator opened, I came face-to-face with Beth.

She took my breath away. Her smooth, pale skin with the flash of red lipstick contrasted so perfectly with her almost black hair. But there was an unfamiliarity in her eyes that was like a knife to my chest.

We both froze, not knowing what to say or how to react.

“I was just leaving,” I said as the doors started to close. I moved to one side and held them open so she could get off.

She stepped out of the elevator, her eyes firmly on the ground. “I didn’t realize you came each day.”

“You didn’t think the cakes were from me?”

“I thought you’d be in Chicago. I assumed you had them delivered.” Her voice was small as she continued to stare at the ground, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I drank her in, desperate at having spent the last two weeks without her.

“I told you that I wasn’t going until we had a chance to talk. I can’t give up. You mean too much. You’ve become the reason I get up in the mornings.” I took a breath. How could I convince her to give us a second chance? “Tell me it’s not too late. Tell me you can imagine not being together, because when I shut my eyes, all I see in my future is you.”

She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t leave either. I wanted to reach out to touch her; I wanted so desperately to feel her skin against mine.

“It’s hard, Dylan. I need to keep my heart safe. I can’t go back to how I was—weak and vulnerable. You know that.”

She didn’t feel her heart was safe with me? I cringed. “I’m so sorry, my sweet. Tell me what to do.”

She lifted her eyes slightly, but she still didn’t look at me. “I don’t have an answer for you. You should be in Chicago. Raf and—”

“I need to be wherever you are.” I reached for her, but she shrank away and turned. “Try to imagine your life when we’re not together. If you can do that, then tell me and I’ll walk away, broken, but I’ll be out of your life forever.”

“Don’t, Dylan. I can’t. Not yet.”

Nausea seeped into every part of my body as she went out of sight. I stumbled into the elevator. I needed to be able to breathe, needed fresh air. What got to me the most was that Beth didn’t sound angry. Her voice was full of sadness. Anger I could have coped with, but that look of disappointment on her face killed me over and over again.

Walking back to the hotel, replaying our encounter in my head, I cringed. What were her words?
Don’t, Dylan. I can’t.
But there’d been something after that.
Not yet
. My heart pounded as rain dampened my hair.
Not yet
implied that there was a future. But for what?