Indigo Road (22 page)

Alex kept up a running commentary of the
things we could find in the park, like the ruins of an old sugar
mill that had been abandoned during the Second Seminole War in
1836, the local birds and wildlife, and a bunch of other stuff I
wasn’t interested in. It was just a matter of time before he’d get
to the purpose of this hike.

Alex had just finished rambling about the
great blue heron that could be found in the nearby wetlands when he
stopped and pulled me into his arms.

“I won’t lose you,” he whispered into my
hair.

I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in
his familiar scent. After a long moment, he let me go, grabbed my
hand, and continued walking.

“I didn’t know what I was doing, to be
honest,” Alex said, his voice quiet. “It didn’t really register
until after we were on the road heading back the way we came. I
just kept thinking about that morning in LA and how things could’ve
turned out very different.”

I squeezed his hand. “Where did the gun come
from?” It was the only question I had. I didn’t even know he had a
gun, let alone when he would’ve bought one.

“Dad gave it to me the night before we left
home. He wanted to make sure we weren’t without some kind of
protection. I put it in the glove compartment and forgot about it.
It wasn’t until I was looking for the Triple A card and I heard…”
Alex released a heavy sigh and faced me with watery eyes. “I didn’t
even think. I grabbed it and pointed it at him. It wasn’t even
loaded. I can’t believe I pointed a gun at another human
being.”

I nodded. I knew Alex’s parents shielded
their only child a little, but I never imagined they would give him
a gun to use as protection. Alex’s protective streak—which I’d
never seen until we started this trip—must be genetic.

“I’m glad you did.” I wasn’t about to point
out what could’ve happened had he not done so.

“And I’d do it again,” Alex said softly
before wrapping me in his arms once more.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “I don’t want this
to be something that hangs between us, something we’re afraid to
talk about.”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m glad we talked about
it. It was just… I don’t know. The thought of you being… not here;
it doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want to lose you.” Alex
breathed into my neck as he tried to suppress his tears. I rubbed
his back in slow, reassuring circles as his breathing calmed. After
a minute, he raised his head and cupped my face, bringing our lips
together in an all-consuming kiss.

We broke apart, and this time Alex’s smile
reached his eyes. The tension had gone and it felt like we had
taken a final step back to normality. “You want to stay in a hotel
tonight? I’ll see if I can find one with a double shower.”

I shrugged like it didn’t matter. “If I have
to.”

I WAS driving
Maude through the streets of Orlando the following day.

“Why are you looking
at me like that?” Alex asked, a hurt look on his face.

“
We’ve had
this conversation already.”
Haven’t we?

“No, we haven’t.”

“Are you sure?”

“Josh.” Alex sighed. “I’d know if I had
already asked you to live with me.”

“Oh. Maybe I thought it was a given. Maybe I
dreamt it. You know, we’ve spent all this time together, sleeping,
traveling, exploring… fucking.” I winked. “I just thought we would.
I can’t imagine going to bed and not having you with me.”

Alex shook his head and smiled. “You’re such
an asshole.”

“What, why?”

“I was nervous about asking you to live with
me and you had already agreed in your head without even telling me.
I’ve been anxious for no fucking reason.”

I laughed. And laughed some more until my
sides ached.

“Fucker,” Alex grumbled.

“
Uh-uh. I’m
the fuck
ee
.” That earned me a wide grin. “I quite like you being the
fuck
er
.”

Alex shook his head. “That still weirds me
out a little. I’d never have believed you’d enjoy being a bottom so
much.”

“Hey. Any day I have something in my ass is a
good day, and today has already started with a bang.” I winked
again and licked my bottom lip suggestively.

Alex laughed and shook his head. “If you
behave yourself, it will end with one too. Now watch the road.”

We fell
silent for a few miles. We were headed east to Tampa before
crossing back to the west coast and our birthday destination.
Although Alex hadn’t spoken of what was planned, preferring to keep
me in suspense, I knew we were celebrating at South Beach. I just
didn’t know
how
we’d be celebrating.

“I have a confession to make,” Alex said
after I parked Maude for a lunch stop outside a small diner. I
couldn’t imagine what his confession would be. I thought we’d
talked about everything we possibly could.

I glanced at him. “What is it?”

“I told my parents about us. I told them I’m
gay and in love with you.”

“Seriously?” I was a little bewildered.

“Yeah. You’re not mad, are you?”

“Of course not. Did you tell them yesterday
when you called? What did they say?”

“Uh, they’re fine with it, actually. That’s
not the confession part,” he said sheepishly. “Um… I told them
months ago.”

“You told them months ago and you’re only
telling me now? What the hell, Alex?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to be
worried about telling your folks or feel pressured to tell them
anything at all, really. It’s something you need to do on your own
when the time is right for you. Not when it’s convenient for
me.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, all right. But your
folks are okay with it?”

“
More than
okay, actually. I think they see the commitment between Calvin and
Davis and realize that it doesn’t change the person I am. I won’t
deny having a gay cousin has helped, but they were pretty cool.
They said if I
were
going to be gay with anyone, then it should be
you.”

“That’s good. I’m glad they were okay,
accepting. I guess I need to think about telling my folks too. I’ll
do it when we get home. I want to tell Jules first and see how she
reacts.”

“I agree. Mom and Dad won’t tell them. I made
them promise.”

I didn’t know
how my parents would react to my coming out. Julie would be a good
sounding board. I didn’t think they’d have a problem with
it
in the long run,
but they’d be shocked to say the least. It had taken
me
some
getting used to, so I assumed they’d be the same. I didn’t need to
think about it now, though. I wanted to concentrate on enjoying our
last couple of months on the road and making it the best time
for
me and Alex
.

After lunch,
we drove through the city center, talking about where we would live
when we got back to Fort Wayne. City versus suburbs? I mean, how
close did we want to live
to
the parental units? Where would we be working?
There were a lot of things to think about. In the end, it didn’t
matter to me where we lived as long as we were together.

I was looking forward to celebrating our
birthday and I wondered what Alex had planned. I knew he had
something up his sleeve, because every time I brought it up, he’d
smile and say, “You’ll see.” Two could play that game. I had a few
ideas myself.

We had stopped at a red light, and as the
light turned green, I turned to Alex and grinned wickedly as I
moved Maude into the intersection.

“I can’t wait to get to South Beach.”

I never saw the truck come barreling through
the intersection.

“
ALEX.”
My throat
burned and I couldn’t open my eyes. They felt weighted down, like
they were crushed into my skull, making my head rage with
pain.

“Alex… I need you,” I tried again, hoping he
could hear me, but my voice made the same strangled sound, setting
my throat on fire again.

I tried to wake up, but the pain was dragging
me back under. It was peaceful there, no pain lived in the dark
depths of oblivion. I felt familiar lips press against my cheek,
but it was probably my imagination. Before I succumbed to the
blackness once more, I moved my lips just enough to breathe out, “I
love you.”

“
ALEX?” How
long had it been since I last called for him? Hours, minutes?
Days?

“
I think he’s
coming around this time.” That was a new voice. It sounded
familiar
but I think
someone had stuffed cotton in my ears or they were speaking
underwater. I knew this voice, a part of me told me it was someone
important to me, but my fuddled brain couldn’t come up with
a
name
to go
with it.

“Come on, Josh. Wake up for me, darling.”

Mom. It was Mom talking to me. I tried
opening my eyelids again, but I shut them immediately, the light so
bright it sent another shooting pain into the side of my head. I
wished for the darkness, I could feel it waiting for me just out of
reach, but it didn’t come. By tiny degrees, I became aware of
things around me. A soft, warm hand holding mine, a comforting
brush of skin over my knuckles—at least they didn’t hurt like the
rest of me. A steady electronic beep of some kind. Scratchy
material under my skin. My throbbing head resting on a pillow made
of sharp bricks. My throat so sore it felt like I’d had a bottle
cleaner shoved down it. It hurt to breathe, as though someone had
my lungs in a vise and every breath increased the pressure.

“Alex.” There it was again, that same fiery
pain as I tried calling for my boyfriend. My head pounded and it
hurt to think too hard. God, where was he?

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Alex is gone.”

A tear fell from my eye. My head was a mess
so I pretended I didn’t hear the words as I slipped into the
welcoming darkness once more, this time praying I’d never wake
up.

“
DARLING.
COME on. Wake up and look at me. I’m here waiting for
you.”

Mom again.

I could feel her gently smooth the hair away
from my face. I knew it was my mom, I could smell her comforting
Mom-scent I remembered from my childhood. Someone, probably her,
touched something cold to my lips and it felt like heaven. I tried
to stick my tongue out in a silent plea for more and I must have
succeeded as I was rewarded with another few drops. A cold, wet
towel moved gently against my mouth.

“There you go, sweetheart. That must feel
nice.”

I tried to nod, but my head throbbed, waking
up all the pain in my body. I whimpered pathetically.

“Don’t try and move, darling. I’ll just go
get Davis. He’s consulting on your case.”

Shit. Davis.
I’d forgotten he
was a doctor.
Where the fuck am I?
The last thing I remembered was driving through
Orlando when Alex—

I must’ve blacked out again as it felt like
only seconds had passed when I heard Davis’s official doctor
voice.

“Josh. Your mom told me you’re awake. Come
on, open those peepers for me. I need to check you out and make
sure your brain is still intact. I don’t have any worries, though,
your skull is just as thick as your b—as Alex’s.”

“
S’brigh’.
” Pain stabbed at all
areas of my body when I tried to do what he said.

“Alan, can you turn the main light off,
please?”

So Dad was here too.

“Alex,” I breathed as I tried to pry my
eyelids open.

Davis sighed. “We’ll talk about Alex in a
minute. I need you to open your eyes for me.”

Another tear slipped down my cheek as I
realized Alex wasn’t here. I remembered what Mom said and squeezed
my eyes tight as I tried to banish those words from my mind.

More tears fell but with my throat as sore as
it was, I made no sound.

At least I didn’t think I did, but I must
have because Mom’s comforting touch was immediately there, shushing
me and telling me everything was okay in that maternal tone I
wanted to cling to.

When you’re a child and you hurt yourself,
the first person to give you comfort was always Mom. There were
days where one Mom-cuddle was all you’d need to know that
everything was going to be okay. There was nothing like a mother’s
touch to ease your fears.

Except
this
time
it
didn’t work.

SOMETIME
LATER I heard Davis telling Mom and Dad about my injuries and what
could be expected. I had a dislocated shoulder, now fixed. A
fractured skull that had needed emergency surgery to stop the
bleeding—surgery that was successful. A few cracked ribs when my
body was thrown against Maude’s door, which is why it hurt to
breathe. I had also had a femoral shaft fracture, which would take
time and therapy to heal. But apart from that, I was
okay.

I would heal.

I’d survived.

I slowly opened my eyes, surprised at how
easy it was this time. Not easy, just easier. The main light was
still off so I assumed not much time had passed. “I can hear you,
you know.” That was what I’d meant to say, but the look on
everyone’s face told me they didn’t understand.

Mom was quick to come to my side again. “Oh,
honey, there you are. You had us so worried.”

“S-sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, darling. We’re just
glad you’re okay.”

“How’re you feeling, son?” Dad looked a
little stressed, but otherwise okay. Not as upset as Mom. I looked
at Davis. He, too, looked fairly normal as he had his doctor face
on, flipping through my chart. None of them looked like I expected
them to after Alex’s death.