Indiscretion (24 page)

“I know. I just wish you had cleared it with me first.”

“He misses his father.”

She nods her head. “Of course he does. Have you spoken to him?”

“He calls me every day,” I say. Then, “What if I let him take Johnny to the game next week? God knows, I have no interest in hockey. That might be a nice thing for them both.”

“Let me think about it.”

I had again spoken to Harry that day. He was desperate to know Maddy’s state of mind and wanted to find out when he could see her and Johnny. As usual, I put him off, deflecting his most urgent questions and doing my best to keep him both as informed and as off-balance as possible.

“When can I see her?”

“Soon, I hope. I think she realizes she needs to speak with you.”

“Thank God.”

“I am not sure if that’s necessarily a good thing. For you, I mean.”

“I don’t care. I’m going out of mind. Please, you have to let her know how sorry I am and how terrible I feel.”

“I have. I don’t think it does much good.”

Silence. Then, “I know.”

“Have you found a place to stay, by the way?”

“Ned and Cissy’s. But you can reach me on my cell anytime.”

“Very good. Hopefully the next time we speak, I’ll have better news for you.”

“Thanks, Walt. You’ve been a real friend.” It’s true, I have been. The irony is that he thinks I’ve been a friend to him. Like an aging matinee idol, whenever he hears applause, he always assumes it is for him.

A
week later, over take-out sushi and beer at the dining room table, Maddy announces to me, “I think I’m ready.”

“What exactly are you ready for?”

“To see Harry.”

“I realize that. I mean, just what are you ready to do?”

“I’m not sure yet. It would be so easy to push the whole thing over a cliff at this point, you know? Part of me wants to, just the way a child can’t help but kick over a sand castle that she’s spent hours building.”

“And the other part?”

“The other part of me realizes this isn’t a sand castle.”

“Okay. How do you want to do it? Can I help?”

“Yes, you can. I’ve thought about this a lot now. I can’t see him here, and I don’t want to meet in a restaurant.”

“So where do you want to meet then?”

“I need somewhere neutral but also private. That’s why I was hoping you could let me use a conference room at your office.”

“Of course. When do you want to meet him?”

“There’s no point in putting this off any longer. I’d like you to call him tonight and tell him to come tomorrow.”

“Time?”

“Let’s do it in the morning. Can you get a conference room for ten?”

I nod. “Do you want me there?”

“No. I need to do this myself.”

“All right. I’ll be nearby in case you change your mind.”

The next morning I go in early and arrange everything for the meeting. When I had called Harry after dinner, he was relieved to hear that Maddy was finally willing to see him.

“How does she seem?” he asked. “Do I have a prayer?”

“I honestly don’t know,” I answered.

“I’ll take my chances.”

He arrives a few minutes early, and this time I don’t keep him waiting. He looks better than when I saw him last. His hair has been cut. His suit pressed, shoes shined. He looks like he’s here for a job interview. I can tell he’s nervous despite his broad smile and firm handshake.

“Where is she?” he asks.

“Follow me.” Silently, I lead him to the conference room. We have many conference rooms. Some larger, others more intimate. I have chosen one of the latter. It is a formal room. The furniture and the paintings on the walls, mainly of horses, English. There is an Oriental carpet on the floor. It is where we often read wills. The blinds have been lowered to keep out the morning sunlight.

We enter. “Wait here,” I say.

At ten on the nose, I return with Maddy. She is dressed in a red woolen skirt suit. It is the old Chanel she wears every year when she lunches with her trustee. She wears no makeup and her hair is tied back. She looks beautiful but severe.

Harry stands when she walks in. “Maddy,” he exclaims, habitually moving toward her, but then halts when he realizes she doesn’t want his embrace. It is the first time I have ever been in a room with them when they were not drawn to each other like magnets. She doesn’t even look at him and instead takes a seat on the opposite side of the table.

“Thank you, Walter,” she says. “If we need anything, I’ll call.”

“Take as long as you want,” I say, closing the door behind me.

A little more than a half hour later, my line rings. “We’re ready,” she says. I hurry over with as much dignity as I can, nearly running down two junior associates. I knock and enter. Harry looks ashen. “Thank you, Walter,” Maddy repeats. She remains seated while Harry struggles to his feet. I put my hand on his back to guide him along.

When we reach the reception area, Harry says, “I really put my foot in it, didn’t I, Walt?”

I say nothing, but nod. What else is there to do? Even knowing his guilt, I still feel bad for him.

“She asked for a separation.”

I raise my eyebrows. “I’m sorry,” I say. “Are you surprised?”

He shakes his head. “No, I suppose not. Did you know?”

“No. She wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” he says wistfully. “I’ve been with her for twenty years, and she’s still a mystery to me.”

“Well, you’ve been pretty mysterious yourself.”

He takes the hint and smiles abashedly. “Fair enough.”

“What are your plans?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I can’t even go back to Rome—even if I wanted to, which I don’t. New York is where Maddy and Johnny are, and I need to be near them even if Maddy doesn’t want to see me. I suppose I’ll mooch off Ned and Cissy a little longer, and then I guess I’ll find somewhere to live. I’ve still got a book to finish.”

“Well, good luck with it.”

“Thanks. I’ll be in touch. Maddy said something about a hockey game this Friday. I understand I have you to thank for it. It’s damn nice of you. You know how much Johnny and I like our Rangers games.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“She said it would be best for me to make arrangements through you, if that’s all right.”

“Of course.” We shake hands. I can afford to be magnanimous now.

I watch him open the heavy glass doors, head to the elevator bank, and depart with a final wave, his leonine head standing out among the dark-suited attorneys and clients milling around him. Then I hurry back to the conference room where Maddy is waiting.

“Harry told me.”

She nods. “It was the only answer that made sense to me.”

“But you didn’t ask for a divorce?”

“No, not yet. A separation will give us both time to wrap our heads around everything.”

“How did he take it?”

“Pretty well.” She sighs. “He cried and told me he was sorry and that he loved me and asked me to give him another chance. I told him I didn’t think I could. I explained why, and he listened. I told him he could see Johnny, but I wanted him to go through you, at least for the time being. I hope that’s all right.”

“Harry mentioned. Of course it is.”

“It just felt so damn odd seeing him, you know? It was like I was seeing a stranger. Someone I didn’t even know instead of a man I’ve spent half my life with.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“No, nor could I have. All I could see was just one big lie. I didn’t see hands or eyes or hair. I just saw the lie. He actually repulsed me. I could barely even look at him.”

I sit down next to her. “Maddy, how much do you know about divorce law in New York State?”

“I’ve been reading up on it online. I know we each need an attorney to prepare the documents and file them with the court. At the end of a year either of us can sue for a no-fault divorce if we still want to.”

“That’s more or less correct. That’s only if you file a legal separation though. Is that what you want to do?”

“Yes. Will you represent me?”

“You know I will, even though it’s not my area of expertise. It all depends on how messy things get. If there are issues surrounding support, child visitation rights, property distribution, things like that, it can get pretty complicated.”

She nods. “I understand. I don’t want to deny Harry the right to see Johnny. It would kill them both. As far as property and support, I discussed it briefly with Harry. I don’t want anything from him. I have my own money.”

“What about property?”

“We can work that out later. Harry said he’d agree to anything I asked.”

“I’m sure he did. From what I’ve seen, though, that’s fairly common. People can be very compliant at the beginning, in the hopes that the other will change their mind. Over time their attitudes can change. They can get angry and create all kinds of trouble. That’s why it helps to have lawyers spell everything out in advance. Things can get nasty.”

She closes her eyes for a moment. “Okay, Walter. Do what you have to do.”

I nod. “Now what?”

“Now? Now I go home and try to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I was sitting up last night after you left, thinking that, aside from you, I have almost no friends of my own anymore. Practically everyone I know is someone I met through Harry. It made me feel so damn lonely and depressed.”

“You’ll make new friends.”

“Oh, it’s not that. It’s just that so much of my life has been wrapped up in his that I have actually had very little life of my own.”

“That seems a bit harsh.”

“Does it? I don’t know. It certainly seems that way to me.”

She stands up. “Thanks again for everything, Walter. I know I don’t have to tell you how grateful I am to you for this and, for, well, just about everything you’ve done. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Before I can say anything, she embraces me. I feel her familiar cheek against mine. The honeyed smell of her hair.

“Would you like me to come over tonight?” I ask.

She smiles and puts her hand on my arm. “No, better not. I need to start thinking about living on my own. I can’t keep leaning on you all the time.”

“I understand. There’s a lecture at the club on Byzantine art I was planning on taking in anyway,” I lie.

“Okay. Well, I need to get out of here. I’m dying for a cigarette.”

Again I act as escort to the elevators, and we embrace.

“I’ll check on you tomorrow,” I say as the doors close, and she is gone, taking with her, as always, a piece of my heart.

7

“
Y
ou’re a fucking asshole.”

“Come on, Cissy. Go easy on him. He’s had a rough day.”

“He’s had a rough day? What about the kind of a day Maddy’s had? What kind of month? Did you ever think about that?”

“She’s right, Ned,” says Harry. “I deserve everything Cissy says.”

“Oh shut up, Harry,” she hisses.

Her anger toward him has been simmering ever since he arrived. Whenever they were in the same room together, she gave him dirty looks and curt answers, but hearing that Maddy wants a separation causes her to boil over. And it infuriates her even more that he just sits there and takes her abuse.

“I wish the both of you would just shut the hell up,” says Ned, his tie loose around his thick neck. They are sitting at the kitchen table. “Cissy, honey, Harry knows he’s been stupid. You don’t have to keep tearing into him. It doesn’t do anybody any good.”

“I don’t care. I’m just so mad at you, Harry.”

“I’m mad at myself, Cissy.”

“Do you need a lawyer?” asks Ned before his wife can respond.

“Yes. Normally, I’d ask Walt for advice, but he’s obviously taking Maddy’s side.”

“Can you blame him?” interjects Cissy.

“No, of course not. I’d have been astonished if he’d done anything else.”

“Well, it serves you right,” she says, walking out of the room.

“I might be able to find someone for you. One of the guys at work went through this sort of shit last year. Said his lawyer wasn’t a total jerk.”

“Thanks.”

From the other room, Cissy angrily calls Ned’s name and then slams the bedroom door.

Ned looks at Harry, rolling his eyes. “She’s pretty pissed off at you.” He stands up. “I better go see her.”

“No worries. One troubled marriage at a time, right?” Harry says with a weak smile.

“I’ll be right back.”

Harry remains at the kitchen table, fiddling with the salt and pepper shakers. Ned returns a little while later. “Cissy’s too mad at you to cook. She said if we want to eat, we’re on our own. I told her she was just being spiteful, and now she’s sulking and saying she’s going to bed. What do you say we go grab a bite?”

I
n the restaurant they order a drink. “You know,” says Ned. “Women can forgive just about everything but what you did. And it makes them almost as crazy when it happens to someone else because they’re so afraid of it happening to them. Ever since you showed up, all Cissy can do is spit about you and keep asking me if I’m happy with our marriage and how much she loves me. I got to tell you, hoss, I’m having the best sex I’ve had in years.” He laughs, and Harry smiles. “So who was it?” asks Ned casually, sipping his Scotch on the rocks.

Harry knows what he means. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I’d rather not say.”

Ned raises his eyebrows and then waves his big hand as though clearing the air. “Ah, forget it. It’s not important. But, look, there is something I need to talk to you about.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, obviously Cissy’s pretty mad at you. You’re my best friend, and if it was up to me, you could stay with us as long as you needed. But she’s my wife, and she told me she doesn’t want you in the house. That’s what we were talking about before we left. You can stay tonight, but tomorrow she wants you out. I’m sorry, man.”

“No, it’s all right. I understand. You’ve both already been kind enough to let me stay so long. It was a big help.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I’ll check into some cheap hotel and look for somewhere to rent.”