Indulgence (176 page)

“Is that new? How serious are you about Sam? Or are you just
serious about his doggy style?!”

“Ha-ha, you’re killing me! Yes, it’s new. Don’t you have a
dress you can wear? And maybe it
is
serious, and not just about his
doggy style,” she winked.

I blushed and responded, “You know I hate wearing dresses,
especially to the bar! And I don’t want to hear any more about Sam’s doggy
style!” I wasn’t naïve, but not that experienced either. Dan had proven to be
just another ‘okay’ lover on a short list. I was beginning to think ‘great’
lovers didn’t exist.

“Hasn’t Dan shown you his doggy style yet? At least put on
some heels.”

“Holly Martin, I’m not some cheap and easy girl like you!
Easy, yes; cheap, NO! You know I don’t kiss and tell.”

We both laughed, knowing my statement was false. I rifled through
my shoes and found my most comfortable heels; closed-toe nude wedges. They
would have to do. I double checked myself in the mirror and smiled at myself in
approval. I threw the ballet slippers into my purse, just in case.

That night the city was buzzing and the breeze coming in off
the lake was a welcome one. Summer seemed to arrive early with record highs. We
took a cab to get to the Blue Horse early. On the ride there I couldn’t help
but wonder if James would be there. I remembered the first night I saw him and
all the subsequent nights after.

“Cassidy, come on. We’re here.” I had spent the entire cab
ride daydreaming. We headed into the bar and snagged our usual high-top table
beside the stage. Holly set off looking for Sam while I ordered our usual—Corona
for Holly and a fuzzy navel for me.

I rubbed my tired eyes and put my glasses back on. They were
sexy, sleek and easier to deal with than contacts in a smoky bar. I couldn’t
handle these smoky bars for long without wanting to rip my eyes out. Who was I
kidding? I was a complete hypocrite. I always ended up stealing cigs from Holly
when out at the bar. My dad would kill me if he knew.

Gazing around, I listened to the drone of the sound system
playing
Shelf
in the Room
by Days of the New
.
That had to be close to a dozen
times, if not more, in the past six weeks the band had played there. The place
could certainly use a face lift. Peanut shells scattered the tattered floor and
several of the tables and chairs needed replacing or at least refinishing. The
restrooms were on the other side of the bar directly across from us at the
front of a long hallway. Further down the hall there was a side door leading to
an office and then a door leading to the back lot.

I heard some cursing and loud bangs and looked to the back
door. The guys were lugging in the final pieces of music equipment. Holly came
strolling in on Sam’s heels. He was carrying a guitar case and Holly was
carrying his bag. Sam was about my height, a little too thin, with dark hair
that could use a wash and a cut.

I couldn’t help but look around for James. I immediately
felt guilty because of Dan, but then reminded myself that Dan and I were
keeping it casual, he had said so himself the previous night. Sam and Holly
were back at the table making out like horny teenagers. It was embarrassing and
at the same time I was feeling a little envious.

I peered over Sam’s shoulder when James suddenly appeared.
He was on his cell, like usual. As if he knew I was there, he looked up and
right at me. His eyes bore into mine before he winked. I clenched my legs
together trying to subdue my body’s response to him. He pulled his free hand
through his hair and tucked a loose strand behind his ear. His hair was long,
the color of dark chocolate, wavy and falling down around his face. It was
usually pulled back and my hands were immediately itching to run through it. I
liked ‘hair down’ James.

He was wearing dark denim jeans that hugged him just right.
His green and blue plaid shirt was unbuttoned just enough to expose a
smattering of chest hair. It was un-tucked and the sleeves were rolled halfway
up his arms, exposing a tattoo on his left forearm.

My heart stopped as he smiled that smile that makes my heart
dance between stopping and starting.
What I wouldn’t give for a real fuck
instead of those outrageous eye-fucks
. I remembered thinking if he wasn’t
careful, I might lose all sense and tackle him in front of everyone; Dan be
damned. That smile completely transformed him from a large, brooding, scary
male into a teddy bear. His smile immediately creased into a frown and his
attention went back to his cell conversation. He walked toward the back room,
clearly frustrated.

“Earth to Cassidy!”

I was startled out of my trance and knocked my water all
over the table. I barely missed soaking Sam and Holly with it.

“Dammit! I’m sorry.”
Typical.
I cursed my innate
ability to terrorize people with my nerves.

Sam and Holly said in unison, “No harm, no foul.” They were
both used to my klutziness by this point in our friendship.

The waitress came over with a stack of napkins and helped me
clean up my mess. “I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t fret, girl. It happens all the time.” She dropped her
voice. “Besides, he is quite something to look at!” Holly and Sam were
oblivious to her comments as they were nose to nose
again
. I was
mortified that my gawking was recognized by the waitress.
Get it together,
Cassidy!

Blushing, I acknowledged her with a soft laugh and smiled.
“Holy hell he’s so hot!” The waitress nodded in agreement. The object of our
affection came out of the back room, no cell phone in his hand and stormed out
the back door. He was gone. The waitress and I sighed in harmony. I wanted to
pick her brain about him—maybe she knew more about him—but the band was
welcomed to the stage and hearing anything below a scream was impossible.

Soft Rockets was pretty good and I thoroughly enjoyed
watching them play. Most of their stuff was covers with some originals added in
here and there. When the first set was over, there was still no James in sight.
It was never going to happen!
He was way out of my league. I should’ve
just ended things with Dan, knowing he wasn’t the one for me.

The remainder of the night proceeded like any other. In his
usual fashion, Sam dedicated the last song of the second set to Holly. A joke
between the two of them that I didn’t quite get, but I laughed as Holly pulled
me on the dance floor as the first guitar riff started. They were covering
Bad Girlfriend
by
Theory of a Deadman
.

Holly and I headed to the bathroom after the song ended. She
stole the first available stall as I shouted at her, “Hey, I was first!” We
both laughed as I waited my turn.

“I’ll meet you out back, Cass!” She smiled as I took over
her stall once she exited.

“Sure thing, Hoe!” She laughed as she left the bathroom.

I finished up, washed my hands and retouched my lip gloss. I
recognized the song playing over the loud speakers; Our Lady Peace was blaring
Somewhere Out
There
.

I was fixing my shirt while walking out of the bathroom and
rammed face first into somebody’s shoulder and upper chest. I would’ve crashed
back into the bathroom if it wasn’t for his hands on my upper arm and around my
back; they were the only things that kept me steady.

“Shit! Sorry about that!” I said it before I even bothered
looking up. Whoever the guy was, he was tall and built. My eyes were level with
his throat.

“You should watch where you’re going, Blackbird.” That deep
resonating voice, with a slight hint of gravel teased my ears and his sweet
breath feathered down my face. I inhaled deeply before looking up, breathless.
It was James with that smile on his face.
I’m clay, please mold me.

My heart started thrumming a million miles a minute. My skin
felt on fire where his hands were. His beard was a little thicker than it was
six weeks ago, but not overgrown at all. He smelled delicious; I just wanted to
bury my face in his neck and take a big whiff.

“Are you alright?” Now he looked concerned at my lack of
speaking.

“You smell divine!”
I couldn’t believe I just said that
.
I briefly rested my forehead on his shoulder, humiliated.
What the hell is
wrong with me?
I quickly raised my head, remembering I didn’t know the guy.
I mean, we’d been eye-fucking each other for weeks, said ‘hi’ a few times, but
I didn’t
know
him. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.” I gently pushed my hands
against his chest as I tried to regain my composure.

He chuckled and for the first time, I noticed that he had a
scar above his left eye that slashed through his eyebrow. I loved his eyes; the
vibrant green sucked me in every time. He slowly removed his hand from my back while
the other remained on my upper arm. The loss of his hand on my back was almost
unbearable, like someone detached a piece of me.

“So, you and Dan, is it serious?” He was shameless—and maybe
interested?!

The question caught me a little off guard. I responded with,
“I d-don’t know? You have a better offer?” My stomach was fluttering so
viciously and I couldn’t believe how brazen I was being.

He removed his lingering hand from my upper arm and smirked.
He took my right hand in his and caressed my tattoo. That electricity was there
again, zapping our hands and sending shivers up my arm and down my spine,
“Maybe I do. Cassidy, in all seriousness there’s something I’ve been meaning to
talk to you about.”

I grinned uncontrollably when I said, “Oh yeah, what’s that?”
He stilled, continued to hold my hand in his and then looked somber. Maybe he
was
serious.

He took a deep breath and then let out a loud sigh. God, he
looked nervous. Suddenly, all that could be heard was the
POP, POP, POP
of
a gun followed by screams.

Salvage

~ CASSIDY ~

Everything instantly became a blur. After several moments, I
was aware of James covering me as we hunched on the floor. One hand held my
face to his chest and the other circled around my back. His masculine, clean scent
assaulted my nostrils while my hands covered my ears. When I removed them I
realized it was eerily quiet except the music blaring from above. The next few
seconds felt like hours.

“Are you ok?” He ran his hands over my body out of concern.
He returned his hands to my face, seeking acknowledgment in my eyes that I was
ok.

“Yes, yes I’m ok.” We started looking around trying to gauge
where the gunfire had come from.

At the same time the back door opened and the drummer, Mike,
came running in. He was screaming for someone to call an ambulance. James
looked at me, startled, and pulled his cell out of his pocket and started
dialing. Mike’s face was white, an utter contrast to the red that covered his
hands. As realization hit me, I pushed away from the man protecting me and ran
toward Mike.

James was right behind me yelling into his cell. “Yes, the
Blue Horse on 7
^th
street! Shots fired! Yes, people are hit! NO, I
don’t know how many!”

Mike was in shock when I reached him, barely coherent. He
mentioned that he was on his way inside when he heard the shots. He confirmed
my fears when he said that Dan, Sam and Holly were all hit. I ran past him and
made my way out the back door.

I froze in my tracks; everything seemed to move in slow
motion as I took in the chaos surrounding me. Dan was lying in the street and
Holly and Sam were on the sidewalk. Sam was the only one moving, doing an army
crawl over to Holly and leaving a trail of blood in his wake. Several
bystanders made their way around the building and were shaking their heads in
disbelief.

I sensed a hand on my shoulder right before I made my move
toward Holly and it fell away. I was holding Holly’s head in my lap, willing
her to wake up, when the police and ambulances arrived. Suddenly there was an
arm around my waist, pulling me away from Sam, Holly and Dan as the paramedics
got to work. I started batting at the unwanted arm around my waist, realizing
immediately my attempt to get free was futile. I turned into my captor’s chest
and realized it was James.

*****

Several hours later, Calvin walked me up the steps to his
townhouse, dragging my suitcase behind him. Having a cop for a big brother was
a blessing and a curse. I was feeling broken and humiliated all at the same
time. How did I get into this mess? How did I end up in the back lot of a bar
covered in blood? I started recounting every moment I had spent with Dan and
Holly both. Calvin interrupted my thoughts.

“You can take my room. I’ll take the couch.” I knew better
than to disagree with him. We already had a brief argument, that I clearly had
no energy for, about me staying at his place. He walked me to the bathroom and
turned on the shower. “You got it from here?” His hand was rubbing my upper arm
out of concern.

“James,” I whispered.

“Who?”

“Calvin, where’s the guy from the bar that was with me? He
brought me to the hospital.”

“Cass, when I got to the hospital, I found you huddled in a
corner all alone. What guy?” He stared down at me with a puzzled look on his
face, clearly thinking I had lost it. He wasn’t very attractive with his face
all screwed up in concern.

Holly always raved about his preppy good looks. Cal was six
foot two, with dirty blonde hair, usually very clean cut, tan and probably not
an ounce of fat on him. He worked out religiously. The only feature we shared
was Dad’s blue eyes.

“Never mind, it’s not important. I got it from here.” My
voice was barely above a whisper.
He’d left me all alone?
Calvin gave me
another hug, kissed the top of my head and left me to tend to my shower.