Indulgence (215 page)

“Enjoy your night, Jordana!” Matt yelled as she bounded
away.

“Very nice,” Matt said.

“What?”

“Nice fake smile. It was passable, but I could see right
through it,” Matt smirked as he kissed my forehead. I rolled my eyes. At least
I was trying.

We walked across the tent and said our hellos to Leslie and
Shawn before finding an empty table where we waited for Melissa and David.

“You want something to drink?” Matt asked. “A Mai Tai or
Pina Colada?”

“Corona, please.” Maybe a beer would take the edge off my
disposition.

Just as Matt went off in search of a bartender, I was
tackled from behind. It was Melissa and David.
Thank goodness
, I
thought.

“How
are
you, my sweet sister-in-law?” Melissa gushed
as she ran her fingers through my hair, rearranging the pieces. “Your hair
looks awesome,” she added. “Maybe next time, we’ll take a little off the back.
Ya know, for something different.” I was glad she thought my hair looked good.
The hour-long struggle in front of the mirror must have paid off.

“I’m fine, Melissa,” I said, trying to muster enthusiasm. I
hugged David. “So happy to be at the event of the year.” I waved my hand at the
festivities around us.

“Oh, I see.” David stepped back. “In a gloomy mood, huh?”

“Matt warned us about this,” Melissa said, winking at Matt
as he returned with our drinks.

I looked at Matt and playfully punched him in the arm.
“What? Are you telling everybody my problems?” I feebly joked. I was mortified
that Matt would do that to me. It was enough that he and my best friend had to
put up with me; I didn’t need to bring my in-laws down too.

“No, no, you know I wouldn’t do that. But I couldn’t let my
sister walk into a lion’s den without any warning!” he joked back.

“Fair enough,” I responded. It was probably better this way.
At least I wouldn’t have to endure questions from Melissa and David since they
already knew something was wrong. Maybe I could even drop my front.

The four of us sat at the table and made small talk about
work, the latest news headlines and the local sports team. I halfheartedly
listened to the conversations and barely spoke. I wished I were someplace else
but where, I didn’t know. This party and my presence at it felt forced and
awkward and I wanted out.

“Let’s go get something to eat. It smells delicious in
here,” Melissa suggested.

“Looks like Ali needs another beer,” David said, nodding his
head at my empty beer bottle.

“Geez, Ali, you thirsty?” Matt asked. “I just got you that
beer.”

My cheeks flushed. I felt parched but that was no excuse to
guzzle a beer in a few minutes. “Um, yeah, I guess I am a little thirsty,” I
stammered and threw everyone a sheepish grin.

The food smelled delicious, but I wasn’t hungry.
Nevertheless, I joined everyone in line. Like the rest of the party, the buffet
was overflowing with excess. The plates and flatware were one step below fine
china. The table was staffed with servers in fancy chef jackets and silly hats.
The food was over the top…spiced veggies, bacon wrapped scallops, shrimp
cocktail, coconut breaded shrimp, meat rolls, sushi, chicken kabobs, Po Po,
spare ribs, and Poi. And of course, no luau would be complete without a roasted
pig and a chocolate fountain.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Matt asked.

I looked at my plate and sighed. I hadn’t eaten breakfast or
lunch today and my plate was a sorry excuse for dinner with a handful of
veggies and one scallop. I didn’t want to make a fuss about my appetite, or
lack thereof. I looked up at the server I was standing in front of, prepared to
take whatever he offered so I wouldn’t draw any more attention to myself.

“Would you like some Mahi Mahi?” the server asked in a
velvety voice.

He was deliciously handsome, tall with a muscular build. His
shoulder length blond hair was pulled back into a low ponytail that accentuated
his angular jaw and high cheekbones. His chef’s hat looked too average for his
beautiful face. This man could be a model; I couldn’t fathom why he was serving
food. Stitched into his shirt above his heart was his name - Lorenzo. The name
struck me as uncommon but his eyes captivated me more. Lorenzo’s eyes glowed
like emeralds, polished and smooth as glass. The lights from the dance floor
played off of them like a mirror in which I could see everything going on
behind me. The golden speckles around his pupils were bright and full of life,
like how mine looked earlier this morning. But his were different; they danced
in circles. I couldn’t help but stare.

“Um, Ali?” Matt’s words broke my gaze.

I cleared my throat and looked at the buffet table, then
back up at
those
eyes. Lorenzo looked at me with a crooked smile as he
pushed a piece of fish on my plate.
He must get this all the time
, I
thought. Women probably gawked at him wherever he went, especially if he
routinely worked out here in the middle of nowhere.

“Uh, thank you,” I whispered. I turned in embarrassment and
walked toward our table.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked, balancing his plate in one hand
while wrapping his arm around my waist. He glanced over his shoulder at
Lorenzo.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine. I was just about to say something to
Melissa while we were in line but the thought left my mind,” I lied. “Like you
say, your memory goes out the window after thirty, right?”

“Right,” Matt replied suspiciously.

I flushed again with embarrassment. What was I doing? My
husband, the love of my life, was standing at my side and I couldn’t help but
stare at the wait staff? Where were my manners? Where was my self-control?

Matt pulled my chair out for me, my back to the buffet. I
was sure that wasn’t a coincidence. My napkin fell to the floor and as I bent
to retrieve it, I couldn’t help but look back at Lorenzo. He wasn’t looking in
my direction; he was busy doing his job. I didn’t know what I was hoping for,
but a little glance from him would have been a nice ego boost. I pushed the
thought from my mind and returned to the conversation at our table.

I was quiet during our meal. Matt and David talked cars and
work, but neither subject interested me. Melissa chatted in my ear about all
the town gossip she had heard the past few days at her hair salon. I didn’t
care to hear it but threw in the occasional “uh huh” and “mmm hmm” to appear
politely interested.

“Ali?” Melissa’s voice broke through my haze.

“Yeah, I heard you. The Johnston’s barn burned down and the
police suspect arson.”

“No, not that. Aren’t you hungry? I don’t think you had a
bite of food all evening.”

Melissa was right; I had only played with my food throughout
dinner.

“Actually, I don’t feel well.”

“Well you must be thirsty because you sucked down your other
two Coronas.”

I looked at the table and sure enough, there were two empty
beer bottles. I wasn’t sure what my problem was tonight. I typically didn’t
drink this much and definitely not this fast.

“I have a sore throat,” I replied. “I fell asleep on the
hammock this morning and woke up with a sore throat. The cold feels good
against it.”

“Well you better switch to something a little less potent if
you’re going to drink like that,” she smiled.

“Ha, yeah, you’re right. I’ll grab some punch from the
fountain. Who has a chocolate fountain and a punch fountain at a birthday
party?” I lamely joked, trying to divert attention from me.

The evening wore on and I had to admit it was a nice party.
The rain held off for most of the night; heavy drops had just started to tap on
the tent’s roof. The lanterns swayed in the breeze casting a hazy light. The
deejay turned tunes and every kid, young and old, was on the dance floor. I
stuck to my seat the entire night as my social butterfly husband and in-laws
went off to converse with others. I couldn’t blame them. It was probably
uncomfortable sitting around me with my moods fluctuating from semi-sociable to
completely petulant.

I also stayed in my seat for another reason. I wanted to
look for him...Lorenzo. I had felt so drawn to him in the buffet line. I didn’t
know why, but I craved another inappropriate stare into those eyes. There was
something there, pulling me towards him, but not in a romantic way; I only had
eyes like that for Matt. It was like Lorenzo’s eyes were calling me, but I
couldn’t decipher the message. I glanced around the room, but the buffet tables
were gone. I thought Lorenzo was, too, but I finally caught a brief glimpse of
him where the buffet line had been set up. It appeared he was looking in my
direction, but that was silly of me to think. There was no reason he would be
looking for me.

I stood and walked towards Lorenzo. His back was to me as he
packed the last of the serving utensils. I had no idea what I was doing or what
I was going to say to him. I didn’t know why I felt the need to meet this
stranger, to figure out what his eyes were trying to say. As I crossed the
dance floor, Lorenzo turned and looked in the direction of where I had been
sitting. He noticed I wasn’t there and his eyes nervously scanned the room
until he spotted me. He stared at me for the briefest second before he tucked
the box under his arm and turned around the corner of the tent. I quickened my
pace, reaching the spot where he had just stood. As I carefully peered around
the side of tent, two teenagers collided with me.

“Excuse me,” I said, flustered by the unexpected guests.

“Sorry, we didn’t see you there,” the girl said. I
recognized her as one of Jordana’s friends from the pictures I looked at earlier.

“Yes, excuse us ma’am, we were just makin’ our way to the
dance floor,” the boy said in a familiar twang. I examined his face; narrow
nose, dark blond hair spiked with gel, and the bluest of blue eyes. He had on a
white t-shirt, jeans, black Converse sneakers and a leather jacket flung over
his shoulder.

“I know you,” I blurted out.

“You know who?” the girl asked and rolled her eyes.

“Him. You’re Caz Devoe.”

“Sorry ma’am, you must have me mistaken for someone else. My
name is Bill Smith. This here is my girlfriend Tammy Styles. We go to high
school with Jordana.”

“No,” I stuttered. “I met you yesterday morning in the
parking lot at the hospital. You found my phone and insurance card by my car.”

“I was in school yesterday morning,” Bill replied. The expression
on his face seemed to question my sanity, but there was no mistaking his
sapphire eyes or the narrow nose. Sure, his hair was styled differently, but
this had to be Caz.

“Come on, Bill, let’s go dance.” Tammy tugged on Bill’s arm.
I stood there and watched them pass. As I turned my head to finish my original
mission, I caught a glimpse of “Bill” looking over his shoulder, but I was too
slow in turning my head to catch him. I would swear on my parents’ graves that
Bill Smith was Caz Devoe. But it didn’t really matter. I returned my attention
to my original goal.

I grabbed the tent pole in an effort to hide behind it and
peered around the corner. Lorenzo was nowhere to be found. I wasn’t sure where
he could have gone. I didn’t hear any cars start when I ran into Bill and
Tammy. There was one catering truck left but it appeared locked and was dark
inside.

“Hey,” someone said behind me and taped my shoulder. I
jumped. It was Melissa. “What are you looking for over here?”

“You scared the daylights out of me!” My hand covered my
heart as I tried to compose myself. I glanced around the corner one more time.
“I’m not looking for anything in particular; just checking out the backyard.”

Melissa eyed me up and down. “Matt mentioned you’ve been in
a funk lately but didn’t really tell me what’s going on. I don’t want to pry,
but if you need someone to talk to, you know I’m here. And my lips are sealed.”
That was Melissa’s assurance that my problems wouldn’t become the talk of her
hair salon.

“I know Mel,” I said and stared off for a brief moment. I
wondered if I could really tell her I was going through a mid-life crisis and
how she would react. She would probably laugh just like her brother had. And I
didn’t want to recount all of my physical ailments; not here. That conversation
would take all night.

“I don’t know what it is,” I started. “But everything just
seems to be catching up to me these past few weeks. I feel like I’m trapped in
a job I hate in a town that doesn’t offer any opportunity. I feel somewhat
trapped in my life.”

Melissa’s eyes narrowed when I said the word
trapped
.
I spoke before her mind could wander too far in the wrong direction.

“This is about me, Mel, not Matt. You know I love him more
than anything in this world. This is me, realizing I’m not going to be anything
more than what I am today…an average, ordinary middle manager. No glorious CEO
position, no ritzy Hollywood lifestyle, no going-down-in-history moments here,
you know?”

Melissa squeezed my hand and looked into my eyes. “You know
Ali, you have a wonderful life. You might think it is average or boring, but do
you know how many people would trade places with you? To have the house,
husband and life you have?”

Yep, that was it. I knew she would make me feel foolish,
though I knew that wasn’t her intention. “I know,” I said and fought back
tears. “It’s just I feel like there is something else out there for me. I’ve
felt it for quite some time. I guess I should chalk up this recent spell to
frustration in not knowing how to go about finding my calling.”

“Well Ali, you know what? If something is meant to be, it
will find you.”

Her statement took me off guard. I had never thought about
it that way; that my calling would find me. I figured I had to actively pursue
it, even though over thirty years of trying had never yielded results. Plus,
this burning in the center of my core wouldn’t let me rest, wouldn’t allow me
to not look. The prospect of something finding me instead of the other way
around was quite appealing. Maybe, if I let my mind believe I was relaxing and
anticipating
it,
the burning would realize this and grant me reprieve. I
could sit back and enjoy life and let
it
find me. Why hadn’t I thought
of this before?