Indulgence (279 page)

He loved her as much as I did.

I glared at him. “I’m fucking the woman I love, and, one
day, I’m gonna make her my wife. I walked away from her once and I’m not gonna
let anything or anyone come between us again. I’m not gonna let you come
between us again.”

His fist connected with my jaw a moment later, and I
stumbled back, caught by surprise. Jeremy and I had never had a physical fight
before. I held my jaw as he roared, “How the fuck can you talk about Evie like
that?”

“Like what?”

“I asked you what you’re doing, and you say you’re
fucking her? What kind of a pig are you, anyway, Kick? Most men would say
they’re dating her, not fucking her.”

I spat out some blood and reminded him I wasn’t like most
men. “I’m an asshole, remember? That’s how assholes obviously speak.”

“You were never an asshole before, Kick. Storm has made
you that way and I fail to grasp what Evie sees in you.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not Evie, then. Don’t try
and come between us, Jeremy. I swear to fuckin’ God, if you do . . . if you
fuck this up for us, it won’t be pretty between you and me.”

He fumed. His body tensed as if he was about to punch me
again and the vein in his neck pulsed. “Things haven’t been pretty between us
for a while now and this is the end of it for me, unless you walk away from
her.”

What the fuck?

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me! You’d throw our friendship
away over this?”

“No, Kick, you pretty much threw our friendship away when
you joined Storm. When you sold your soul to the devil and said to hell with
everything and everyone. If you drag Evie into that world, I will spend the
rest of my days fighting to get her out of it.”

I moved closer to him. Into his face. “I suggest you get
the hell out of my house and never come back. I
never
want to see your
face again,” I snarled, my eyes boring into his, screaming at him how much I
meant every fucking word I’d said.

I was done with him.

He stood rooted to the spot for a moment, his eyes
searching mine. I saw it. I saw the moment where he decided he was done, too.
Something flashed in his eyes and he took a step away from me. “Done,” he
snapped. And then he added, “If you love her like you say you do, you won’t drag
her down with you. You won’t give her a life of shit and grime. Think about
that.”

And then he was gone.

And I’d been thinking about that for five fucking years.

I’d let those thoughts convince me to walk away three years
ago, but the pull to her was too strong to resist any longer.

As much as I now believed every word Jeremy had spoken to be
true, I
was
a selfish bastard and wanted Evie with me.

I couldn’t deny it even if I tried.

Evie

Despair swirled around me, and the four walls of the room
closed in on me as my father admitted his latest fuck up to me. As I stood in
his sorry excuse for a home, I squeezed my eyes shut and wished we could go
back nineteen years and change the course of history. Change the fact he lived
alone with threadbare carpets, worn couches with holes in them, clothes that
hung off him because he didn’t care about eating, a career he’d let go of, and
a fucking gambling addiction that ruined any chance of changing and improving
his life.

“Fuck, Dad… how did this happen? You were doing so much
better.” My eyes pleaded with him. I needed something, anything to give me hope
this could be fixed. My gut knew, though. Knew this was what always happened,
this was just the never-ending cycle of addiction that, once it had you in its
grips, would never let you go. Not if you really didn’t want it to.

He hung his head.

Shame bathed his face.

Defeat clothed his body.

The man who’d raised me had vanished and in his place stood
this father who I struggled to understand and love. I would always love him
deep down, but it was more a reflex emotion. These days, love didn’t come
easily…I had to work to love him.

He looked back up at me, his face more ravaged than I’d ever
seen. When he finally spoke, he almost gutted me. “Baby, I need help.”

My father had never asked for help.

Never.

Not when my sister had died, not when my mother had cheated
on him, not when he’d lost his job and had to take shitty casual jobs to pay
his bills, and never for his gambling addiction.

His words pierced my heart and tears pricked my eyes.

Love knocked on my soul and I knew in that moment, I would
do anything to help my father.

“How much do you owe?”

His eyes shut and he drew a long breath. Opening them again,
he said, “Ten grand.”

My heart dropped into my stomach.

Ten grand
.

Where the hell were we gonna come up with that kind of
money?

My legs nearly buckled under me so I sat on the couch behind
me, rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands. This shit
was fucked and although my brain scrambled to find a way out for him, it was
coming up empty.

Silence filled the room until, eventually, I lifted my head
to ask him, “How long have you got to pay it?”

“One week,” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

Holy shit
.

My heart almost beat out of my chest and fear sliced through
me. There was no way we could come up with that kind of money in a week. But I
wasn’t the type of woman to stare defeat in the face and throw in the towel
without a fight.

I got my shit together and stood. “Leave it with me, Dad.
I’ll talk to some people.”

Hope flitted across his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. But this only happens if you’re going to admit you
have a problem and get some help for it.” I stared hard at him, waiting.

He hesitated for a moment and I stilled. Surely he wouldn’t
deny his problem any longer? But then again, my father was a stubborn and proud
man, and he’d lived in denial for a long time now.

Relief filled me when he finally spoke. “Yes, I have a
problem. I don’t know how or where to get help but I will find it.” The
brokenness in his voice told me everything I needed to know. He’d hit rock
bottom. And as much as that pained me, it was possibly the best thing for him
because now, finally, he would search for a way out.

“Dad, I’m a counsellor. Remember? I’ll find you someone who
will help you.”

His eyebrows drew together in a frown. “I thought you only
counselled kids.”

“I do, but I know other counsellors.”

Nodding, he murmured, “Okay, Evie, you find me someone and
I’ll work with them.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I know I’ve let
you down over the years and that I’ve never admitted my addiction… but I need
things to change. I want my life back.” His voice cracked and he stole another
piece of my heart. We’d all lost so much back then but my father had lost the
most.

“I know, Dad. We all want you to have your life back,” I
said softly.

His eyes reached deep inside me and he whispered, “Thank
you.”

*****

I left Dad’s house and drove around in circles for a while,
thinking. Wondering where the hell I would find ten grand. Eventually, I found
myself on my sister’s doorstep. She answered the door, looking a little
bewildered.

“Evie! Come in,” she said, ushering me into her home.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, because she really did seem
frazzled.

“I’ll tell you over a drink,” she replied and waved her
hand, indicating I should enter.

Julie was two years older than me and lived alone. I hadn’t
been to her house in years but it didn’t appear to have changed much. She still
had the cream walls she seemed to love, the country style wood furniture I
couldn’t stand, but that she adored, and plants scattered everywhere. Her home
had that lived-in feel, though, and I loved that.

She took me into her kitchen and offered me coffee. “Have
you just finished work now?” she asked, glancing at the clock that read seven
thirty.

I shook my head. “No, I finished hours ago but I went to see
Dad and have been driving around ever since.”

Her eyes widened. “Shit, that doesn’t sound good. We
definitely need coffee for this . . . or perhaps something stronger?”

“Coffee is good, thanks.”

She got her Nespresso going and said, “Spill. Tell me what
he’s done now.”

I sighed and sat on one of her bar stools, slumping onto the
counter. “He has gotten himself into debt again and has one week to pay back
the money. I told him I would help him find it. The good news is that he’s
finally realised he needs help.”

My words caused her to still and stare at me in shock. “What
the hell will happen if you don’t?”

My heart rate picked up. I’d been working hard not to think
about that. “I honestly don’t know but I’m thinking that the kind of person who
has ten grand to lend someone to bet with can’t be good news. Especially not if
you end up owing him with no way of paying it back.”

“Oh my God,” she muttered as she made the coffee and brought
it over to me. Settling herself on a stool, she asked, “Have you got anyone in
mind to ask?”

“You’re my first port of call. I figured I’d start with
family and work out from there.” I looked at her hopefully but her face told me
everything I needed to know. She didn’t have it.

“I’m so sorry, but I’m struggling financially at the moment.
That’s actually the reason I was looking so strange when you knocked on the
door. I’ve got credit card bills piling up and then today I found out I won’t
have a job in a month.”

I reached out my hand to hold hers. Squeezing it, I said,
“I’m so sorry. If I can help you at all, I will.”

She sighed. “God, I am such a bitch.”

I frowned. “Why?”

“Because you are such a good human being, and I have treated
you like shit since Shelly died.”

Shit, tears threatened to fall at her words. She was right –
she
had
been a bitch, but I figured we’d all coped with Shelly’s death
in our own way, and hers was to shut her family out.

When I didn’t respond, she continued, “And now, a week after
I make contact after years of shutting you out, you offer to help me in my hour
of need.”

My eyes glistened and I smiled at her. “It’s what family is
for. Ours might be messed up and all, but maybe we can find a way to put it
back together.”

“I think it’ll take some time, Evie,” she warned.

Nodding, I agreed. “Yeah, I know, but if there’s one thing
Jeremy’s death has taught me, it’s that we don’t have all the time in the
world.”

“And how does forgiveness factor into all that? ‘Cause
unless we can all forgive each other, I don’t see anything changing.”

“Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, Julie, it’s for us.
It lets
us
move forward, out of our hate and anger at the other person.
And I don’t think it necessarily means you forget. You just choose to move past
that bad stuff so you can have more good stuff in your life.”

She raised a brow at me. “Sounds like you’re speaking from
experience, little sister?”

“I guess I am. I wouldn’t say I hated Kick after he walked
away, but I was so mad at him for giving up on us and it took me a long time to
work through those feelings. I realised
he
didn’t know how bad I was
feeling, so the only person it was affecting and hurting was
me
. That’s
when I decided to forgive him, just so I could let those feelings go.”

“And now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, now that you’ve forgiven him, would you take him back
if he asked?”

“Like I said, just because I’ve forgiven doesn’t mean I’ve
forgotten. I didn’t go through all that to not learn a lesson there. Unless
Kick has changed dramatically in some things, I won’t take him back.”

“The way you’re speaking makes me think he’s trying to get
you back. Is he?”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah, he is.”

“I said it to you the other day, I truly think you two were
made for each other, Evie. At least give him one more go.”

“I don’t know if my heart can take another round,” I
whispered, my heart already hurting at the thought of
not
giving him
another go, but at the same time guarding itself from more hurt.

She drank some of her coffee, and nodded. “I get it. Love’s
a scary thing when you’ve been stung before. But you’ve given me another go.”

I smiled. “You’re different. You’re family.”

She leant closer to me. “So is Kick, Evie. Haven’t you
worked that out by now?”

Shit, she had a point.

When I left her home an hour later, my thoughts were
completely consumed by Kick. How long would it take for him to wear me down?
I’d do my best to stick to my guns but I knew if he kept pushing, I’d
eventually cave. He’d left soul prints on me. I could never say no to Kick . .
. I could never deny the pull his heart had to mine.

*****

The next day I dropped by my mum’s house after work to check
on her again. I was surprised to see Kick’s brother’s work ute out the front.
Braden was a builder and I doubted my mother needed a one.

“Mum,” I yelled out as I entered her house, “why is Braden
here?”

“Evie, we’re in the living room. Come and join us,” she
yelled back, so I headed in that direction.

A minute later, I came face to face with Kick.

Not Braden.

Kick.

Shit.

“Where’s Braden?” I blurted out.

“What?” Mum asked, clearly confused.

I jerked my thumb in the direction of the driveway.
“Braden’s ute is out front. I was wondering where he is.”