Indwell (Chasing Natalie's Ghosts) (36 page)

Sometimes I can hear little Natalie shouting at me, `Snap out of it!’ I knew she was right.  It was time for me to carry on. When I would sit out on my deck and watch the waves, I sometimes thought about what would have happened if I was there that night. There is a reason I wasn’t in that house the night my parents died. I really don’t know if I would have been able to stop Luke. Maybe I would have been holding the gun. Would I have turned the trigger on myself, like Luke did? If I had still been searching for Adam I know I would have. Maybe Adam knew this. Maybe he really did know he had to leave me or else I would die too early. He loved me but he was right to leave me. We were not meant to be together. I was lucky for the time we did have. I am so amazed that Hayden took me in after Adam abandoned me. He saved me. He can be overwhelming at times but he does it because he loves me. He respects my gift and he appreciates me. We are meant to be together.

I walked out onto the cool sand at dawn the morning we left. I watched the waves roll onto the shore. It was going to be a cloudy day. I had tears in my eyes as Hayden walked up behind me and slid his arms around my waist.

“We don’t have to go,” he whispered as he kissed my neck.

“No, I have to do this now,” I said more to myself than to him.

“I understand.”
“It’s only for one term. I think I can do it?”
“I know you can do it Natalie.”
“Thanks Hayden.”

As we drove back to the apartment I dozed off. My dreams have been fairly tame for weeks now. I wasn’t waking up screaming or sweating but I awoke in the car shaking. I knew we were close to the apartment now. I quietly caught my breath and slowed my beating heart. Hayden had sensed something was wrong but he didn’t push me for answers. I was grateful for his patience. I felt a sense of relief as Hayden unlocked the door and we entered the familiar space. I remembered walking in here for the first time. I was so lost and weak then. He took me in and healed my broken heart. He gave me hope for the future. He gave me meaning for my existence. I wasn’t a freak of nature anymore. I wasn’t alone with my visions anymore. I grabbed his hand as he put our suitcases down.
“Are you okay Natalie?”
“I’m good now. Thank you for letting me do this.”
“I will help you with anything you want to pursue Natalie.”

I slept soundly the night before my first day of school. In the morning Hayden had coffee ready and my lunch packed.
“I’ll drive you,” he offered.

“Thanks but I think it’s only like two blocks away,” I told him.

“Regardless, it’s your first day and I want to see you off, okay?” he insisted.

“Okay.”

He made me breakfast and waited patiently as I dressed and straightened my hair. I changed again than applied a little bit of makeup. I was surprised by how nervous I was. I have been to so many schools you would think I was used to this. I was always terrified on the first day. Even with my extreme senses and amazing strength now, I still felt like a tiny little poor kid, afraid of everything. I had to hide the fear in me. I had to do this. I was ready.

I kissed Hayden and walked to the steps that led up to the large double doors. I looked back and waved. He was still there watching me. He smiled and drove off. I turned back to the school and glanced up at the windows on the top floor. A girl in a white dress with braids in her hair looked down at me. I quickly looked around. No one else was close to me. I looked back up at the window, but she was gone.
“It begins,” I said as I walked up the steps to the front doors.

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