Ineffable (6 page)

“Lemme ask you something, Nori. Do you think I put on my good clothes, let Tommy and Lani do all this shit to my face and my hair to go out in the street and let some motherfucker treat me bad?

“What was it, my day to randomly take abuse, to be dropped unceremoniously into the middle of some bullshit ass family drama? Let me guess,” she said, voice soft but dripping with sarcasm and gasoline. “Your father’s a little possessive? He has definite ideas about what kind of woman his only son should be with? Well fuck him!” she screamed, hands waving in the air like a flag in high wind. “And fuck you too for sitting there and letting him talk to me like that.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Don’t be stupid,” she spat. “What the fuck do I care about fair? You betrayed me.”

Nori was completely shocked. He’d never seen her like this. Tension radiated off her like heat. Her normal grace was gone, her limbs were stiff, her movements jerky. After that shove a minute ago, he suspected she wanted to hit him.

“I didn’t have to leave my house for this. I could have stayed at home where it was comfortable, doing work to make me some money. I gotta lotta people waitin’ on shit from me. Shit they need to keep my money flowing in. See, I don’t have some crazy ass daddy to depend on. Nobody gave me a business to run,” she sneered. “Everything I have I got for myself.” She thumped her chest.

She moved in so close he had to fight the urge to step back. His spine straightened instead. She would not intimidate him. His lover was somewhere inside this virago. This volcanic female in front of him was Margot Temper.

The woman everyone had warned him about had finally appeared. He had to resist the sudden urge to smile, and he knew she saw it when her eyes narrowed and she stepped back.

“You’re not gonna aggravate me, Nori. I don’t wanna be bothered.” She moved to step around him, but he grabbed her arm, his own temper suddenly shooting to the fore.

“What the fuck does that mean, you don’t want to be bothered? You’re done with me? It was one bad dinner! Yes, my father and some of his guests acted like assholes. But it’s not a do or die scenario. Is it?”

Margot stared at him for a long moment, then she sighed and sat down on a gilt covered couch. She cocked her head at him, indicating he should sit next to her. He did, cocking his brow at her.

“You know I don’t have any family.”

He nodded, wondering where this was going. “Your mother and sister died in a car accident six years ago.” Tommy had filled him in.

“Yeah. Did you know that my sister was a drug addict?”

“No,” he said slowly. “I didn’t. I’m sorry to hear that. Was she driving?”

Margot laughed softly. “No. That heffa hadn’t had a license in a dog’s age. They were killed by a drunk driver, through no fault of their own. But I’m telling about their death as a prelude to what I want to share with you about their life. Because I need you to understand why I cannot fuck with shit like this.

“That petty, obvious ass baiting that went on over dinner? How your dad let his cronies disrespect me? This was the first and last time that will ever happen, and I need you to understand why I cannot,” she stressed the word mightily. “Cannot! Be a part anything like that ever again.

“My family made my life hell, Nori. From the moment I was old enough to understand grown up behavior, to make decisions for myself, and then later when I started to make money, they were a constant, and I do mean constant, source of stress and aggravation for me.

“They always needed something. Always. Either my mother wanted me to act as her personal maid – mowing her huge ass lawn, shoveling snow, cleaning her bathrooms, whatever so she could spend her money on other things – or she was trying to tell me what to do with my business, my clothes, everything. It was a constant manipulation, and there was never any support. Never! She always needed something, and all I got were socks or clothes that didn’t suit me or some other little bargain thing she picked up because that was her thing, shopping, even when she needed nothing, and had multiples of everything. And I dealt with all of that while my sister did nothing.”

Well, that explained how tidy and spare she kept her home, Nori thought, why he never caught her doing any kind of shopping besides food. He took her hand and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t take it away.

“My sister was too busy chasing bullshit in the streets to help my mother, even though my mother did everything for her. Paid her bills, clothed her, fed her, everything. To me? My sister was constantly begging for money. Always needing a ride, always begging for my clothes, and when I didn’t want to give them, she’d steal them. I remember once we were in the bathroom at the same time, and I looked down and saw the bitch was wearing my drawls.

“I can’t tell you how many times my shit came up missing. Heirlooms, jewelry my mother had given me – she had a fabulous collection – things that could never be replaced, given away to the dope man for little of nothing. It got to the point, when I moved into the house I have now, I didn’t even allow her to visit. She never even set foot in my home because I wanted to keep it free of taint, and even then my mother tried to invite her anyway. I told her if she ever let my sister in, she could consider herself uninvited, forever.

“All they ever gave me were problems, Nori. Screw ups for me to fix, empty wallets for me to fill, missed birthdays, fucked up holidays, selfishness, irritation. I gave and gave and gave, and you know what I got in return? Nothing but ghetto, ignorant bullshit. Wait, I take that back. When she died my mother left me everything. But I’d much rather have had nothing after her death, if I could have had some peace while she was alive.

“My chest used to hurt when I saw them. I drank, I smoked, I did drugs trying to escape all of the unnecessary stress they put me under. I used to cringe every time my fuckin’ phone rang in case it was them. My guts used to hurt, I couldn’t hardly eat. The older I got the more difficult it became to sleep. I started grinding my teeth at night. Every holiday was fucked up. Every single fucking one, without fail, my entire adult life. Either my sister would have a tantrum, they would get into a fight, or my mother would run me all over the city looking for stores that were open to get things she’d forgotten. Basic things that she’d swore she told me to get, that she actually didn’t because she was too busy minding everybody else’s fuckin’ business but her own.

“I got no respect, no peace, and no real thanks. I was just a convenience. A walking ATM, something to be used when needed and dismissed on a whim if something better came along. Every effort I made to assert myself was useless. My mother was too stubborn, too old, too entrenched in her ways. It was like she was in a world apart from reality, a world where only her concerns mattered. And my sister was a drug addict, a selfish, immature, codependent fucking loser, ruined by my mother, and turned into a voluntary cripple.

“I talked myself blue in the face trying to fix the relationships, but nothing ever changed. Maybe for a little while, but eventually we’d be back to the same old shit. Hadn’t been for Tommy and my girls I don’t know if I’d still be alive. There were times when driving my car into a tree at 70 miles an hour seemed preferable to hearing my mother’s voice one more time.”

Heart twisting, his hands tightening around hers, Nori whispered, “Margot.”

She pulled away, eyes cold as she looked at him. “This is a deal breaker for me, Nori. I need you to understand because I mean what I say. I’m doing everything in my power not to fuck this relationship up. But I am not about to take part in any more family bullshit. Do you understand that? Under no fuckin’ circumstances will I allow another parent to manipulate or upset me. Do you understand that?” She repeated, voice rising in anger. “I’m a motherfuckin’ orphan, and that’s how I like it.” This proclamation was accompanied by an emphatic slash of beringed fingers.

“The minute I buried my mother and sister? I was free. Free!” A hard poke in his chest. “No more lying, no more bullshit, no more disrespect. Don’t misunderstand. No one is all bad or all good. I loved them. But once they were gone? I started to really live. A huge burden was lifted from me,” she said, voice rising as though she stood in a pulpit, her arms rising to illustrate her words. “The fucking world opened up like a door! I surrounded myself with a new family. One I built. All my bitches love me, support me and help to make me better, and I do the same for them. Period. Once that bullshit was off me I learned how to be happy quick. My business took off, I felt better, I looked better, my fuckin’ jewelry got better!

“My mind was clear, see? I no longer had to deal with energy sucking, mind clogging, heart breaking shit over and over and over once the bonds of family that I couldn’t escape had been severed.

“So, your daddy doesn’t like me? Okay. He doesn’t want us together? No problem. His friends think I’m your latest piece of ass, that you’re just playing with me, amusing yourself with a brown skinned novelty, that you’re slumming? That’s cool!” she yelled in his face. “They can think what the fuck they like. They ain’t puttin’ no food in my mouth, no clothes on my back, and they ain’t payin’ shit to keep that motherfuckin’ house going. But they are not going to abuse me. No one is. Not for any fucking reason. Understand?”

Oh, yeah, he thought, shifting as his unrepentant cock rose in the face of all this anger and passion and perfectly enunciated fury. He understood, alright.

“I came prepared to be friendly, prepared to be a good guest. I will never prepare, nor accept another adult’s abuse.” She rose gracefully. “And you better believe what I’m telling you, Nori. Because this shit tonight? It did me in. I feel sick. To the point where I’d rather never see you again than be subjected to anything like this family,” that last word was snarled on a lip curling sneer.

Alarm had his eyes widening in his head, his hands shooting out to grab her wrists.

“No. Don’t. Don’t,” he repeated, when she would have walked away. “I’m sorry.” He pulled her to a stop. “Don’t leave. Please. You’re right. This was bullshit. Let me take you out of here. I should have done it before.”

She stared at him.

“Let me take you out of here,” he repeated softly, pulling her into his body, brushing her lips with his. “I won’t let anyone mistreat you again, my girl.”

Her expression didn’t change. She just continued to stare at him.

“Trust me,” he said, and led her from the house.

In the car he said, “You didn’t eat much. Let me buy you dinner. What would you like?”

She said she wanted to go to Whole Foods.

“You want to cook?”

“No. They have hot food there, and I need to pick up a few groceries.”

To Whole Foods they went. She laughed watching him eye the buffet of hot food.

“You’ve never eaten like this have you?”

He grinned and kissed her cheek as he scooped some of the macaroni and cheese she’d reached for onto her plate. “It looks very good,” he said, ignoring her question and trying to hide his unease. He breathed an audible sigh of relief when she showed no interest in eating at the tables lined along the store window.

At home he watched her set the table and transfer their food to plates. She’d taken over the selections and they ended up eating the same thing. He preferred her cooking, but it wasn’t bad.

He wanted to ask was she okay, but he didn’t want to endanger the peaceful quiet around them now. She broke silence first, in bed that night. He’d just pulled her into his arms, his nose pushed into his favorite spot on her neck, fully intending to lose himself between her soft thighs and stroke both of them to a place where there were no crazy fathers or family-related BS to make them angry, when she said, “What do you want from me, Nori?”

He froze. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do you want from me?”

He forced out a laugh. “We just had one of the most horrible, actually, the most horrible night we’ve ever had together. Why do I sense a trap closing on my foot?”

It was her turn to chuckle then, and it sounded a lot more sincere than his. “Yeah. I suppose my timing is suspect. But this isn’t one of those conversations where I start pressuring you for a commitment, or a ring, or a drawer. I just think it’s better to examine where we are now before we get in any deeper. That way, if we need to, we can,” she paused.

Nori felt his heart thump faster when she shifted away from him and sat up. “We can what, Margot?”

“Your father’s never gonna accept me, Nori. I’m not stupid.” She stood then, looking down at him, flat on his back.

He felt flattened, so he figured his position was appropriate.

“And I’m not interested in coming between the two of you. We need to decide what we’re doing, so we’ll know if it’s worth it for us to continue.”

He watched her leave. He couldn’t catch his breath. He wanted to jump up and run after her, shake her until her head rattled like a child’s toy and she recanted even the idea of leaving him. Instead he forced himself to take deep, even breaths until the tremors faded from his hands.

His mind raced, but he knew one thing for certain: he couldn’t lose her. There was no doubt in his mind what course of action he would take if pushed to choose between his father and Margot. She won. Hands down.

She’d been in his life for just a few weeks, yet he couldn’t remember what he’d done before her. He couldn’t fathom his life without her in it. The very thought of her leaving made him feel desperate. It made him want to find her, pull her close and shove himself inside her, make her a part of him so she could never escape.