Inevitable (25 page)

“
Your mom and I would like to share what we’ve discussed
today. Perhaps you would like to do this in private?” Doctor
Andre
ws said,
nodding to Blaine and then looking to my mum for approval. Blaine
gave an acknowledging nod and turned to leave, but then my mum
called him back.

“
You can say whatever you want in front of him,” she
declared, dismissing the doctor with a wave of her hand. “She’ll
only tell him later anyway,” she added playfully. I
smile
d
gratefully at her and mouthed ‘thank you’.

I was beginning to think that despite barely knowing him,
she loved Blaine too. Then again, how could she not? How
could
anyone
not? An unwelcome image of Blaine’s father filtered through
into my thoughts and I had to mentally slap it away. I didn’t have
time to concentrate on hating him just now – and by Christ did I
hate him. I had to concentrate on the imminent conversation
regarding my mother’s mental health.

I settled down
in the grey leather armchair beside my mum’s bed and patted the
hard plastic chair next to me for Blaine to sit on. As he joined me
my mum scooted to the edge of her bed and crossed her legs,
anxiously drumming her fingers against her knees.

“
So, Annie, are you still willing for me to discuss what we’ve
talked about today?” Doctor Andrews asked my mum.

“
Sure,” she said, shrugging like a teenager. I rolled my eyes.
As with everything else in life I got the feeling she wasn’t taking
this seriously.

“
Well I would like to start by saying it is impossible for
me to make a definitive diagnosis at this stage. As I told your mom
earlier I would like her to stay with us for three weeks for what
we call an initial assessment period. After that it is imperative
she follows any care plan we have established for her and that
she
regularly
attends any clinic appointments we arrange for her.”

“
Oh she will. I’ll make sure of it.” I issued my mum a sober
stare. The type she, as the parent, should technically be giving
me. “So, what do you
think
could
be wrong? You must have an inkling.” My words came
out a little brash and I quickly hoped I didn’t sound
rude.

“
Well, given your mom’s recent behaviour – the episodes of
psychosis especially – and also the history you presented to my
colleague the night she was admitted, I am leaning towards what we
call schizoaffective disorder. But-”

“
What like schizophrenia?” I interrupted, feeling physically
winded. My mum couldn’t be
that
crazy could she?

“
Similar, but not quite.
Schizoaffective disorder is a type of mood
disorder. The patient may experience episodes of mania and
depression in between bouts of psychosis.” I watched my mum
intently whilst the doctor was speaking. She was picking at her
nails and looking altogether… bored. I almost wanted to slap the
severity of the situation into her.

“
Of course, bipolar disorder is another mood affecting illness
which presents similar symptoms. The differences lie in how often
your mom suffers episodes of psychosis, how severe they are and how
long each episode lasts. For us to be able to determine a diagnosis
of schizoaffective disorder, your mom must present with
schizophrenic elements of the condition for at least two weeks,” he
explained so matter of fact.

“
You mean she’s got to be crazy for two weeks?” I snapped in
disbelief. “You’re supposed to be
stopping
her from going mad! Isn’t that why she’s
here? So you can help her? Not wait for her to lose it again… just
to make sure.”

“
I can assure you we
are
helping your mom, Maddie. But we need to understand what
we’re dealing with before we can establish appropriate treatment
for her.” Tears welled in the back of my eyes and again I looked at
my mum, naively hoping she would offer me some kind of comfort – an
encouraging smile, a few words of reassurance… I got nothing. “I’m
going to leave you alone now. Give you all time to absorb this
information and talk it through with each other. Do you have any
questions before I go?”

Only a
million.

“
No. Thank you, Doctor,” I said with a fake smile. He nodded in
acknowledgement to me, Blaine, then my mum before turning and
heading out the door – his long white overcoat swooshing behind
him.

“
Well, that’s it then,” my mum said, shrugging. “I’m officially
fucking mental.”

“
Oh, Mum!” I snapped. “Can’t you be serious for once in your
life
, I’m
scared to death here!”

Any hint of humour
swiftly evaporated from my mum’s face as she
hopped off the bed to kneel in front of me.

“
I’m sorry, Maddie,” was all she said before wrapping her
arms around me.
“I’m scared too.” I rested my head on her shoulder and a
silent sob escaped from my throat, my tears seeping through the
cerise cotton of her shirt.

“
I’ll leave you two alone for a while,” Blaine murmured
considerately, rising from his chair.

“
No you won’t. She needs you,” my mum ordered, pointing a
taught finger at Blaine. “I need you to take care of her whilst I’m
hold up in here. I can count on you to do that can’t I?”

“
Of course
. You have my word.”

I smiled as I
realised just how much these two magnificent people loved me, and I
loved them.

“
Now listen here, baby,” my mum said, wiping the tears from my
cheeks with her thumbs. “You put those tears away, get your face on
and go knock ‘em dead at that coffee shop. Then ring me when you
get home and tell me all about it.”

I nodded
reluctantly. I didn’t want to leave her here all alone surrounded
by a bunch of crazy people but I couldn’t afford to screw up my
second chance at work. I was sure I wouldn’t be lucky enough to get
a third.

“
Okay,” I uttered passively. “I love you, Mum.”

“
Love you too, baby girl.”

Back at
home I changed quickly into the uniform Sarah had provided me with
when she offered me the job – a white polo shirt with Brewed
Awakenings embroidered in brown cotton above an emblem of a
steaming coffee cup over my right breast, with some black boot-cut
pants. I sighed as I pulled my black shoes on, knowing Blaine would
definitely have to leave soon. Noticing my dejection he asked what
was wrong. When I told him I wished he didn’t have to go home he
offered to drive me to work.

“
Actually, lish, I was wondering if I could stay with you for a
while,” he said, filling me with both fear and relief. I wanted
nothing more than to spend more time with him, sleep with him every
night, know he was safe… But then I also wondered just how many
strikes that would earn him.

The dilemma
ripped my heart in two.

“
What about your dad? He’ll never allow it.”

“
I can’t do it anymore
. I just can’t deal with it, I need some time
away. I won’t tell him where I am. I won’t tell anyone. I
understand if you don’t want me to, I just-”

“
Blaine I want nothing more,” I interjected, placing my
hands on his slumped shoulders. “I just don’t want you… to
get
hurt
.” I almost choked on the words. I would never understand
how anyone could hurt him, let alone his own father.

“
Nothing can hurt me when I’m with you. Please, lish, just for
a few days?”

“
Guess you better choose which side of the bed you
want…
roomie.
” Blaine anchored his hands around my thighs and hoisted me
up in one lithe movement.

“
Have I told you how much I love you today?” he
beamed.

“
Not for an hour or so,” I replied, throwing my arms around his
neck and my legs around his waist. I leaned in to kiss him but he
clicked his tongue and set me down on the floor.

“
If you do that I guarantee you’ll be late for work.” He
winked at me and I giggled, momentarily forgetting to be nervous
about my first shift. “Come on, lish, let’s get going.”

When Blaine
pulled up outside the coffee house my nervous heart had sank so low
it felt like it was trying to crawl its way out through my arse.
After insisting Blaine didn’t come in with me like he’d wanted I
sighed heavily as I watched him drive away. Then I took a moment to
remember how to breathe and how to pronounce my name before holding
my head up high and becoming a swan - I may have been kicking and
struggling beneath the surface where no one could see, but on the
outside I was calm and graceful.

Until I
tripped over the welcome mat.

“
Oh my god are you alright?” a slender guy with smooth
bleached blonde hair and designer stubble asked me as he held out
his hand to help me from the floor. I nodded, patting my flaming
red cheeks with my hand before taking his and pulling myself to my
feet. “Are you hurt?”

“
Only my pride,” I assured him with an utterly embarrassed
smile.

“
I’m Donovan, people call me Don. You must be Maddie?” I nodded
and after he released my hand I held it out again for him to shake.
“Come on through. Sarah’s in the back.” He cocked his head for me
to follow him and I did.

People glanced
up from the walnut tables to stare at me as I walked past –
probably desperate to laugh at the ‘You’ve Been Framed’ moment
they’d just witnessed. Don led me across the black and white
chequered tile floor into the back room where Sarah was drinking
what looked like a strawberry smoothie. She wiped a little froth
from her top lip when she saw me and stood up from the black
leather armchair she was sitting on.

“
I’m glad you made it,” she beamed. “How’s your
mom?”

“
Oh, um, yeah, she’s fine,” I stuttered, surprised that she
cared enough to remember. “Thank you.”

“
Well I’ve asked Don to show you the ropes. Just shadow him for
a couple of days and you should soon pick it up. There’s really
nothing to it.” I thought as much but didn’t like to say in case I
sounded big headed. I mean, how difficult can serving coffee and
cinnamon rolls be?

“
Sounds great. Thanks, Sarah.”

“
No problem. Right, I’m off,” she said, grabbing her jacket
from a tall walnut coat rack and shrugging it on. “Give me a call
if you need anything.” Don and I muttered ‘will do’ at the same
time and then Sarah smiled and left. Her departure left me feeling
a little lost. I didn’t know anybody else here. Not that I even
knew her really, but whenever I’d role-played working here in my
imagination I had always been working with her.

“
Sarah clocks off this time most days,” Don clarified,
clearly noticing my
uncertainty as we walked out into the bar area. “It’s just
you, me and Michelle for the evening shifts,” he said, nodding his
head towards a girl with her back turned to us – a girl with an
oddly familiar brunette ponytail. “Yo, Michelle!”

The brunette
spun around at the sound of her name.

“
Oh!” I exclaimed, instantly recognising the girl who had Sky’s
face pinned to a table just a few hours ago. I loved her
immediately.

“
Maddie right?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Our token straight,” Don teased, winking at Michelle and then
me in turn. Don’s sexuality punched me in the face the moment he
first opened his mouth. Was he saying Michelle was gay too? Not
that I cared of course but I’d seen her talking to Lori a few times
and wondered if either of them knew about the other – like maybe
they had ‘gaydar’ or something.

“
I didn’t know you worked here?” In fact I didn’t think any
of the uber rich kids from school would ever need or want to work
anywhere.

“
I just started last week.
I think you’ll love it – it’s more fun
than work most nights.” I relaxed instantly. Again, I didn’t
actually ‘know’ Michelle but she was a familiar face who seemed to
like me. Don seemed pretty nice too. I was sure I was going to like
it here.

“
Right, Mads,”
Mads?
“Take a deep breath and follow me,” Don said. I
was confused until I looked behind me and saw a mob of thirsty
looking customers starting to form. As instructed I dragged in a
huge preparing breath, stretched my neck from side to side and
cemented a smile on my face.

I was a
swan.

It turned out
serving coffee was a damn sight harder than it looked. I spent a
good hour trying to revise the menu and counted no less than
fourteen different types of coffee, eight different espressos, four
types of tea, twelve varieties of smoothies and a whole page of
speciality drinks containing caramel, chocolate, coconut… the list
seemed endless. And that’s not including the fact they all come
either hot or iced and I hadn’t even started looking at the food
options available.

I watched in amazement as Michelle danced around the cream
and dark wood coffee house taking orders and reeling off special
offers and prices without having to so much as glance at a
menu.
I
hoped, but seriously doubted, I would have it all covered in a week
like she clearly did.