Inferno (19 page)

My parents both stare at me like they're in shock. Tears are blurring my vision and I blink, tasting salt at the back of my throat. “We went to the high school to try to stop them,” I say. I try to take a deep breath, but it comes out as a series of gasps.

Mom's eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging slightly open. “You did...you went...These boys started a fire? You were involved in
arson
?”

“I wasn't exactly involved,” I say. “I mean, I didn't help or anything. I thought we could talk them out of it.”

Mom pulls her housecoat tighter around herself. She opens her mouth and shuts it again, as if she doesn't even know where to begin.

Parker grabs my hand beneath the table and squeezes it for a second before she lets go again. Even though I know she means nothing by it, I just about choke.

“One of the guys wanted to stop,” she says. “But not Jamie.
He wouldn't listen to us. We couldn't do anything.”

There is a very long silence. Finally, Mom looks at Dad and Dad looks at me. “Are you saying these boys you know actually started a fire at the school?” he asks.

I nod miserably. “One of them. Yes. We called the fire department.”

Dad gets up and switches on the tiny kitchen
TV
to the local news channel. Some guy with a toupee is talking about a dog show. He turns the volume down low but leaves the
TV
on.

“I don't understand why you didn't talk to me,” Mom says. “If you were worried about these boys doing this, why keep it all a secret and sneak out in the middle of the night?”

Hearing her say it like that makes it sound so stupid. I shrug. “I don't know why. I didn't really think of it, I guess.”

“You didn't think of it,” she repeats slowly. “You knew these boys were planning to start a fire at the school, and it didn't occur to you to tell an adult? It didn't even cross your mind that it might be a good idea?”

I shake my head. “I didn't think they'd really do it, I guess. I didn't want to get them in trouble.”

“Well, I'd say they've got themselves into some real trouble now,” she says grimly.

Dad waves his hands at us. “Shh, shh.” He turns up the volume on the
TV
and we all look over to see a picture of fire trucks in front of GRSS. I can't tell from the picture what's happening or if the fire is out.

“...fire at Glen Ridge Secondary School appears to have been set deliberately,” a reporter is saying. She is standing in front of GRSS, holding a microphone, her hair sprayed into a shiny helmet. “A young male was arrested fleeing the scene and is facing charges related to arson. Thanks to a report from an observant neighbor, firefighters were on the scene quickly and were able to prevent the fire from spreading. However, they say the damage to the rear wing of the school is significant and that the school may be closed for some time. We will keep you updated with more information, including the identity of the suspect and plans for GRSS students, as it becomes available.”

I watch as the image of GRSS on the screen disappears. Leo must have got away then. So I guess we accomplished something by going to the school. I can't believe Jamie got caught. I thought for sure he'd be gone before anyone got to the school. He had plenty of time to get away. For a second I wonder if he'll rat Leo out and try to share the blame—but much as I dislike Jamie, I'm pretty sure he won't do that.

Mostly what I'm feeling is relief: I'm so glad Parker wasn't with them.

I turn and look at her. Her eyes are wide and scared, and her face is as white as her hair. I wonder if she's thinking the same thing. Maybe she's just upset. She's still in love with Jamie, after all, and she's probably wondering what's going to happen now.

“Mom? Can Parker stay with us? Please, just until she figures out what to do?”

My mother looks at my father.

He clears his throat. “Parker, where is your own family?”

“I haven't lived with them for a while.” Her voice isn't much more than a whisper. “I have my own place though. I guess I probably should have gone there tonight. If you want me to go...” She stands up.

“No, we don't,” I say quickly.

Mom frowns at me. “Dante. No one's saying your friend has to leave. We're just trying to...to understand.”

“Sorry.” I look at Parker. “But Parker...you can't go back there.”

“It's my home, Dante.”

“But your parents...,” Mom says. “Surely if they knew you needed help...”

Parker shrugs. “You'd think. But things were pretty bad at home. Besides, I have a job. It's not like, you know, I'm on the streets or anything.”

“You're not in school?” Mom's eyebrows shoot up even higher, wrinkling her forehead into a hundred fine lines.
Avoid excessive facial expressions
, I think, and suppress a totally inappropriate giggle.

Parker sits back down slowly. “I left part way through grade ten.”

Mom shakes her head. “Well, if you're going to stay here, you'll have to go to school.”

“I'll only be here for a couple of days,” Parker says stiffly. “Like I told you, I have my own place.”

“I'll have to talk to your parents,” Mom says. “They should at least know where you are.”

I look at Parker anxiously, but she's nodding. “I'll call them in the morning,” she says. “You can talk to them.” She smiles tentatively at my mom; then she suddenly bursts into tears like a little kid. “Thank you so, so much,” she says, her voice all choked up. “I can't believe, after all this, you're going to let me stay here.”

My parents look at each other for a long minute, doing that silent communication thing, and then Dad says, “Well. We'll see how it goes.”

“Thank you so much,” I say, blinking tears away again. “I knew you guys wouldn't turn her out, no matter how mad you were at me. You're the best.”

He meets my eyes for a moment and then looks down at the table. “We've always trusted you, Dante. And you've always been a private kid.” He gives a half-grin, half-grimace. “Like me that way, I guess. Not a big talker.” He looks up again and this time holds my gaze with his. “But it is easier to respect someone's privacy if you can trust them to talk to you when they need to.”

I don't think I've ever heard him make such a long speech. I swallow hard. “I know. I'm really sorry.”

He and Mom look at each other again; then Mom looks at me. “Parker can stay in the spare room, Emily. It's all made up.” She looks at her watch. “Well, my goodness,” she says brightly. “Look at the time! We'd better all go to bed.”

Conversation over, or—more likely—to be continued.

I show Parker to the spare room
, but a few minutes later, she's tapping lightly at my bedroom door. I jump up and let her in, and close the door quietly behind us.

“I'm so wide awake,” she whispers. “It's practically morning. Are you going to be able to sleep?”

“Probably not, but my parents...” I don't want to get in more trouble for having her in my room. I feel guilty enough already.

“Your parents are amazing.”

“Yeah. They're pretty okay.” I sit down on the edge of my bed.

Parker sits down beside me, legs crossed. “I can't believe Jamie got caught,” she whispers. Her eyes are suddenly glistening like she's holding back tears. “Dante? If you hadn't come and got me tonight...I'd have been there with them, you know. I'd have been caught too. So... well, I guess I owe you.”

“You don't owe me anything,” I say quickly.

“I do though.” She puts her hand on my arm. “Thanks, Dante. I don't think I've ever had a friend like you before. I mean, I feel like I can count on you, you know?”

Now
, I think.
Tell her
. “Parker?” I draw in a long uneven breath.

“Mmm?”

Her hand is still resting on my arm, her fingers soft and cool against my skin. I can smell the smoke on her hair. “Um, you can. Count on me, I mean.” I clear my throat. “I...look, I should tell you something. I really...I love you, Parker.”

“I love you too,” she says softly. “You're the best friend I've ever had.”

I shake my head and pull my arm away. “No. I mean, I really love you. I'm in love with you.”

She stares at me, and I can see the uncertainty flickering across her face. “Um, you mean...”

“I mean, Jamie wasn't wrong. About me.” I hate that I'm bringing Jamie into this, letting him of all people be the one to name what I am, but I can't quite say it. And I don't know what word to use. Queer? I haven't used the word out loud before, not about myself anyway. Gay? Or is that only for men? Lesbian sounds so...clinical. I don't like that word. I don't like any of the words.

“You mean...,” Parker says again.

I clench my teeth for a second; then I spit it out. “I mean, I'm queer.”

There's an awkward silence and I stare down at my hands.

“Oh. I didn't...I didn't know.” Parker's voice is soft and careful. “Uh, Dante? I love you too, you know that, right?”

My heart lifts for a second and flutters like a pair of wings in my chest. Then I look at her, and she drops her gaze, and my heart stops fluttering. It drops like a bird that's been shot from the sky.

“It's just, I'm not...well, you know.” She can't even say it. “But...well, we can still be friends, right?”

“Course we can,” I say. My cheeks are burning. I don't know what I expected. “I just...I mean, I know you're straight. I just had to tell you. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable.”

There's a pause and then Parker giggles. “I'm kind of flattered, actually.” She's smiling a little, her pale cheeks flushed pink. “You know. That you're attracted to me.”

I want her to stop talking about it. I want her to leave. “Whatever. It's no big thing.”

“You really do mean a lot to me,” she says. “You know, as a friend.”

“Yeah.” I gesture to the door. “I guess you'd better go back to your room. I don't want to push my luck. With my parents, I mean.”

She stands up as if she's going to leave; then she quickly bends down and kisses me, fast and hard, on the lips. “Night, Dante.”

I try to catch my breath. “Night,” I whisper. I watch her go; then I flop back down on my bed. What the fuck? That wasn't just a friendly kiss, if there is such a thing. I can still feel the heat of her lips on mine.

Of course, I'm awake half the night. My mind runs in the same old circles until I feel like a hamster on a spinning wheel. Parker, Jamie, my parents, Leo, Parker, the school, Parker, Parker, Parker. What was I thinking, telling her how I felt? What could have made me think that was a good idea? And most of all, I'm wondering what the hell that kiss was supposed to mean. What was she thinking, kissing me like that, right after she finished her whole
I love you as a friend
spiel?

I feel guilty—disloyal—for thinking this way, but I feel like she was messing with my head. Not on purpose, maybe, but still. I can't believe I'm thinking this—I would have said I'd give anything to kiss Parker—but I almost wish she hadn't done that.

Then again, maybe she really does like me.

I guess I eventually drift off to sleep, because the next thing I know it's morning and Mom is standing in my doorway.

“Dante?”

“Mmmpphh?”

“I have to go to work in a few minutes.”

“Oh.” I sit up. “Okay.”

She steps closer, stands just inside my door with one hand resting on my dresser. “I wanted to talk to you before I go. Before your friend wakes up.”

I blink a few times. My mouth tastes like ashes. “Was there more on the news this morning? Is there school today?”

“No. They're talking about bussing kids to a couple of different schools during the repairs, but they haven't figured out details. I bet it'll be Monday before you're back at school.”

“Oh.” I rub my face with the palms of my hands. “Mom? Thanks for last night. For being so...understanding.”

She shakes her head. “I don't understand the first thing about this.”

“Well. You know, for letting Parker stay.”

“I could hardly turn her out, could I?” She lowers her voice. “The boy who was arrested. Is that her boyfriend?”

I nod. “He's an ass—I mean, a jerk.”

“Yes.”

There is a pause. I figure Mom probably has all kinds of questions, but I hope she doesn't want to get into it right now. I'm barely awake.

“Were you trying to help her, Emily? Is that why you got involved in all this?”

It'd be easy to just agree. It's the only possible explanation that could make me look at least a little bit good in her eyes. It'd be way easier than trying to tell the truth: Right now, I don't even know what the truth is. I shake my head. “I don't know. I don't know, Mom.” Next thing I know, my throat's all tight and my eyes are hot and then I'm starting to cry.

Mom doesn't rush over to comfort me though. She just stands there, looking really tired, and she slowly
shakes her head. “I thought I knew you better than this. I would've sworn up and down that you had far too much common sense to get mixed up with a bad crowd.”

I don't say anything. I can't think of a single thing to say. “I'd like to help your friend, honey, but...well, I don't want to see her drag you down. She seems sweet enough, but it's pretty obvious that she's got some big problems.”

Then I hear Parker's voice right outside my door. “Don't worry,” she says. “I won't be staying.”

Mom turns, her face startled and guilty. “Goodness, you made me jump.” Her forehead creases. “Oh dear. I hope I haven't upset you.”