Inferno Anthology (255 page)

Claire put down the pages and laid her head on Tony’s chest. He put his arms around her as she drifted between sobbing, crying, and dreaming. When she awoke, her head pounded, and her eyes felt swollen and tender. Tony was still there, holding her. She got up and went to the bathroom, washed her face, and came back out. “I think I’m done. Thank you for being so understanding.”

He motioned for her to return to the sofa. When she did, he put his arm around her. “Did you know he worked for one of my companies?”

“He told me that in Chicago, saying how strange fate can be. He said he wanted to thank you for the great start.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t have the chance.”

Tony didn’t respond. What could he say?

The next day, Tony worked from home and Claire rested on the sun porch, feeling her emotions teetering between sad and empty. Despite the recent drop in temperature, merciful sunshine made the porch comfortable. The trees were once again bare, and the grass had resumed its winter gray cast. Claire thought the entire situation seemed unreal and wondered about Amber McCoy and Simon’s parents. She couldn’t imagine what they were going through.

Hoping the sunlight would improve her mood; Claire lay on the loveseat and contemplated life and death. Death seemed peaceful and predictable. She was pondering similar thoughts, thoughts she hadn’t entertained in over a year, when Tony found her staring into space. His tone was sympathetic and tender. “Claire, there’s a private memorial for Simon on Sunday, in Madison, Indiana.”

Claire turned to her husband. Her make-up was done and her hair styled, nevertheless, her eyelids were swollen, and her eyes were distant. “Okay.” She contemplated his statement and weighed her response. “We should send flowers.”

“No. We should attend.”

Claire sat up. “No! We shouldn’t.” Tears once again threatened. “Tony, I haven’t been to a funeral since my parents died. I can’t go to Simon’s.”

For the second time in two days Anthony Rawlings knelt before his wife. His tone was incredibly sweet and supportive. “I have his parents’ number. I really think you should call. I’m not telling you to. I’m saying it would be a good idea. The service is private. If they invite you or us, we should attend.”

Claire shook her head. Speaking without crying wasn’t an option. He handed her the telephone number, kissed her gently, and went back to his office.

It may have been half an hour, it may have been three hours, time had temporarily lost its meaning. Eventually, Claire knocked on Tony’s office door. Together they made the call. The person who answered her call hesitated before putting Mrs. Johnson on the line. “This is a difficult time. May I ask who’s calling?”

“My name is Claire, Claire Rawlings.” She remembered Simon had a younger sister and wondered if she was who was speaking. The voice asked her to hold. Soon Simon’s mother was on the line. Claire began, “Mrs. Johnson, I’m not sure if you remember me.”

“Of course I remember you. Thank you for calling.”

Claire offered their condolences. Although Claire had prayed Mrs. Johnson wouldn’t extend an invitation to the memorial service, she did invite both of them. Before the conversation ended, Mrs. Johnson added, “Simon and I were very close. I know how much you meant to him. If possible, could you and Mr. Rawlings arrive early?”

Claire looked at Tony, who raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Claire replied, “If you’d like us to, we will.”

“Thank you, the service will begin at 2:00 PM, but the family is having a private viewing at noon. I’d appreciate it if you and Mr. Rawlings could arrive at 1:00 PM.”

Claire said they would, and Tony disconnected the line.

THE FLIGHT TO
Louisville, Kentucky was quiet. Being incredibly supportive, Tony didn’t work, read his laptop, or do anything that wasn’t focused on Claire. His excessive attention added to her discomfort. Once they arrived in Louisville, a driver took them to Madison, a small quaint town on the Ohio River. It was Claire’s first visit to Indiana in years.

The funeral home resembled a colonial mansion: brick with large white pillars. Arriving early, they sat in the car and waited. Claire knew she was fidgeting. She couldn’t help it. The entire scenario was unnerving. Finally, Tony grabbed her hand and squeezed. Claire exhaled and looked at her husband. Astounded by his sensitivity, considering this was Simon, she vocalized her thoughts. Her words came unfiltered. She didn’t have the energy to consider the possible ramifications. “Why are you being so supportive?”

“Because I wasn’t able to support you when your parents died.”

Her mind spun. “What? I don’t understand.”

He held her hands. “Claire, you had to go through your parents’ deaths alone. Emily had John, but you didn’t have anyone. You said you haven’t been to a funeral since then. I couldn’t comfort you then, please let me do it now.”

She did. Not because he wanted her to, but because she needed him to. She needed the feeling of love and support he described and melted into Tony’s embrace. When the time came, they walked into the funeral home hand in hand.

Claire recognized Mrs. Johnson immediately: a lovely blond-haired woman with Simon’s big blue eyes. Realistically, she wasn’t much older than Tony. Claire tried to act resolved, but her emotions were too fresh, too near the surface. The two women embraced and wept. Mrs. Johnson then directed them to a private room where they were joined by Simon’s father, sister, and another woman. Claire assumed the slender pretty brunette with brown puffy eyes was Amber McCoy.

Being incredibly resilient, Mrs. Johnson asked them to sit. Once they did, she spoke. “Thank you for coming today, Mr. and Mrs. Rawlings, I know Simon would be pleased.”

They both acknowledged her with pleasantries. Claire immediately added, “Please, call me Claire.”

“Claire, Simon told me he spoke with you a few months ago. I asked you here early, because I wanted to let you know how important that was for him.” She reached for Claire’s hand. Claire nodded as Mrs. Johnson continued, “You had no way of knowing how much and how long he’d pined for you. There was a time he believed if he left you alone until you achieved your career goal you would be ready to see him again, but seeing you, talking to you, and learning that you weren’t what they say…” She hesitated. “…well, just learning you are still the Claire he remembered, and most importantly, that you’re happy.” Mrs. Johnson smiled at Tony. “He was finally able to move on.”

Claire listened, both with concern for Simon’s mother and Tony.

Mrs. Johnson motioned toward the slender brunette. “This is Amber. She and Simon were recently engaged.”

Claire and Tony both said hello.

Simon’s mother continued, “Simon loved Amber very much, but he had to let you go. I want you to know, you’ll always be special to our family because our son loved you.” Claire’s chest heaved as she silently wept. Tony comforted her. “You had no way of knowing his feelings. He never conveyed them. Don’t ever think we have ill feelings toward you. How could anyone hold something against someone, when they didn’t even know it was happening?” Once again, she squeezed Claire’s hands. “I just thought you should know the importance of your short talk. He walked away knowing you were happily married, and knowing he could move on. Thank you.”

Claire tried to smile. “I’m thankful we had the opportunity to talk.” For the first time since her consequences, she truly was.

Then, Mrs. Johnson addressed Tony. “Mr. Rawlings, God is so funny.”

Tony replied, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“Mr. Rawlings, if there was one man my son idealized, besides his father, it was you.” Tony’s eyes reflected the appreciation she sent his way. “He received his start, at his dream job, in one of your companies. When he first started working for Shedis-tics, you made a few visits to their office. You probably don’t remember, but on one occasion you spoke to Simon about one of his projects. He talked about it for months. He aspired to be like you. Now you and Claire are happily married. I just think God has a sense of humor.” She looked lovingly at both of them, introduced them to the rest of the family, and added, “Please sit toward the front. It would mean a lot to Simon and it means a lot to me.”

They did.

Throughout the memorial, Tony held Claire’s hand. Later when she tried, she couldn’t remember the service. Between Mrs. Johnson’s words and memories of her parents’ funeral, her energy went to appearing composed, fighting the pounding in her head, and not fainting.

On the flight home, Claire thought about Mrs. Johnson’s words: Simon aspired to be Tony. She thought about her assessment of Tony: he ruined lives with his business decisions. He wanted complete control over everyone and everything, and he could be incredibly cruel. She wondered if perhaps there wasn’t more to her husband; maybe there was a part of him she hadn’t been seeing. If Simon aspired to be Tony, maybe there was something to aspire to.

With her head on his lap, she looked up at his face and recognized his expression. She knew he had thoughts in a million different places. She watched his strong jaw clench and unclench, his dark brown eyes, furrowed brow, and perfectly combed hair…

Perhaps Tony helped lives too. After all, Mrs. Johnson believed he did. Maybe Claire needed a different perspective. Grandma Nichols once said: sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees. Could she be too close? She knew Tony intimately, knew his flaws. Was he a different man from a distance? The voices in her head debated. Other people thought that Tony was a kind, wonderful, and generous: a benevolent businessman. Claire knew he was capable of being loving, tender, sensual, and lavish. She also knew a side of him that didn’t fit either description. Looking up, she saw her husband absently staring into space, as he continued to stroke her blonde hair. Claire appreciated his efforts over the last few days. He was trying. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

TONY REMEMBERED CLAIRE’S
expression during the funeral: so overwhelmed with grief, the kind of emotion that was only visible with the loss of someone you dearly loved. Of course, she had lost
two
someones.

In his mind, he saw the church overflowing with people. Even though Officer Jordon Nichols’ death had not been in the line of duty, he received full police honors. There were uniformed police everywhere. Apparently, Shirley Nichols was also well loved and had many bereaved friends and students. Blending into the crowd wasn’t difficult. Now as Tony stroked Claire’s silky hair, he realized that was the day his plan had taken a turn. Originally, he had different designs, but watching Claire flanked by her sister, Tony knew he needed to know her. Actually, reminiscing, he knew before then that he didn’t want anyone else knowing her.

The internship was an easy ploy to rid her of Simon. Watching the sadness from Claire and Simon Johnson’s family, there was a part of Tony which hated what happened, but it was Simon’s fault. He should have just left Claire alone, but no. His actions in Chicago resulted in the consequences today in Madison.

Tony beheld his wife’s sleeping face on his leg. That day, so many years ago, she’d been all alone. Today, he did what he wanted to do then. It was him not Emily and not John. Claire needed
him
. This wasn’t an occasion for smiles, but knowing she was asleep, he grinned.