Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) (77 page)

Mom
took the offered pen, but her hands shook so badly it was impossible to write.
Sherry took the papers and pen from her, offering to transcribe the answers for
her, as the nurse exited the room after telling us she’d be back shortly.

They
hurried through the paperwork, and, anxious for the nurse to return, Jim
offered to go see if he could find her for us. When he returned, the nurse was
right behind him.

After
taking the paperwork, she led us down a maze of corridors to see Dad. She
stopped outside one of the hospital rooms and turned to us. “I think it would
be best if you went in two at a time,” she suggested.

Mom
nodded and looped her arm through mine. “I’ll take Silly in with me,” she said
to Skylar and Luke. They nodded, solemnly. My stomach twisted with unease as
Mom led me into the room. I had no idea what kind of state he’d been in. I
tried to prepare myself for the worst; that turned out to be good, because as
we approached the bed, I saw that he did look pretty bad. Rationally, I knew
the multitude of noisy machinery surrounding him only made things appear worse.

“It’s
okay, Cecilia,” Mom whispered, pulling me close, as we approached Dad’s bed.

His
eyes were closed, and, aside from looking a little sallow, he looked as he
always did when asleep. I realized people often said or thought similarly about
someone who’d died. The notion made me feel ill as I tried to force back tears;
the mere idea of losing my father scared me senseless.

Mom
took Dad’s hand in hers and rubbed it lovingly. “Theo, it’s Leela.” She spoke
softly, in the voice she usually reserved for when Luke, Skylar or I were sick
or upset. “Cecilia’s here with me, honey. They’re getting ready to take you in
for emergency surgery.” She choked up a bit then, but she pressed on. “But
don’t worry; everything’s going to be fine.”

Mom
continued to speak, but I zoned out a bit as I watched her. Aside from choking
up the once, she managed to sound surprisingly calm, despite the huge tears
that continued to roll down her cheeks. If the idea of losing Dad scared
me
senseless, I couldn’t fathom what Mom must be feeling. What would she do if she
lost Dad? Sure, she could probably get by financially, but that wasn’t where my
thoughts were. My main concern was how she’d ever get past the loneliness and
heartbreak of losing the love of her life. That sort of pain had to be
unbearable.

I
clenched my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to remove that line of
thinking. That wasn’t a road I needed to go down; it wasn’t going to happen.
Dad was going be perfectly fine, I assured myself. If nothing else, he was
simply too practical to just up and die; he wasn’t the type to leave things
unfinished.

Finally,
Mom seemed to run out of things to say; she leaned in and kissed him softly on
the lips before stepping back. When Mom didn’t move to leave the room, though,
I stepped closer to the bed. I wasn’t sure what I should do, but I cleared my
throat.

“Hi,
Dad.” My voice sounded scratchy, and when I blinked, the wet moisture that had
been building in my eyes slid down my face. I cleared my throat again,
sniffling back my sorrow. “This is kind of weird,” I admitted. “I don’t really
know what to say, which is hilarious, right? I mean, it’s me; when does not
knowing what to say ever stand in the way?” I paused, as if waiting for an
answer but none came. I breathed in and out slowly. “Anyway, I know you’ll be
okay.” I leaned over and kissed his stubbly cheek. “I love you, Daddy.”

I
wiped away the tears as I stepped back. I turned to Mom and she smiled,
reassuringly, and opened her arms to me. I went to her, and she held me close.
I felt like a small child, letting her warmth soothe me. It seemed to be just
what I needed. Just a bit of my fear, if only just for a few moments, was
abated.

After
a moment she spoke into my hair, “We should go. We need to give Skylar and Luke
a chance to see your father before they come to take him to surgery.”

We
waited in the hallway while Luke and Skylar took their turn seeing Dad. They
didn’t stay inside long, and when they came back into the hallway, tear tracks
stained Skylar’s cheeks while Luke’s eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks ruddy,
as if he’d been crying as well but done his best to wipe away all evidence.

We
stayed outside the room until they came to take Dad into surgery. Then we traced
our steps back to the waiting room. That was when the real torture began.

Time
seemed to pass at an impossibly slow pace. I didn’t know what to do with
myself. Mom busied herself with calling both her and Dad’s family on her cell
phone. Having something to do seemed to steady her and bring back some of her
composure.

Luke
and Skylar both seemed equally as lost as me.

Aside
from Mom’s voice across the room in the far corner, it was so quiet; it was
unnerving. I tried not to fidget, but it was so hard to just sit still and do
nothing.

Finally,
Mom paused in making phone calls to fish her wallet out of her purse. She
pulled out a few dollars and a handful of change. “Silly, would you go get me
something to drink?”

I
noticed Sherry open her mouth, probably to offer to do it instead, but I
quickly jumped out of seat, eager for something to do, and took the offered
money. She glanced around at everyone else. “Would any of you like something?”

Luke
and Skylar both wanted drinks, but Sherry and Jim waved her off, saying they
were fine. Mom produced some more money. “Get snacks if there’s enough money
leftover.”

I
wondered the labyrinth of corridors before I found the signs leading me back to
the elevators. I went back down to the first floor, and from there I was able
to locate the vending machines without any problem. The distraction of the task
helped to ease some of my disquiet.  

I
wasn’t sure how long Dad’s surgery would take, but he’d gone back nearly an
hour ago. I couldn’t help but wonder how things were going. From the way the
nurse spoke before taking Dad back, the surgery was pretty standard, but there
was always a risk. Either way, I had a feeling we were going to be at the
hospital for quite a while.

What
I needed right now was Tegan. She was usually my voice of reason; she’d know
how to stay calm. She was usually sturdy, like Mom, in the face of crisis. As I
was collecting drinks and snacks from the vending machines, I noticed the
payphones in the corner of the small area. I sat everything on the table
nearest to the phones and counted the leftover change. I had just enough to
make a phone call.

I
slid the coins into the slot and took a deep breath at the sound of the dial
tone. I punched in Tegan’s cell phone number. I was certain she’d be asleep,
but, even though she was angry with me, I still had to try.

The
phone rang several times before someone picked up. There was a short silence
before Tegan answered in a groggy voice, “Hello?”

“Tegan.”
My voiced cracked on her name.

“Silly?”
She yawned into the phone. “Do you know what time it is?”

I
didn’t, actually, but I knew it was late. That wasn’t important, though. “Tee,”
I said quietly. “My dad had a heart attack. He’s in surgery.”

Without
so much as a pause, she asked, “Where are you? County?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll
be there as soon as possible.”

I
breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay.”

I
hung up the phone and gathered all of the items I’d purchased. I made my way,
unhurriedly, back up to the waiting room. There, I passed out the drinks and
laid the snacks out on one of the chairs. Mom was still making phone calls. I
wondered why she hadn’t asked the first family member she called to inform the
rest, like they did with the prayer chain at the church the Tylers sometimes
attended.

I
sipped my Pibb Xtra while I stared absently at the paintings on the wall.
Eventually the colors began to blur together as my thoughts shifted and
swirled. I couldn’t help but wonder if it would have made a difference if
Jackson and I had taken Mom up on her invitation and went with her and Dad to
the country club. Would he have still had a heart attack? I couldn’t imagine my
parents ever dancing together in front of me, but had that been what brought on
his attack? Slow dancing hardly seemed strenuous, so maybe not.

  Maybe
Jackson and I tagging along wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. Maybe
nothing could have stopped this from happening. Maybe it was like in those
Final
Destination
movies; you can’t cheat death or stop fate. That thought made
my stomach lurch, and for a moment I felt as if I might be sick.

Why
was this happening? My family was far from perfect, but, despite our
differences, I knew we loved each other. Dad was a stubborn man, but he always
had a way of coming around in his own time. How could he be ripped away from us
now? There were still so many things left unresolved: Dad and Luke’s spat over
quitting baseball, Skylar’s choice in college, his distaste for the guy I was
pretty sure I loved and, of course, the new baby.

I
was drawn out of my head when Tegan rushed into the room. Her cheeks were
pink—likely from the cool night air—and her eyes were wide while her jaw was
set with determination. My relief at seeing Tegan was palpable. I launched
myself out of my seat, and she ran over to me, throwing her arms around my
neck. For the first time all night, I felt like I could finally let go of all
I’d been holding inside and allowed myself to cry without reservation.

“It’s
okay,” she whispered, reassuringly. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

Her
words felt like a life preserver. I knew she had no way of knowing how things
would turn out, but it was a relief to allow myself this moment to fall apart.
I hated letting my family see just how scared I was; after all, I’d always been
considered the optimistic one. In that way of thinking I was supposed to be the
one telling them that everything would be all right, but I just couldn’t find
the good in the situation.

When
I pulled away from Tegan, I noticed Travis talking to Mom. I half listened as
Mom explained to him what happened. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought
of Dad lying in a cold operating room with his chest cut open.

Travis
glanced over at Tegan and I. He smiled reassuringly; I tried to smile back, but
I couldn’t quite manage it.

“Why
don’t we go for a walk?” Tegan suggested.

I
nodded and allowed her to loop her arm through mine, much in the same way Mom
had, and lead me out into the hallway. We were quiet for several moments, which
was fine because I wasn’t sure I could find my voice again so soon after my
latest crying jag.

Absently,
I wondered why, of all colors, they’d chosen to paint the walls such a
sickening shade of pale yellow. Maybe it was meant to be cheerful and
uplifting, but I wasn’t sure there was anything that could make a hospital feel
anything other than cold and unwelcoming. It seemed wrong that people were
meant fight to survive and try to thrive in such a cool environment.

When
I felt I couldn’t go any further, I stopped walking to lean against the wall.
It was cool against my back, which reinforced my previous thoughts. Tegan
stopped next to me. She waited patiently, giving me a chance to decide if I
wanted to speak.

After
several seconds, I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I closed it again,
shaking my head. I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure what to say.

It
didn’t escape my notice that only a few short hours ago Tegan had been so angry
with me. I still couldn’t understand how she could possibly believe she wasn’t
important to me. She meant so much to me; I couldn’t imagine my life without
her. Still, despite her feelings of abandonment, she’d come without an ounce of
hesitation. Her ability to push her own feelings of anger and hurt to the side
to be here for me blew me way; she truly was an amazing friend.

When
I finally found my voice, I said, “I’m sorry.”

Tegan
raised an eyebrow. The confusion was evident in her expression. “What are you
sorry for? This isn’t your fault.”

“No.”
I shook my head and elaborated. “I meant for making you feel like I was
choosing Jackson over you.”

“Silly.”
Tegan rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Don’t even worry about that.”

“No,
I have to say this.” I wished I’d had more time to collect my thoughts and say
this with some sort of articulation, but I couldn’t just shove it aside for
later. “You’re my best friend, Tegan, but you’re also so much more than that.
You’re family, like the sister I got to choose. No matter what guy comes into
my life, you’ll always be important to me.”

“Sil—”

I
cut her off. “The MySpace thing—it was an accident. I fixed it, though. You’re
number one, and I swear to try to never again make you feel like you come in
second.”

“I
know that, Sil.” She tugged at my arm and drew me into a hug. “I was just
overreacting,” she continued as I clung to her. “It was stupid, and I was just
being a brat. I realized that almost as soon as it happened. I’m sorry I said
those things to you. Can we just forget it?”

I
nodded, relieved tears dripping from my eyes, as I confessed, “I’m so scared,
Tegan.”

“I
know,” she nodded. “But it’s going to be okay. Your dad’s strong; he’ll pull
through.”

She
sounded so sure of herself, so I knew she had to believe what she was saying. I
just hoped she was right.

“Did
you call Jackson?” she asked after a moment.

“No.”
I shook my head. “I just called you.” I laughed, in spite of myself. “I didn’t
even think about calling him.”

Tegan
smiled sympathetically. “Why don’t we go back to the waiting room and see if
there’s any news?”

I
agreed though I wasn’t sure if hearing news now would be a good thing. Right
now, it almost felt like no news was good news.