Infinite Ties (All That Remains #3) (19 page)

Feeling no pain now, she groans, her face
bright red. “Oh God. I’m so sorry,” she tells Nic.

Moving around to face her, he laughs. “Don’t
apologize. You were adorable, and no one knows what they’ll do or say when
they’re doped up.”

“What am I missing here?” Airen demands,
pulling a sheet to Abby’s waist. “Joseph?”

“Relax.” Nic rests a hand on his shoulder
with a smirk. “Your wife just thinks I have gorgeous eyes.”

“Actually, she said you’re gorgeous, and
your eyes are
so blue
,” I tease, leaning to kiss Abby’s flushed cheek. A
small embarrassed smile settles on her face. “Do you remember anything else?”

“Not really, and I don’t think I want to
know.”

“Oh, it wasn’t anything bad,” Nic says to
Airen. “I learned you’re partial to Joseph’s firm ass, and you call him
dimples.”

“Abigail Holder,” Airen admonishes, and
she giggles. It’s a hell of a lot better than her tears. “You’re in so much
trouble.” Her eyelids droop again putting an end to our teasing.

“Get some rest, doll,” Nic tells her, and
turns to Airen. “Call me if she’s hurting.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I know it’s
late.”

He brushes a strand of hair from her
forehead, his eyes filled with concern. “No worries. I’m right outside. You
tell them if you’re in pain, you understand?” He’s known her for less than a
week and she’s got him already. It’s a damn good thing he isn’t into women. I
still don’t like it.

“Thank you.” Her eyes widen as the day’s
events come back to her. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yes, just a few scrapes and bruises,
that’s all.”

“The kids?”

“Everyone’s safe, now get some sleep.”

She turns watery tired eyes on us when he
leaves. “I’m sorry. The kids needed help. I didn’t mean to…”

“Shh, Abigail. Now’s not the time. We’ll
talk about it later.”

“You’re both pissed,” she says, closing
her eyes.

“Furious,” I agree, as we cuddle her
between us. “But we love you. Everything will be okay.”

“I want to go home.”

“Soon, baby, I promise.”

* * * *

Abby insists on moving back to the RV the
following day. “Should she be walking on it?” Airen asks Nic.

“As long as she’s careful.” Nic turns to
Abby. “Have you had stitches before?”

“Yes, c-section.”

“Then you know it’ll burn like hell the
first time you put pressure on your leg, but it’ll get better. Walking to the
bathroom is fine. Running around outside is not. Take it easy, or you’ll find
yourself tied to the bed.”

“Don’t tell her that! She’ll be running
down the street,” Airen cautions.

“Airen!” He laughs as she smacks him. With
Airen and I supporting her, she manages a few pain filled steps around the room
before allowing me to carry her to the RV. Within a few days, she’s limping
around the yard, restless and bitching to go home.

She and Airen are lounging in the RV when
a thin, hollow eyed girl stops me in the yard. I remember her from the raid.
She was curled up in the corner when Abby was attacked. “Excuse me,” she says
in a small voice. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure…um…”

“Molly,” she offers.

“It’s nice to meet you. How are you?”

“Better. I just…you’re Abby’s boyfriend,
right?”

“That’s right.” I expect to have to
explain our unique relationship, but that isn’t what this is about.

“Why was that man with you when you saved
us?”

“What man?”

“The red head, the big guy.”

“Jon,” I reply. “He ran off in the middle
of it all. What about him? Do you know him?”

“No.” Her hands wring the hem of her
sweatshirt. “But he didn’t…help us.”

“He saw that man attacking Abby?”

She nods. “He came in just before you. He
laughed and said...” Her head bows, her eyes trained on the ground.

“It’s okay. Tell me what he said.”

“He told Keith to fuck her in the ass
because her pussy’s no good,” she whispers, her face burning. “Then he just
left.”

That motherfucker.

“I just thought you should know.” My anger
frightens her, and she takes a step backward.

“I’m sorry. Thank you for telling me. You
don’t have to worry about Jon. If he comes back, I’ll deal with him.”

With a look of relief, she nods and leaves
me to sort through my anger. He didn’t just run. He left Abby to be raped,
encouraged it. Why the fuck didn’t she tell me? Why does she let him do this
shit and keep it all a secret? What the fuck does he have over her? I thought I
was pissed at Abby before. I’m fucking furious now.

Airen’s sitting on the edge of the bed
working a crossword puzzle while Abby lies on her belly in a tee shirt and
panties. A book is open before her and she kicks her feet lazily in the air as
if she doesn’t have a care in the world. Like there isn’t a damn bullet hole in
her leg. Like her ex didn’t try to get her sodomized less than a week ago. Like
everything’s
fine
. “How’s your leg?” I ask, sitting beside her.

Her exasperated sigh just enflames my
fury, like she’s sick of being asked. “It’s fine. Just a little sore. I didn’t
even need a pain pill today. It’s no big deal.”

Did she actually just say that to me?
Visions of her screaming and clutching me while Nic dug out the bullet flash
before my eyes. “No big deal!” I shout. Before I think about my actions, my
palm cracks across her ass cheek, hard. “It’s a big fuckin deal, Abby!” My
words are punctuated by three more slaps to her panty clad ass.

“Enough,” Airen says calmly, grabbing my
hand as Abby scrambles to roll over out of my reach. She glares at me,
speechless for once.

“You still don’t think you did anything
wrong, do you? You ignore all our warnings, promise us you’ll listen, and then
do whatever the hell you want. Risk your life without a second thought about
how it affects us. Fuck! You piss me off!” I have to get out of here, away from
her. Away from that devastated expression on her face that for once, wasn’t
caused by Airen.

Airen

The RV door slams shut behind Joseph, and
the look on Abby’s face is almost comical. She can’t believe Joseph actually
yelled at her. Not only that, he lit her ass up good. I know he’d never really
hurt her. If we hadn’t been playing around with the erotic spankings I’m sure
those few swats wouldn’t even have happened. He’ll feel terrible about it
later, but she deserved it. Something needs to open her eyes. The look on her
face was utter shock, disbelief that Joseph would even yell at her.

“You should go check on him. He’s losing
it,” she says, rolling away from me to face the wall.

“He’s fine.”

“Airen…”

“Nope, you just want me to leave because
you’re going to cry.” I rub gently over the pink handprints on her behind, the
sight of them making me hard. “Are you surprised, Abby? Did you really think
you wouldn’t hear about it, get taken to task over it?”

After a long shuddering breath, she
finally replies, “I know. I just didn’t think…” She swallows, fighting back
tears.

“You didn’t think it’d be Joseph chewing
you out.”

“I’m not a child that has to obey!”

“No, a child would have more
self-preservation.” I can’t help but grin when she scoots close to me while
burying her face in her pillow, torn between regaining control and reaching out
for comfort. Abby would never admit it, but she draws a lot of comfort in the
way Joseph babies her. She knows I love her and I’m there for her, but she needs
him to be her soft place to fall sometimes.

Fed up with watching her fight her
emotions, I pull her into my lap. “Let it happen, sweetheart. The last few
weeks have been hard. It’s okay.”

“He hates me,” she chokes, burying her
face in my chest.

“Abigail.” A chuckle escapes my throat.
“Are you looking for another spanking? You know better than that.”

“Shut up. I can’t believe he did that.”

“You scared him. He popped me in the mouth
when I scared him once, remember? That pretty ass was right there by his hand,
so tempting. Maybe I should put you over my knee every time you put yourself in
danger,” I tease.

She sniffs and wipes her eyes. “You’re mad
too.”

“Of course I am, but that doesn’t get
under your skin as much, does it? If I’d yelled at you, or smacked your ass,
you’d have screamed something just as mean and shoved me off the bed. It
wouldn’t have hurt your feelings or made you cry.” Her shoulders rise on a deep
sigh as my hand runs up and down her spine.

A small grin tilts her lips when she peeks
up at me and says, “We both have a temper, and I expect to fight with you.
We’ve always fought and made up. It still hurts when you’re pissed, but I know
we’ll both cool off and get over it. I know I won’t lose you.”

Hearing how secure she feels in our marriage
fills me with happiness and a sense of relief. It took us so long to get to
this point, where she doesn’t see us as temporary. I hold her tighter and she
cuddles into me. “Thank you for not yelling at me too.”

“I think Joseph got our point across.”

“This is so opposite of the norm. Just
when I think I can predict what you two will do, you switch roles.”

“Because I’m supposed to yell while Joseph
babies you?”

“Shut up!” Her small palm smacks my chest.
“He doesn’t baby me.”

“Oh, yes he does. There’s nothing wrong
with it. You need to feel cared for, and Joseph needs someone to coddle.” Her
hair is silky between my fingers when I stroke her head. “You can come to me,
you know. You’re precious to me too, and I’m perfectly capable of babying you.”

She chuckles and kisses my jaw. “Like
now.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“You’re always there when I need you, Air,
but I don’t like to feel…needy or weak with you.”

“Sweetheart, you’re the strongest woman I
know. A few tears isn’t going to change that. I want you to need me. I sure as
hell need you.”

“I need you. Right now I need you to beat
Joseph’s ass.”

“No can do. You deserved what you got and
plenty more. You’re lucky you aren’t across my knee right now.”

“Bullies,” she replies, scooting back onto
the bed. “I really am sorry.”

“I know.”

“Will you go check on him? I promise I’m
okay.”

With her pale face and tired eyes, she
doesn’t look okay. “You need to eat.”

“I’ll grab something later. I can’t right
now. My stomach’s in knots.”

“Because Joseph’s mad?” My grin is
rewarded with a glare that could start a forest fire. “Fine. I’ll find him, but
you have to promise to at least have a snack.”

“Promise,” she says, tugging a blanket
around her middle.

I don’t have to look far for Joseph. A
darkened figure is slumped over in a chair just outside our RV. “Is she okay?”

“Of course. It’s Abby, she’s fine.”

“I swear if she says that again…”

I flip on the lantern and place it between
us. “You’ll beat her ass?”

The pained expression on his face makes me
regret my teasing. I knew he’d make too much of his reaction. “Fuck, Airen. I
hit her.” His voice is thick with guilt and disbelief.

“It was a few swats on the ass, Joey, not
a punch in the nose.”

“I hurt her.”

“You hurt her feelings more than her ass.
She can’t stand knowing you’re pissed at her.”

He leans forward, his elbows on his knees,
his head falling into his hands. “I can’t be around her right now.”

“I know. You can crash in the little
camper.”

“Is she in there plotting her revenge?” he
asks, his tone a little lighter, and I chuckle. That would be more like our
girl, but not tonight.

“No, probably crying herself to sleep.”

“Don’t screw with me. I feel bad enough.”
His eyes meet mine in the gloom. “Is she crying?”

“Of course, her Joseph is mad at her. She
couldn’t even eat. When I’m pissed she could have a three course meal and ask
for extra dessert.” I grab his hand when he gets to his feet. “She’s fine,
Joey. Yes, she’s hurt. You’re the only one capable of breaking her heart with a
few angry words, but that’s exactly what she needed. Maybe it’ll get through
her head she can’t just do whatever the hell she wants.”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Jon was
there, in that room before we showed up, when that asshole had Abby’s pants
down.”

“What?”

“He left her there after suggesting her
ass was a better choice.”

This motherfucker is dead. “We’re going to
find him, and I swear I’ll kill him slowly.”

Joseph nods. “Why didn’t she tell us?”

“I don’t know, but we’re sure as hell
going to find out.”

“Tomorrow,” he insists. “I want to hear
her explanation. I’m sick of these fucking secrets.”

“I never should’ve left that letter at his
place.” I got all this shit started.

“She should’ve told you what he was like.
I’m going to bed.”

Before he walks away, my arms wrap around
his middle, pulling him against me. “Are you okay, Joey?”

His shoulders slump, and the hopelessness
I hear in his voice makes my heart ache. “It’s all falling apart. The distance
between the three of us just gets wider, filled with all the shit you and Abby
won’t share. There’s not enough trust here for us to make it.”

“Joey…”

“I know. It’s not a good time. Tell our
girl I love her.”

“I will. You know where we are if you
change your mind.”

“Good night.”

It takes Joseph a whole two hours before
he returns, slipping quietly through the RV door. He pauses at the sound of my
chuckle. “I knew you couldn’t stay away.”

“Fuck you. Abby asleep?”

“Yeah, she’s out.”

Joseph pours a shot of whiskey and takes a
seat on the couch. “Want one?”

“Might as well.” He shakes his head when I
reach past the shot glass to grab the bottle and take a drink.

“Barbarian.”

“You know you like it.”

“I miss you,” Joseph blurts, sliding his
hand behind my neck.

Shit. After another long swallow of
whiskey burns down my esophagus, heating my insides almost as much as his touch,
I confess, “I miss you too.”

“Then stop pushing me away.”

“I’m not trying to. I…”

“Are you still having nightmares?” I can
feel the heat of his body as he scoots closer.

“Yeah.”

“Even though we’re apart. It’s not me or
what we do together causing them, can’t you see that? It started when you heard
what happened to Sammy, and got worse when you met him. That was your trigger,
not me.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t. You don’t
understand.”

“I love you.”

“You shouldn’t. You wouldn’t if…” Damn it.
The alcohol’s loosened my tongue.

“If I knew what he did? Do you hear
yourself? It’s the same fear Abby has. Is there anything she could say that
would make you stop loving her?”

“Of course not, but she…”

“No. No more excuses. What happened to you
didn’t determine your sexual orientation. You know that. Rationally, you know
it. But the reasons don’t matter. It doesn’t change how you feel, who you are,
what you need. I love you, and you love me. If that’s not reason enough to stop
thinking of yourself as damaged, to stop seeing your love for me as an
affliction, then we’re done. Am I less of a man because I love the feel of you
inside me?”

“No, but…” He continues, the words pouring
out of him.

“You, me and Abby have something special,
rare, if you can man up and accept it. It’s your call to make. I’ve been
patient, tried to understand and let you deal, but you’re tearing me apart. One
day you love me, the next I can’t touch you, but there’s hell to pay if I touch
someone else. I can’t take anymore. I’m sick of being the only one fighting for
this relationship while you and Abby hide and deny. So decide, because the next
time you push me away I’m not coming back.”

Anger streaks through me, blood pounding
in my ears. Does he think I enjoy being like this? “You don’t know shit,” I snarl,
shoving him against the couch. My hand squeezes his jaw hard, forcing him to
look at me. “You want to know it all, Joey? Huh? Think that’ll make you happy?
Solve all our problems, and we’ll skip off into the sunset, shitting
butterflies?”

“You want to know about a kid so
disgusting that
he liked it
? I liked it. When an old man with nasty
yellow fingers shoved them inside me, I always came. What does it matter if I
said no, or begged him not to? Part of me obviously fucking liked it. Wanted
it. Because I was a dirty fucking brat just like he said. And now with you, I
still like it. That should make it easier for you. Stay away from me, and if
you tell Abby, I swear…”

He lays a hand over the one still
squeezing his jaw. “Have you told anyone?” His voice is soft, and I feel my
anger dissipate, shame pouring into the space.

“About the abuse, yes. About my part in
it? No.”

“It’s been eating at you all these years.
How old were you?”

“Ten. He was my modeling manager. He
traveled with me when my mom couldn’t.”

“Listen to me.” His hand slips into mine.
“I’m so sorry for what happened to you, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
There’s nothing wrong with you.”

I shove him away from me and get to my
feet. “Didn’t you hear a damn word I said?”

“Every word. It’s a physical response that
you can’t control. Did you want him to touch you? Did you look forward to it?”

“No!”

Joseph steps in front of me, bringing his
hands down on my shoulders. His eyes look dark as they peer into mine. “You
stroke a guy’s dick or prostate, he’s going to come, especially a teenager. He
wanted to justify his actions. You aren’t dirty. You were a goddamn kid, Airen,
with a predator who knew how to keep you quiet. By making you believe it was
your fault.”

Thank fuck it’s dark in here because tears
spill down my cheeks. “He…I…” My choked voice can’t force out the words.

“Shh.” I’m pulled into his arms. “It’s not
your fault. It never was. Tell me the rest. Get rid of it. You never have to
tell another soul if you don’t want to. What finally stopped it?”

“He started in on another boy. He was only
eight. When I confronted him, he said I was jealous. I wasn’t fucking jealous.”

“I know.” Joseph’s thumb sweeps across my
wet face. Shit. “Who’d you tell?”

“My mom. She was a mess. She forbade me
from talking about it, so afraid people would find out. It’d put a damper on
her book club and ladies tea group.”

He tugs me down to sit on the couch, his
arm still around me. “Fuck. Did he go to jail?”