Infinity: Based on a True Story (13 page)

There are moments when I really can’t believe I used to complain about my thighs and butt being too big.

I’d kill to have my old apple bottom back, my curvy, healthy thighs. And yes, even the small dimples of cellulite.

Max takes the stairs by twos coming up, helping me the rest of the way down. When we’re at the bottom, he steadies me, his hands on my shoulders. He looks at me for quite some time, making me feel beyond awkward.

“What?” I ask, lowering my head.

“You look great, Shakes.” He steps back, looking me over again. “Go ahead,” he says, flashing a crooked smile, “do a jig.”

“Oh no.” I wave my hands at him, laughing as I place my backpack on my shoulders. “No dancing.”

“Come on! It’s been so long since I’ve seen Little Shakes in action.”

“Little Shakes is no longer capable of those things.”

“I’m sure she is. Give me life, Shakes.” He holds his hands out, giving me the floor.

I look up at him, containing my laughter. “You are out of your mind if you think I’m about to dance for you right now. I’m not in a dancing mood.”

“Come on! I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.” He begs me with his eyes, flapping those big eyelashes at me with a lazy, boyish grin.

“Okay—all right!” I step back. “Fine. Screw it.” I do a quick dance, busting out in a laugh as I move to the sound of nothing. I even do a slow version of the Running Man.

Max cheers me on, holding himself and laughing so hard tears form. “Man,” he wheezes, swiping at the corners of his eyes, “You have no idea how much I needed that.”

I adjust my backpack, feeling like my face is about to break from grinning so hard. “I’m done embarrassing myself for you. For that, you’re paying for the ice cream.”

“Hey—” he drapes a muscular arm across my shoulders, turning for the kitchen where Sonny is, “—it was worth it.”

W
e pull
up to Dairy Queen on Central Avenue.

I’m technically not supposed to eat anything cold, but my husband is gone and I am in need of a pick me up.

I dive into my mini Oreo Blizzard as soon as it’s handed to me, licking off the spoon after each bite.

“Ohmagod.” My mouth is full and cold but I am not complaining. “This is so good. It’s been so long since I’ve had ice cream.”

“Do you even remember the last time you had it?” Sonny questions, digging into her strawberry shortcake sundae.

“I honestly can’t even remember.” I take another bite, the crunchy, chocolaty goodness of the Oreos smothering my taste buds. “But I swear I can taste everything right now. Screw the chocolate, Sonny. From now on, sneak me these DQ Blizzards.”

She’s surprised by my comment, snickering. “Yes ma’am.” She does her signature move, sarcastically saluting me.

“Why aren’t you allowed to have it anyway?” Max asks, biting into his hotdog. “Everyone deserves a little ice cream here and there.”

I shrug one shoulder. “Dr. David, my old doctor, swore it would mess with how the OPX works.” I glance down at my jetpack. “I think he was just being over the top. Other than not being able to do strenuous activity, no one really knows what will be okay and what won’t. Like the whole chocolate and sweets thing,” I point my red spoon towards Sonny but keep my eyes on him. “Dr. David swore that it would harm me—cause an upset stomach if it got mixed with the treatment. Well, Sonny snuck me a whole bar one night and I was fine. Since then I stopped believing so much of what he said and went with trusting my body. On the days I felt bad, I wouldn’t eat sweets, but on my good days I’d devour them. All he was doing was making us paranoid, especially John. I even asked Dr. Barad about it and he said he’d never heard of such a thing.”

“What a dick. So you like your new doctor?” Max inquires.

“Like?” I raise a brow. “More like
love
.”

“I love him too. She has so much energy now. Whatever prescription he gave is fucking amazing. This is the most energy I’ve seen from her in weeks. He doesn’t sedate her, which I like, because Dr. David constantly had an IV in her arm. I hate that man, but John loves him. Thinks he’s the best doctor in Charlotte.”

I scoff. “The guy’s an asshole if you ask me. Snobby son of a bitch too.”

Sonny laughs. “Maybe that’s why John didn’t want you home. Because he knew you’d be off IV’s and free to do whatever you want.”

“No shit. I bet he wishes I was on them right now. That way he’ll know for sure that I’m not going to do anything crazy.”

“What, did he make you promise not to do anything crazy?” Max asks, picking up his drink and holding back on a laugh.

I give him an obvious look. “Of course.”

“The guy is so protective. What does he think will happen?”

Sonny is quiet as she meets my eyes. She slowly eats her sundae as her smile evaporates. She already knows the answer to that question. It’s not what he
thinks
will happen. It’s what he
knows
will happen sooner or later.

I look down at my nearly empty cup, pressing my lips. “The same thing you’re afraid of when it comes to me, Max.”

I dare myself to look up and see his expression. He’s… shocked. Sonny’s cellphone goes off on the table and as if she’s starring in
Saved By The Bell
, she hops up, informing us that it’s Danny and that she has to take it. She rushes away, walking towards my white Lexus.

“Okay, so the man is outrageous and all, but I have to admit he has a right to be a little protective of you.” Max sits by my side, exhaling as he focuses on the wooden tabletop. “We can’t pretend that it won’t happen. Life is fucked up. We all know that.”

“Yeah…”

“So if he’s afraid that his wife will… pass away while he’s not around, you should understand that.”

“You don’t think I know that? Max, I was upstairs in my bedroom soaking the sheets with my tears because that was the very thing I was afraid of. I don’t want him away, but I also don’t want to hold him back from his dream. It’s not his fault I’m sick. Shit happens.”

His lips thin, face hardening. “True.”

I inhale, releasing it slowly. It stings my lungs a little.

A little girl walks by, pointing at me as she licks away at the ice cream stacked on her cone. Max frowns at the little girl as the mother hurries away with her, scolding her daughter as she puts her in her booster seat.

My head drops and a tight feeling develops in my chest.

“I probably look like a zombie from
The Walking Dead
right now.”

“Not at all,” Max retorts, defending my honor. “She’s probably just never seen anyone with the tubes. The device.” He turns toward me, confused now.

“What?” I ask rapidly.

“I just… I don’t get it. I mean, have you looked in the mirror lately?”

“Yes. Plenty of times, asshat.”

“Well you must not see what I see then.”

I give him the evil eye.

“Okay,” he backs himself up, “yes, I can tell you’ve lost some weight and that you’re insecure of your appearance now—that your hair may not be as thick as it once was and maybe your skin is a few shades paler, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t still beautiful. Yes, Shannon, there are changes, but they were expected, so you can cut it out with calling yourself ugly, hideous, gross—whatever it is you call yourself these days.” He looks me over, and then his eyes lock on mine. “Trust me, you’re far from it.”

Max’s eyes shimmer in the sunlight, as brown as whiskey. The sun gives them a glint of amber.

“Whatever, Maxi Pad.” I pick up my spoon and distract myself by finishing my ice cream.

I can still feel his eyes on me, roaming whatever’s left of my frail body. He still finds me attractive, and I can’t help but wonder how.

So, maybe I’m not completely hideous, but when a girl goes through such a dramatic change in such a short period of time, insecurities are bound to consume her.

“Do you wish he were here instead of me?”

I whip my head up, matching his stare. “W-what?”

“You heard me.”

My brows narrow. “Why would you ask me that question?”

“It’s just a question. You can be honest with me.” He lets off a crooked smile, looking towards the streetlights and the building across from us. “It may hurt my feelings just a little but I’ll understand. I have no choice, right?”

I study his face, the way he puts on a façade. “Max, I’m glad you’re here. Don’t ask me stuff like that. I—I can’t deal. Not right now.”

“All right.” He holds his hands in the air. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be putting you in a position like that. I apologize.”

Relief washes through me.

“But you’re okay, though, right?” I look up. “I mean, I know you miss him, but you’re okay? You don’t feel too alone?”

“No.” I reach for his hand, squeezing it. “With you and Sonny around I think I’ll be okay until he gets back.”

He nods his head, pulling his hand away. When he stands I look at him inconspicuously watching as he digs into his back pocket.

“Sonny told me a few days ago that John would be leaving, and that she would be gone in a few days too and that you’ll be stuck here with a nurse you don’t even know.”

“Yeah? And?”

“And I don’t like the idea of that.”

“Well there’s not much you can do about it, Max. It’s already been planned, plus I can’t really go anywhere else.”

“There’s always something.” Wiggling his eyebrows, he pulls out a sheet of paper from his back pocket, slamming it on the table in front of me. “Now, before you look at what I’m about to show you, just promise me one thing?”

“What is it?” I ask, struggling to push his hand away.

He doesn’t budge. I give up, dropping my hands with exaggeration. “Just promise me something.”

I look up, meeting content eyes. “What?”

“Promise me you’ll think about it.”

I watch his face for a brief moment. He waits for me to promise, but I don’t because I have no clue what I’m promising him.

Knowing I won’t respond right away, he uncovers the paper and I snatch it up, reading over it.

My heart pounds, the bass heavy in my ears. Pulse whooshing. Breath thickening. “Max… what the—” I can’t finish. I’m too focused on the fine print. “Paris? You got flight tickets to… fucking
Paris
?”

“I told you I would take you one day. I like to keep my promises.”

I squeal, hopping to my feet and he catches me in his arms as I throw mine around his neck. “Oh my god! I can’t believe you did this for me!”

He laughs over my shoulder.

Pulling away, I pick up the paper again, thrilled one moment but reality sets in the next.

My excitement transitions to guilt. My heart no longer races out of exhilaration, but apprehension.

“Wait—Max, even if I wanted to go, I can’t. This is hours away. John would never approve and Dr. Barad wouldn’t even give me the green light to go.” I hand the paper back to him, defeated.

He doesn’t take it. “I talked to Dr. Barad the day I took you to the park. Caught him right before he left your place and asked about it. He knows there is a risk, but he didn’t exactly turn it down. He thinks it’s a good idea.”

My eyes light up at his response.

He continues. “I didn’t reach out to you the past week because for one, Sonny told me to back off. But the main reason is because I was keeping in touch with Dr. Barad. He did some check ups on you, and told me you were stable enough. He recommended a doctor that he knows in Paris that can send updates—one that you can see daily while we’re there. Gave me all his information and told me as long as you’re in first class and you take your OPX tank thingy, and don’t do too much walking around, you should be good.”

“You’re kidding!”

His head shakes, a smug smile on his lips. “I’m not kidding.”

I squeal again, catching the eye of a few bystanders. Max holds my shoulders, calming me down before I can get too carried away.

But then something else comes to mind, and it hits me like a freight train. I remember the other half of it. The hard part. The most important part of all.

I whip my head up to look at Max. “What about John? Did you ask him?”

“I… didn’t talk to John.”

My smile drops. “You didn’t ask him?”

“No.” He shrugs. “I figured you could make your own decisions. And this is why I asked you to promise me you’d think about it. Because I know you will most likely ask or tell John and let him get to your head.”

“I have to tell him. If I do decide to go and I don’t tell him he’ll freak out!”

Max scratches the scruff on his jaw. “I understand, Shakes.” He steps forward, holding one of my cheeks as his brown eyes nearly melt. “Listen, I’m not demanding you to come but I think you deserve to go. This was all you could talk about years ago. I want to be the one to take you there. Not him.
Me
. Because I promised this. I owe you this dream, Shannon.”

Our gazes bolt. “Max… I—I don’t know if I can…”

“You can. The decision is yours. Like I said, I can’t force you to do anything and I won’t be upset if you decide you don’t want to. Regardless of your choice, I will still be here. I can give the tickets to someone else—Sonny and her fiancé maybe. But think about it this way: just like John went to fulfill a dream, you should be able to do the same, no matter what kind of condition you’re in. You have the doctor’s permission. You have Sonny’s permission. She wants this for you.
We
want this for you. We just want to keep you happy for as long as we can…”

“Until the day I’m gone,” I whisper.

He shuts his eyes for a brief moment, dropping his head with a pained expression on his face. “No. Until the day we meet again.”

My tummy flutters.

“Just think about it, Shakes.” He grabs my shoulders. “Be selfish for once. If anyone should be right now, it’s you.”

Wow.

Maybe he’s right.

And you want to know the crazy part? Max’s words played like Ping-Pong in my mind for the rest of the day. Even when he was long gone and I was left in my bedroom, sitting in the cushioned round chair in front of the bay window with my cellphone in hand, it was all I could think about.

I considered it all.

What if I called John and told him I was flying to Paris? Then what? He would never approve. He’d probably fly here first thing just to make sure I never left.