Infinity: Based on a True Story (7 page)

Whether I want to admit it or not, I need to see Max before I die. I have to look into his eyes one more time, tell him that I regret nothing that happened between us. I’m sure that’s what he thinks—that I regret us and all we ever stood for.

I answer, and when he speaks I get that old feeling back—the one where it feels like a pot is simmering in the pit of my belly.

My hands become clammy, my throat thick with words unspoken. So much… there’s so much I need to say but I don’t say anything right away. I allow him to talk.

“Hey, Shakes.” His voice is casual. Still deep and tantalizing.

“Hey.” My voice is light, but I get to it before he can say anything more. “I have something to tell you.”

“What’s that?” he asks.

“I’m going home.”

“Are you? That’s good. Makes it easier for me to find you.”

“No,” I say quickly. “You can’t show up. John wouldn’t appreciate knowing a stranger is hanging around.”

He laughs. “You still haven’t told him what I was to you.”

“No. He’s already been asking questions. He doesn’t need to know.”

“That wont stop me from coming to see you. Your excuses have never worked on me, Shannon.”

“Max,” I breathe, recalling each and every time I made an excuse and he still showed up.

“Yes, Shakes?” His voice… so seductive. So smooth. So fucking sexy. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I feel a tightening below. A clench. Just from the sound of his voice. “I like how we always pick up where we left off.”

I ignore his statement. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“Yes. And that’s why I need to see you.”

“I’m not how I used to be… you know that, right?”

“Listen,” he starts, his voice stern, “stop telling me that. You’ve tried pushing me away over and over again and clearly it’s not working.”

My throat thickens with frustration and shame as I look towards the mirror. When I catch sight of my pale face, tears line the rims of my eyes. “It’s not that I’m pushing you away I just—I mean…”
I’m ugly. I’m gross. I’m lethal. I’m damaged. I’m fucking terrified.
I sniffle. “I don’t want you to see me… like this.”

Max is quiet for a moment. “Don’t cry.” When he hears another sniffle, he says, “Stop crying, Shannon.”
His voice.
Demanding. Desirable. I straighten up quickly and swallow hard, doing my best to fight off the wave of emotion. “Let me see you, prove to you that your looks aren’t what matter to me.”

“How will that even be possible? John is always by my side.”

“All you have to do is let me know when he won’t be around. If I have to, I’ll sneak you out.”

A laugh bubbles out of me. “He would kill you for that.”

“Let him try.”

The door creaks open and Sonny trots back in, blowing over her cup of hot coffee. “I will let you know. Okay?”

“Promise me, Shakes.”

I’m silent.

“I really need to see you,” he murmurs.

“Okay…”

“You can’t keep me away.”

I don’t speak. I don’t know what to say.

“Afraid old memories will resurface?” he questions, interrupting my silence.

I scoff. “I already know they will…”

“Which is why you’re keeping me away? —That and because you think I won’t find you attractive anymore?”

I nod. “Maybe.”

“Well, see, the funny thing is, I’m looking right at you and I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, tubes, IVs, and all.”

Gasping, I look up towards the open door and standing in between the frames is Max.

He stands tall, his hair grown out just a little. It’s curlier, his goatee clean and shaped-up. He no longer has that baby face he had years ago during his bachelor days. The facial hair looks good on him.

His black T-shirt hugs his body, the muscles in his arms flexing as he pulls the phone down, smiling so softly at me it hurts.

It hurts because I have been trying so hard to push him away.

Why?

Because I don’t want him to see me like this.

Because he’s still so fucking gorgeous and healthy and I’m all skinny and wilted and my blood streams with toxic waste. It hurts because I remember the agony of letting him go, and I still see so much of the same love and passion swirling deep in those beautiful brown pools.

It’s incredible.

Undeniable.

Those old feelings come rushing back and they hit me hard, tackling whatever’s left of my soul.

Slowly dropping my phone, I stare into his eyes, focusing on nothing but him. My lips part, wanting to say so much to him, but unsure of where to start. He stares back, eyes softening, his beautiful lips ready to form words.

“You are gorgeous, Shakes,” he whispers, taking a step forward.

“M-max,” I stutter. “What are you doing here?”

“You know why I’m here.” He finally takes his eyes off of me, flicking them to Sonny. A pang of jealousy hits me and I hate that I even feel it. She’s my sister. I should never feel like I’m in competition with her. But she looks ten times better than me now.

She still has that model figure—the one every girl would kill to have. But when Max’s eyes bounce to mine again in less than a second, I’m comforted.

He doesn’t think of her in that way. He never has.

“Her
husband
is just around the corner,” Sonny informs him, placing her coffee down.

“I don’t care.”

“He’ll wonder who you are,” she goes on. “You should go.”

“You know how I am, Sonny. Nothing’s changed” His eyebrows narrow at her.

“Yep. I know exactly how you are. Wasn’t a fan of you then and I’m still not.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’re an arrogant son-of-a-bitch.” She gives a sardonic smile.

“Sonny,” I scold, frowning.

“What?” She shrugs. “He is. And he clearly doesn’t listen very well because he’s still standing there.”

“He’s here for me, Sonny. Now can I please have a moment with him?”

She looks at me, gray eyes bewildered. “Are you fucking serious?”

I give her a stern look, one we each share whenever we don’t think arguing is necessary. She blows out a breath, snatching up her purse.

As she walks past Max she says, “Don’t you dare touch her.”

A smirk claims his lips. “Can’t make any promises, sis.”

She points a finger at him, thinning her eyes. “You can’t call me that anymore.” She’s out of the door, muttering “Asshole” beneath her breath, loud enough for us to hear.

I shake my head, fighting a smile as we watch the door shut. “She still hates me, I see.”

“Yeah. I don’t think that’s going to change.” I laugh.

“She has to understand, though, right?”

I shrug. “Sonny is a very tough person. Once you lose her trust it’s hard to win it back.”

“Hmm. I see.”

“But she is right,” I continue.

“About…?”

“You shouldn’t have come here. John will ask questions… wonder why you’re here… who you are.”

“And I’ll tell him exactly who I am. Why keep secrets from your husband?”

“Max, please. I really don’t need the drama right now.”

He points towards the door with his thumb. “So you want me to leave?”

“No—I don’t want you to leave. I want you here but… not right now.”

“Because you don’t want John to see me?”

“Exactly.”

Instead of moving backwards, he walks forward, placing a finger under my chin. “When will I be able to see you again?”

I do my best to ignore the way my skin hums from his touch. “I’m not sure. The first couple of days I’m home I’m sure John will be around.”

“Well, how about you call me when the
hound
has finally given you some space.”

“This is my husband we’re talking about. He doesn’t believe in giving me space. Not when I’m like this.”

Max’s eyes go thin, his anger transparent. “Don’t throw that at me.” He draws his hand back.

I frown. “What?”

“The whole
‘husband’
thing. I was here first.”

“But he’s who I’m with now,” I retort, and that hits him hard, almost like a bullet to the heart.

He frowns, stepping away and looking me over thoroughly. Insecure, I bring the blanket up, shielding my frail body from his hard, penetrating gaze.

Instead of arguing with me, which I’m glad for, he digs into his back pocket, pulling out a small black box.

“Got you something.” He hands it to me and I hesitate before opening it, meeting his eyes.

“This better not be a ring.”

He laughs. “Would you accept it if it was?”

I open the box, and to my surprise, it’s a silver necklace. The charm attached to it is the Eiffel Tower and a bicycle. “H-how? What?”

I look up at him and he smiles warmly.

“You remembered?” My voice is barely a whisper.

“I never forgot.” He takes the box away from me, carefully pulling out the necklace and clasping it around my neck. “I think it was worth the buy. You still want to go there, right? To Paris, I mean?”

“Hell, yeah!” I beam as I pick up the tiny silver tower, twisting it between my cold, frail fingers.

“So why don’t you?”

I frown up at him. “Are you serious? What kind of question is that?”

“Having Onyx Pleura doesn’t mean you can’t travel. It’s a risk, yeah, but you deserve to live the time you have left to the fullest. There are ways. I’ve done my research.”

“I have three months or less to do that ‘living’ thing. Traveling would most likely shorten that time. Plus, my doctor would never approve.”

“Never say never, Shakes.”

Max steps back, pointing his thumb towards the door. “I’ll get out of here before he shows back up, but I’ll be expecting a call soon.”

“How long will you be in town?” I ask.

“For as long as you need me to be.”

He starts to walk out, but I call after him and he stops, peering over his shoulder. “What made you come?”

His shoulders hunch up before going back down, a smirk on his lips. “I missed you.”

I battle a grin, looking down at my lap. I missed him too, but I won’t admit it. I can’t lead him on. It’ll just be leading him into a dark oblivion.

Several seconds later and Max is near the bed again, standing right above me. Fastening my face in his hands, he tilts my head, planting a warm kiss on my forehead and then my cheek.

Warmth courses through my veins, bringing back a familiar feeling I haven’t experienced in years.

Looking into my eyes, he asks, “I will see you soon?”

I nod. “Yeah. Soon.”

He nods, and moments later he’s walking out the door, winking over his shoulder and then disappearing for God knows how long.

T
he sun feels
incredible on my skin. A little warmer than my now delicate body is accustomed to, but I love it.

I bathe my face in the rays, pointing it up towards the sky as a song by Laura Welsh flows through the speakers, the wind blowing through my hair.

For once I don’t desire the darkness. I finally have light.

Sonny created the playlist last night for the ride home. It’s almost like I am being reunited with an old friend— a home we’d owned for quite some time, yet because of my two-and-a-half months in the hospital, it feels I like I don’t know what to expect. It’s like a surprise.

I wonder if John changed the paint in the dining room like I asked? Cleaned off the deck every week like I used to? Changed the pillows on the outdoor furniture?

A few minutes later and John finally takes the turn I’ve been dying to reach.

As I shift in my seat, I smile, and John squeezes my hand, guiding the car up the stone driveway. When he’s at the top of the driveway, I release his hand, grabbing the door handle.

“Babe,” he calls before I can get out.

“What?” I ask, looking towards him.

“Wait,” he pleads, pushing out of the car. I sigh, sitting back against the seat and watching him round the front of the car. He pulls open my door and smiles down at me. Helping me out, he wraps his arm around my waist and I do the same. “I know you’re eager to be home but you have to take it easy. No strenuous activity, remember?”

“It’s hard to be calm when my big comfy bed is waiting for me upstairs. Plus I get to touch my house again, all my special things.”

“Well, now you can do all the touching you want… as long as your doctor says it’s all right for you to be up.”

“Oh, please, John,” I say as we take the stone steps up to the front door. “I’m a rebel. You know this.” I grin up at him.

He laughs, taking out his keys and unlocking the door. Once it’s open, he guides me down the hallway, his arm still tightly wound around me.

We round the corner, John flips a light switch and as soon as light fills the room, a loud, “WELCOME HOME, SHANNON!” causes the entire living room to quake.

I gasp and clutch the heart of my chest, grinning wide as confetti is tossed in the air and kazoos are blown. Everyone I know and love is here, most of them sporting silly, colorful cone hats.

“Oh my God!” I shriek as John lets me go. I look up at him but there is a solid look on his face. It catches me by total surprise. My smile falters.

I thought he planned this, but as he looks towards Sonny, his frown deepening, I realize this was not his plan. This was hers. Instead of causing a scene, though, he forces a smile at our guests, greeting them as they greet us.

Sonny rushes towards me, hugging me for what has to be the eighth time in the past twenty-four hours. “I’m so glad you’re home,” she sighs.

“You did all this?” I ask, taking a look around the room bursting with party favors, finger-foods, and décor.

“I did!” Her eyes sparkle as she looks around. “You like it?”

I nod. “I love it. And I appreciate it. Thank you, sissy.”

“Sonny,” John steps forward, interrupting her before she can hug me again. He holds her wrist and she looks down at the grip he has on her, frowning. “Can I have a word in the kitchen, please?”

“For what?” she questions.

“John,” I say in a near whine. “Please, not right now. At least wait for everyone to leave,” I whisper. “What are you gonna do? Kick everyone that I care about out on their asses?”

He looks at me before giving her a stern look, knowing I’m right. “Fine.” He walks away, forcing a rugged smile at Emilia and Quincy.

“Sonny,” I hiss, pulling her towards the window draped with copper curtains. “You should’ve asked him first.”

“I wanted to, but he didn’t come home and he wasn’t answering his phone! I thought you deserved it, and that he would at least support it.” She rolls her eyes.

“I understand, but you know John is far from spontaneous, so next time you do something like this make sure you ask him.” I press my hands together in prayer mode. “Please?” I beg.

She nods, lifting her hand to salute me. “Will do!” Lowering her arm, she grabs mine and leads the way to the center of the room. “Guys! If I can have your attention please!” she calls, releasing my hand and stepping on top of the coffee table.

The murmurs and laughter come to a hush as all eyes point to Sonny. She grins, surprised it works. “Hi,” she squeaks, cheeks burning. But we all know Sonny is far from a timid, shy girl. “So, most of you are closer to Shannon than you are to me, but if you hang with Shannon then you probably have heard her complain about her crazy, dramatic, baby sister before.”

Everyone laughs, including John who stands in the corner, sipping on a glass of red wine and nodding his head with way too much enthusiasm.

“Anyway, I just want to say that I’m so glad my sister is home. If you know Shanny, you know she’s a fighter and has been her whole life. She’s never given up on me, never given up on herself, and although she could give up right now, she hasn’t. She inspires me. She pushes me to become a better person because… well… because I know I have to cherish each moment now more than ever.”

Her eyes land on mine, damp and red. Mine line with thick tears, hot and so badly wanting to fight the fall. “Tonight is for you, Shanny!” She smiles hard, clasping her hands together. The tears I’m trying so hard to fight finally escape me.

“I love you Shanny. To death. You’re an amazing person with an amazing heart and I’m so glad I’ve had the chance to live this life with you.” Sonny steps down from her soapbox, walking straight into my open arms.

Everyone in the room ‘awws’ at us, actually making Sonny embarrassed. I laugh as she hides her red face on my shoulder. “I love you, sis.”

“I love you more.”

I enjoy her embrace. After all, I know to cherish every waking moment now. I don’t have many days left, nor do I know when the time will come, but nothing will stop me from living it up. Being home is just the start. There’s so much more I’d love to do.

“Okay,” Quincy says, walking forward and breaking us apart. He swipes at his eyes, laughing as he goes for the stereo. “I can’t handle these crocodile tears and Shannon is home, right!? Let’s turn up the fucking music and have a little fun.” Quincy steps towards me and cups my face. “I know you can’t have alcohol so I made some Shirley Temples for you. They’re in the fridge whenever you want them. I didn’t add the grenadine, though. Sonny told me not to add too much sugar.”

“Thank you, Q.” I hold his face and kiss his cheek. After letting him go and chatting with a few old friends that worked at Capri and my former roommate Emilia, who can to this day still crack me up, I politely excuse myself from the gathering.

Entering the kitchen, I open the fridge and take out one of the virgin drinks. “Here’s to nothing,” I whisper to myself, bringing the drink to my lips and sipping it. It’s been a while since I’ve had something so full of flavor. Although the grenadine would’ve perfected it, I know I don’t need it.

Footsteps sound a short distance away and John walks into the kitchen. I force a smile at him. He notices, walking to my side. “You okay? You tired?”

For the first time, I don’t put the feeling off. I’m a little lightheaded and weary. Rest is needed. I can’t afford to pass out in front of my friends, ruin the night for the ones I love most, so I go with the flow.

Without hesitation, John holds my hand and takes the other exit, the one that leads to the den. We walk through the den, and from there he picks me up in his arms, walking up the staircase. Pressing my ear to his chest I listen to his steady heartbeat, feeling the warmth of him radiate through me.

“Let’s get you some rest,” he whispers as we make it to the bedroom. The way this happens puts my mind at ease. I know John won’t go back downstairs to argue with Sonny when everyone is gone.

I know because he knows I need this. I need to be surrounded by friends. I need to be
home
. And home is not just a place…it’s the people that come with it.

John closes and locks the door, giving me complete assurance that he won’t be downstairs again. After helping me undress and put on some pajamas, he lifts the sheets, tucks me beneath them along with a blanket, and then walks to his side of the bed.

He tugs his shirt over his head, revealing six rows of abs I haven’t seen in months, and then slipping out of his jeans. Several moments later he’s in bed as well, sighing with his hands relaxed behind his head.

“It’s been a long day, huh?” I ask, putting on a smile.

He looks toward me, his eyes tired. “It has.” Moving closer, he pulls me into him and I lie on his chest. “You’re okay, though, right?”

“I’m okay, honey.”

“Your breathing?”

“Okay,” I whisper. “Dr. David said I should be able to last until morning since I took that bag of OPX. It’s actually starting to make me feel better.”

“Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’ll stay in here tonight. Keep an eye on you.”

“Totally unnecessary,” I tease.

He chuckles. “You can sleep.”

“When will the stuff be here?”

“It’ll be here in about an hour or so but until then, rest.”

I nod, curling into him, holding on tight. “John?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Thank you for doing this for me. And for not getting too upset with Sonny. You know she means well.”

He’s quiet for a moment. His breathing changes. It’s lighter. Calmer.

His entire body has relaxed and I’m glad because I hate when he’s so uptight. So stressed. “This is what you want,” he murmurs. “I want to be able to do whatever it takes to keep you happy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He strokes my hair, the affection and nuzzling bringing back feelings I’ve truly missed. I missed lying in bed with my husband, holding him. Kissing him. Molding with his sculpted body. I missed all of John Streeter. Everything.

Before I know it, through the stroking of my hair and gentle kisses on my cheek, I’m asleep. And to my surprise I’m not woken up. I’m allowed to sleep peacefully through the night, most likely on John’s orders.

It’s the best sleep I’ve had in weeks. My comfortable side of the bed.
My fucking bed.
Oh, how I’ve missed it.

This, I know, is the start of bliss. The start of my limited days. I have to make the most of them. I have to do what’s best for me, no matter the feelings that may get hurt in the process.

Shannon Hales can no longer be restrained. She has to soar like a bird. Fly like a plane. She has to build strength and live. She has to remember that each day is a gift waiting to be unwrapped. She has to remember that life is what you make it, and right now life is telling her not to hold back.

To keep going.

To keep fighting.

To hold on for as long as she can.

Life… life is waiting.

And life shall be lived.