Inflamed: A Shadow Riders MC (45 page)

"What?"

Blue leaned in and glared. "Motherfucker, you're tellin' me that Mia's kid is outta your house for
two more
goddamn nights after this one, your mother's out 'til she at least gets her some from this fucker at the bank, and that sweet fuckin' piece that you've been lustin' after since day fuckin' one is at home
alone
? Her first fuckin' night she's been alone since the shit with Eightball went down, and she's spendin' it by her goddamn self?!" Blue slid his eyes to the corner and rattled his head. What the fuck was this motherfucker's deal? "Lem'me ask you somethin', asshole," he said. "What exactly are you fuckin' doin here? Admirin' the goddamn scenery of random fuckin’ pussy?"

River shoved his brows together in ultimate confusion. "What the fuck are you talkin' about?"

"I'm talkin' about YOU, and wonderin' what the fuck you're doin' here, motherfucker? Why are you fuckin' around and dodgin' random club pussy when you could be at home and gettin' it in with this bitch like you've been wantin' since day fuckin' one?"

"You just said that Prez is paranoid as fuck about me, right? He'd try to chop my balls off if I didn’t bother comin' here at all tonight."

"Nobody said you had to fuckin' stay, asshole! You come, you make your appearance, you say your 'heys' and give a few dabs to the Dragons to let 'em know you still give a fuck about helpin' to put Ricky to ground just as much as they want to. And then you hightail it the fuck outta here and start preparin' your cock for a good motherfuckin' time with a bitch who just might know how to suck and fuck it better than any other one you ever had. Shit, brother, you are losin' your goddamn touch right along with your fuckin' mind."

"I ain't losin' shit."

“You ain’t gainin’ a goddamn thing here either! Least of all a lick of fuckin’ sense.” He leaned away from River and flicked the ashes of his cigarette to the ground. "Brother, I..." He paused and sighed. "What exactly is it that you've been feelin' for this bitch since the very fuckin' beginnin'? And I'm talkin' since the first goddamn time we found her out here layin' nearly half dead at the goddamn gate,” he said. River glared. "We can all see this shit, we
been
fuckin’ seein it, but you need to just fuckin' say it and forget all the shit you think you're supposed to be feelin' about her or yourself; forget all the shit you think you wanna feel about her and just say how the fuck this shit really is. 'Cause the shit you're doin' now, by not admittin' the goddamn truth to anybody and least of all your own fuckin’ self, is fuckin' you up inside that big goddamn head of yours and has
BEEN
fuckin' you up since the minute she walked back in here."

"
Shit
."

River took one last drag, then tossed the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it as he blew out his final wad of smoke. He knew that once again, his best friend was right, just like his mother, just like Verna. Keeping quiet about Mia, about how he fucking felt, about how much he wanted to be all up inside her for the rest of his goddamn life had been fucking him up for a fuck of a lot longer than it should’ve, a fuck of a lot longer than he had been willing to admit to himself. Every decision made since the minute she came back had been made based on his feelings for her and for no other goddamn reason, and that shit was clear. He knew the only way to get himself right in the head again was to finally fucking come to terms with a truth he had forced so goddamn deep down inside himself that he had to reach his own damn hands in there to pull it back out again and face it as a fact head on.

Blue moved in close and stared up at him. "Riv."

He waited a few seconds, and sighed. "Verna said that in spite of myself and all the shit I keep tryin’ to ignore..." he started. "I might actually be 'in love' with this bitch."

"When'd she say that shit?"

"The night after that Eightball shit went down at the house, when we set up the party here to make it seem like shit was still fuckin' normal."

"What?" he snapped. "What'd you fuckin' say about that shit THEN?!"

River dropped his head and pushed himself away from the garage. "I don't even fuckin' know."

"Bull
shit
, motherfucker, bull-fuckin’-
shit
--
I think you fuckin’ do." Blue pointed and followed after him as he went over to the picnic table and hoped on top to take a seat. "I think that line about you not knowin' shit is tired as fuck, 'specially when it comes to this bitch and the way more than your own goddamn cock’s been obsessed with her for as long as it has. It's very fuckin' clear to any motherfucker with eyes inside his own goddamn head to see that you've known for a long goddamn time now just exactly how you fuckin' feel. And the truth, motherfucker, is that it's okay to finally admit out and fuckin' loud to yourself and everybody else that you actually love this bitch, or any bitch for that matter. But in particular one you think you should fuckin' hate just 'cause of some shit other people did to your mother over thirty-five fuckin' years ago."

River swiped his hand back and forth across his mouth and pinched his lips. “It’s more than just this shit now, it always fuckin’ was--”

"Motherfucker, it ain’t been more than about this shit since day fuckin’ one! You tryin’ to make it into somethin’ it ain’t and never will be don’t change the goddamn facts of a situation YOU yourself helped to fuckin’ create.”

He groaned. “
Fuck
.”

“Yeah, ‘fuck’,” said Blue. “Fuck the fact that you’re still carryin' around a goddamn grudge and a lingerin' hate for two motherfuckers in particular. A goddamn
useless hate
that this bitch had no part or play in and fightin' her and your own goddamn self along the fuckin' way has been helpin' out
nobody
, Riv; not a single goddamn person in or outside of this club. I know you're stubborn as fuck and always have been, but this shit is beyond fucked," he told him. "You look at this bitch, and you wanna see them, and you wanna keep on bein’ angry about this shit, but you’re damn near startin’ to hate yourself ‘cause you don’t see ‘em at all. This bitch is not the enemy, Riv, not like you been tryin’ and failin’ to make her out to be. And admittin' that you just wanna be all up inside that sweetness of hers, and make a goddamn home for yourself doesn't make your dick any less soft or chop off your goddamn balls like you're might thinkin' it would. It doesn’t take away the shit that happened to your mother either. If you ain’t guessed it by now, she’s a pretty strong fuckin’ bitch, and she sees the same goddamn shit I do – the same shit
everybody
does, brother.” He stopped and looked to the ground as River glared at him from the corner of his eye. "I don't know about all of this shit for myself, about what it's like to love a bitch of any kind outside of my cock lovin' her pussy and me makin' it purr." He snickered. "But from what I hear, love can be a pretty fuckin' damn good thing for the two people involved in it. Even when it fucks you all up inside." He wrapped his lips around the cigarette and inhaled. "And in your case when it comes to this bitch, fucks with your head, straight down to your goddamn cock and then some."

"
Christ.
" He wrapped his arms around his knees, latched onto his wrist and flexed his muscles. "I don't know how the fuck to love a bitch, motherfucker. I sure in fuck don't know how the hell to love this one. It's only been two women I've ever loved in my entire goddamn life and I ain't never loved either one of 'em like this."

"I'd hope to fuck not, asshole," said Blue. He tipped his head and blew the smoke out into the air. "They can put you away for shit like that in certain areas around the country." He snickered and glanced over at River. "How the fuck you think she feels about you?"

River sat up straight and exhaled. "I can see some shit in her eyes sometimes,” he said. “Feel it rattlin’ inside my goddamn bones, but...
shit
, when she's not screamin' at me for one goddamn reason or another or flippin' her shit over somethin' I've said, I get the feelin’ in my cock that she might wanna fuck; and one inside my chest that she might want somethin’ more than that.” He shook his head. “I don't know, I can't read anymore shit outside of that."

"Maybe you're just not lookin' hard enough when you stare at her, asshole. Matter of fuckin' fact, why don’t you do yourself a goddamn favor right the fuck now and just go the fuck home. Go the fuck home right goddamn now and just stare at her, just fuckin’ stare at her ‘til she doesn’t see another goddamn thing but your fuckin’ face. And while you’re starin’ at her, while she’s got her eyes on nothin’ else but you, asshole, just tell her how you fuckin’ feel. Man the fuck up and drop that goddamn 'L' word right at the bottom of her fuckin’ feet. Then maybe when she’s got her shit together, she'll tell you what you need to fuckin' hear too, and give up some of that sweet ass pussy along the way. Bitches love shit like that, when motherfuckers like us start openin’ up and expressin’ ourselves 'cause then they start to do the same shit down below," he mocked. "'Sides, it's clear as fuck you ain't had some good pussy in a
long
fuckin' time."

"My cock needs pussy," he replied through a soft growl. "I can get pussy. But if I just wanted any pussy, I'd go and fuck the brains outta any one of those buffet platters walkin' around inside the goddamn club right now." He focused his eyes straight ahead and dropped his hands. "I wanna feel this bitch. I wanna be so goddamn deep inside her to the point that she'll never know or fuckin’ feel another motherfucker but me again.”

"Then what the fuck are you waitin' for, asshole? Get the fuck home and make this shit happen!”

"I don't know how the fuck to approach this bitch like that,” he shot back. “Every goddamn thing I say to her or even think about sayin' to her, I'm second guessin' myself and wonderin’ if it was the right goddamn thing to even mention. I don’t know if the shit I say is enough or too fuckin’ much for her to take. Any other bitch, I know exactly what to do, exactly what to fuckin’ say and
exactly
how to fuckin' act in order to get what the fuck I want from ‘em. I could tell any random bitch inside there right now to get the fuck on my cock, and they'd do it in a goddamn heartbeat, no pissin' off and no goddamn questions asked about it. Mia's different. A good kinda different, but the kind that...
Shit
, the kind I'm not used to puttin' up with."

"Motherfucker." Blue sat up and turned his face toward River. "If this bitch is givin' you the kinda eyes you've been sayin' she has, then she'll wanna get on your fuckin' cock before you even give her the goddamn go ahead tonight. Just tell her what the fuck you keep tellin’ me. I mean, I know it can be hard as fuck to read the signals of a bitch you're not already fuckin'. But even
I
can surmise that she's been wantin' to hop on your goddamn dick since the moment she walked back in here. 'Cause she sure as shit ain't been tryin' to hop on mine or any other motherfucker around here
yet
."

"That's 'cause the bitch's got somethin' called taste."

"Not too fuckin' much of it if you're the only dick she's been seekin' out this whole fuckin' time."

River chuckled. "Maybe you're right, motherfucker. Maybe the bitch's taste is warped as fuck."

"Maybe," replied Blue. "But it's warped for you and that shit's gotta count for somethin'." He took another drag. "So you plan on gettin' the fuck back home and makin' that bitch yours for good?"

River stared at Blue for a long time, then turned his eyes out to the parking lot and thought even longer and harder about it. And even then, even after knowing what he wanted and knowing the only way for him to finally get it, he was still unsure of how the fuck she’d even end up reacting to it all.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

After dragging my butt out of the bedroom and heading off to the kitchen to make myself a bag of popcorn, because actually cooking 'real' food for dinner was something I had no desire to be bothered with at the moment, I couldn't help but wonder while the kernels popped just who or
what
the hell River was more than likely doing while back at the club. I knew that if she had even bothered to show up there tonight that Courtney was out of the question, but the truth was that she was probably a lot safer of a bet in comparison to the others who were no doubt looking to score with him in one way or another. Just thinking about him even looking in their direction, let alone putting even a finger on any part of their body in the way he put them on mine made me want to vomit all over the kitchen floor.

As soon as the microwave beeped, I pulled out the bag of popcorn, popped it open and carefully tossed the popped pieces into a small bowl, while tossing the uncooked kernels in the trash. I reached for a little salt and pepper to spice it up as much as I could, but when it still tasted bland, I went over to the fridge and looked inside for the only thing I knew could help: a bottle of hot sauce, or ANY sauce for that matter, as long as it was able to put a kick into it.

When I heard the front door open and slam shut, I peeked over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of River passing through the living room. I looked over at the microwave and noticed it was only 12:30am, and frowned.

"Mia," he called out.

That
voice
, and the way he so often used it to call my name did things to my body that even his hands couldn't seem to master. I exhaled and shoved my face inside the fridge to cool myself off from the sound and the feeling it gave me.