Infraction (9 page)

I swallow and do my best not to flinch away from her
gaze. I need to be level; I need to stare unblinking back at her.
The burning in my eyes worsens. I'm so used to being silent that I
say nothing in return.

She stares at me a second longer and then looks
down. “I see you had a flawless medical exam. Unusual.”

Is it? My hands fall to my lap, and I pull at my
pants. There's a nervous pit growing in my stomach, telling me
there's more going on here than I'm aware of, hinted at by the way
the agent looks at her tablet, stares at me, glances once at
Dr. Benedict. He gives her a slight shake of the head. My
brain can't quite put all the pieces together, but I know there's
something very wrong.

The agent folds her hands under her
chin, like she's trying to be coy. It's not a good look for her.
“Anything else you want to tell me,
Terra
?”

I've never been so afraid of my own name before. I
shake my head too readily, and I know I've given something away. I
just wish I knew what it was.

“
Hmm. Well, then. I guess we'll have
to resume this discussion another day. You're due for more medical
work with Dr. Benedict.”

“
But you said my exam was flawless.”
Forced silence hasn't gotten rid of my old habit of speaking before
I think.

The agent's smile sets my teeth on edge. “Oh, it
was. There's just more tests to run. Standard procedure.”

Dr. Benedict shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
I grip the edge of the table.

“
Not to worry. These tests are
mostly painless. A blood draw, that kind of thing. Right, doctor?”
The agent turns to him with raised eyebrows. He looks down and
nods.

“
Well, then. You're both dismissed.
Worker 7456, follow Dr. Benedict to the medical
area.”

She stands with a stamp of heels, and the door
swings open for her. I hear the click, click, click of her shoes as
she stalks down the hall. Dr. Benedict scrapes his chair away
from the table.

“
Follow me, please.” He tries to say
it with a professional tone, but I can tell he's as rattled as I
am. Now I'm even more puzzled about him than I was before. He
slides a hand through his dark hair and then hurries down the gray
hall, like he's trying to escape from the interrogation room. Like
he's as afraid of the agent as I am.

I rush to keep up with him, and I tug at the collar
around my neck. It's scratching. He looks back and notices.

“
It doesn't work here—there's no
speaker to transmit to. But I've asked for one to be installed in
the medical area, so you'll be able to speak to me
there.”

I grab his hand and stop us both in the middle of
the hall. The windows lining the hall let in watery sunlight.
Though they're wavy and warped, I can make out the grassy yard the
truck pulled into yesterday. I think we're walking away from the
women's wing toward the center of the building.

This isn't speaking.

“
What do you mean?”

I sound like a robot.

His brows furrow. “But you can talk, right?” He
really doesn't see it.

Makes me feel inhuman.

His eyes flash and then soften. “I'm sorry, Terra.
If you'd like we don't have to use the collar. It'll make things
slower, having to spell everything out. But if you'd rather not use
the collar, you don't have to.”

I nod and motion for him to take it off. He steps
closer and reaches his arms around me. He smells like the woods and
summer rain, and the smell reminds me of the months spent roaming
with Jack. The smell I miss most is of Jack's warm body two feet
from mine as we sleep beneath a canopy of trees. Dr. Benedict
reminds me too much of Jack. As soon as he unfastens the collar, I
pull away and put a good four feet of space between us.

“
I'll hang on to it in case you
change your mind.”

I'll never want it again, but I smile for him. He
seems to appreciate it.

Dr. Benedict leads me down a dark hallway with
more flickering lights, and I dread what I will find in the medical
area. He swipes a keycard in a keypad beside a door labeled
“Medical Personnel Only,” and when the door swings open, a flood of
real, honest-to-goodness daylight spills out into the hall, and my
fears wash away.

Inside is a small waiting area with a few chairs, an
office set off by windowed partitions, and two exam rooms with open
doors. A door between the exam rooms on the right and the office on
the left stands open and all kinds of high-tech machinery loom in
there. Every wall and every room has a window that lets in full,
bright sunshine. The light warms me. We're on the second floor of
the building, and I look out and see trees all around us. We must
be on the back side of the building because I can't see the rest of
the building or any of the yard below. All I can see are miles and
miles of forest stretching into the horizon. With just a thin pane
of glass between me and the wilderness, I feel almost free.

Suddenly Dr. Benedict is standing behind me,
and I turn to face him. His dark, flat eyes stare out the
window.

“
Beautiful, isn't it?”

I nod. Does he have any idea I've lived in it for
the past few months, that it was my home because it's where I was
with Jack?

He coughs and turns away from the window to pull a
digital tablet off his desk. “We'll try to keep this quick. I don't
want to throw off your schedule too much. The agents like to keep
you busy, and I make it a practice to stay out of the agents'
way.”

He puts his hand on the small of my back and guides
me to the room with the machinery. I grab his hand.

What's all this?

“
Just diagnostic equipment. I need
to do a bone density scan. It's something I'm supposed to do with
all the workers. If you've been living outside a designated
city—which you have—your body may be malnourished. This will help
me determine if I need to supplement your diet at all. Then after
I'll just have to do a blood draw. Maybe an injection after that
and we'll be done.”

He says it with such unforced nonchalance that I'm
put at ease. He sits me at a small table with a white machine on
top of it. There's a space just the size and shape for a hand.

“
You just put your hand in there,
like putting on a glove. Then the machine will scan the bones in
your hand, like an x-ray. It will show me how dense your bones
are.”

As I slide my hand into the machine,
Dr. Benedict sits down across from me and presses a few
buttons. The machine whirs to life, and I tense for a moment.
Dr. Benedict touches my other hand so softly I barely feel the
tips of his fingers.

“
Don't worry. It doesn't
hurt.”

He presses one more button and a light shines out
from the space where my hand is. Then it's over. The unease I felt
ever since sitting down across from the agent fades as quickly as
the light does. This can't tell them anything, can it? Maybe I'm
just being paranoid.

Dr. Benedict smiles. “All done with that. Now
if you'll just come over here.”

He stands and leads me to a chair with a small tray
attached to either side. We had similar chairs in the colony,
perfect for propping up an arm, inserting a needle, and drawing
blood. I sit down and offer my arm. Dr. Benedict wraps a
length of rubber above my elbow and ties it off with a snap. I
flinch.

“
Sorry about that. I'm not good at
that part.” His tone is so guilty and vulnerable that I can't help
smiling at him. I rest a hand on his and nod.
It's
okay.
I think he understands without me even
having to spell it out because he smiles back at me and takes a
deep breath.

He places a small metal tray with a needle and four
vials on the other arm of the chair. He removes the needle's
protective cap. The sliver of metal glints in the light, and in my
mind I see another needle: one that was meant not to take blood,
but to take a life. I see two sleeping bodies in the dim room,
their chests rising and falling in unison. I feel the summer heat
from Dave's room, feel the sweat that beaded up on my forehead,
feel the humidity like it was choking me. Mary's hair falls across
her face, and her eyes twitch as she dreams. Her life would have
allowed me to return to the ocean. Instead I chose to wander, and
Jack chose it with me. I never regretted that decision, especially
after Jack joined me. I had planned on going alone, finding my own
place on the Burn, coming to grips with myself and my choices. Then
he followed me, and I never expected to be so grateful to someone
in all my life. The sudden reminder stirs something in me. Do I
regret that decision now that Jack's not with me anymore, now that
I'm trapped here?

The memories catch in my throat and choke me, and I
force myself to swallow them back down. I blink my eyes and look
out the window where I'm separated from my freedom by a single pane
of glass that seems such an insurmountable obstacle to cross. Do I
regret it now?

“
You'll feel a prick for just a
second.”

I watch the needle slide in. The first vial fills
with blood. I haven't seen much blood since Jack healed my feet,
since Smitty died, since the raiders were blown out of the water by
the helicopter. The second vial fills with blood. I close my eyes.
Blood brings too many memories with it.

“
Are you feeling okay?”

I nod my head.

“
Lightheaded, weak?”

I nod again.

“
It's just the sight of
blood.”

You have no idea, I want to tell him. I've seen far
too much of it.

“
You'll be okay in a
minute.”

Do I regret it now?

Dr. Benedict pulls the needle out and puts a
piece of gauze and some tape over the blood dot. “You're okay to
stand?”

I stand without help. I need to get rid of this
weakness. If this is where I am because of the choices I've made, I
need to own up to it. I need to be stronger. He consults his
tablet.

“
Yes, I think we better do an
injection. Just a one-time supplement to give you a quick
boost.”

I frown—the idea of being injected with some mystery
serum nags at me—but I can't object. He's been kind to me. It's
amazing what a little kindness will do.

Dr. Benedict turns to a small fridge with a
glass door. Inside are rows of vials labeled with numbers. He
strokes the tablet screen a few more times and frowns. He looks at
me out of the corner of his eyes. His sudden uneasiness magnifies
the nagging, but what can I say? I'm paranoid of another needle?
I'm fully aware how powerless I am.

He rests a hand on the glass for just a moment and
then opens the fridge and pulls out a small vial. He fills a
syringe with the stuff and turns to me.

He smiles, and the dimple on his left cheek deepens.
“Just one more needle.”

I swallow and nod. The needle slips in, and the
medicine burns as it's pumped through my veins. I wince.

“
Sorry about that. I should have
warned you.”

I shake my head. It's nothing. It really isn't when
I think about all the other types of pain I've faced.
Dr. Benedict puts a bandage with ridiculous smiley faces over
the injection site.

“
Now you might feel a little funny
after this.”

I grab his hand.
Funny?

“
Headaches, nausea, dizziness, that
sort of thing. If it gets really bad, tell an agent or one of the
soldiers that you need to see me right away.”

I almost laugh. Those are the side effects that just
about anything can give you. He's probably obligated to tell me
that. I'm ready to stand up again when Dr. Benedict steps
closer. I smell trees and water again.

“
I mean it, Terra. Please come see
me if you need to.”

My eyes focus on his. The plea I hear isn't “if you
need to,” it's “please come see me,” and the way he's looking at me
doesn't refute it. Could he be just as lonely as everyone else
here? But the thought rattles me so much that all I can do is
nod.

A soldier waits for me outside the medical area. As
soon as I step through the door, he points with his gun and I
follow him. I'm momentarily blind after leaving the bright daylight
of the medical area and settle back into the flickering lights of
the hallway. The soldier leads me down several corridors, and I
smell steam, sweat, and over-cooked vegetables and know we're
nearing the cannery.

He stops just outside the door and waits for me to
go inside. As soon as I lose myself in the humidity, Madge squeezes
my arm.

“
You okay?”

I nod. I don't even know what time it is. With the
concern on Madge's face, I'm guessing I've been gone for a
while.

“
I've been worried, Kai was worried,
Jane was worried.”

Jane?
I ask.

“
The girl you share a cell
with?”

So that's her name.
She
hadn't told me.

Madge smiles and leads me toward the agent's desk.
“No, I guess she wouldn't. Takes her a while to warm up.” Madge
laughs once, a little too loudly, and she glances up to the
soldiers on the catwalk. She knows exactly where they are even
though I haven't seen her watching them. “It should take me longer
to warm up too, but I figure you'll either hurt me or you won't.
You'll betray me or you won't. I might as well find out right
off.”

I hope I never betray her, even by accident. She's
the first honest person I've come across here. Even
Dr. Benedict with his kindness doesn't seem completely honest,
and that worries me. I was so trusting in his care. Should I be
more careful?