Ink and Shadows (16 page)

“I need to ask you something.” Ari spoke slowly, trying to find an anchor to his thoughts. “And I need you to tell me the truth, not avoid the question.”

“I’ll answer anything for you, Ari.”

“Why Batu?”

“Why Batu?” Ari couldn’t see Death’s face, hidden by hair and shadow, but he heard the
confusion in the elder’s voice. “Why Batu what?”

Ari returned to stroking Death’s bare back, not trusting himself to look down. “Why did you take Batu to your bed and not me?”

“Why are you bringing up Batu now?” Death whispered, his hand unmoving against the tuft of
dark hair around the other’s belly button. “He’s gone from us. What good is this going to do, talking about
this now?”

“Because I need to know if you loved him.” Ari’s fingers found Death’s chin, lifting the other
man’s face up so he could see Death’s expression. The thin silver scar ran cold across the Horseman’s
pale golden features, a hint of a violence from Death’s previous life. “I need to know why you slept with
one of my better friends and still turn me away.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Death’s words were cut off by Ari’s thumb coursing over his lower lip.

“I think this is the best time to talk about this,” Ari corrected. Turning over onto his side, Ari kept Death close to him, hooking one leg over the Horseman’s long thigh. His cock stiffened, hot where he touched Death’s skin, a needful warmth roiling over Ari’s groin. “Because today, I waited for you, and let me tell you, there’s nothing like terror to help clear your mind of all the bullshit that collects up there. So tell me, Death.” Ari traced the scar along the man’s face with the tip of his finger. “Why Batu?”

Time froze in the space between them despite the warmth of their combined bodies. Never patient, Ari held his tongue, letting the other gather his thoughts. Ari had held onto that question for
years, a kernel of doubt in his heart that joined the many he’d already nurtured there.

“Because he was a friend.” Death finally spoke, his eyes troubled and cloudy.

“And me?”

“Sometimes you’re not a friend.”

“Did you love him?” Ari prodded, his hand moving down over Death’s shoulders, finding the curve of the other man’s waist. Death’s fingers picked at the sheet hems trapped under them, plucking at the thread edges. “Answer me, Death. Did you love him?”

“No.” The eldest Horseman shook his head, unable to meet the other’s eyes. “It wasn’t… we were just….”

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to sit across of Batu and not want to smash his face in for touching you?” Ari asked. “And you both were so discreet, making sure you never flaunted what you were doing in front of me, but we all knew what was going on.”

“He never meant to hurt you,” Death replied. “It wasn’t like that between us.”

“I know,” Ari admitted. “That’s the hardest part. I couldn’t hate Batu because I loved him like a brother, but there he was, with his mouth on you or his hands touching you and, worse yet, inside of you, where I should be. I wanted to kill him for it, and then at the same time, I wanted to beg to ask him how you tasted in his throat.”

“I sometimes think he left because of us, you and me,” the eldest murmured, his eyes closing in remembrance of the Pestilence they both loved. “I think he felt trapped between us. You were his brother. He loved your friendship so much. He just looked to me to ease himself and to be my friend. There never was any of what I feel for you between us. Batu knew that. He wasn’t looking for love.”

“It was just sex, then?” Ari didn’t know if he could comprehend the flood of passions filling his mind in that moment. Relief tangled horns with resentment, hatred for a Horseman now gone and the fondness he had for the easygoing Batu clashing in his heart.

“We both had needs. Sadly, parts of us are still human,” Death admitted, unsure of how he could explain to the other how the former Pestilence approached him, wanting only solace for his body, seeking companionship with a man he counted as a friend. There had been no love between them, a safe, comfortable easing of the tensions of their bodies but none of the hot passions that threatened Death’s heart when Ari was near. “It wasn’t just sex. We shared. We could talk about things. Sometimes that’s all we did. Other times when we did have sex, it was just nice.”

“Nice,” Ari repeated. “I can give you nice. Why don’t you let me give you nice?”

“There’s nothing nice about you.” Death tried to push away, stilled once more by Ari’s restraining grasp on his hip. “You want to push everything of yourself into me. There is no nice there.”

“No, probably not,” he conceded with a grunt. “But how it is between us has to change. I can’t do this back and forth dance that we’ve been practicing. Tonight it felt like forever until I could touch you. I’m not going to do that anymore. I sat there and made a decision about us.”

“Are you going to give up chasing me, then?” A part of Death broke, shattering beneath Ari’s surprisingly tender caresses.

“No.” Ari smiled, leaning forward to trace the other man’s facial scar with the tip of his tongue. “You, my Death, are the sin that tempts and burns me. I’d sooner cut my own throat than leave you be.”

Leaving a trail of moisture along Death’s cheek, Ari blew to cool the heat he felt under his
mouth. Pushing Death back, Ari lay prone over the other Horseman’s body, scissoring his legs over
Death’s shins. With his greater weight, he trapped the slender Asian against the soft feather top, working
his fingers into Death’s hands and pulling the Horseman’s arms up above his head. Holding Death’s
wrists easily with one of his hands, Ari shifted his hips to distribute his weight evenly, ignoring the man’s
mewls of protest at being handled.

“Get off. You’re heavy.” Death twisted, snarling as he tried to break free. Ari pinned him easily, the man’s greater strength evident in the massive bunching of his shoulder muscles. “War, come on.”

“No,” Ari repeated. “I’m not giving up on you. And for once in our lives, Death, shut up and listen to me.”

Subdued, Death turned his face away when Ari licked at his jaw, feeling the rough of the Horseman’s tongue on his skin. His body responded hard to the feel of Ari on him, a thickening he often hid behind the cool dousing of his thoughts. Surprisingly, Ari didn’t grin knowingly at the shaft stretching itself along Death’s thigh, hidden by the thin cotton drawstring pants pulling down on Death’s hips.

Instead the man continued finding spots of untouched flesh with his rough mouth, Ari’s teeth nipping at the delicate softness at the edge of Death’s lips.

“I’ve spent forever wanting you. I’ve always wanted you. I’ve wanted your body, and most of all, I’ve wanted to crack open your heart and see my name branded there.” Ari shushed Death’s protests with a firm kiss on his full mouth. “Shutting up means that your mouth isn’t moving and you’re not making sounds.

“You frustrate me, and I go running off, finding anything wet and warm to stick myself into until all of my aggravation is gone, and then what do I do? I go right back to hovering around you because you are my addiction.” Ari’s free hand played with the ends of Death’s hair, pulling a strand down, feeling its smoothness between his fingers. “You’ve been telling me that we can’t be together because losing me would be too much for you to bear. I’ve heard that. And I’ve listened to it. Gods know I’ve tried to stay away, but I can’t. And then today, I finally figured something out.”

“What?” Disgruntled, Death tilted his head away from Ari’s hand, trying not to fall into the other man’s warmth. It was harder than he expected. He’d been able to turn away the impetuous War’s advances for as long as he could remember, but the slow seduction of words and touch wavered his resolve, his body traitorously reacting to Ari’s caresses.

“I know you feel the same as I do. I know you, Death. I know your heart,” Ari said, soft on
Death’s parted lips. “You think that by pushing me away, that means we’re not together. But we both
know, without question, that you’re mine. Anyone who has touched you did so because you needed
physical release, but not for love. Never for love.”

“Is that why you asked about Batu? To see if you were right?”

“Yes,” Ari admitted. “Of all of the people you’ve had in your bed, Batu was the only one I was worried about being in your heart. I will not compete with a dead man. Especially not one I loved. So I either had to make sure he was never there, or I would have to work to erase him.” Ari listened to Death breathe, comforted by the simple sound. “When I watched that ghost crying for his family, I thought to myself, Death would do that for me. Then when you told me to shut up… again… I spent the time wondering if you have ever loved anyone besides me. And my gut told me no.”

“And you automatically assumed that this means I’m yours?” Death’s mouth quirked, bemused at Ari’s arrogance.

“You are mine. You’ve never been anything but mine.” Ari had thought long on how he felt and what was between them. “You worry that you’re going to be left alone. And sometimes I wonder if there isn’t a part of your mortal life lodged someplace in that busy head of yours that whispers betrayal and loss when you’re not looking.

“We both know you came into being the first time some primitive genetic soup of a man thought to himself ‘One day, I’ll be no more.’” Ari’s tone grew gentle. “In that moment when sentience reached through that little gray human brain and that first drooling idiot realized that he could die, you were born.

“And see, Shi,” Ari continued. “We also both know that a second or maybe even a minute after that drooling idiot was bestowed with that miraculous awareness, he looked over to the man next to him chewing on a piece of meat and thought, ‘Hey, I can kill him and take that.’ And then I was born.

“So, all things considered.” Ari grinned at Death’s shy smile. “We’ve always been together. You and I. Bound together by free will, a piece of meat, and the gift of awareness to a very short-lived species that can make fire.”

“You reasoned all of that waiting for me to coax those ghosts through the Veil?” Death said.

“More than enough time to think on it, trust me. You spent enough time cajoling the damn soul, when I would have just shoved him in and been done with it,” Ari said. “I also decided I wasn’t going to sit back and let people drift in and out of your bed while I circled around you.

“So, Shi, from this moment on, you are only mine. No one else touches you. I’m willing to wait for
you while you sort out whatever it is that holds you back from being with me, because I’m very good at
doing just that, but I’m not going to watch anyone else’s hands on you.”

“You can’t make decisions for me,” Death insisted, his arms aching under War’s grasp. “Not about this. Not between us.”

“You’ve been making that decision for us day after day for as long as both of us have been alive. It’s going to change,” Ari said. “There’s not going to be anyone who shares your breath besides me. No one. I mean it, Death. You’re mine as much as I’m yours. I will lay waste to every living thing on this planet first, both behind and in front of the Veil, if you decide to test that.”

“You’re going to be celibate?” Death laughed, trying to steady the quivering in his throat. “You won’t last a week.”

“I can take care of myself.” Ari grinned, white teeth flashing. “Hell, I’ll even take care of you until
you see reason. But I can’t lose you.” Ari released the Horseman’s wrists, then cupped the other man’s face.

Stealing a kiss, Ari filled his senses with Death’s taste, swallowing the other man into his soul. “You drive me insane with want, Death. I’m never going to leave you. Admit that. Accept that.”

“Not yet.” Death shook his head, lowering his arms to wrap them around War’s neck. “I’m not ready to risk myself that deeply. You can hurt me like no one else, War. Gods, I hate you for that.”

“That’s because you love me too.” Ari bit at Death’s chin. “You’re too stubborn to say it.”

“You’re so sure I love you.”

“Pretty sure about it,” Ari agreed. “If you didn’t, you would have gutted me four or five hundred times by now.”

“True, I’d be too tired from killing you to do anything else.”

Death lay against Ari, the other man’s warmth lulling him into a sleepy peace. They’d fought too often to be just friends. Ari was argumentative and stubborn, but Death always reached for him when their lives seemed bleak. He always looked for Ari’s cocky grin to bolster his spirits, even when the other man took advantage of Death’s weakness to take a quick grope or steal a kiss.

“I’d be lost without you, Tyr.” Death used an old name, shifting to lie at Ari’s side, stroking the other man’s right hand.

“I know that, Shi.” He flexed his fingers under Death’s touch. “Glad that hand grew back.”

“I don’t want to go back to those days.” The world crawled with monsters then, the wall between their world and man’s broken under the glut of mortal meddling. “I don’t think either Mal or Min are strong enough for that.”

“Agreed. As vicious as our Min is, she’s not cold enough to kill a human being eaten alive,” Ari replied. “Those days should be left behind us.”

Ari wrapped his arms around Death’s waist, drawing the other in. Lying against one another, they fell silent, appreciating the rare peace between them. Shifting his body up, Death propped himself on an elbow, gazing down into Ari’s face.

“What?” The blond wrinkled his nose. “Something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Death whispered. It would be a risk, adding fuel to Ari’s already inflamed ego, but Death was willing to take it. “Stay still. And say nothing.”

Ari trembled when Death’s mouth touched his. A spot of moisture formed against the roof of his mouth, trapped by his Death-ordered silent tongue. Turning his head, Ari angled for a deeper taste, ignoring Death’s mewl of protest when he lifted his hands to work his fingers into Death’s black mane. His lungs screamed for air, demanding oxygen, but Ari ignored the ache, savoring each sip he could take from Death’s parted lips.