Innocent Little Crimes (9 page)

Peter disappeared through a crevice in one of
the castle walls. Della pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

“Della, come on,” Cynthia motioned with her
hand. Dick followed them into the next room.

“Now, this is more like it,” Davis said,
entering the living room. Plush white carpet, white, glossy walls.
A giant plasma screen, ultra-modern glass coffee and buffet tables
loaded with food and assorted bottles of liquor. Fine crystal and
china, silver service—everything meant to impress.

And Dick was very impressed. He settled down
comfortably in an overstuffed recliner and reached for the remote
control.

“Let’s see what Lila’s got on the tube.”

Della went to the bar and poured herself a
glass of wine. Davis fixed Cynthia and himself martinis and relaxed
on the couch. Jonathan made himself a gin and tonic and positioned
his suitcase at his side.

The DVD started to play. Lila lay on her
back, feet up, on a tenement stoop, dressed as a bag lady, with
teeth blackened out. Her excess weight bulged at the seams as she
did contortions with her body. Another “homeless woman” entered the
shot, babbling about how hungry she was. Lila told her to can it;
she was doing her morning “aerobics.”

Dick laughed. “I saw this sketch. It’s a
riot.”

“Shhh,” Davis said, settling into a leather
recliner and leaning toward the TV. Cynthia got up and wandered
around the room, looking at the odd assortment of modernistic
paintings and sculptures.

“How can you watch this?” Cynthia said. Dick
sat close enough to hear her whisper. “I don’t understand how such
a tasteless show touting foul language could be so popular.” Davis
only chuckled in response.

A light supper had been laid out for them
with cold cuts, imported cheeses, and caviar. Dick watched Millie
help herself to the generous spread of food. She stuffed a huge
slice of brie into her mouth and he scowled. He turned his
attention back to the screen. Just how had the shy Lila become so
cynical and rude? His own daughters whined when he refused to let
them watch her show. Luckily, it was on at nine o’clock, past their
bedtime.

The room lights flickered on and off. Dick
assumed it was from thunder and lightning raging through the
window, but, instead, Lila made her grand entrance through the
French doors, dressed in a bright pink flowing gown and a pointed
headdress with cascading scarves. Her arms jingled with silver and
gold bracelets, but Dick’s eyes went directly to the massive
diamond and gold necklace that hung from her neck. Peter came in
behind her, clashing a pair of cymbals.

Lila projected her trademark loud, raspy
voice. “Hello, class of ’90 and welcome to my humble abode!” She
yanked the remote from Dick’s hand and turned the TV off. “Is this
a reunion, or what? Can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting to
get you guys together again.” Lila scurried from person to person,
bestowing air kisses and brief hugs, leaving everyone speechless.
Her effusiveness threw them off guard. Dick noticed Peter standing
in a corner, watching with amusement.

“Oh, Millie. How unkind the years have been
to you, my fine feathered friend. You look altogether stuffed and
ready to serve. Now, as they say, you could fit into my shoes. And
my clothes, for that matter. Later, why don’t you take a tour
through my wardrobe? We’ll find you something fun to wear. What do
you say?” Lila pulled at Millie’s sweatshirt and shook her head
disapprovingly. “Cat got your tongue? Come now, Millie, old friend,
we haven’t seen each other in fifteen years. How about a warm, wet
kissy-poo for your former roommate?”

Millie searched for her voice. “I . . .
thanks for inviting us. I guess I don’t know what to say . . .”

Lila waved her off. “We’ll have plenty of
time to do girl talk later. And Dick—look at you. You haven’t
changed a bit. Still the same busy bee, always buzzing around,
stirring the hive into a frenzy.” She patted his stomach. “You’ve
put on a little pot, too, haven’t you?”

“Great to see you, Lila,” Dick said, sucking
in his gut. “I want you to know I’m your biggest fan. What a
terrific place you have here.”

“Yes, it’s poor, but mine own,” Lila said,
leaving him and continuing her tour around the room.

“And Della. It
is
Della? I almost didn’t recognize you.
What
brought
you to such a
state? Tsk, tsk. How I envied you in college. I watched every move
you made. The hours I spent in front of a mirror, emulating your
every sexy gesture. I wanted to be just like you. The most popular
girl in the class. Who would have guessed.”

Della downed her drink and fumbled for a
cigarette. Lila reached over the table and grabbed the bottle of
wine. “This lady needs a refill.” She topped Della’s glass. “Salud!
And how ’bout a toast—to the Thespian Class of ’90.” Lila raised an
empty glass, and the others lifted their glasses with a hesitant
murmuring of agreement. She winked at Peter and moved on to
Jonathan.

“And Jonny, my dear. You have quite a
reputation in Hollywood, you know. Mr. Stud! Still doing those
naughty things in your car? So glad you could take time out of your
very busy schedule to join us.”

Dick chuckled at that stab.
What the hell did she mean by that remark?
Jonathan managed a tight smile and gave her a kiss on the
cheek. “Darling, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. I’m
thrilled with your success.”

She gave him a brisk pat on his shoulder.
“I’m sure you are. Now, last but not least,” she said, working her
way around the couch. “Davis, dear Davis. Still as handsome and
charming as always. And you’re here with your adorable, very young,
fiancée.” Lila waved across the room to Cynthia. “Life has been
good to you, hasn’t it?”

Davis shrugged. “I can’t complain. But Lila,
I’m so happy for you. You’ve made a great career for yourself.”

“So it seems, so it seems.” Lila gestured
dramatically. “And you have your ‘nice office where you can wear a
tie . . . have a sweet little secretary . . .’ ”

Davis laughed. He immediately picked up the
quote. “ ‘. . . and talk over the telephone about enterprises and .
. . things.’ ” He stood and faced her, his voice animated. “ ‘I’ve
always had the feeling, if I just had the chance, I could set the
whole world on fire.’ ”

Dick jumped out of his chair and spoke in a
dramatic voice. “ ‘Maybe you could, Hal. But for the time being
you’ve got to be content to work hard and be patient.’ ”

Jonathan made a bullhorn of his hands. “Speak
up, Ferrol. The people in the back row can’t hear you.”

Cynthia turned to Millie. “What are they
doing?”

“It’s from a play we did — called ‘Picnic.’
”

Lila interrupted the men. “How ’bout this
one?” She embellished her voice “ ‘Can’t you men talk about
anything but women’s legs?’ ”

Dick chimed in with a mousy tone. “ ‘I just
noticed they had a good shape.’ ”

Lila strode up to Dick. “ ‘How would you like
it if we women went around talking ’bout your legs all the time?’
”

Dick, on cue, pulled his pants leg up,
revealing his hairy shin. “ ‘All right! There’s my legs if you
wanta talk about them.’ ”

Lila laughed. “ ‘Never saw anything so ugly.
Men’s big hairy legs! Never saw anything so ugly!’ “ She walked up
to Davis and fondled his coat lapel. “ ‘Young man, let’s see your
legs.’ “ She shoved his feet apart.

“ ‘—
Huh?’ ” Davis said, mocking
surprise.

“ ‘
We got a new rule here tonight.
Every man here’s gotta show his legs.’ “

She pulled up his pants leg. Giggles traveled
the room. The “play” was breaking up some of the tension.

Jonathan yelled out. “Dick—your cue.”

“Oh.” With the high, squeaky voice: “‘Honey,
he’s got on boots.’ ” He smirked. “I can’t believe I still remember
those lines.”

Lila put her arms around Davis. “ ‘Okay, then
he’s gotta dance with me. I may be an old schoolteacher, but I can
keep up with you. Come on, cowboy!’ ”

Lila waltzed with Davis around the room,
careening into the furniture. Davis burst out laughing. Lila
continued: “ ‘I used to have a boy friend who was a cowboy. Took me
up in the mountains once and proposed.’ ” Lila looked Davis in the
eye. He abruptly stopped. “ ‘Wanted me to marry him right there on
the mountain top. Said God’d be our preacher, the moon our best
man. Ever hear such talk?’ ”

Davis disengaged himself from her and smiled,
but Dick could tell he was not amused. “Great characterization,
Lila. We should have cast you as Rosemary.” He went to make himself
another drink.

“Instead of Madge, right?” Lila said. The
room grew quiet.

“No, you were great as Madge—”

“—
What’s her sister’s line? ‘Madge is
the pretty one—but she’s so dumb they almost had to burn the
schoolhouse down to get her out of it.’ ” Her eyes searched the
faces around her.

“It was just a play, Lila,” Millie said.

“So it seems, so it seems. Peter!” Lila
clapped her hands. “Put on some music. Now that we’re all here,
let’s eat, drink, and be merry.”

Davis put his arm around Cynthia as Lila came
up to them.

“Cynthia, such a brave little pet. The only
outsider daring enough to come.” Lila gently pinched Cynthia’s
cheek. “Stick around, it gets more fun.”

Cynthia thanked Lila and nibbled a cracker.
Davis studied her as Lila walked away.

“Now, honey, don’t let the theatrics upset
you. It’s all just harmless fun. Okay?” He lifted Cynthia’s chin so
her eyes could meet his. “Let’s have a good time, darling.”

Jonathan intercepted Lila as she crossed the
room. “Lila, darling, this is all so marvelous. Is there anything I
can do to help?”

“No, everything’s taken care of. The cleaning
crew will be back on Monday to hose down the mess, so indulge.”
Suddenly the room reverberated with Michael Bolton’s dreamy
crooning. Lila swayed to the music. “I love that voice.”

Jonathan sidled up to Lila. “By the way,
love, I need to make an important call. My agent. I’ve got a hot
deal pending.” He couldn’t let on how desperate he was for work.
How, after firing his agent, he had been unable to score any leads
on his own. He could kill the jerk who screwed up his last deal. He
only had enough money saved up to get through two, maybe three
months. And then, God help him.

“Sorry love, didn’t I tell you? No phones on
my little old hideaway retreat. No cell towers for leagues around.
There’s a CB out in the boat, but it won’t reach L.A. It’ll have to
wait until you get home.” Lila scrutinized him, then turned
away.

Jonathan renewed his nerve. He linked arms
with Lila. “Lila, speaking of hot deals, I have something terrific
I want to show you. Just the thing for you—”

Lila put a finger in the air between them.
“Uh, uh, Jonny. I don’t do business talk up here on holiday.” She
chucked him under the chin and smiled. “Hey, but for you, when the
weekend’s over, talk to me then. But for now . . . it’s party
time.”

Jonathan could hardly contain his excitement.
He knew Lila would listen. Before he could utter his thanks, she
was off.

Peter clapped his hands. “Room assignments.
Everyone, grab your bags and walk this way.” He exaggerated the
sway of his hips, motioning them to follow. The bells hanging from
his jester’s cap jingled as he wiggled down the cold stone
hallway.

“Dick and Millie Ferrol—to your left.” He
pointed to a door off the hallway. “Davis Gregory and fiancée to
the right.” He turned the corner. “Ms. Della Roman—left, and
Jonathan Levin, right.” Peter watched each guest deposit their
belongings in their rooms. Jonathan hesitated at the entrance to
his suite, waiting until he and Peter were alone in the hallway.
“So, I take it you’re Lila’s right hand man.”

Peter smiled. “Something like that.”

Jonathan ushered Peter into his room and
closed the door behind them. The large canopied bed filled most of
the room and afforded no other place to sit. Peter sat down on the
coverlet and patted a place next to him. Jonathan kept his
distance. Outside, the branches of a large shrub scraped the
beveled glass window as the wind blew in gusts. Hewn beams
crisscrossed overhead and a large metal chandelier dangled from the
apex of the ceiling.

“Charming room, isn’t it?” Peter said.
“Actually, I picked it just for you. Very manly.”

Jonathan got to the point. “What’s Lila
looking for these days? I’ve heard she’s tiring of doing variety.
Wants something more challenging.”

“Well, Jonny, she doesn’t tell me everything,
but, just between you and me. . . “He leaned into Jonathan, “I
think she’d grab a feature if it were the right part. The network
boys are fighting over her, but she’d rather hit the big screen.”
He tapped Jonathan on the chest with his finger. “Why, Jonny, I bet
you have something up your sleeve.”

Jonthan seethed. So, how much was this
confidence going to cost him? He hated dealing with fags. They
always made him uncomfortable, as if they were laughing at him for
something he didn’t understand. The most peculiar thought entered
his mind. Standing there in those cramped quarters, up close, Peter
almost looked like Melodie. Same tall, lithe body, same hair, same
chiseled features. He was pretty enough to be a woman.

He backed away. Peter stood and pressed
close. His breath grazed Jonathan’s cheek.

“So, you have something in mind for Lila? You
can tell me. Maybe I can put in a good word for you.” Peter put his
hand on Jonathan’s shoulder and stroked it.

Jonathan lurched. “Hey, back off.”

“Sorry.” Peter smiled again, this time with
obvious irritation. “My mistake.” He opened the door and
exited.