Insane City (34 page)

47

“They’re getting off at this exit,” said Seth.

“Why here?” said Cyndi, looking at the exit sign, which said MIAMI GARDENS DRIVE.

“I don’t know,” said Seth, putting on his signal.

“Have we thought about what we’re going to do when they stop?”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” said Seth.

“And?”

“And I have no earthly idea what we’re going to do.”

“Good plan,” said Meghan.

“Do
you
have a plan?” said Cyndi.

“I’m going to keep feeding Cheez-Its to the orangutan.”

“Well, then,” said Seth, “I guess we’re ready.”

48

Miami-Dade Police Officer Christopher Delgado, a seventeen-year veteran of the force very

much looking forward to retirement, was not happy about getting the radio call dispatching him to check

out the reported sighting of the alleged orangutan. For one thing, he was supposed to go off duty in half an

hour after a long overnight shift. For another thing, he was almost certain the investigation would be a

waste of his time. Thanks to the TV news assholes yammering all morning about “ROBBERS GO APE!”

there had already been a flurry of reported sightings of the wanted orangutan, and, as far as Officer

Delgado could gather from monitoring the police radio, all of these animals except one had turned out to

be dogs. The one exception turned out to be a pet monkey.

Pet monkeys were quite common in Miami, as were many other kinds of exotic pet animals,

including—but by no means limited to—tigers, tarantulas, llamas, vampire bats, venomous lizards the size

of dogs and constricting snakes the size of fire hoses. Officer Delgado had, in the line of duty, been bitten

by two Rottweilers and a ferret, and once had to fatally shoot an extremely hostile ostrich outside a day

care center in front of a playground full of traumatized toddlers. He had more than once, upon arriving

home after a day on patrol, asked his wife why Miamians couldn’t just get a fucking hamster like people

in normal cities.

So Officer Delgado hated animal calls. But it was his bad luck that his happened to be the closet

patrol car to Miami Gardens Drive when 911 got a call reporting a suspicious black SUV exiting at that

location with a suspected orangutan on board. Delgado, a professional, kept the annoyance out of his

voice as he radioed the dispatcher that he was responding. He would check it out because that was his

job. But he was pretty sure, as he approached the exit, that he would soon be explaining to some baffled

motorists why he had stopped their car to look at their dog. And then he would go home, kiss his wife, and

go to bed, one day closer to retiring and getting the hell out of this insane city.

49

“Over there,” said Brewer. “The drugstore.”

To the right, in a strip shopping center, was a CVS Pharmacy. Castronovo turned in and pulled up to

the curb in front of the store. He put the Navigator in park and said, “You go. I’ll stay here with them.”

“No,” said Brewer, shaking his head. “I don’t know shit about diapers. You’re the one with kids.

You go, I’ll stay here.”

Castronovo almost argued but decided he wouldn’t mind getting away from the screaming baby for a

couple of minutes. He opened the door and climbed out of the Navigator.

From Miami Gardens Drive, Seth, Cyndi and Meghan saw the Navigator park in front of the

pharmacy, watched as Castronovo went inside. Seth turned into the parking lot and stopped about fifty feet

away. They could see the heads of Laurette and Stephane in the backseat of the Navigator and Brewer’s in

the front. Brewer was not looking their way.

“Whatever we’re going to do,” said Meghan, “we should do it now, while Castronovo is out of the

car.”

“So what are we going to do?” said Cyndi.

“How about this,” said Seth. “I’ll pull right up behind the Navigator, with the bumpers touching, so

they can’t drive away.”

“Then what?” said Cyndi.

“Then . . . OK, then we jump out real quick and open the doors and get Laurette and the kids out of

there. There’s three of us, and right now only one of him.”

“But he has a gun,” said Cyndi.

“He’s not gonna use the gun once he sees who it is,” said Meghan. “I’m the daughter of the guy he

works for.”

“That’s great,” said Cyndi. “So he won’t use the gun on
you
.”

“We better do this now,” said Seth, pulling forward, “while the other guy is inside.” He pressed the

accelerator. The Escalade started rolling.

Castronovo stood in front of the Huggies display. He personally had never purchased diapers—that

was his wife’s job—and he had not expected the selection to be so large. There were Huggies Pure &

Natural, Huggies Little Snugglers, Huggies Overnites, Huggies Snug & Dry, Huggies Little Movers and

Huggies Little Movers Slip-On. Next to these were equally large and baffling selections of Luvs and

Pampers.

“Fuck me,” observed Castronovo, grabbing a package of Huggies Little Snugglers. He stalked off,

looking for baby formula.

Eastbound on Miami Gardens Drive, Officer Delgado spotted a black Escalade in the distance,

crossing a nearly empty parking lot. He thought about requesting backup, but decided not to. He didn’t

want to deal with the mockery he’d get from his fellow officers if he called in backup to assist in the

apprehension of a dog.

No, he would handle this alone.

Castronovo now stood in front of the Enfamil baby formula display, trying to decide whether to get

Enfamil Newborn, Enfamil Infant, Enfagrow Toddler, Enfagrow Older Toddler, Enfamil Gentlease for

Fussiness & Gas, Enfamil ProSoBee for Fussiness & Gas (Soy-based), Enfamil A.R. for Spit-Up or one

of the many other products in the Enfamil line, not to mention the array of offerings from Gerber. Feeling

the beginnings of a migraine, Castronovo reached out a meaty hand and grabbed a package at random. It

turned out to be Enfamil Nutramigen with Enflora for Cow’s Milk Allergy. His shopping done,